Stupid Labels:

On a Myer hairdryer:
"Do not use while sleeping."
(Darn, and that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of
Chips:
"You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details
inside."
(The shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Palmolive soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap."
(And that would be how??)

On some frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost."
(But, it's just a suggestion).

On Nanna's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down".
(Well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating".
(And you thought...??)

On packaging for a K-Mart iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body."
(But wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after
taking this medication."
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction
accidents if we could just get those 5 year olds with head
colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause
drowsiness."
(One would hope!)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only."
(As opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use."
(Now I’m curious.)

On packet of Nobbys'
Peanuts:-
"Warning: contains nuts."
(Talk about a news flash!)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."
(Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

I don't blame the company; I blame the parents for
this one:
On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable
you to fly".

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or
genitals".
(Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On a package of pasta after the cooking insturctions:
"Put on fork and eat."
(Wait, we're supposed to eat this?!)

On artificial bacon:"Real artificial bacon bits"
(So we don't get fake fake bacon. Oh no we get real fake bacon.)

Hello there. We are here today to sell you... well, no, thats a lie, we aren't here to sell you anything. We have come to warn you. It shall be the end of the universe soon, and we thought we'd tell you why.

This is very, very important. If you think this is a joke, go die, oh wait, WE'RE ALL GOING TO!

Now to the important matter...

Bumble bees.

They're taking over. Did you know they kill? They're killer bees! KILLER! AS IN DEATH, PEOPLE!

Our friend, who speaks fluent bumble bee, has heard it all. They're planning. They want death. They want to kill. They want bloodshed, gruesome horrid man slaughter!!

Think about it, they sit there, flitting their way from flower to flower. So innocent. We're so naive to have trusted them this long.

Lolly, are you okay?

NO!! THEY KILL PEOPLE!! THEY'RE GOING TO END THE WORLD!!

Uhm, they're just little bumble bees. And who the hell do you know who speaks bumble bee?

Erm... Ursela!

You don't even know an ursela!

Shows what you know!!

Yeah, okay lolly...

Haven't you heard of them though?? KILLER bees. Same with whales! KILLER whales! They're all out to get us!!

People are just out to make you paranoid, aren't they gabby.

No, its the killer bees... they're KILLERS. They mean DEATH. They want to rip us to shreds and inject us with their lethal poisons! THEY KILL PEOPLE EVERYDAY!

LOLLY THEY'RE HALF AN INCH BIG!

They're at least an inch! And small and deadly! They're out to get us, I tell you!!

Okay, so your friend, Ursela, YOU DON'T KNOW ANYBODY NAMED URSELA!

You also don't know that I'm a spy. Whoops! Now I have to kill you, oh wait, I'll let the killer bees do it for me!!

You're delusional. What did you eat today? Did you have coffee?

Psh. Psh. No. No, me? coffee? Never. Psh. Coffee. Me. No. What is this coffee you speak of? No, not me, no coffee, not ever. Nope, no way, no how. No coffee.

Lolly, who gave you coffee?

What? What coffee? I didn't have coffee? I TELL YOU I DIDN'T HAVE ANY DAMN COFFEE!! STOP QUESTIONING ME! YOU! YOU'RE IN LEAGUE WITH THE BUMBLE BEES!! I KNEW IT! GET AWAY FROM ME!! AHHH!! THE APOCOLYPSE! AHHH! IT BURNS!! AHHHH!

Runs away screaming

Okay, she just ran down the stairs and out the door so... Now normally I'm the crazy one but uhm, yeah.. read and enjoy..?