Hey people's! My name is Ali but some of my friends like to annoy me and call me chip because my birthmark looks like a chocolate chip. I absolutely love the Twilight series and the only other series that can compare to it is the Mortal Instruments series. I am team EdJacEmCarJas. Or for people who don't understand my messed up mind Team Edward, Jacob, Emmett, Carlisle, and Jasper. I can't choose they are all AWESOME. Well I think I just like Jacob because of who plays him. Anyways I have one annoying brother that loves to torture me but thats what family is for. I love pranking people and probably read way to much fanfiction.

FAVORITE SAYINGS

A good friend will call 911 when you jump off a bride and into the water a true friend will get a paddle boat and come to you saying you idiot.

A good friend will bail you out of jail a true friend will be sitting next to you saying 'man that was fun'

I want to go in my sleep like Uncle Roger not like the other screaming passengers in his car

Remember as far as anyone knows we are a nice normal family

Brothers don't shake brothers gotta hug-Tommy Boy

Screw hugs I'm gonna tackle you when I see you

I wanted to send you the best gift ever... but the mailman told me to get out of the mailbox

Sarcasm, it's easier than having to deal with stupid people

PICK-UP LINES

Did you just fart cause you blew me away.

Does it impress you that I'm batman?-Original!

Man: "Haven't I seen you someplace before?
Woman: "Yeah, that's why I don't go there anymore."

Man: "Is this seat empty?"
Woman: "Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down."

Man: "So, wanna go back to my place?"
Woman: "Well, I don't know. Will two people fit under a rock?"

Man: "Your place or mine?"
Woman: "Both. You go to yours and I'll go to mine."

Man: "I'd like to call you. What's your number?"
Woman: "It's in the phone book."
Man: "But I don't know your name."
Woman: "That's in the phone book too."

Man: "So what do you do for a living?"
Woman: "I'm a female impersonator."

Man: "How do you like your eggs in the morning?"
Woman: "Unfertilized !"

Man: "Hey, come on, we're both here at this bar for the same reason"
Woman: "Yeah! Let's pick up some chicks!"

Man: "I'm here to fulfill your every sexual fantasy."
Woman: "You mean you've got both a donkey and a Great Dane?"

Man: "I know how to please a woman."
Woman: "Then please leave me alone."

Man: "I want to give myself to you."
Woman: "Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts."

Man: "I can tell that you want me."
Woman: "Ohhhh. You're so right. I want you to leave."

Man: "If I could see you naked, I'd die happy:
Woman: "Yeah, but if I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing."

Man: "Hey cutie, how 'bout you and I hitting the hot spots?"
Woman: "Sorry, I don't date outside my species."

Man: "Your body is like a temple."
Woman: "Sorry, there are no services today."

WAYS TO GET KICKED OUT OF WALMART

34. Throw a fake rubber snake into some lady's face and watch her freak out

36. Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."

9. Get a batman costume, put it on, and run around the store screaming at the top of your lungs, "COME ROBIN! TO THE BATMOBILE!

10. Hide between clothing and then jump out and yell "PICK ME"

46. Broadcast K-mart commercials over the intercom
47. Go up to the bagel section with cream cheese all over your face. Then start chanting, "We love bagels! We love bagels!"

56. Hide under a big pile of clothes and throw random objects at people when they walk by

65. Go to the front of the store in a baby diaper and ask a macho guy to change you

108. Hug someone randomly and say, "I love u mommy!"

119. Chase your friends up and down aisles trying to run over them with those electric cars. Make sure to tell your friends to act like they don't know you.

123. Walk up to the customer service and when they say "Hello, how may I help you?" say "Yes, I'll have a Quarter Pounder with cheese, one strawberry shake, a large order of french fries and a diet coke." And when they start to talk, say "Oh, to go". Then when they say that they can't give it to you say "Oh, This is because I'm gay isn't it? I'd expect this from McDonalds, but not Walmart

135. Walk up to a guy and say "Oh my god, is it you? Oh my god it is!!! I haven't seen you in so long!!!!" Then kiss him. Then slap and him say "Why didn't you ever call me??" Then walk away. Much more affective if you're a guy.

145. Bring a friend and a stopwatch. Get carts and race around. every time you nock something over, subtract a second from your time. You usually get kicked out before you figure out who won.

151. Run around switching all of the open signs on the cash registers to closed and all of the closed signs to open. Watch the customers get confused.

182. Go into a bathroom that is of the opposite gender of yourself and open the stalls saying, "Ooh la la!"

225. Follow a male security dude and ask him where the "feminine needs" are

248. Follow one person around the store. Poke them ever so often. When the snap and yell at you scream, "STALKER!!"

262. Flip off the manager

274. Lie on the floor. Just lie there. It is guaranteed to freak people out. Either pretend to be asleep, or to have passed out.

331. Put a squirt gun in a stuffed elmo's hand and scream, "Everybody down!! Elmo's got a gun!"

SOME MY FRIENDS AND I HAVE TRIED

Go up to an employee and ask where the antidepressants are, when they say they don't have them ask where the nearest ammo store is. (freaks them out)

Have speakers and blare the song from Risky Business and dance around in the pink shirt and tighty whities

Where a Superman costume and sing the Batman theme song.

Scream really loudly in the store (see what happens)

Mommy, Johnny brought a gun to school,

He told his friends that it was cool,

And when he pulled the trigger back,

It shot with a great, huge crack.

Mommy, I was a good girl, I did what I was told,

I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!

When I went to school that day,

I never said good-bye.

I'm sorry that I had to go, But Mommy, please don't cry.

When Johnny shot the gun, he hit me and another,

And all because Johnny, got the gun from his brother.

Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,

And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.

And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,

And tell my dear sweet grandmother; I'll be waiting for her now

And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best

Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest

Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,

And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass

Mommy, why'd it have to be me? No one, though. deserves this.

But mommy, it's not fair, I left without a kiss.

And Mommy tell the doctors; I know that they really did try

I think I even saw one doctor, trying not to cry.

Mommy, I'm slowly dying, with a bullet in my chest,

But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest

When I heard that great, big crack, I ran as fast as I could

please listen to me if you would,

I wanted to go to college, I wanted to try things that were new

I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo

I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,

I wanted to be an actress, I really wanted to live.

But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,

Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry to cancel the date.

I love you Mommy, I always have, I know you know its true

And Mommy all I need to say is, "Mommy, I love you"

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

Please if you would,
Don't smash this on the ground.

If you pass this on,

Maybe people will cry,

Just keep this in your heart,

For the people who didn't get to say "Good-bye".

Now you have 2 choices,

1) Pass this on, and show people you care, repost as
"Try Not To Cry"
2) Don't send it, and you have just proven how
cold-hearted you really are...