Zero Is Plural
hide bio
PM . Follow . Favorite
Joined 11-15-03, id: 487879
Author has written 9 stories for Harry Potter.

Hi. I'm Lisa, I collect Little Apple Dolls, roommates and plot bunnies, so if you have extras, let me know.

Likes: Draco/Hermione, slash, humor, one-shots, Draco singing and/or dancing
Dislikes: angst, too much drama, Ron being a bastard, Hermione being a whore, horribly OOC fics, people who use chat speak (tho, cuz, thru, luv, etc) in their stories. LEARN TO FUCKING SPELL

My all-time, hands-down favorite fic ever, you ask? Draco Malfoy, the Amazing Bouncing...Rat? by Sharon Armstrong. Read it and love it. This is the first fic I ever read (On Schnoogle) and it hooked me.

Hermione and I share a birthday. How cool is that?

Undercover Lovers
That's right, I'm back and ready to go. This one got started a long while ago and lost to the world. But, it has been rediscovered, and is in the process of being edited, revised and (hopefully) finished.

Numb, Pity, Dog Shitting Razorblades, and Blood Letters
Okay, just a note about these four. They were written when I was fifteen and thought that everything needed to be riddled with grief and angst and drama. So, go ahead and read them, maybe have a giggle at them, and please keep in mind that they are not indicative of my writing capabilities. For a prime example of my snarky one-liners and general ridiculousness, please read Blasted Wreck of a Cat.

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Saving Prefect Granger by Harmonic Friction reviews
Draco realizes he's desperately in love with Hermione which leads to hijinks such as looking gay at every turn, avoiding girlfriend Pansy, and Malfoy family drama. Along the way, he gets help from unexpected sources and finds out that he has a soul (now he just needs to convince Hermione of that!). Crackfic originally written in the midst of fandom insanity. Rebooted. (Dramione.)
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 30 - Words: 83,163 - Reviews: 573 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 206 - Updated: 9/22/2013 - Published: 8/12/2003 - Draco M., Hermione G., Pansy P., Percy W.
RWDM Drabbles 100 100s by Amanita Jackson reviews
Just what it says on the tin. All genres I can squeeze into 100 words, all prompted with a random word generator, all RWDM. Now featuring 30/100 of the 100 100s challenge. They continue! Fo' real fo' real, this time.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 33 - Words: 10,529 - Reviews: 183 - Favs: 42 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 10/17/2011 - Published: 12/28/2006 - Draco M., Ron W.
Trick Stair II: Advanced Studies by Lyra Silvertongue2 reviews
Three hours was an awfully long time to spend in a trick stair. But now that they're out of the stair, Hermione and Draco don't feel like it was that long, and the world outside seems a great deal more real. And what's this new PostNEWTs business?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 5 - Words: 9,997 - Reviews: 351 - Favs: 279 - Follows: 533 - Updated: 4/2/2009 - Published: 5/21/2006 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Piles, Files, and Sleds by drcjsnider reviews
The Ministry sends Hermione on a reserach trip during the holidays, she ends up working with one of her least favorite people in the world. DMHG. EWE.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 8,054 - Reviews: 34 - Favs: 122 - Follows: 8 - Published: 12/26/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
The Dating Game by drcjsnider reviews
Ministry coworkers Blaise Zabini and Hermione Granger set each other up on blind dates. Sort of.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,716 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 64 - Follows: 12 - Published: 12/12/2007 - Blaise Z., Hermione G. - Complete
The Society for the Admiration of Harry Potter by Padfoot Reincarnated reviews
Draco is innocently wandering the corridors when he stumbles on a meeting of an underground Harry Potter fan club, and recruited into it against his will. However, he soon realizes he doesn't mind some aspects of the club...such as spying on Potter. HPDM
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 44,828 - Reviews: 316 - Favs: 463 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 10/5/2007 - Published: 7/14/2007 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Ron Sings: The Twelve Days Of Christmas by Harmonic Friction reviews
After three years, I updated. And once again, it is not Christmas. I must make you into a bunch of confused people.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 5 - Words: 3,018 - Reviews: 139 - Favs: 39 - Follows: 2 - Updated: 8/16/2007 - Published: 7/9/2003 - Ron W., Hermione G.
The Unseemly Proposal by scarlet-sparx reviews
Voldemort's dead and with him dies Lucius Malfoy's prestige. Now, Lucius will do ANYTHING to regain his status, even if it means trying to get his only son to marry Hermione Granger... For full length summary, see Ch.1.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 27 - Words: 97,459 - Reviews: 1055 - Favs: 709 - Follows: 646 - Updated: 7/17/2007 - Published: 1/20/2006 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Camouflage by techno tendencies reviews
When odd notes start arriving at Hermione's flat, her Valentine's Day starts looking brighter as the day goes on. Written for the dmhgficexchange at livejournal. read and review please!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,190 - Reviews: 99 - Favs: 312 - Follows: 42 - Published: 3/8/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Pineapple, Yum! Or, oh, Coconut! by Persephone-Granger reviews
The epic guttery love story of a boy named Draco, his naughty witch Hermione, and how an unassuming little lifesavingdevice shaped Muggle candy brought them together.The last chapter is in progress. : Or what I hope will be...
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 18 - Words: 28,571 - Reviews: 2053 - Favs: 1,577 - Follows: 873 - Updated: 3/4/2007 - Published: 9/7/2003 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Holiday Spirit by FatGlamour reviews
Granger, I understand the incessant need most people have for getting absolutely besotted with the holiday, but I don’t quite think this is what is expected. DHr fluff!
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 852 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 15 - Published: 12/7/2006 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Wakey, Wakey by Amanita Jackson reviews
The BoyWhoLived has got to do what the BoyWhoLived has got to do...including get up at 3 am to fight evil. He needs Ron to help out, but Ron is a dangerous person to wake up. Harry braves it anyway, and doesn't find what he expects...[slash][DracoRon]
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,074 - Reviews: 17 - Favs: 44 - Follows: 7 - Published: 11/28/2006 - Draco M., Ron W. - Complete
The Better Part of Valor by Mad Maudlin reviews
They say that discretion is the better part of valor. But for Auror Ron Weasley, a mysterious new case and an abrupt encounter with Draco Malfoy threaten to blow the lid off his bestkept secret.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 9 - Words: 34,839 - Reviews: 67 - Favs: 114 - Follows: 16 - Published: 9/3/2006 - Ron W., Draco M. - Complete
Quite So New by Mad Maudlin reviews
i my body when it is with your body
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,489 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 1 - Published: 9/3/2006 - Hermione G., Ron W. - Complete
Mating Habits by Mad Maudlin reviews
Ron and Harry are mates.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,320 - Reviews: 23 - Favs: 95 - Follows: 13 - Published: 9/3/2006 - Ron W., Harry P. - Complete
What is the Meaning of, by Hiki-chan reviews
[DMHP]Potter! I do believe I’m not hearing right. Are you trying to tell me, that you, Harry Potter, hero of the wizarding world and all that trash, does not know the meaning of the word ‘SHAG’[Featuring: Innocent Harry, bewildered Draco. Light & funny]
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 675 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 198 - Follows: 39 - Published: 8/17/2006 - Draco M., Harry P. - Complete
Trick Stair by Lyra Silvertongue2 reviews
Preromance. Hermione Granger and Draco Malfoy. Three hours is a long time to be trapped beneath a trick stair, and stairs aren't too spacious these days...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 22 - Words: 28,819 - Reviews: 1857 - Favs: 1,691 - Follows: 272 - Updated: 5/16/2006 - Published: 12/29/2003 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
The Ice Dragon and the Flame Princess by Nokomiss reviews
or, The Tumultuous Courtship of Draco Malfoy and Ginny Weasley: A Parody.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Parody/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,981 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 9 - Published: 2/23/2006 - Draco M., Ginny W. - Complete
Love Letter by Mirai2 reviews
Semi-humorous post-Valentine's Day Valentine's Day Harry/Draco fic. Harry needs a date... He takes a shot at poetry... and misses. Draco doesn't seem to mind.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 6 - Words: 9,122 - Reviews: 51 - Favs: 6 - Follows: 10 - Updated: 2/14/2006 - Published: 2/26/2003 - Harry P., Draco M.
Impartial Thought by Chibikat the Canuck reviews
Draco contemplates childhood, Buddhists, his dead fish, and Harry Potter. (HD hintage)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,330 - Reviews: 15 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 2 - Published: 5/16/2005 - Draco M., Harry P.
Adventures of the Sugar Dragon In Lust by tainted black reviews
Featuring horribly OOC!Draco and hard-to-get!Hermione! Blast it. FFNET is cutting off my summary. Read full one inside.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 2 - Words: 3,650 - Reviews: 44 - Favs: 17 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 3/30/2004 - Published: 4/18/2003 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Beneficence by Alix's Bawdy House reviews
How much of the future does the Sorting Hat change? Drabble.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 155 - Reviews: 10 - Favs: 2 - Published: 1/25/2004 - Neville L.
The Malfoy Rules by Rymdodo reviews
Everything you need to know, feel, think and do if you're a Malfoy...
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 527 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Published: 1/25/2004 - Draco M.
Those Kinds of Things by AKA Jay reviews
(HermioneDraco) Draco cheers Hermione up, which was almost exactly the opposite of what he was trying to do. Contains Draco-baiting, thoughts of violence, and Hermione very carefully not noticing things about Draco.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,266 - Reviews: 57 - Favs: 54 - Follows: 9 - Published: 1/24/2004 - Hermione G., Draco M.
Stream of Consciousness by Chibikat the Canuck reviews
(edited) A bored mind is an open mind, and an open mind is an honest mind: behold the musings of Draco Malfoy, after failed experiments in flying and yoga; obviously, not at the same time. (Slashy mentions of DMHP and rather non-explicit-non-con DMLM)
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor/Angst - Chapters: 1 - Words: 9,189 - Reviews: 27 - Favs: 12 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/10/2003 - Draco M., Harry P.
Blasted Muggle Contraptions by heysweet reviews
"I don’t need people, alright? I certainly don’t need you of all people. End of story. So you can look as pretty as you want and attempt to outsmart me, but I don’t necesssarily think you’re lovely and I’m not admitting to anything.”
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 4 - Words: 13,167 - Reviews: 458 - Favs: 309 - Follows: 176 - Updated: 7/4/2003 - Published: 11/30/2002 - Draco M., Hermione G.
In the Mind of the Walking Encyclopedia by tainted black reviews
Hermione's POV: All I wanted was a nice, normal year. Just one year. But no... I'm constantly with -Malfoy-! Getting lost in the Forbidden Forest, making up work for class, and even shopping! What has the world come to?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 34,288 - Reviews: 348 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 30 - Updated: 5/4/2003 - Published: 2/8/2003 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Like Water for Squid Meat by Mad Maudlin reviews
In Which there is a thin line between antipathy and obsession, Hermione solves problems that don't need much solving, Harry wears a false moustache, and something goes on at the lake that no one is prepared for. With Smirking Innuendo ™!
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,204 - Reviews: 38 - Favs: 43 - Follows: 1 - Published: 10/21/2002 - Ron W., Draco M. - Complete
Everything Snarky I Know I Learned from Snape by Ibex's Lyre reviews
Hermione's pre-graduation speech.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,084 - Reviews: 379 - Favs: 614 - Follows: 91 - Published: 9/3/2002 - Severus S., Hermione G.
Strange Bedfellows: A Comedy of Assumptions by Mad Maudlin reviews
Murder, mayhem, madness and Malfoy! Harry and Hermione face down an unexpected conspiracy, a possible nefarious plot, wild rumors and much, much worse to save their best friend from a terrible fate...right?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 11 - Words: 18,497 - Reviews: 166 - Favs: 177 - Follows: 22 - Published: 4/18/2002 - Draco M., Ron W. - Complete
Runaway by Jiwwy reviews
Draco's running away (for the twentieth time) and ends up in a muggle home. What will happen when he finds out it's Hermione's? Chapter Thirteen up and IT'S COMPLETE!! *bawls*!! Should I do a school continuation like Draco Veritas? Tell me pleeease!!
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 13 - Words: 17,380 - Reviews: 330 - Favs: 138 - Follows: 34 - Updated: 2/10/2002 - Published: 12/29/2001 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Blasted Wreck of a Cat reviews
“And you are off your rocker,” Draco informed him. “I am only marginally evil and I am not holding Granger’s cat hostage.” [might be DMHG, but right now it's mostly DMcrookshanks...]features sleep deprived!draco and shedding!crookshanks
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 4,014 - Reviews: 35 - Favs: 21 - Follows: 22 - Updated: 5/6/2009 - Published: 2/15/2007 - Draco M., Hermione G.
Undercover Lovers reviews
Dumbledore has hatched ANOTHER evil plot to torture his students, namely Draco and Hermione, and the term “interhouse relations” takes on a whole new meaning. [Dramione]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,752 - Reviews: 7 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 11 - Updated: 12/29/2006 - Published: 11/28/2006
Christmas Lies reviews
“What is the meaning of this, Granger? I know that I am devastatingly attractive, but Accioing me is terribly unbecoming and little stalkerish.” [oneshot, terribly chiched]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,997 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 34 - Follows: 8 - Published: 12/21/2006 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Muggle Locks reviews
“Damn it, Malfoy, now is not the time to remind me of how goodlooking you are. Don’t even try, I know exactly what you were going to say.” [oneshot, implied slash]
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 404 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12/16/2006 - Draco M., Ron W. - Complete
Of PJs and Panties reviews
“And no matter how he tried, the image of Hermione Granger in her knickers would remain emblazoned in his mind for the rest of the day.” [oneshot]
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 488 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 50 - Follows: 17 - Published: 12/16/2006 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Blood Letters reviews
“I know you can never love me, but how can you hate me? This is the last time I will write, so goodbye, Angel. Goodbye.” [oneshot, character death]
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 750 - Reviews: 22 - Favs: 14 - Follows: 3 - Published: 6/17/2004 - Draco M., Hermione G. - Complete
Pity reviews
Neville finally snaps...One-shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 94 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 11 - Published: 6/16/2004 - Neville L. - Complete
Numb reviews
SongFic to Linkin Park's "Numb" Draco refuses to follow in his father's footsteps and pays the ultimate price. PG13 for violence.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Drama/Parody - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,051 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: 2/24/2004 - Draco M., Lucius M.