...I suppose I may as well put some info about myself here. All right, here goes:

Well, I'm extraordinarily average. Terrifyingly normal. Magnificently ordinary. Spectacularly regular. Miraculously mediocre. Exceptionally commonplace. Peculiarly customary. Unnaturally unexceptional. Weirdly conventional. Irregularly typical. Strangely run-of-the-mill. Eccentrically standard. Preternaturally vanilla. Anomalistically plain. Atypically - ah, you get the point. Assuming you read this far... Did you read this far? ...You actually read this far? I like you.

Name: You may as well call me "Master".

Age: Undetermined

Gender: Well... I'm "Master", not "Mistress"...

Occupation: Professional Procrastinator

Likes: Video games. TV. Books. Movies. Internets. Puns.

Dislikes: Tangled earphones. Slow wi-fi. When people on Facebook like their own posts. Finding out on your own that somebody stuck gum under your table. And that feeling you get when you have something that's delicious that you want to eat, except you don't know if right now is the right time to finish it, because you know that you're going to love the taste, but you want to maximize the good feeling you get from eating it by making the exact moment when you do finish it off perfect, but you also know that that moment may not come before it's too late, so you are caught between a rock and a hard place, an endless battle between whether it is better to have one's purpose of existence fulfilled before their prime, or to yearn for a moment that may never come to pass where one's potential is at its peak, forcing you to sit their staring at the food, questioning what it means to feel whole, what it feels like to have one's potential realized, whether one can truly know if such a thing has happened, why the beautiful things in life must inevitably fade away, why we must struggle to find balance between our separate goals to both better and enjoy ourselves, whether you'll ever find perpetual happiness, whether you'll ever help someone else find theirs, whether anyone has ever found it, angered by the fickleness of our hearts and our desires, enduring the insatiable hunger for both excitement and calm that gnaws at your insides, and cursing the mortality of youth and the other universal treasures that we keep buried within our hearts, your soul becoming a bottomless pit of misery and despair. Also, spiders.

Hobbies: Breathing, eating, drinking, sleeping, daydreaming, night-dreaming, reading and writing. Just in case it wasn't obvious.
I also like watching TV, playing video games, and pretty much any other type of activity that wastes time.
Oh yeah, wasting time on its own is another one. Which is something you've done by reading all of this.

You're welcome.

P.S., I like to make a lot of jokes, but there's a reason I didn't put my one story in the 'Humor' category. So... Yeah. You're warned. Lame jokes (if you can call them that) lie ahead.