WARNING: Extremely long bio - proceed with caution

8/2/09: Heeeeey guyyyz. yeah...i'm still alive. Not dead. Just dead to the fanfiction world. Maybe I'll start writing again if I have a ton of time on my hands... Which will probably be never ever again. Haha, sry.

Love you!

Eh, I'll let the quotes live.

Me:
"I knew a pyro once, but he died in a fire."
"No, I can't talk like that in front of the moaaaaah..." (stopping myself from saying 'mormons')
"Woah, you guys are like the same height...only she's taller."
"Craig Parker looks like a man."
Frotu's Mom: Was it cold and windy? Me: Not really. It was more windy and...cold.
"A: it's not just a letter, it's a WORD."
"Holy crap, I had a dream about that CD case!"
"Dude, we're not shopping for college here! It's fabric!"
Me:How did you know Renee was pregnant? Dad: John told me. Me: Then I deduce you are the father!
"I was catching and there was a crow that flew overhead and I told the batter not to hit it. Acutally, I said something along the lines of "Ooo, a bird! HIT IT!" But it meant the same thing."
Guy on movie: Fire at will! Me: Aww, poor Will. He's going to get shot.

Frotu:

"I am like the sun because I am bright. And you're like a black hole because you're dense."
"Pain is funny when it happens to other people."
"You know that Christmas song 'Do you hear what I hear' and there's a verse that goes 'A child, a child shivers in the cold, let us bring him silver and gold'...yeah, like that's really gonna keep him warm! Sure, pelt the kid with money. That really helps."
"You know what? Fuck Gollum!"
"Jar Jar Binks is like the perfect example of a computerized character gone horribly wrong. Somebody should assassinate him and put him out of his misery."
Me: I'm going to name my son Christian. Frotu: Why would you name your kid after someone who gives you nasty dreams?
Me: Your eyes are the color of poo. Frotu: And your eyes are the color of the poo of somebody who only eats peas."
"Hel-LO? My slug!"
Me: Cold Mountain wasn't even cold or a mountain. Frotu: It's more like Warm Hill.
"Die! Die and rot in hell forever! ...I love you."
(Smacks me way too hard with her comp book) "I love you very much."
(Whilst watching me attempt to plug in the CD player) "You're going to kill everybody."
Me: Will you go to the hanging with me? Frotu: How about I slit your wrists?
"You look so sexy. You're going to get raped." and later... Frotu: The ass-kicking class is good for when you go to college because one in four women get raped. Me: So out of allof us in this car, one of us will get raped eventually. Frotu: Yes. And it's going to be you.

"Oh no, it's the Headless Blonde." --Dad

"It looks like she walked into a glue factory and then walked by an exploding racoon factory." --Squeet describing Mary J. Blige's dress

"Next we'll have a bat expert here and he's actually bringing in live bats. They're going to fly around and everyone's going to be killed." --Conan

Tobias: I'm getting chills! If this was a Lifetime Moment of Truth movie, this would be our act break! (transition music plays) Tobias: ... Narrator: ...But it wasn't. --Arrested Development

Other quotes I admire/think are guffaw-worthy:

"I would do anything Tim wanted me to. You know-have sex with an aardvark... I would do it." -Johnny!
"A good author borrows but a great author steals." -Mr. Harm
"If I had one dollar for every brain you didn't have, I'd have one dollar." -Squidward
"SILLA later, chair!" -Mr. Arnell
"We're ALL laughing at Mr. Arnell, now." -Spoofmaster
"Is someone chanting over there?" ~Eh heh heh
Spoofmaster: But I love you. Me: Til your dying day? Come what may? Spoofmaster: Yes, actually. Seriously. Unless you stab me. Then the deal's off.
"McEnroe, your show sucks so hard, I was watching it and the sides of my TV caved in!" -Triumph

Bye, don't die.