(God this profile is a mess, I have REAAALLLYYY gotta edit this shit)

About Me:

Hometown: Seattle, WA

Gender: Male

Hair Color: Blond

Eye Color: Blue

Religion: Atheist (So None)

Hobbies: Reading, Writing, Playing Video Games, Model Rocketry, SCUBA Diving, Skiing, Snowboarding, Biking, Making Giant Lego Sculptures, Weapons and Vehicles, Making Movies, Weaponry

Titles On Other Sites:

Straif5 on DeviantArt
Killer Orca on Xbox Live and YouTube. (Anyone who plays Live and reads my stuff, go ahead and friend me. I need more people to play with).

A Note on my Avatar: Behold the glory of the Darwin's Fist Second Squad Patch.

My Main OCs (In order of creation):

Name: Jacob "Jake" Hunter
Age: 17 biologically, 25 chronologically (excessive time spent in cryosleep)
Hair: Blond
Eyes: Blue
Equipment: MJLONIR MK X Powered Assault Armor, M6D II Spartan Mod pistol, Biologically Integrated Plasma Combat System, Nerually Linked Smart AI ("Hannah")
Universe: Runaways Remix
Description: Jake is the seventh child of the Pride in an alternate version of the Runaway's universe, and like them his life has been effectively a lie. His parents are interdimentional arms dealers with ties to many organised crime groups in those universes. Jake, like most of the Runaways, isn't a normal person; he is a Spartan-X, his body augmented with technology from the Halo universe. This includes muscular protien injections, cerebral pathway restructuring for increased relfexes and intelligence, ceramic carbide bone plating, and a nerual implant that stores his Smart AI, Hannah, and suppresses his knowledge of his actual life with his parents, including whatever he may have done as an agent for them. Though what he has seen so far doesn't make him too interested in whatever else he might remember.

Name: Colin
Age: 16
Hair: Black
Eyes: Brown
Equipment: Xbox, Xbox 360, controllers, Halo information, Mountain Dew Code Red
Universe: Xbox Romance (AKA "real world")
Description: Colin is a gamer, pure and simple. In fact, the only real interesting things about him are his encyclopaedic knowledge of all things Halo, his impressive skills with said game, and his attractive girlfriend Miranda Tally.

Name: Christian-122
Age: 16
Hair: None (military buzz cut)
Eyes: Blue
Equipment: BR55HBU Battle Rifle, M6D PDW pistol, MJOLNIR MK VI (B) Powered Assault Armor, Standard Issue Spartan Neural Implant
Universe: Halo: The Clone Wars
Description: Christian is the public image of a Spartan-IV; calm, collected, and in command. He's head of Spartan Alpha Team, the first recon unit of the Spartan-IV's. He's a good shot, and a good leader too.
Of course, in reality he's as bit less calm. Tormented by a thirst for revenge against the Covenant that took his family and the Flood that almost took his life, he is what you would call a time bomb. Eventually, his training and the drugs the United Nations Space Command give him won't be enough...

Name: Randal "Rex" Anderson
Age: 17
Hair: Blond
Eyes: Blue
Equipment: Computer, Farm Machinery, Cell Phone.
Universe: Rhino Discovers Fanfiction
Description: Rex is a farm boy with a Star Wars obsession. Hence the nickname borrowed from one of the main characters of The Clone Wars. His quirkiness is one of his perks though, and something certainly appreciated by a recently former TV star who moves in next door.

Name: Chris Malar
Age: 15
Hair: Blond
Eyes: Blue-Green
Equipment: School Stuff, WW II era Combat Knife and Holster, Cell Phone
Universe: Operation: CODESTRIKE
Description: Chris is an American exchange student, sent to France semi-willingly as part of a corrupted contest. Not exactly the best match, considering his bias against most European people (mainly those that had been part of the Axis in WW II) stemming from his grandfather's experiences during that war, including the D-Day invasion. Thankfully, he gets along quite easily with the three other students sent with him.
Understandably, he is a good fighter, both unarmed and with his signature combat knife, which he always carries on his wrist.
He's not the brightest person, or the most cool headed. But when the shit hits the fan, he's a guy you want at your side.

Name: Sergeant David Marasco
Age: 19
Hair: Blond (Buzz Cut)
Eyes: Yellow
Equipment: M1903 Bolt-Action Rifle, M1911 Automatic Pistol, M1, Orca, and Huxley Grenades, Throwing Shark, Combustible Lemon.
Universe: Darwin's Fist (AKA Leviathan)
Description: Marasco is no longer completely human. As part of his training for the elite combat unit Darwin's Fist, his DNA was spliced with that of animals, giving him enhanced senses and an enhanced regenerative capability. He is the best of the best. And if that wasn't enough to make the Clankers run for the hills, he's got a small army behind him in the form of his team.

Quotes:

"Sir, permission to leave the station."

"For what purposes, Master Chief?"

"To give the Covenant back their bomb."

(Master Chief and Lord Hood, Halo 2)

"For a brick, he flew pretty good." (Sgt. Johnson, Halo 2)

"I know what your thinking. And it's crazy."

"So, stay here."

"Unfortunately for us both, I like crazy" (Master Chief and Cortana, Halo 2)

"Wait, so 117 rides a bomb into an enemy ship...but there's no cowboy hat in sight? What the hell?!" (Me, after witnesssing the Master Chief ride the bomb at the end of Cairo Station for the first time).

"I...I am a monument to all your sins." (The Gravemind, Halo 2)

"When in doubt, blow their brains out." (Unknown USMC Sniper)

"My nose! My nose is in my brain"

"Hey, hold still! Let me see!"

"Well?"

"You're a dork." (Chowder and DJ, Monster House)

"Less yapin', more blastin'! (Hevy, Star Wars: The Clone Wars)

"Hey dude, look, a forklif- OH SHIT YOU CAN DRIVE IT!" (My friend Kenny, finding out you can drive forklifts in Halo Reach)

"Yes, yes! FEAR THE FORKLIFT OF DOOM!" (Me, whilst slaughtering Grunts with a forklift in Halo Reach)

"What the fuck was that?!"

"Jorge just died to destroy that Supercarrier."

"Yeah, I know that, but I mean what the fuck? Why did he die?"

"Because he had to set off the bomb."

"But it's not a bomb, it's a Slipspace drive! He should have had time to escape!"

"Not that much. Besides, time is different in Slipspace."

"But he's a SPARTAN-II! He could have escaped! DAMN YOU BUNGIE AND YOUR PLOTHOLES!!!!!"

"This isn't a plothole."

"Then why wasn't any of this mentioned in Fall of Reach?"

"...Okay, it's a plothole."

(Me, Kenny, and my other friend Kenan discussing Jorge-052's death during The Long Night of Solace)

“Go forth, Jorge. Continue to live, fight, win. May you, and your mustache of mightiness, continue to haunt the dreams of the Covenant.” (My OC David-A415, created for Spartan-A128's We Are Spartans, after saving Jorge-052)

"Dude this is amazing! It's like a Halo players dream come true! I lov- (starts twitching and yammering on the floor.)

"What the hell was that noise?"

"Fangasm." (Me and Kenny discussing Kenan freaking out over Reach)

"IS THERE NOTHING YOU CAN'T DRIVE IN THIS GAME?" (Me, as I find yet another drivable vehicle in Reach).

"Hey, bitch! Tim Burton called! He wants his shit back!" (Me, after encountering the weird Black Tear armies in Brutal Legend)

"So... they have cars, bikes, rock instruments, amps, beer, girls in rock clothing, and T-Shirts. But it's supposed to be the past. What the hell?"

"Dude, think less, stare at Ophelia and Lita more." (Me and another friend, Tom, discussing Brutal Legend)

Oh, I've got my mighty Farg, and I'm killing Grunts with it, it may slow down the framerate, but I don't give a shit! (First corus of Kenny's "Firefight Slaughter Song")

"Behold the idea for the greatest weapon ever; three firing modes, the three round burst of the BR55 Battle Rifle, the full auto of the M4 carbine, the single shot of the FAL. Plus, the scope of the M14, magazine size of the M7 SMG, and an M203 grenade launcher underslung. Oh, and a chainsaw bayonet like on the Lancer."

"You forgot the orbital strike targeting laser."

"Oh, right, that too."

(Tom and myself discussing the perfect weapon)

"Stop whacking my balls, you're making me testy!" (Kenny, during a HaloBall Extreme match on Reach, via Pokemon; The Abridged Series)

"I wanna get a Killionare, so freaking bad, kill all of them damn Covies as they make me sad..." (Opening of my "Killionare Song", sung while playing Firefight)

"Yes, Armor Lock if you wish! It will not save you!" (Me, to Norman Reedus and Patrick Sean Flanery, AKA the Boondock Saints, while kicking both their asses on the Condemed map of the then-new Defiant Map Pack at the Halo booth of the 2011 Emerald City Comic Con. Final score, for those interested; 50 to -2.)

"Ah, whatever. I would have kicked his ass in real life."

"Certainly you would have, Mr. Reedus. I can see it now; you, an actor, versus a genetically-enhanced soldier, trained from the age of four to fight, and sealed in strength-boosting shielded armor. Yes, you would completely kill him.

(Laughter from all the Halo fans around me)

(Me, and Norman Reedus, after I finished mopping the floor with him)

"Anya, it's a giant worm! They're sinking cities with a GIANT WORM!" (Marcus Fenix, Gears of War 2)

"Huh. You'd think that almost a decade of development would have given them time to make a better game. (Me, after finishing my playthrough of Duke Nukem Forever).

"A life? Cool! Where do I download one of those?" (Unknown)

"Wake me...when you need me." (Master Chief, Halo 3)

"Contacts? It's the damn Covenant!" (Jorge-052, Halo Reach)

"The message just repeats. Regret, regret, regret."

"Charming. Any idea what it means?"

"Dear humanity...we regret being alien bastards. We regret coming to Earth. And we most certainly regret that the Corps just blew up our raggedy-ass fleet!"

(Cortana, Commander Miranda Keyes, and Sergeant Johnson, Halo 2)

"So, what are you going to spend your mad bank on when you get it?"

"A life-sized, solid gold orca."

"...Okay, someone else."

(Me and my (now thankfully former) boss at a team meeting. I still want a solid gold orca, though)

"Holy shit, it's a smaller retard Leviathan!" (Me, referencing a Locust creature from Gears of War 3)

"Is that a Memory Dolphin in your pocket, Sergeant, or are you just happy to see me." (My friend Sophie quoting her Darwin's Fist character Lieutenant MacPherson)

"Am I a brony? Hell no! I hate Jersey Shore!" (Jake Hunter, misinterpreting the word "brony")

"Deb, look out! There's a muskrat on your head!" (Napoleon Dynamite, referencing his friend Deb's recently-redone hair)

"Behold! The glorious combination of Chevy and Time Lord technology! I call it...the Tarpala." (Clementine Jones, from Runaways Remix, describing her invention; a Chevy Impala with a TARDIS implanted in the body)

"Okay, what's wrong with this picture; there's Rule 34 for a show that never got aired due to a possible reference to 9/11 and is only known through YouTube, but there's dead nothing for Mortal Engines, one of the best selling steampunk books of all time? HOW DOES THAT EVEN WORK?!" (Me raging after watching said YouTube video (search "Constant Payne) and finding out via the comments that there's apparently Rule 34 for it.)

"So, basically, Mizure has to get married cause she kissed someone, but she doesn't want to, cause it isn't Tsukune-"

"Well that shouldn't be a problem. She could just smother them with her tits or something. Its what she does to Tsukune all the time."

"That's Kurumu. This is Mizure we're talking about. The ice chick."

"Oh...woops. Still, I'd think that would be Kururmu's reaction to being married to someone other than Tsukune"

"(laugh) Yeah, I can see it now...'It wasn't my fault! He fell in my cleavage and suffocated before I could pull him out!'"

(Me, and my friends Jasmine and Sophie discussing Rosario Vampire)

"Prepared to be smothered by my giant hairy balls" (Yami Yugi of YuGiOh: The Abridged Series, before attacking with multiple Koribos (which are literally nothing but balls of hair)).

"Will you shut the clart up? No one gives a flying splice about that scroll you threw overboard, so stop moaning about it."

"But...I could have stopped this. I could have DONE something-"

"Sure you could have. You would have become Emperor, and saved the barking world. And then what? You'd die. Either the Clankers would wax you, or you'd make a dumb mistake and Lt. MacPherson would send Sarge Marasco and me to turn you into spare parts. And, oh yeah, Deryn would have left you for someone who's NOT Clanker royalty. Maybe Marasco, actually. HE'D knows how to treat a girl..."

"No, she wouldn't! She's not that kind of person-"

"(Harsh, nasty laugh) Wow, how fucking thick are you? Do you REALLY think Sharp is the kinda girl to happily sit next to you on a throne in a dress and hold your hand while she squeezes out your kids? FUCK...NO. She'd probably kill you before we could. So get on your feet, pull yourself together, and shut your fucking mouth about your missed chance to get turned into bloody pulp. Before I ram a Combustible Lemon into it. Let's see Deryn swap spit with you with half your face burned off."

(Corporal Hester Shaw (Darwin's Fist OC) and Aleksander Ferdinand (Canon character from Leviathan universe) "discussing" the latter's constant moping)

"It's not just dirt...it's OUR dirt." (Gage Yvegenny, Halo Short Story "Dirt")

"What the flying hell is this clart? This isn't World War I! Where's the trenches? The machine guns? The mustard gas? The SLAUGHTER! THIS SUCK NUTS!"

(Me, during a Red Bull-fueled rant against the Leviathan universe and it's lack of anything suitably WWI-ish)

"Wait, SHE'S the nurse? Oh boy, we're screwed. (High School of the Dead OC Randal Squires finding out that the "medic" of the group he's run into in post-zombie Japan is a living wet dream).

"Sarge and Hester, sitting in a tree, M-A-T-E-I-N- (Crunch)" (Darwin's Fist OC Rebecca Gossard)

"How bout you make like an oyster and shuck off!" (Jas on something she doesn't like)

"God my life sucks-WHEEE-I really hate myself-WHEEE-I feel so empty-WHEEE." (The internal thoughts of just about every whiny/angsty superpowered being)

"Tally had a pretty gentle childhood. Her worst problem was, what, angst? Katniss had death reaching under her shirt and trying to grope her all the time." (Me, on Tally Youngblood Vs. Katniss Everdeen)

"This is the prototype NOVA bomb, nine fusion warheads encased in lithium triteride armor. When detonated, it compresses its fissionable material to neutron-star density, boosting the thermonuclear yield a hundredfold. I am Vice Admiral Danforth Whitcomb, temporarily in command of the UNSC military base Reach. To the Covenant uglies that might be listening, you have a few seconds to pray to your damned heathen gods. You all have a nice day in hell..." (UNSC Vice Admiral Danforth Whitcomb, in a recording attached to the NOVA bomb prototype moments before it detonates)

Minne: lets call it, minnesota mk 2!

Dolphins: we have returned with the steampunk boobs *holds up a random person*

Percy: um, I'm almost certain that's a man...

(From the Scott Westerfeld's Forum's Bloodbath Thread)

Robots are like vampires; they sparkle when you hit them with incindiary rounds
(Gaige, AKA "The Mecromancer", Borderlands 2)

They should have won the war, but oh no, a Daft prince and a horny lassy single handedly kept history the same as per OTL
(Westerforum user Flashman)

And we shall know them by the name I will give them; THE SPACE BUGS OF DEATH!
(Inquisitor Kryptman, Elphiras the Inheritor's "If The Emperor Had a Text To Speech Device" "BEHEMOTH" OVA)

"Nurgle, I hate you and everything you stand for...but phantom itching is probably the best thing you ever invented!"

"Soon enough, the Antethema won't stand the succulent itching (slurp)-in his decaying body anymore."

"And then he'll explode, destroying mankind and then he will join us as a new Chaos God. JUST AS PLANNED! Neheheheheh"

(Tzeetch and Nurgle, "If The Emperor Had a Text To Speech Device")

How to Write a Popular Fanfiction:

1. Chose a section that doesn't have a lot of stuff, but not no stuff

2. Investigate and understand (as much as you can) the series you wish to FF

3. Make it fit. Canonialism is your best friend.

Stories I Plan On Continuing At Some Point:

Darwin's Fist
Halo: The Clone Wars
Xbox Romance