The Infinite Secrets of the Sacred Homiehood
Based on the movie: 'The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood' and Terry Pratchett's Discworld Series
By: Twist
A/n: Dammit, I've started another series. And I can't stop myself. *howls* Why?! Why must I write this? Why can't I just sit through a movie like a normal person instead of be forming a plot in my head about Discworld characters' childhoods? Answer me this! *listens to silence* Ah, right. So, as I sit here with my little Ya-Ya headdress, I give you the story of several popular characters' childhoods. Takes place when they're about twelve.
Disclaimer: Twist does not own the Discworld characters, nor does she own the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Go away.
*** The story begins, as most of mine do, in Ankh-Morpork. In fact, it begins on one of the posher streets of Ankh-Morpork: Scoone Avenue. In the backyard of a large mansion, and to be more precise, outside of a shed door. Four children can be seen emerging, one of them muttering.
"Don't see why I have to be the one to bring the sparklers. They're my bloody sparklers."
"Shut up, Havelock."
The youth know as Havelock made a face, but continued to follow. The four youths were all wearing pajamas but had had the presence of mind (this being Ankh-Morpork) to slip on some sort of shoe. Even though the child know as Havelock's were Agatean sandals.
"Why are we doing this, anyway?"
"To express our bond of everlasting friendship."
"Why, Faustus, did you even say that? I'm going back to my shed."
"No you aren't, you little bastard," the only female of the group growled. She reached behind her and grabbed Havelock's shirt collar. "You're the only one who can properly operate a firework."
And so Havelock turned and trudged along at the back. The odd procession continued through a small patch of trees until the children were in the very center, where a fire circle was. Three of the children sat, while Havelock walked around the edge of the circle and lit sparklers. When he was finished, he sat next to the child known as Faustus.
"And now," the only other boy said, "I call the first meeting of this secret . . ." He paused. They couldn't be a brotherhood, because of Sybil and they most definitely could not be a sisterhood. He decided to make something up. "The first meeting of our secret homiehood." Havelock snorted. Sybil nudged him in the ribs. "It is I, Ronald Rust," Ronald continued, trying to ignore Havelock's erratic snorting, "that will be the leader of our sacred tribe."
"Ohm . . ." someone said from the other side of the circle. Sybil and Faustus burst into hysterical fits of giggles.
"Havelock, behave yourself," Ronald chided, glaring. Havelock folded his hands and stared at a pebble. The fact that he was trying not to laugh was ignored by Ronald. "First, we must drink the blood of our forebears," Ronald said, and removed a small jar from his pocket, "out of this magical chalice."
"Sparkly . . ."
"Shut up, Faustus."
Ronald ignored the interruption and poured the contents of the jar into one of his mother's wine glasses. He then passed it with great ceremony to his right. Sybil took the chalice hesitantly.
"Is this really blood?"
"No, it's only milk with red dye in it."
"I'm lactose-intolerant."
"No you aren't, Havelock. Shut up." Sybil glared at the boy across from her and looked apprehensively into the cup. "Are you sure?"
Ronald sighed in exasperation. "Yes, I made it. Now drink and let's get on with it."
"Alright then." Sybil closed her eyes and took a small sip. She smacked her tongue against the top of her mouth, and opened her eyes, surprised. "Wow, you were right; it is milk." She caught the look on Ronald's face and passed the cup to Faustus.
"Ew, I'm not drinking anything Sybil drank out of," Faustus said, looking at the chalice disgustedly. "She's got cooties."
"I do not!"
Havelock leaned over and whispered something into Faustus's ear. His expression changed from disgusted to frightened. He quickly took a drink and passed the cup to Havelock, who downed quite a bit more than everybody else.
"What did he say to you?" Sybil demanded of Faustus. Faustus merely shook his head.
"When you are older and wiser, you shall know." Sybil glared.
"Ahem," Ronald said, looking pointedly at all of them. "I believe it is now time that I, the heir to the continued Homiehood, crown you all." Ronald pulled four ridiculous looking headdresses from behind himself. "First, Sybil.
"Sybil Ramkin, I crown you: Duchess Dancing Sheep." Havelock giggled, causing Ronald to glare at him. When Havelock had managed to control himself, Ronald picked another headdress.
"Faustus Downey, I crown you: Doctor Shimmying Dog." Havelock spun around, looking from left to right.
"Where's the dog?"
"There isn't one."
"Oh," Havelock turned around, obviously relieved, "good."
Rust picked another headdress out. "Havelock Vetinari, I crown you: Lord Drop Your Trousers." Havelock scowled. Ronald procured the last of the silly headdresses. "And I myself am King Springing Bubble." Havelock almost burnt himself, laughing so hard. Sybil and Faustus found self-control difficult as well. When they had all finally re-arrived at the seriousness of the matter, Ronald continued.
"And now we, the four individuals present, shall share our blood, so that we are forever bonded." He pulled out and knife. "It's been sterilized, don't worry."
"Yeah, well, I'm using my own," Havelock said, pulling out his own knife.
"Me too," Faustus agreed.
"I want to use Havelock's," Sybil said.
"No, you complete fools," Ronald said, right before Havelock, being the least squeamish of the bunch, pricked his palms. "The idea is that we share a knife. And it's a brand new knife; I haven't even used it for classes yet." The other three members of the group grudgingly agreed. Ronald pricked both of his palms, with great ceremony, and passed the knife to Sybil. The process was repeated by all three, and then they joined hands. "This is so nasty," Sybil said. "I'm sharing my blood directly with Faustus Downey."
"The feeling is mutual," Faustus said, making a face.
"Shut up, you two," Ronald snapped. "For now we are bonded as Homies for the rest of our lives. We are now The Sacred Homiehood." Havelock burst into hysterical fits of laughter again, but then again, so did everyone else, once they realized that this was probably the silliest thing they'd ever done in their lives. Of course, they had no idea.
***
A/nII: The intro, as it were. So, do you like it? Tell me so. And thanks very much to everyone who helped me with this. You people are marvelous. Of course, I love all of you. Please tell me what you think!
Based on the movie: 'The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood' and Terry Pratchett's Discworld Series
By: Twist
A/n: Dammit, I've started another series. And I can't stop myself. *howls* Why?! Why must I write this? Why can't I just sit through a movie like a normal person instead of be forming a plot in my head about Discworld characters' childhoods? Answer me this! *listens to silence* Ah, right. So, as I sit here with my little Ya-Ya headdress, I give you the story of several popular characters' childhoods. Takes place when they're about twelve.
Disclaimer: Twist does not own the Discworld characters, nor does she own the Ya-Ya Sisterhood. Go away.
*** The story begins, as most of mine do, in Ankh-Morpork. In fact, it begins on one of the posher streets of Ankh-Morpork: Scoone Avenue. In the backyard of a large mansion, and to be more precise, outside of a shed door. Four children can be seen emerging, one of them muttering.
"Don't see why I have to be the one to bring the sparklers. They're my bloody sparklers."
"Shut up, Havelock."
The youth know as Havelock made a face, but continued to follow. The four youths were all wearing pajamas but had had the presence of mind (this being Ankh-Morpork) to slip on some sort of shoe. Even though the child know as Havelock's were Agatean sandals.
"Why are we doing this, anyway?"
"To express our bond of everlasting friendship."
"Why, Faustus, did you even say that? I'm going back to my shed."
"No you aren't, you little bastard," the only female of the group growled. She reached behind her and grabbed Havelock's shirt collar. "You're the only one who can properly operate a firework."
And so Havelock turned and trudged along at the back. The odd procession continued through a small patch of trees until the children were in the very center, where a fire circle was. Three of the children sat, while Havelock walked around the edge of the circle and lit sparklers. When he was finished, he sat next to the child known as Faustus.
"And now," the only other boy said, "I call the first meeting of this secret . . ." He paused. They couldn't be a brotherhood, because of Sybil and they most definitely could not be a sisterhood. He decided to make something up. "The first meeting of our secret homiehood." Havelock snorted. Sybil nudged him in the ribs. "It is I, Ronald Rust," Ronald continued, trying to ignore Havelock's erratic snorting, "that will be the leader of our sacred tribe."
"Ohm . . ." someone said from the other side of the circle. Sybil and Faustus burst into hysterical fits of giggles.
"Havelock, behave yourself," Ronald chided, glaring. Havelock folded his hands and stared at a pebble. The fact that he was trying not to laugh was ignored by Ronald. "First, we must drink the blood of our forebears," Ronald said, and removed a small jar from his pocket, "out of this magical chalice."
"Sparkly . . ."
"Shut up, Faustus."
Ronald ignored the interruption and poured the contents of the jar into one of his mother's wine glasses. He then passed it with great ceremony to his right. Sybil took the chalice hesitantly.
"Is this really blood?"
"No, it's only milk with red dye in it."
"I'm lactose-intolerant."
"No you aren't, Havelock. Shut up." Sybil glared at the boy across from her and looked apprehensively into the cup. "Are you sure?"
Ronald sighed in exasperation. "Yes, I made it. Now drink and let's get on with it."
"Alright then." Sybil closed her eyes and took a small sip. She smacked her tongue against the top of her mouth, and opened her eyes, surprised. "Wow, you were right; it is milk." She caught the look on Ronald's face and passed the cup to Faustus.
"Ew, I'm not drinking anything Sybil drank out of," Faustus said, looking at the chalice disgustedly. "She's got cooties."
"I do not!"
Havelock leaned over and whispered something into Faustus's ear. His expression changed from disgusted to frightened. He quickly took a drink and passed the cup to Havelock, who downed quite a bit more than everybody else.
"What did he say to you?" Sybil demanded of Faustus. Faustus merely shook his head.
"When you are older and wiser, you shall know." Sybil glared.
"Ahem," Ronald said, looking pointedly at all of them. "I believe it is now time that I, the heir to the continued Homiehood, crown you all." Ronald pulled four ridiculous looking headdresses from behind himself. "First, Sybil.
"Sybil Ramkin, I crown you: Duchess Dancing Sheep." Havelock giggled, causing Ronald to glare at him. When Havelock had managed to control himself, Ronald picked another headdress.
"Faustus Downey, I crown you: Doctor Shimmying Dog." Havelock spun around, looking from left to right.
"Where's the dog?"
"There isn't one."
"Oh," Havelock turned around, obviously relieved, "good."
Rust picked another headdress out. "Havelock Vetinari, I crown you: Lord Drop Your Trousers." Havelock scowled. Ronald procured the last of the silly headdresses. "And I myself am King Springing Bubble." Havelock almost burnt himself, laughing so hard. Sybil and Faustus found self-control difficult as well. When they had all finally re-arrived at the seriousness of the matter, Ronald continued.
"And now we, the four individuals present, shall share our blood, so that we are forever bonded." He pulled out and knife. "It's been sterilized, don't worry."
"Yeah, well, I'm using my own," Havelock said, pulling out his own knife.
"Me too," Faustus agreed.
"I want to use Havelock's," Sybil said.
"No, you complete fools," Ronald said, right before Havelock, being the least squeamish of the bunch, pricked his palms. "The idea is that we share a knife. And it's a brand new knife; I haven't even used it for classes yet." The other three members of the group grudgingly agreed. Ronald pricked both of his palms, with great ceremony, and passed the knife to Sybil. The process was repeated by all three, and then they joined hands. "This is so nasty," Sybil said. "I'm sharing my blood directly with Faustus Downey."
"The feeling is mutual," Faustus said, making a face.
"Shut up, you two," Ronald snapped. "For now we are bonded as Homies for the rest of our lives. We are now The Sacred Homiehood." Havelock burst into hysterical fits of laughter again, but then again, so did everyone else, once they realized that this was probably the silliest thing they'd ever done in their lives. Of course, they had no idea.
***
A/nII: The intro, as it were. So, do you like it? Tell me so. And thanks very much to everyone who helped me with this. You people are marvelous. Of course, I love all of you. Please tell me what you think!