Don't follow in my footsteps... I run into walls.

"I became insane with long intervals of horrible sanity" – Edgar Allen Poe

"A paradox is truth standing on it's head to attract attention" - Nicolas Falletta

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they're okay, then it's you. - Rita Mae Brown

You're twisted, depraved, and rotten to the core... I like that in a person!

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that person is crazy. - Dave Barry

When I'm old, I don't want them to say of me, "She's so charming." I want them to say, "Be careful, I think she's armed."

I didn't slap you, I high fived you in the face.

Insanity is a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.

Life is a tragedy to those who feel, a comedy to those who think - fortune cookie

It wasn't attempted murder...I missed.

Ever noticed that "studying" is the word "student" and "dying" put together?

I told my wife that a husband is like a fine wine; he gets better with age. The next day, she locked me in the cellar.

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice and watch the world wonder how you did it.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for my kick boxing.

"A truth told with cruelness beats all the lies you could imagine" - William Blake

Join the Marine Corps, see the world, meet interesting people, and kill them.

Never tickle a sleeping dragon.

I want to die peacefully in my sleep like grandfather...not screaming like the passengers in his car.

If I could get a firm grip on reality I'd choke it.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like heck.

Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ... - Louis Hector Berlioz

Screw you and the horse you rode in on!-anonymous

They say, "Guns don't kill people, people kill people.' Well, I think the gun helps, because if you just stood there and yelled, "BANG" I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.

So, if guns kill people, can I blame misspelled words on my pencil?

Knowledge is power. Power corrupts. So study hard and be evil.

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide.

"Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?"

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

Isn't it funny how the word 'politics' is made up of the words 'poli' meaning many and 'tics' as in the bloodsucking leeches?

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

"I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died."

Everything in this room is eatable, even I'm eatable. But that is called 'cannibalism' my dear children, and it is in fact frowned upon in most societies.

Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. - Mark Twain

Always forgive your enemies; nothing annoys them so much.

Come to the Dark Side... we have cookies!

"I only know how to do things 3 ways: the WRONG way. the RIGHT way. and MY way.which is really the WRONG way, only faster."