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Quotes

"I disagree with all he says but I'll defend to death his right to say it."- Voltaire

"There are very few problems that can’t be resolved with an order ending with ‘or I’ll shoot’."- from the profile of 'Talkin’ of Normality

"History is the sum total of things that might have been avoided." - from the profile of 'Alaranth-88'

"When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained."-Mark Twain

"Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you." - Carl Gustav Jung (1875-1961)

"I can picture in my mind's eye a world without war, a world without hate, and I can picture us attacking that world, because they'd never expect it-..." - Jack Handy

"I believe everybody in the world should have guns. Citizens should have bazookas and rocket launchers too. I believe that all citizens should have their weapons of choice. However, I also believe that only I should have ammunition. Because frankly, I wouldn't trust the rest of the goobers with anything more dangerous than string." - Scott Adams

"I'm all in favor of keeping dangerous weapons out of the hands of fools. Let's start with typewriters." - Frank Lloyd Wright

"Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse." - Thomas Szasz

"There is a fine line between genius and insanity. I have erased this line."-Oscar Levant

"If there's a book you really want to read, but it hasn't been written yet, then you must write it." -Toni Morrison

"Be who you are and say what you feel for those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"- Dr.Suess

Phrases I Like

I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. where the HECK is my roof!

To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

So what if we act like imature idiots? We're having fun.

One day your prince will come. Mine? Oh, he just took a wrong turn, got lost, and is to stubborn to ask directions.

I'm here because Heaven wouldn't take me, and Hell was afraid I'd take over.

Come to the dark side, we have cookies!

I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow's not looking good, either.

If you try and don't succeed, cheat. Repeat until caught. Then lie.

I would rather be weird than be known, because, sometimes, by being weird, you become known.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I intrest you in a sarcastic comment?

Politics is war without bloodshed. War is politics with bloodshed.

High School Musical 3 and Saw V were the two top movies at the box office when they opened. One depicted gruesome on screen torture. The other was about a guy with a saw.

War doesn't determine who's right. War determines who's left.

I find 'good morning' a contradiction of terms.

Sarcasm isn't an attitude, it's an ART.

Remember what you just said, because tomorrow I am going to have a witty and sarcastic comeback and you'll be devastated then!

The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

SARCASM is just another free service I offer.

I didn’t say that it was your fault…I said I was going to blame you.

If your heart was really broken you'd be dead, so shut up.

I'm not ALWAYS late. Sometimes I just don't show up.

You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement immediately.

I apologize, do you want me to mean it too?

Dream big dreams, because little dreams have no magic.

Copy-Pastes

If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.

Pluto was no longer declared a planet on August 27 of 2006 just because it was 'too small' and 'off its orbit' for a couple scientists likings. If you still think Pluto should be a planet then copy and paste this to your profile. LONG LIVE PLUTO

92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.

If you love Fanfiction.net, copy and paste this into your profile.

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're part of the 7 percent that would ask the person, "What was your first clue?" copy and paste this into your profile.

I like cheese. I have seen purple cows. If two gooses are geese, then why aren't two moose meese, or when two foots are feet, why aren't two footballs feetball? Milk tastes good. People call me crazy, but I'm just random! If you're random and proud of it, copy and paste this in your profile!

If you believe in magic, copy and paste this into your profile.

Nerds are cool. Nerds are smart. Nerds will one day rule the universe. If you are a nerd and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile.

Did you know the average American only reads 3 books a year? If you don't believe that it's even possible to read that little, copy and paste this onto your profile.

Only crazy people can understand the brilliance of crazy things. If you are crazy and proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile!

If you've ever wished you could go into a book/the TV and strangle some of the characters for being so incredibly dumb, copy and paste this into your profile.

ONLY IN AMERICA...

...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

...are there handicap parking spaces in front of ice-skating rinks.

...sick people go to the back of Walgreens to get their medicine, while healthy people get their cigarettes at the front.

...people buy hotdogs in packs of 10 and hotdog buns in packs of 8.

...the banks leave both vaults open and then chain the pens to the counter.

...people order a double cheese burger, large fries, and a diet coke.

...people leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveways and keep their junk in garages.

...people use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so they won't miss the calls from someone they don't want to talk to in the first place

...is the word "politics" used to describe the process so well; "Poli-" in latin means "many" and "tics" mean "blood-sucking creatures".

- From WolfGirl1636's profile

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

- On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (That's the only time I have to work on my hair).
- On a bag of Fritos:!...You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special?)
- On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?...)
- On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (But, it's "just" a suggestion).
- On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (Well...duh, a bit late!)
- On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (I was hoping it was going to be frozen... darn.)
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (But wouldn't this save me more time?)
- On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
- On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (And...I'm taking this because?...)
- On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to...what?)
- On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (Now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)
- On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (Talk about a news flash!!...)
- On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)
- On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
- On a Swedish chainsaw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (...Was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

You May Be A Writer If-

1. Every time you hear a song, you think of a new story or one you've already written.

2. You have the last chapters of a story done before even thinking of the characters names.

3. You often imagine your books becoming movies.

4. Spell check is your best friend.

5. You give even the smallest of characters a huge background.

6. You hesitate before killing of one of your favorite characters.

7. You smile really big when your gonna finally write a character love scene.

8. Every time you read something, you make your own story of the same thing.

9. You'll spend an hour trying to find one word cause you won't dare use a synonym.

10. Not being able to write is like not being able to pee to you... you just can't hold it in for so long.

11. You write so fast, you leave out words in a sentence.

12. You have to tell at least one person your whole story before it's even written.

13. Things that are written bad annoy you and make you want to re-write it better.

14. You laugh at jokes you wrote yourself.

15. You can spell words like 'troublesome' but can't spell 'the' half the time.

16. If you're not writing or typing, your fingers are moving constantly.

17. You talk to yourself... constantly.

18. You forget what day it is when your writing.

19. When you have to write some sort of story in class, you get carried away.

20. You would rather die than use words like 'good' or 'nice' and etc.

21. You put off the last chapter of a story simply because you don't want it to end.

22. You start to cry when writing about a death or other depressing event you knew was coming, and you are the one writing it.

23. When on a roll, you will ignore hunger, sleepiness, or the urge to pee until you run out of ideas.

24. If a story, movie, show, etc. finishes without closure, you have a powerful need to write a suitable ending.

25. You like to fidget, tap, or chew on the tip of something when you are trying to come up with a new sentence, paragraph, chapter, or story.

26. You are in love with the Thesaurus.

27. You dream about your stories.

28. You dream of new stories.

29. You often revisit some of your old stories.

30. Someone can call your name twenty times without you hearing if you're writing.