There is just no excuse for this, utter crack. Kirk's unexpected, unintended whistletop tour of parallel dimensions. Vaguely Spirk, totally nonsensical. Tiny bit of language and some sexual stuff.

Ludwig and Alfred have one thing in common: questionable taste in the people they turn to for expert dating advice. Novel length and complete. G/It, US/UK

Novella Length and complete. It’s time for Arthur’s annual holiday, only money is a tad short: Blackpool it is then. Still, if Arthur’s going to England’s Capital City for Tackiness, he’s taking somebody else down with him. Poor Alfred. USUK

“So,” Alfred said, giving an appraisal of the scene with what appeared to be a thoughtful, assured nod, “This is gross.” - AKA how Arthur introduced Alfred to the joys of "car boot sales"

When Alfred looks back on his youth now, he realises that Arthur was the Doctor...Arthur has never been in any doubt that Alfred is Captain James T. Kirk." - Character study. USUK.

Arthur Kirkland is not the man he was - that's why Alfred loves him. 2nd person POV, character study. Cursing, gay men and bad breakfasts.

No explanation will be adequate. A drunken Arthur is very fond of his constabulary. The constabulary is not very fond of Arthur. Crack, utter. Swearing, groping, traumatised policemen.

Original title but fitting for the story, honestly - "“No man is an island, but every man is a plastic beach,” the bassist says, chewing on each word then spitting it out decisively."

Noone tells a story quite like Uncle Murdoc - tonight's topic: how Mr 2-D came to have a hickey on the cover of Demon Days. First person POV, completely silly and plenty of language. M/2D

Two years later and his head’s cracked in two. He sits in a lonely, unfamiliar flat in Stoke-on-Trent and he runs over the lyrics to those songs he used to listen to with Mike and they make total sense." - a story about eyeballs. Trust me on this. M/2ish