Welcome to the Tanuki's den. (A bit of trivia: A tanuki is not a raccoon. It is closer to dogs and foxes than raccoons.)

Note: Still swimming...

Favourite characters:

Doctor Julian Bashir from Deep Space Nine, because he's tenacious as hell, and fiercely nice, which I know sounds like an oxymoron but it isn't really.

Captain Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean, because he's a rogue, and because he sailed into Port Royal on a sinking ship.

Cassandra from the Trojan cycle. (Greek Mythology), mostly because of how her story is the most interesting, to me anyway.

Best Movie & TV lines:

"I am a nice shark. Not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image. I must first change myself. Fish are friends. Not food." (Finding Nemo)

"That's all very well for you to say. You're not some evil enchanted tree." (Shrek the Third)

"You're making me beat up grass!" (Guardians of the Galaxy)

"That petrol bomb's really cleared my sinuses." (The Young Ones)

"It wasn't me. It was my inner monkey." (My Hero)

"I would gladly risk feeling bad at times if it also meant that I could taste my dessert." (Lt.Commander Data - TNG)

"Hello. My name is Inigo Mantoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die." (Princess Bride)

"Tobanee buta wa tada no buta da." translation: A pig who doesn't fly is just an ordinary pig. (Porco Rosso)

"There. So Flopsy is dead, and never called me Mother." (Monty Python's Flying Circus)

"The truth is usually an excuse for lack of imagination." (Garak - DS9)

"I've been given some ecstasy by accident." (Rev)

"Well you do have one problem. If all you can hallucinate about are Quark's maintainance problems, you have a sadly deficient fantasy life." (Dr. Bashir - DS9)

"The god damn pen is blue!" (Liar, Liar)

"In my country when a man gets down on one knee it's because he wants to get married or because he's getting shot. Usually it's both." (New Year's Eve)

"The law does not concern itself with morality." (Sir Abraham Haphazard - Barchester Chronicles)

"Politicians are drawn to cameras like flies are drawn to politicians." (Boston Legal)

"Mine like goulash and itch scritch scratch." (Jim Henson's The Storyteller)

"Let me just correct you on a few things. Aristotle was not Belgian. The central tenet of Buddhism is not 'every man for himself', and the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up." (A Fish Called Wanda)

"That's my name. Don't wear it out, Maximillian, or I'll make you buy me a new one." (Batman Returns)

"Enough with the beaming. This time, I'll walk." (Spaceballs)

"Let's get out of here before one of those things kills Guy!" (Galaxy Quest)

"That's one of those irregular verbs, isn't it? I have a confidential press briefing. You leak. He gets charged under Section 2a of the Official Secrets Act." (Yes Prime Minister)

"We are Siamese if you please. We are Siamese if you don't please." (Lady and the Tramp)

"Her name isn't Sticks. She's Elora Denam, future empress of Tiras Lee, and the last thing she's going to want is a hairy chest!" (Willow)

"How dare the gods work against me. I don't remember giving them permission." (Going Postal)

"I'm sorry, Wendy. I just don't trust anything that bleeds for five days and doesn't die." (South Park Movie)

"You can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you." (Monty Python's Holy Grail)

"When we make mistakes, you call it evil. When God makes mistakes, you call it nature." (The Witches of Eastwick)

"My penis has Alzheimer's." (Denny Crane, Boston Legal)

"It's naive to think that horrible things we can't understand have simple explanations, because simple explanations make us feel we have control, and we don't." (Laura Roslyn, Battlestar Galactica)

"You're living in a fantasy. There is no Easter bunny, there is no tooth fairy, and there is no queen of England." (Megamind)

"Do what I do. Hold on, and pretend it's a plan." (Doctor Who)

Here is the order of my JB Alternate Universe series.

Firewall
Dust of Life
Thicker than Water
Helix
Unnatural Causes.

You can find me in elsewhere places at

www.fictionpress.info/u/616200/Jade_of_Ilium

http:///

P.S. Do me a nice review, and I'll stop chewing your slippers for long enough to read it. (Truth is they don't taste very good anyways.)