Hi! I used to be Jasper Hale x Alice Cullen. Now I'm Beneath The Shining Stars!

If you are crazy and proud of it copy and paste this onto your profile.

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. Copy this into your pro if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "Where to begin?"

If you've ever wished you could go into a book and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you read people's profiles looking for things to copy and paste into your profile, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

92 percent of American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this in your profile if you would be the 8 percent that would be laughing your head off.

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever run into a door, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you're random, and proud of it, post this onto your profile.

If you have ever become so obsessed with something that it is NOT even funny anymore and people think you’re insane, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freakin' Trix, copy this into your profile

If you think the Coca-coca Puff Turky-Bird thing should go to rehab, copy this into your profile.

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this to your profile.

If you and your friends have nicknames, titles, or anything else for each other copy this to your profile.

If there are times where you wanna annoy people, just for the heck of it copy this to your profile.

If you like Subway, copy this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours a day reading or writing or a combination of both, copy this onto your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you think you have too many of these "copy and paste this into your profile" thingies, but have no intention of stopping now, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of teenagers would have an emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you are part of the 7 percent that would say "What was your first clue?” copy this onto your profile.

If you have ever walked into a wall, copy this onto your profile

If you have read past 2 in the morning, copy this onto your profile

If you are addicted to copy and pastes, copy and paste this into your profile

If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do

If you've had at least two friends move away from you...copy and paste this onto your profile.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

You're just jealous because the voices in my head talk to me and not you.

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you took the time to read all of these (and you usually do), copy and paste this onto your profile

Before you criticize some one, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you’re a mile away and you still have their shoes.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up

If you've ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If your profile is long, copy and paste this on it to make it even longer.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you ever wished you could be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever been so obsessed with something that now everyone is scared of you because of its effects copy this into your profile

The dinosaurs' extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all commited suicide

I understand that Scissors can beat Paper, and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there's no way Paper can beat Rock. Is Paper supposed to magically wrap around Rock leaving it immobile? If so, why can't paper do this to scissors? Forget scissors, why can't paper do this to people? Why aren't sheets of college ruled notebook paper constantly suffocating students as they attempt to take notes in class? I'll tell you why, because paper can't beat anybody, a rock would tear that up in two seconds. When I play rock/ paper/ scissors, I always choose rock. Then when somebody claims to have beaten me with their paper I can punch them in the face with my ready made fist and say, oh, I'm sorry, I thought paper would protect you

Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

Why is Greenland icy, and Iceland green?

Wheres theres a will, I want to be in it.

When I was a kid we had a quicksand box. I was an only child- eventually.

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.

I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.

The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter a chance to do something stupid.

Before you attempt to beat the odds, be sure you could survive the odds beating you.

Ive stopped listening, why havent you stopped talking?

Im terrified of dying in a plane crash. Id hate the thought that peanuts would be my last meal.

How come you never see the news story Psychic Wins Lottery?

Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them?

Its only funny until someone gets hurt. Then its HILARIOUS!

Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted.

It matters not whether you win or lose- what matters is whether I win or lose.

Hippopotomonstrousaequipodaliophobic - Fear of long words.

I got a lot of ideas. The problem is that most of them suck.

Last night, I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and thought to myself, Where the heck is the ceiling?

Dont worry, they cant hit us from this fa... -last words of a Civil war general

ERROR: Keyboard not found! Press any key to continue.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

Always remember that you are unique. Just like everyone else.

According to a recent survey, 3/4 of people makes up 75 of the population.

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.

We're not lost. We're locationally challenged.

If you think the human identification thing when you log in to fan fiction is annoying, copy and past this into your profile.

96 percent of people don't know that 40 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot. If you're one of the 4 that does, copy and paste this into your profile. ; )

If you know that getting good grades has nothing to do with being smart, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you've ever imagined yourself killing off a fictional character so that you could steal her fictional boyfriend, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever gotten so completely sidetracked in a conversation that you don't remember why you were talking in the first place, copy this into your profile.

If at one time you misspelled or forgot how to spell a word less than four letters, copy and paste this onto your profile.

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile.

If you've ever burst out laughing in a quiet room, add this to your profile.

If you have ever pushed on a door that said pull or vise versa, copy and paste this into your profile.

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this into your profile.

If you hear voices of the characters in your head...copy and paste this into your profile

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you get a low enough SAT score, you should be able to park in the handicap space.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk?

Whoever said nothings impossible never tried to nail jell-o to a tree!

Sometimes I think the surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that none of it has tried to contact us.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind dont matter and those who matter dont mind.

I have a large seashell collection, which I keep scattered on beaches all over the world.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

It takes 47 muscles to frown and 13 to smile, but it takes 0 to sit there with a dumb look on your face.

Actually, guns do kill people.

The inventor of Crest Toothpaste passed away. Four out of five dentists went to his funeral.

Anyone who uses the phrase easy as taking candy from a baby has never tried taking candy from a baby.

A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.

If you have ever had a crush on a fictional character, copy and paste this on your profile and add your penname and the name(s) of the characters you have crushed on: HollyluvsArty (James Potter, Sirius Black (when he was young), Artemis Fowl) comix-freak (Artemis Fowl (and Arty is my one and only!))scarilyobsessed(Fang, from maximum ride) Natalie-07 (Jack Sparrow, I know I know he's older then my dad but it's not like we're actually dating!) Silverstar's Shadow (Kratos Aurion (like practically every other girl who plays ToS religiously), Yuan (damn the people who decided to never tell you his last name!), Sirius Black (not Gary the Old Man... I imagined him to look a little more like Adam from Three Days Grace... hehe... Ahem.), Draco Malfoy), AsterEris:Firefall'sLegacy(Jasper Cullen...sigh), AviorHyrax (Fell from fell...I love him, I know, hes a wolf...can't I have my dream? Murtaghlaughing really hard right now Aster..., Mr. Darcyawwwww, i love him, again, still laughing,artemis fowl, Victor, from Cathy's book/key(I have a lot more but still), MiracleJade (Legolas from Lord of the Rings, Murtagh from Eragon movie (sucked) and Kisten from Kim Harrison books), xXxNyte-chanxXx (Edward Cullen-Twilight duh...Ian MacPhie-Love at Skate series), The Dawn Is Breaking (Edward Cullen -squee-, Edward Rochester (Jane Eyre)), xXCourtney HaleXx (Erik- Phantom of the Opera, Emmett Cullen- Twilight, Jasper Hale- Twilight, Sirius Black(When he was younger you pervs! Not Gary Oldman)) Jasper Hale x Alice Cullen (Mostly Jasper, Seth, and kinda Emmett(All from Twilight)),

If you love reading really long books just for the heck of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever read a 250 pg + book in less than one day, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word. And you do at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you are such a loser that you actually read all these 'If you ever blah blah blah, copy this into your profile' things, copy this into your profile

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.If you've ever had random loud singing outbursts in public, copy and paste this into your profile.

Ninety-five percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile, and add your name to the list. AnimeKittyCafe, Hyperactivley Bored, Gem W, Bara-Minamino, Yavie Aelinel, Crazy Billie Joe Loving Freak, Shadow929,SweetNCrazieSugarmuffin,The Komodo Dragon Phoenix,Bust_A_Groover, Tecna, Triggonseed, The Only Innocent Writer Here-Yumi, EstellaB, NarnianMelody, tookieclothespen, bellabookworm9, GoodyGoody23, EdwardIsMyLover, FrevrnvrLasts, The Dawn Is Breaking, xXCourtney HaleXx, Jasper Hale x Alice Cullen,

If you are addicted to vampires and would like to become one, post this onto your profile.

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this into your profile.

If you believe abortion is MURDER and should be illegal, copy this onto your profile.

You live and learn. At any rate, you live.

I gave up junk food. It was the worst 10 minutes of my life.

Paradise is exactly like where you are right now... only much, much better.

If con is the opposite of pro and progress is good, then what is Congress?

There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters.

My husband and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

After they make styofoam, what do they ship it in?

It matters not whether you win or lose- what matters is whether I win or lose.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

Employee of the Month is a good example of how someone can be both a winner and a loser at the same time.

A fool and his money are soon elected.

If a dog jumps in your lap, it is because he is fond of you- but if a cat does the same thing, it is because your lap is warmer.

I had my car towed. There was nothing wrong with it- it was just cheaper than gas.

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

A watched pot never boils, but it does get paranoid.

If you have any problem with this profile, write it on the back of a 20 bill and send it to me.

Its great to have gray hair. Ask anyone whos bald.

Im not a geek - Im a level 12 paladin!

You can buy a gun at Wal-Mart, but your 4th of July sparklers have to be smuggled through the state line.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

If you have an incredibly long profile that no one will read, copy and paste this into your profile

You have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.

If victory is too high to climb, take the elevator.

Always forgive your enemies - Nothing annoys them so much.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Politics is war without bloodshed while war is politics with bloodshed.

For a list of all the ways technology has failed to improve the quality of life, please press three.

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile.

If you are weird, insane, crazy, odd, not-normal, a freak of nature, psychotic, random or anything similar, copy this into your profile

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep-- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst our laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened yesterday.

Whoever said nothing is impossible, never tried to slam a revolving door

Don't think of your self as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey.

I'm sick of following my dreams, I'm just gonna ask where they're going and hook up with them later

Sometimes I lie awake at night and ask Where have I gone wrong? then a voice says to me, This is going to take more than one night

A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand

Evening news is where they begin with Good Evening and then proceed to tell you why it isn't

If YOU are weird, put this on your profile.

If you've ever tried to put your hair behind your ears and ended up poking yourself in the eye, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever cried when your favorite character in a movie, T.V show, or book died, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you are anti-social sometimes copy this into your profile.

If you love chocolate, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever eaten an unhealthy amount of chocolate in one day because you couldn't stop eating it, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have a true friend, copy and paste this into your profile

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

SARCASM is just another free service I offer.

I like you. When the world is mine, your death shall be quick and painless.

The diference between humor and tragedy is that humor is when it happens to someone else.

A repair shop: We can repair anything. (Please knock hard on the door - the bell doesn't work).

He gave her 12 roses, 11 real and 1 fake and said, "I will love you until the last rose dies."

Sometimes you make me so mad I wanna throw you in the middle of ongoing traffic, but then I realise I would probably kill myself trying to save you.

If you have ever dreamed or wished that a book character was real, copy and paste this in your profile.

If you spend at least three hours a week reading/writing fanfictions, copy and paste this into your profile

My Mother Taught Me

1. My mother taught me to APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION

"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me TIME TRAVEL

"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC

"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC

"If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT

"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident ."

7. My mother taught me IRONY

"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS

"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me CONTORTIONISM

"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA

"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me WEATHER

"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me HYPOCRISY

"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me THE CIRCLE OF LIFE

"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION

"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me: ENVY

"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION

"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me: RECEIVING

"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me: MEDICAL SCIENCE

"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me: ESP

"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me: HUMOR

"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me: HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT

"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My Mother taught me: GENETICS

"I swear you're just like your father."

23. My Mother taught me about MY ROOTS

"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My Mother taught me WISDOM

"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. My mother taught me about JUSTICE

"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you"

HOW TO ANNOY PEOPLE/MAKE THEM THINK YOUR CRAZY ON AN ELEVATOR

1) Crack open your briefcase or handbag, peer Inside and ask "Got enough air in there?"

2) Stand silent and motionless in the corner facing the wall without getting off.

3) When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act as if you're embarrassed when they open themselves.

4) Greet everyone with a warm handshake and ask him or her to call you Admiral.

5) Meow occasionally.

6) Stare at another passenger for a while. Then announce in horror: "You're one of THEM" - and back away slowly

7) Say DING at each floor.

8) Say "I wonder what all these do?" And push all the red buttons.

9) Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

10) Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce: "I have new socks on."

11) When the elevator is silent, look around and ask: "Is that your beeper?"

12) Try to make personal calls on the emergency phone.

13) Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers: "This is my personal space."

14) When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder, then pretend it wasn't you.

15) Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

16) Ask if you can push the button for other people but push the wrong ones.

17) Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say "Hi Greg, How's your day been?"

18) Drop a pen and wail until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream: "That's mine!"

19) Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.

20) Pretend you're a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the Passengers.

21) Swat at flies that don't exist.

22) Call out "Group hug" then enforce it.

America's intelligence:

On Sears hairdryer:

Do not use while sleeping.

(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:

You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.

(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:

Directions: Use like regular soap.

(and that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:

Serving suggestion: Defrost.

(But it's just a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)

Do not turn upside down.

(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:

Product will be hot after heating.

(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:

Do not iron clothes on body.

(But wouldn't that save more time?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:

Do not drive car or operate machinery

(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those fork lifts.)

Elizabeth Brown: On Nytol sleep aid:

Warning: may cause drowsiness.

(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:

Warning: keep out of children.

(hmm..something must have gotten lost in the translation..)

On a string of Christmas lights:

For indoor or outdoor use only.

(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:

Not to be used for the other use.

(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:

Warning: contains nuts.

(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:

Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.

(somebody got paid big bucks to write this one..)

On a Swedish chainsaw:

Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.

(Raise your hand if you've tried this.)

On a child's Superman costume:

Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.

(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

If you have suffered the wrath of an evil substitute teacher copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that Zac Efron is a really bad actor copy and paste this into your profile.

98 of the Internet population has a Myspace. If you're part of the 2 that can resist stupid fads, copy and paste this into your profile.

I’m not saying you’re stupid, I’m just implying it.

Two men walk into a bar, the third one ducks.

Remember there is no I in team, but there is an M and an E

if nobody’s perfect I must be nobody

If they give you ruled paper, write the other way.

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

If your friends are WEIRD (but not as as weird as you) put this on your profile.

if you like poptarts copy and paste this into your profile

If you have a wide range of interests, put this on your profile.

If you can be quiet one second and hyper in another, but don't have mood swings, copy this in your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile.

If you're stalking a fictional character copy this to your profile.

If you're hyper, like being hyper, and are hyper all the time, COPY THIS INTO YOUR PROFILE!

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

If I could get a firm grip on reality, I'd choke it.

Ever had writers block when talking?

They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well, I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Guns don't kill people. Gaping holes in vital organs do.

Poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese.

The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four people is suffering from a mental illness. Look at your 3 best friends. If they're ok, then it's you

When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I ran with scissors, and lived!

Boys are like slinkys, useless, but fun to watch fall down the stairs.

Don't mess with me, I've got a stick!

When life hand you lemons, throw those lemons right back at it and tell life to make its own dang lemonade

Why do people say, "You can't have your cake and eat it too"? Why would someone get cake if they can't eat it?

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

Your weirdness is creeping my imaginary friend out

Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

I had a friend once. Then the rope broke and he got away.

I'm right 90 percent of the time, so why worry about the other 3?

Taste the rainbow- Eat CRAYONS

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Don't worry about the world coming to an end today; it's already tomorrow in Australia.

I intend to live forever. So far, so good...

A day without sunshine is... night.

When life hands you a lemon, squirt life in the eye and run like fire.

There is no "I" in team but I do all the work anyways cause the others are too lazy...

Silence is golden; Duct tape is SILVER

I have the cape, I make the whoosh noises.

When I walk past an automatic door and it opens for me, I worry that if I don't go through it, I might hurt its feelings.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic. How do you feel now?

If two wrongs don't make a right, try three.

THINGS TO DO AT WALL-MART:

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

3. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

4. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

5. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

6. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

7. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror.

8. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

9. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

10. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

11. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

12. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

13. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

14.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

THINGS TO DO AT WALL-MART:

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

3. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

4. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

5. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

6. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

7. Look right into the security camera & use it as a mirror.

8. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

9. Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

10. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look"

11. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

12. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!!"

13. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here!"

14. Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go"

15. Buy a black ski mask and black clothes, than ask the cashier where the nearest bank is.

"Caution: The contents of this bottle should not be fed to fish.” -- On a bottle of shampoo for dogs.

"For external use only!" -- On a curling iron.

"Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." -- On a pair of shin guards made for bicyclists.

"Do not use near fire, flame, or sparks." -- On a fireplace lighter.

"This product is not to be used in bathrooms." -- On a Holmes bathroom heater.

"May irritate eyes." -- On a can of self-defense pepper spray.

"Not suitable for children aged 36 months or less." -- On a birthday card for a 1 year old.

"Warning: Do not climb inside this bag and zip it up. Doing so will cause injury and death." -- A label inside a protective bag (for fragile objects), which measures 15cm by 15cm by 12cm.

"Warning: has been found to cause cancer in laboratory mice." (but not normal mice)-- On a box of rat poison.

"For a limited time only." -- From a Rally’s commercial that described how their burgers were fresh.

"Not dishwasher safe." -- On a remote control for a TV.Murphy's laws:

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive

Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

I have more fictional boyfriends than you do. Beat that!

You can no more win a war than you can win an earthquake.

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

According to a recent survey, 3/4 of people makes up 75 of the population.

Why is Donkey Kong called DONKEY Kong if he's a monkey?

Borrow money from a pessimist, he won't expect you to give it back.

Skill is successfully walking a tightrope over Niagara Falls. Intelligence is not trying.

How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?

I had a lazy eye as a kid, and eventually it spread to my entire body.

Falling really fast to the ground doesn't hurt you, its the abrupt stop at the bottom.

OUT TO LUNCH, be back in 5 minutes. If not, out for dinner also.

Id love to change the world, but I dont have a big enough diaper.

Somebody has to do something, and it's just incredibly pathetic that it has to be us.

Quit worrying about your health. It'll go away.

So much time, and so little to do!

I got a humidifier and a dehumidifer. I put them in the same room and watch them fight it out.

Your theory is crazy, just not crazy enough to be true.

I am fluent in English, British, American, and Canadian.

The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you've got it made.

Don't worry about people stealing an idea. If it's original, you will have to ram it down their throats.

Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.