Yet another person armed with an active imagination and way too much free time. Some other things I enjoy are long walks in the park(no, really), music, and reading. I have been called many things, all of them true and all of them lies, but most likely the two things that stick are 1) Quiet, and 2) Insane. :D Hope you enjoy my stuff.

I know someone just like you knows someone just like me.

-Heads Up!-

Weeeeelll, I've been putting it off long enough. Sitting in the back of my mind has been my world-building project, all the languages and regions and history and people and cities and sports, in addition to an actual rough outline I wrote out; that's all been there for years now. It started back in 2008 with a song I did to prank DragonForce fans, one about a desert people. The story grew and expanded into a war, and a few characters came into being. I thought of a story for those and more characters, and then the project blew up, with the first of the languages coming into being and the details of the newest region following. Things slowly expanded West from there, with another language and the history of the desert people taking shape. Things went farther West to the large island off the main continent, and have been stalled there.

I told myself that I'd get started on writing out the world's story before my birthday this year. Well, that didn't happen, as I got distracted with fanfic and Adventure Quest. I got really preoccupied with AQ after TTLG was done, and that takes me to where I am now. I have now been telling people there's an idea I have for a book that I'm working on for a few years, and I think it's time I get started actually writing it, instead of focusing on fan fiction. I may still post a story every once in a while, but not nearly as often as I used to. Here are a couple samples of the world I've built so far: Script of the Barantu(the desert people I mentioned), just English words in the script with no translation: Link! In Naruto Ultimate Marmalade War Z, there is a phrase in the same language: "Khaneth, baraso ab hajan." English grammar, but the words translate to a familiar phrase: "Speak friend, and enter." "Barantu" means something like not fixed, wandering; and baraso means "fellow traveler", or, friend. Here is a sample of an early version of the story that I did five years ago.

Just in case you have any questions about any of my stories, I'll post some inside info on them right here on my profile.

Also, I have a children's story written. It's called The Nooknaks 2: Save the Candy Tree. You can find it on , where I have the same username. Here's the link: https://www.fictionpress.info/s/2923158/1/The-Nooknaks-2-Save-the-Candy-Tree

Here on my profile were some links to where my stories were posted on deviantART. Originally they showed up, but right now they don't. However, if you search my username online, my DA profile should be one of the first results to come up, and you can find them there.

-Story Insights!-

-SHADOW OF THE WIND- Super fan of Bleach here, and that's what got me started on fan fiction. This was my first story. I did some research on Kido for it, but other than that I just wrote. Not really much to say about the first edition, honestly. Now Ch. 7. If you look at the release date of Shadow of the Wind, Clash of the Titans had recently been out, and I wanted to somehow crowbar that one in. The title of the fic itself comes from one of Black Sabbath's last songs, Shadow of the Wind. If you're a fan of them I highly recommend you check it out.

The edit changed things up. I touched up the cut and paste cardboard prose, added and changed dialogue and a chapter title. What got switched up the most was Sanjiro's first encounter, with the Arrancar Michaelon Jordano. ...yeah. Reeeeeaaal subtle, that.

-EYE OF THE PHOENIX- This story was born from a line in a Captain's Meeting in SotW: "...he may also be right concerning the life of the girl with the reverse edged zanpakuto...". Thus, my second fic was birthed. I did way more research for Eye of the Phoenix than Shadow of the Wind, checking things as I went, writing about a chapter a day. The first line of the Prologue is still one of my favorite opening(and overall) lines I've written.

-Slayer- When I first thought up Slayer, it was a Rurouni Kenshin reference, and a reference to a throw-away gag in my first fanfic. It's not even the most original zanpakuto out there. I've thought up better. But recently, something was brought to light in the manga related to it. Check the update date, people. I haven't touched this since I uploaded it.

-Kari Kuraka- Her favorite activity in the first couple chapters, walking in the mountains, was taken from my preferences. The rabbit incident, I will admit, was taken from a past experience of mine as well. Thank God for forgiveness. Now, I'm no great artist, so I didn't draw anything for her other than her sword, Slayer, but I always imagined Kari as having an anime-esque lock of hair sticking out, kinda like a side ponytail.

Her budding romance with Ashido was kinda difficult, because as you have probably guessed I have no experience in that area. So I tried to keep it vague; resulting in my most suggestive sentences until the BoE: "Kari awoke, slightly embarrassed. Ashido was already standing by the window, as if he hadn't moved since last night.". ...yikes. They do kiss later on, but still I wasn't quite sure what to do there.

-Shugo Musa- An Ascended Extra from SotW, Shugo is now the 4th Seat under Segato, having originally been an unnamed character from 7th Squad. His name was lifted from a couple books I'd read around then, Moribito: Guardian of the Spirit; with Musa being the last name of a character there. One of the many, many shout-outs and references in EotP was given to his sword, named, "Zabuumafuu".

-Mai Shiruna- I'd always thought hyenas are cool and edgy, so of course Mai's based off one of those. The strong jaw, "stronger shoulders", fur top and bottom... even that bit where Kari "still could see the woman was attractive": the... genitals/anuses(ani? x() of hyena have been used as fertility charms. Now, an issue I didn't really want to deal with was Mai's attraction to Kari, even thought that's the basis of oh, the second half of the fic. Officially, yes, Mai is playing for the other team.

-Ascension Garden- Just seemed like a nice little place to add, really.

-Those Shout-Outs and Reference Jokes- As I once pointed out, they are almost literally EVERYWHERE in Eye of the Phoenix, enough to merit mentioning so. heh Not gonna do a complete list for you(for epic irony see bonus chapter of The Book of Endings), but there is one that I'm positively sure you wouldn't find, anywhere but Eye of the Phoenix or in it. In Chapter 21, Vicious Cycle, at the end of Sui Feng and Mai's fight: "Death is meaningless, and if you fight for love it's all you'll find." That's a reworking of this MICHAEL CARD lyric, from his song "Why": "For all who seek to love, a thorn is all the world has to give."

-Kenpachi's Quest- Just sprung from a random thought, really. xD The Hellflowers are original, and they make a couple appearances in my other bleach fics. See if you can find them. :D

-World Gone Mad- Whew. My second "epic", this too just came from a random thought, hence the title. The big "what if" here was what would happen if Broly and Launch had a child? As we find out, she helps save the universe from Buu. There are a couple phrases originated here that would sneak into my later works: "Like a nightmare that kept getting worse", and "for what seemed like an eternity but was really only a few relatively short moments". I just love them, and they work for a surprising variety of situations. See if you can spot them. ;P Part of the challenge of WGM was that it eventually became a "What If?" retelling of the Majin Buu saga, and I wanted to keep the prose and dialogue from being just a novelization of it.

-The Elder Kai- ...and this was the main way I did that. He still does everything he needs to do, but you'll find almost none of his lines in the anime or manga; and he's WAY OOC. My personal favorite of his lines is, "Oops, the mute's on."

-Rutaba- :) Rutaba really came alive once she could talk, with lines like "killify Cell's meany face". I knew she had to be strong, and, somewhat conveniently, Saiyans get stronger after recovering from heavy injuries. It also made perfect sense for Broly to be an abusive father, so those two things just clicked. I'm not quite sure where the idea for her signature outfit came from, but it seemed right.

-The Bloopers- These were just a blast to do. I try to type down everything "fully formed", but there are still some things I miss. Blooper #8 is a perfect example; as Goku points out to me if your body is destroyed after you die, you're wiped from existence- and Goku was killed in the fight between him, Broly, and Vegeta, but still appears(briefly) later in the story.

-This Story Is Now Diamonds- This was my first attempt at "purging myself of the fanfic bug". ...yeah. As I hint at in the Author's Note, yes, Randy is my avatar. I changed the name of my church's priest, but kept everything else. The rule for this was, "just throw it in", as a result, you have that "fondling" knife, and the end of chapter one, as well as that epic paragraph during Vader and Kenpachi's showdown in Chapter 5.

-Tamina- An OC I decided to throw in, after thinking up her zanpakuto one day. Of course, with a name like Kappa I had to somehow cram in a TMNT reference, hence its release command, "Shred". Later, I decided her last name was Asai.

-Bo- lol A character starring in a fic I started once. His zanpakuto is named Rainbow, and has several very bright and sparkly abilities. In its Bankai, it is indeed named Double Rainbow. He is straight, if you were wondering.

-The Man Your Man Could Smell Like- Since actor fics aren't allowed, I changed his name and generally made him an extension of the commercial persona. His race's name, Martistu, is pronounced "Mar-TEE-stew", essentially a combination of "Marty Stu", the male version of the infamous Mary Sue character type. The thing I hinted at with his thoughts was that Randy would eventually be revealed to be his son.

-The Dark Masters- Their names were taken from the known names/handles of some well known fanfic writers: Eric Gonterman(Gonterix), Hans von Hoezel(Hozelin), Chimaera(Peter Chimaera), Vathara, and Soe-Ni Chu(Sonichu, by Christian Weston Chandler).

-The Pride and the Passion, Soldiers of Innocence- I wrote these a couple years before my other fics- the two titular songs, anyways. My older brother had introduced me to School Rumble a few months before, and me being me, those first two songs came out.

Now, the other six songs in the Soldiers of Innocence cycle were written as I was writing This Story Is Now Diamonds. I wanted to continue the theme of perseverance and innocence throughout them, but after all the other characters got involved, love came into play too. My personal favorite songs in the SoI cycle are Death on the Snowfield and Deliverance of the Soul, being particularly proud of the latter and this verse of it: "Wrestling with the shadows/For my place in the light/Oh, to be the only one...". I like Hanai's last verse too, as it ties everything together and brings the cycle back around to the beginning.

-The Secret Pokedex- I put more research hours into this than for any of my other stories. I wanted to get things not close, but "How in the Heck did he even know that?!" exact. Contains the absolute favorite reference of any that I have ever done, which appears in the first chapter. :D I sprung my original Pokemon Xenio kinda late in the game, but by that point we all know how it's going to go so I think it turned out fine. As a fun fact, my original Pokemon sketches have, in most cases, more views than the story chapters itself on my deviantART account. Of my O.P.'s, my favorites are Aereon and Frozgar. In the story Aereon just sits there and looks pretty, but still...

-Ingrid and Jakob- This story's equivalent of Jesse and James, with slightly more realistic hair colors. :)

-Uncle Reuben- Another one of those characters that just grew into the story. He's definitely an original one. I hadn't really planned that he would do what he did, as I'd just made him up for his first scene, but in the end I think that worked out pretty nicely. His beard is gray, and he wears an old blue vest with a few pockets on the front. I also imagined him having some kind of cap, which I know the style but not the name of; it's kinda like one of those old hats you saw guys wearing back in the 1920's(? lol) and that LL Cool J and Will Smith sometimes wore early in their careers.

-Mengele- Just made "sense" for him to be the Captain of Team Rocket in this story.

-The Rant- Also high on my list of favorite references, because the whole thing is one ode to Gangsta's Paradise, by Coolio. "Even Eva thinks that my mind is gone!" xD Also a reference to the much parodied scene in The Downfall (Der Untergang)

-Trilogy in Rainbows- *sigh* *facepalm* This one just got away from me, folks. Protip: do NOT, for ANY reason, base a prophecy in what you intend to be a children's story off of a Manowar song. Don't do it. *shakes head* Also contains probably the scariest ending of any of my fics. So you don't have to read it to find out: "Flameheart Bear stormed out of Secret Bear's house, and began his search for the two swords his bloody legend would be written with...". Doesn't sound so frightening? Just take my word for it...

-Pokevert- Another random idea one-shot. Part of the title comes from the platform game called Eversion, where you can "evert" at certain points to change the dynamics of the game. Beth Hanover's name came from a spam email.

-The Splendour of Angel's Glory- Aaah, yes. I remember this one. The title of the fic came from the most epic song of all time, "Heroes of the Waterfalls' Kingdom", by the mighty Rhapsody of Fire, specifically the section from which the fic took its name; which in my opinion is the best, greatest, and most epic part of the song. Once I'd seen the track list several months before writing this, I had one of those "feelings" about the song, and wanted to use the title somehow. Heh, now Mrs. Ketchum's Pokemon are based on glitch Pokemon from the games, their "hard to look at"-ness coming from not having any physical body. That "so it created dozens of Pokemon, impartial sentinels to watch the world for it as it slept" quote, I made up to explain the presence of glitch 'mon in the anime/movie universe. I got Ash's (hypothetical) age by counting every episode of the anime as a single day.

-20,000 Leagues Beyond the Impossible- Conceived after seeing some other Bleach/Gurren Lagann fics here, this was another "throw it in" one. As stated in the Author's Note, I gave all the OC's names of familiar anime characters, to help ease them in. Making Ranma captain of Squad 12(think about it) was fun, and in retrospect, I kinda wish I'd made Lelouch captain of Squad 11 instead of Simon. And yes, the Spirit King's name is Harry Potter in English.

-Sakura Nishimoto- Hmm... I guess, Sakura just grew from the story; it wasn't until later that I even thought out the rest of her zanpakuto's abilities. As it went on, I kinda imagined her looking something like Shizune or Konan from Naruto. Heh I didn't even catch the cherry blossom foreshadowing in the Spirit King's first appearance when I wrote it, guess I'm just that good. ;P

-Room 432-B and The War of Wars- At this point, for a while I'd been wanting to do a straight troll fic. *shakes head* Really, the hardest part of writing these was NOT using a period. It just killed me to write sent- paragraphs like that without one.

Later, I found out the Nebraska State Hospital hadn't been called that for several decades, so my apologies to the citizens of Nebraska. Along with The Stars In Your Eyes and The Secret Pokedex, I consider these two some of my best fics, and my favorites. Seriously, how do you top Shakespearian ebonics? An example: "Fie tHIS pimpingeth hath not been sufficiently leisurely". xD Holly's Pre Ass-Kicking Phrase "It's time to make some lemonade" was later pasted into the edit of Shadow of the Wind, and slightly modified and stuck into the climactic battle of Naruto Ultimate Harem Marmalade Party.

-The Land of Funk- This one was mainly written for the extremely lame punchline at the end of chapter two; I even thought about calling that chapter "The Punchline" and ending it there. The rogue ninja OC's name, Renji Fudo, was a reference to my avatar in This Story is Now Diamonds, and his outfit is exactly what I'd wear in the Naruto universe, dang it. The name of his overblown(heheh) jutsu at the end of chapter four came from a phrase I typed to keep myself typing when I wrote The Secret Pokedex: "mufasa kingbreaker ultimate demon buster". ...yeah. My personal favorite line from here is "It's time I showed them what the Will of Fire meant on the dance floor.". I just cracked up every time I read that.

-The Book of Endings- This one was based off an idea I had a while ago, but was transplanted into Naruto fic. As I more fully explain it in the bonus chapter of the story, I'll simply offer a few thoughts. I may change Tobi's name to my... #1 suspect, or just wait longer and fiddle with it after the series is over; but most likely the latter.

Solace(by Project 86) was the only song I could think of with lyrics epic enough to quote from to do it.

If you're wondering what's real or not, look at what I repeat...

I sincerely hope I ruined the phrase "one thousand points of light" for you. :)

-24- For some time, highly inappropriate words were being typed by my fingers when I wasn't careful, so I told myself I'd do this to scratch the itch, so to speak. The plot is an absolute excuse, and they're nekkid within a handful of paragraphs, so I just had took the ball and ran with it. This is clearly evidenced by a several phrases: right off the bat you have "tonsil fishing", and later you have the granola bar kiss. The line containing "childhood remembrance" has unfortunate implications which I do not endorse, and apologize for.

But overall, it was fun to write. My personal favorite line is, "Naruto could not help but do so, because he was."

-A Magnificent Horde Of Brightly Shining Elephants Grandly Announce Their Majestic Presence- This sequel to 24 is not oddly named, despite what you might think. See, it was a play off of the phrase: "Elephant in the living room"- and this fic is about situations that would create said elephants, and the events of 24 being brought up. I highly encourage you to "hear" this in Gilbert Gottfried's voice, if you read it. It just makes it so much funnier.

-The Exquisite Corpse- If you can read through the game "hearing" it in Gilbert Gottfried's voice without laughing, grinning, or regurgitating, give me your address so I can mail you some home-made brownies, if you want them. I am actually serious about that. But I'm also not a sucker- if the hits and address counts aren't matching up or suddenly spike... *shakes head* :)

-"Trust me, I'm a medic-nin."- Third favorite reference I've ever done. :D http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9bFgIAtVwhA

-On the Shoulders of Giants- The sequel to AMHOBSEGATMP, the title for this came from the location. They're on the Hokage monument, which are giant carvings of the rulers of Konoha, so in every sense of the phrase they are on the shoulders of giants. I also encourage you to "hear" this in Michael Bolton's voice. By now you shouldn't be taking this and the previous two stories seriously, so I'm sure it'll add to the experience- and there are certain lines(you'll know...) that lend themselves to being "heard" in his singing voice. There is another "childhood remembrance" line here, which again has unfortunate implications WHICH I DO NOT ENDORSE. Yes, they are doing what you think they are.

-Lisa Yadomaru- At this point in the story, I'd hit a wall and decided to go with a perspective change. I'd decided earlier that people would notice Shizune and Naruto, the switch went to a young girl in her room. Once I named the scene change "The Room", I made a connection between that infamous Lisa and one from Bleach, who shares a name with my OC. Yes, she is doing what you think she is.

-The Flame of Youth- As I state in the author's note, I was just typing at this point; and Shizune is one of my favorite female Naruto characters so this is what came out. Not much else to add. :)

-The Legendary Legend of Anzu Takizawa- Since I'd seen the first Shippuuden movie, I always wondered what that little girl Naruto keeps from being trampled would be like when she grew up. No, really- I get inspired by things like that. So, here you have the result of that; and the first few words being a Manowar reference should tell you how the story will go. This was nice to write, but a little nerve-wracking also because I gave myself a deadline to finish it- which I cleared by a little over an hour. For the first time since The Secret Pokedex I got a little finishing anxiety, didn't quite want to let go of Anzu, and Lisa and Kenshiro. It was good getting to know them. Oh, and I named Anzu myself, since of course a character with about twenty seconds of screen time won't have a name.

Just in case you didn't catch it, Naruto does become Hokage near the end of the story. Also, when Shizune retired Sakura replaced her as Tsunade's assistant. The bet between Naruto and Sasuke was to see who got a team through the chunin exams first. I decided Shikamaru was the Jonin Commander, like his father had been.

-Lisa Yadomaru- A reference to the OC in On the Shoulders of Giants, even to stating she's an aspiring author. Lisa was fun to write. If you didn't like Anzu too much, I bet Lisa will be your favorite character. Her ninja way is a reference to the lyrics of Serv Asat by Otep, which I actually hadn't listened to but I checked out the lyrics and they seemed kinda cool. I guess Serv Asat is her theme song. :)

-Kenshiro Kasumi- A reference to the legendary Kenshiro of Fist of the North Star fame, he started out as a random classmate I threw in and he just grew from there. And yes, he did do a Shoryuken and Hadouken in the final battle. Never turn your back on a ninja! His ninja way is ripped word for word from Heart of Steel, by Manowar.

-Anzu Takizawa- Of course, being the star of her own story Anzu is going to be talented. She learns very quickly, learning the Shadow Clone Technique at a young age and some of the basic techniques younger still. The needle technique she learns from Hinata wasn't given a name, but the Chakra Needle Technique is as good as any, so I went with that. On her own, Anzu has decent if not above average physical strength, as evidenced by hitting the doomed giant spider into the air a couple feet above her head. I was kinda worried about her characterization, because I saw I was focusing more on the techniques she was learning instead of her, so the "too much like a human" thing helped with that. She does not have infinite chakra reserves- but maintaining a Combination Transformation against a Tailed Beast and then using a Lightning natured Rasengan and surviving the encounter would require pretty good reserves, and endurance.

-Onbaa- They appeared in a filler episode, so I don't blame you if you haven't heard of them before. They're implied to be ridiculously strong, with an adult onbaa pushing over a tall, living tree. Now, the "onbaa style": since these are animals, I figured they would have a simple and powerful fighting style. The Rolling Onbaa Hammer is, in wrestling terms, a flipping double axe handle. The two-handed uppercut is a lot like a baseball swing. The "onbaa style punches" would be leaning in to deliver them, instead of leading with your feet and whipping your arm out. The rising shoulder lunge is just what it sounds like- imagine there's a large pole on your shoulder you're trying to stand upright and that's about it. I would pay a decent sum of money to see an ROH wrestler use a flipping double axe handle off the top turnbuckle. :)

-Endurance and Victory- The summary and the author's note in-story explains pretty much everything about this short.

-Rambo Four: Pride Rock- Again, the author's note explains pretty much everything. Now I will say that all I know about Dante, Somalia is that it's on the continent of Africa. I wanted to give the place Rambo landed a name, but I didn't research it beyond that. Fave and review for Rambo's parenting skills! ;P

-The Stars In Your Eyes- To troll or not to troll? That is the question. Whether 'tis more noble in the mind to suffer the fires and blazes of outrageous flame reviews or to beith an un-ironic monkey fudger, than resign to elegance and wit, what man may answer this? Heh guys, all I know is that I had the most fun writing this of anything I've ever written and most likely will write for a very long time. "The spell has been broken! The curse has been lifted!" What a way to finish off my greatest fanfic writing; as this closes out with references to my first two fanfics(Shadow of the Wind and Eye of the Phoenix) and I finally return to Dragon Ball Z more than a year after World Gone Mad, and finishes with possibly the most jarring Pinky and the Brain reference possible.

-Helen- Oh, Helen. As the story went on, I noticed she was turning into your stereotypical helpless love interest. And really, being blind and deaf that was bound to happen to some degree. But one thing I noticed about Ms. Keller when studying her is that she was a voracious learner, and could be very intense. It may surprise you to know these things about her, but it's true. At the end, with Porunga, I felt bad about doing that to her, making her (momentarily?) throw away her religion for the chance to be healed and have her dreams come true, because Helen was a very spiritual person. I didn't go as much in depth there as I could have, as I got too caught up in the other aspects of the story. So it just got a few remarks here and there, the bare minimum. The fragment of a poem in chapter two is original, but a pleasing snippet on many levels: Helen did write a poem, called A Chant of Darkness; and two, the full poem is based on what little I know of Robert Jordan's Wheel of Time series, a truly epic pun as the poem details blindly searching things out and I really don't know much the series. :) You're welcome. It's on my LiveJournal, where as usual I have the same username. It's titled "A Memory of Light".

Helen's Love Life: Another part of her that many people today ignore. Helen was a woman(who undoubtedly made a few sandwiches), but due to being deaf-blind her mother and Annie Sullivan-Macy stomped down on this hard. Which is why you've never likely heard this about her. She was close to having a relationship with a man when she was in her thirties; he was an assistant, so naturally as he helped with her writing they got to know each other very well, and he even proposed to her, but when he said he would show up and elope with her... he didn't. Again, being deaf-blind obviously did not help her. So When Vegeta comes in, this brash warrior prince who said and did as he pleased, of course (in the story!) Helen would be attracted to him, which would only deepen as Annie showed her disapproval and as she got to know him better. That's how I saw it, anyways.

-Vegeta- Sorry. It was interesting to explore Vegeta's character when I took away his ability to fight. Mood swings, check. Still, I think these fit him, as it's hinted at his relationship with Bulma was not entirely successful, and Vegeta is seen to be focused on ...combat in their time in the manga. And again, however meme-tastic or quotable his lines might be, please don't bother Mr. Sabat or Mr. Drummond with them. They've already dealt with "IT'S OVER NINE THOUSAND!", give them a break.

-Annie- If you picked up on the "sensible shoes" bit, I really don't need to add anything. It's still in doubt just how close they really were, but "We are Helen!" says pretty much how some of the public felt about it back then. Yes, Annie did have a bit of a temper. Yes, she did have problems with John. Yes, she was a bit of a control freak. Perhaps not at heart, but she grew into the role and it was how she made her way in life as an adult.

-John Macy- Socialists were viewed more favorably(that's what I was picking up) back then, so the jabs at his views are more for our benefit. I never explain what exactly they are, because this isn't a political thriller here and honestly this fic is offensive enough without spelling things out in-story. I decided to play him as a bit of a dry, sarcastic wit but he was more than that; and it was just easier to go with what I knew I could handle.

-Detective Castle and Wilkinson- I made up these private investigators, with Castle being a reference to the ABC show Castle, featuring the character Richard Castle. :) Didn't wanna drop the first name here, but yes that is it. On the other hand, Wilkinson officially does not have one. He's just Wilkinson. He also wears sensible shoes.

-Inaccuracies- Mostly with the time of certain skills Helen developed. She could actually do every, um, non-crossover thing she's shown to do in story, just not all at the particular age the story was set in, which has her at about 23-24.

-Harry Dresden- What were you thinking was going to happen when they fought? I actually felt a little bad about it(for maybe thirty seconds) after it happened, because Harry brings a little suspense and surprise to the story. The revelations for the Dresden Files that I stuck in would change absolutely everything in that series, but they mean, of course, next to nothing here; but Porunga being an Outsider I think was a nice touch. As I actually haven't read any of the books I was worried about how Harry would look, but from my research it seems I did a passable job. What exactly The Pact is I leave for you to guess, as I didn't even think it out. And yes, Harry is, in this story. Think about it, his tall stature and reputation, those connections he has... the mention of Medraut... Now, don't go and get the idea I snuck these little tidbits from Butcher, because again I have not read the books; I made them up based on my research of the books(TVTropes, the Dresden wiki).

-The Ceremony- I just made most of it up based on a stereotypical Western Christian marriage, or at least the little that I know of them heh. The pastor's prayer for Helen and Vegeta I took from the Saint Ambrose Prayer Book, pages 63-64; it was titled "For a husband or wife". I changed a few words to make it more plural(?), but basically it's quoted exactly like it reads from the prayer book. If you want to deepen your prayer life or just get to know more about praying, I suggest checking it out. And yes, I forgot to write up the exchanging of rings, but that usually happens during/after the vows so that's when Helen and Vegeta did it.

-The Possessiveness...- I, I... THIS HAS NO PARDON! The Bulwer-Lytton site is responsible for this! I found this sentence and the "Vegeta spun around in the doorway" ones in the Sticks and Stones section, in the number 2 entry. It's purple(...) and near the top, so you can't miss it. The author I shamelessly stole from is Helen Brooks, the book: Husband by Contract. Misses Brooks, I am open to re-writing those scenes without your work. Just let me know.

Aragorn's Story My first attempt at playing it straight, and also the first official entry into the Lord of the Rings/Teletubbies crossover section. Went fairly well, but then I had to let my musician side pop up, and I betrayed myself with the coronation song in chapter five. Regardless, the song is one of my favorites of mine. Not as extreme as a certain fic that officially doesn't exist, but still packs a large load of face melters. Saruman's line get's me every time. xD I wonder where one would acquire magic clean only clothes in Middle Earth...

Under Cerulean Skies: Summary and author's note explain it all.

At the Edge of Time!: My first (successful?)attempt at playing it straight where I don't make it too obvious. Monumentally stupid, and with one of the most horrifying love scenes I've ever written(yes, even after NUHMP). "Like a rudder?" Dx Swords aren't meant to be used that way, Hiro. Though, I do like the "Leixia, speak!" bit.

Monty Python and the Pirate King: Insane as the two source works combined, which is really saying something. I wasn't sure of the direction to go with the spelling and grammar, but after a moment the choice was clear. Along with my previously mentioned favorites, I now include this fic. "I am the orgasm of an eagle who sheds a tear for the last of the pimple eaters." My thanks to the first reviewer. One of my favorite and best reviews EVER.

Scraps: These are exactly what the titles and author's note say they are, scraps.

Perhaps the largest chunk of unfinished business is the play Sleeping Beauty 2, which chronologically speaking is my first fan fiction. The Newsboys were coming to town, and I thought that maybe if I volunteered as a stagehand for a local theater's production of Sleeping Beauty my sister would be able to skip one of the performances(she also worked backstage on the play) to go see them. That didn't work out, but it was a really fun run and the favorite play I've been a part of.

I wrote an entire act of it before I foolishly swore to myself I wouldn't write anything else until I was done with it... I might type it up and post it here some day.

Trapped In The Closet: A simple story about Naruto and Tenten... trapped in a closet. Naruto conveniently has some skill with hand signs near the end, but we all know he's a competent ninja when he needs to be so I really don't think that's an issue.

-Romney vs Obama: Summerslam Mayhem- The first of my wrestling fics, this was done back during the hectic days of the primaries in the election. It's the first of two matches I wrote starring President Obama and Governor Romney, and has a see-it-to-believe-it finish that was probably a little too much fun to write. "STUNNER! STUNNER ON GINGRICH!" Here's the link: http:///gallery/#/d4v5yba I may post it up here someday, as I have with its sequel... As it seems this site is no longer showing links to deviantART, just Google my username, Uskius, and you should find my DA account on the first page of results. It has this and several other stories of mine(but not all of the ones on here) posted to it.

Naruto Ultimate Harem Marmalade Party: Stands alone at the top for the most ridiculous and overall insane fic I've ever written, peerless in its form. To quote some reviews: "One of the biggest clusterfucks I've ever seen... all the grammar mistakes and what not geez..." "Nodoka:I sincerely hope this is a joke. If it is it's not a very good one, but if you actually intend this to be genuine the only word I could use is...tragic." The basic premise for this fic came. from one of those silly little ideas you don't ever say out loud, or even acknowledge to yourself; and it took that and stretched it to its illogical conclusion. Ahem. Really, there is not a whole lot that needs to be elaborated on, despite the length.

For me, writing it got to be a bit of a chore at times. Originally I'd not planned to even finish this, and had stopped within the first couple thousand words; but then after the attack began to subside I gave it another look, and just typed some for fun... and kept typing. You writers know how that goes, right? At the halfway point is when it started to get to me, because of the frickin' ridiculous number of girls Naruto picks up. I had to remember who was in the harem, what their powers were, how they felt about Naruto... and a little bit after that, I just started to laugh at it, and imagined Chris Rock giving it the MST3k treatment as he explained it on the Jay Leno show. I encourage you to imagine it the same way if it gets to be a little much for you. :)

-The Original Characters- Given the nature of this story, some were bound to pop up eventually. My personal favorite is Risa, due to her getting my Vince Russo gag, but really they were here just to be here. Naruto doesn't have a whole lot of interaction with them, so don't worry. Too much. Goro, I had gotten her confused with Bachiko for a while, but I think that just makes what Goro does here even better and fits the ridiculous tone of the story more. :D She's not quite at Moegi's level, though. ;P Okay, just to be clear on who the OC's are, they are: Risa, Bachiko, and Goro. That's right, only three. The rest are either from movies, filler, or games.

-The Final Battle- Looking back, I actually think that in spite of everything that this fight could actually be called epic. You have(ahem) ninja from all over the Naruto world coming together to fight Tobi, who reveals the true nature of the competition during the fight; a move almost as great as Yurika's Shuriken. And dear old Tenten gets her wish and doesn't end up just being a tool in the plan, but I won't say how except it happens in the most awesome way possible. Tsunade's role here was also planned from the start- yes, really. I borrowed her, uh... bombing attack from a fictitious book cover in the movie Gentlemen Broncos. :) You'll know the one if you watch it. I didn't know what that... "attack" of Destiny even meant before I used it here, and honestly I really don't think I should have looked it up. Dx Double Yuck, Triple Barf-O-Rama.

-Yurika's Shuriken- I didn't have to reach up all the way to my intestines to pull this one out, as you may be thinking I did. I honestly was waiting for just the right moment from the time I typed "just in case". "What, just in case? You mean that throw-away sentence at the very beginning where they all met? FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUU-" Uh-huh. For serious. And no, she didn't take it out and put it back in, it was up there the whole time. As such, I think this pretty much is one of the greatest Chekhov's Guns in all of fan fiction.

-The Mori Show- Yes, I actually went there. A parody of the infamous Maury Povich show, this is honestly the only way I could think of to give the story some closure. It manages to be one of my favorite parts of the entire fic, and perhaps in my top three favorite gags ever, behind riding a broom horse side-saddle and the opening of The Secret Pokedex.

-What Is This?- If you're late to the party(or it got removed again), N.U.H.M.P. is everything you might have heard about it and all that I've described here and even more. Keep in mind it got removed for spelling and grammar AFTER I corrected most of the spelling, and you can begin to get an idea of the abomination this was. If you're a legal adult in your country, a mostly spelling corrected version can be found at . http:///story.php?no=600104706

-DRINKING GAME!- That's right, I now have come up with a drinking game for this. After all, right in the summary I say you might wanna have some drinks on hand for reading it. Quick note: if you plan on having a go at the whole thing(or even halfway through), you absolutely should not be gaming with anything alcoholic and/or use the full list. I tried this at a random point in the story, and my glass was empty in a few minutes.

Sip for every time a new female is claimed by Naruto.

Drink at the start of every fight.

Take a sip for every clearly made up- not misspelled- word.

Sip after every time a food description makes you gag.

Take a few gulps if you spot "balls" or "boner" uncensored.

Sip for every time a word is censored.

Take a drink every time a "prison bitch" simile is used.

Take a gulp whenever Yakumo does something awesome.

Take a gulp every time someone floats.

Take a drink whenever (TM) appears.

Sip if "anime" is used as an adjective. (ex: an anime dust cloud of fighting)

Sip for every blatant Freudian slip- two sips if it's by a character

Drink every time "Do I even want to know what I'm interrupting?" or a similar line comes up, two drinks if a villain says it.

Take a drink every time Bachiko's hair color changes.

Take a drink for every racist simile.

Take a gulp whenever Vince Russo's name comes up.

Take a drink whenever the background music's mentioned by name.

Throw back whatever's left of your drink if you make it to The Marmalade Scene.

Sip if someone says "aboot".

Take a drink whenever someone does a piledriver.

Take a few gulps for every genuine emotional moment.

Drink if Shion and Shino get swapped.

Drink if you're like "YES!" or "Thank you!" when Kabuto shows up.

Drink if a "just in case" weapon is used, down what's left of your drink if it's a shuriken.

Take a drink every time a contradictory/paradoxical simile is used.

Sip every time the Secret Woman Grip is used

Lastly, I am 100% against how Mizuki treated Moegi, and utterly condemn anyone who would treat a child in such a way. I apologize if the scene offended you.

Tremble, ye mortals! A sequel is on the way... or was. Phew.

-Scraps: The Lord of War- Sometimes a poem or story or song doesn't work when it first comes out. This fanfic had originally been a fantasy story, but it hit a wall barely even a page into it. There had been several actors I imagined playing the characters, including Will Smith and Kevin Bacon and in the lead role... Nicolas Cage. So when the first way wasn't working, I just decided to make it starring the actors themselves instead of a fantasy story, and it took off from there. It worked in a few elements of something I'm working on for my Serious Author writing debut. It also contains one of the absolute worst puns I have EVER made, which is no mean feat. See if you can spot it. ;)

But, I became busy with other things, and this got dropped. Due to it being an actor fic I can't put it up here but I'll give you the link. http:///t50510217/the-lord-of-war/ "Open your eyes, Nicolas..."

-God of Destruction: The Legend of Aoba- Aoba's one of my favorite Naruto characters, so after I discovered all the jokes going on about him in the fandom I decided to put this together. The names of the original dojutsu here are all horrible; they are(loosely translated): Diamond Eyes, Bedroom Eyes, Snake Eyes, and Lazy Eyes. Mystogan doesn't have a translation, because as far as I know it's a made up name belonging to a character from Fairy Tail. This one wasn't intended to be taken too seriously, so it's a nice read for a change of pace.

-Pancakes- A simple story, this is just about some of your favorite Konoha ninja having breakfast. Or is it? There are clues as to what the full story is sprinkled throughout. Heh I wanted to do this without any dialogue at all, but I cracked at the end and put in a couple lines.

-Genocide Soldier: The Legend of Tenten- Exactly what it says on the tin. This is probably my most action-oriented fic, with tons of fight scenes and lots of traps being set up. While for the most part the action keeps it serious, I wanted to make this ridiculous as well, hence things like Neji's guitar solo and the unfortunately brief tale of Lloyd Boner. Spoiler! It does not end happily, and I think that's perfectly fine this wasn't about the glamorous side of fighting in the Naruto world. Later expanded into a trilogy, which is further on down the page.

-There's Something About Marisu- I wanted to make this like your typical kind of Mary Sue story, but then on the spur of the moment decided to open the floodgates and let out all the backlogged "Tourette's" my fingers had accumulated(that sounds awful lol) so that wouldn't seep into my other work. So instead of a sugary sweet tale of a brave young girl who becomes a shinigami, you get a ... well, I don't know. lol But I think it worked out fine, I'm happy with the end result.

-Berserker- The "twist" of this story would be Marisu's zanpakuto, which instead of being all sparkly and happy would be this grisly and murderous thing. Again, I'm pleased with how it turned out. I'd planned to make the release command "Rage, Berserker!" the last lines of the story, but once I got there it didn't work like I'd planned and so there's... some other things put in.

Bankai for Everyone!- Yamamoto's isn't too original, but I think it's good enough for the amount of time that it's used; and it sounds like something that might possibly happen. The other Bankai, belonging to (no spoilers for you!), is fairly similar to O.M.G.'s but of course bigger. For comparison of their power: A simple swing from one was enough to pierce through a building and leave a deep crater, only partially destroying the building- and this wasn't a named attack. A simple attack from the other was enough to vaporize a crater roughly the size of a baseball field, and evaporate stone before it made contact with the ground. The shockwave from a blast that large would be monumentally devastating, and again this was not a named attack.

-My Finger's "Tourette's"- Just to clear things up I have not been diagnosed with the syndrome, nor do I exhibit symptoms of it except for when I try to freestyle rap. This is a problem that first began back when I wrote 24, and I'd thought it had gone away, to be honest. But then it came back and since 24 helped get rid of it, I decided to let it out into this. It provided this with... some of the more interesting and memorable moments, including Yamamoto's rusty sock fetish and the implication that Ricardo Montalban was secretly a master hair stylist, and of course the Spirit King being fond of Girl Scouts and Thin Mints. Also, penis.

-The Yu Yevon of Harry Potter- I was just doing this in Mindless Typing Mode, so I really can't explain it all that well. But if you're skimming these descriptions to see what you might want to read, I'd recommend skipping this one. Seriously, SKIP. IT. No schmuck bait here, just an honest recommendation.

-Romney vs. Obama: Survivor Series Showdown- This was one that got through the cracks. After I had thought to be done with fanfic, the election was looming large up ahead and I decided to go on and finish this. It is in fact a sequel, as the commentators allude to. The first fic, Romney vs. Obama: Summerslam Mayhem, was only put up on deviantART earlier in the year. They both came from this one image I'd had in mind for a while, one of a man leaping from the top of the cage to execute a piledriver. Said image makes it into the Survivor Series match, but I'll leave it up to you to find out who gives and who takes it.

-Sighs of the Sparrow's Progeny- The name came from an article on a website about naming books, and I just decided to go with it after I couldn't think of a good one on my own. The idea was a random one that suddenly took me. I tried to ignore it for a while but it just stayed there until it came out. And as I state in the author's note, I wanted there to be a lot to hate, no matter whose side you were on.

The driving force behind this was the concept of Barney as a villain- and in particular, as a Super Saiyan- how could he be a global threat and still be recognizable as the purple dinosaur we all know? Well, leave it to yours truly to find out how. His speech in the middle of the street is one of the greatest moments in all of my fan fiction, not precisely because of the content but because the happy sing-song Barney managed to stay himself and become a villain. Then, as the events escalated, so did the dark side of Barney's extremism. To further solidify him as the true villain, I decided for the comforting, nurturing Barney to guide Trunks towards a scene that I am not proud of.

-Rutaba- I realized that with the Z Fighters out of the battle, there was no way Goten could do this by himself. So I decided to bring in Rutaba, a character from my first Dragon Ball Z fic, World Gone Mad. There are references to W.G.M. sprinkled throughout the story, including the bizarre statue in the healing room on the Lookout and Frosted Sugar Flakes. Rutaba's more violent side comes out here, as since in this story's canon the Z Fighters defeated Buu and not her, there's been no real conflict for her to test herself in. Said violence leads to another sentence I was not comfortable with.

-Kylah- Had originally been just a random kid that Barney brought when visiting Trunks, but then I had to go and name her. She ends up a prominent fighter in Barney's death army, strong enough to survive a massive attack from Rutaba. Part of the way through I decided to make her a "love" interest for Trunks.

-Uskius' Movedex- Super Poke-nerd here, so while I've been making up Pokemon I of course thought up some move variations and original moves some of my created Pokemon would use. I'd like to post them here, but since a story with a similar concept got taken down I won't. Here's the link: http:///art/Uskius-Movedex-360843741 I'll try to update it with any new moves I come up with.

-Star Wars and the Swords of Justice- For some reason or another, I'd been watching tons of fan made light saber duels, such as the excellent Ryan vs Dorkman shorts and Concrete Hustle. Meanwhile I was still in my Pokemon creating mode, so when I decided to watch Kyurem vs the Sword of Justice those two things naturally came together. The Swords of Justice even say some pretty Jedi things in the film.

Episode I is very similar to the film, but there is an Episode II I got started and didn't finish on that goes off in its own direction. I wrote an outline for it, so if you're interested in finishing it I can send them to you.

-Wandless Magic- I was randomly inspired rap-wise late one night, and the idea of Hermione rapping popped into my head, and I just went with it. One reviewer asked if I wrote it myself, and the answer is yes. I've never advertised it on here, but I do have a rap "career"; I go by the name of MC Critdizzle. No bragging or boasting about my skillz on here, I do plenty in my songs so if you're interested look me up on YouTube. Another question from a reviewer asks if I could do a sequel, or add in some reactions. :) That's a pretty good idea, and one I may consider doing in the future, but ATM I have a lot of fanfic to write...

-Naruto: Song of Ages- I had a song that I wanted to write, titled Grand Finale. Another late night creative mood struck, and I was inspired to write something big and awesome after thinking of what Grand Finale would be like. Despite this having the kind of spelling I'd put into one of my trollfics, if you take the time to decipher the lyrics they're actually not too bad, if at times somewhat hammy and dramatic. The descriptions, however, could have been found in NUHMP. "Wind from a butterfly's cloaca" anyone? lol The ending was done on a whim(I really wanted to go to sleep, okay?), but given how the spelling and descriptions are I don't think I'll be changing it. I made an attempt at singing this, and it can be found on le YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wlevuHsVfJg Though not that great overall, I think I pulled off Guy's interruption pretty well.

-Fly Me To The Moon- Being the super ultra mega huge fan of Tobin Heath that I am, I decided to check out some of the Tobin/Alex Morgan fanfic floating around. A few of them were decently written, but being slash they were girly and emotional and, uh... yeah. So I decided to do what I do best, which is take an idea and make it ridiculous. I mean, when the first line of your story is "It was six sixty-six the morning of Friday the Thirteenth when Lionel Messi rode forth from Hell", where can you go from there? There are some emotional moments, but similar to NUHMP they get drowned out by the rest of the fic.

Many other players from the USA Women's National Team show up, like Abby Wambach and Ali Krieger. In particular, Kelley O'Hara figures heavily into the action, (spoiler!)even briefly taking on Messi himself a couple of occasions. Coach Pia Sundhage and also Tom Sermanni show up, both playing important roles.

-Lionel Messi- Uh, sorry. I wanted a recognizable player to be the villain, and I'd heard people talking about how awesome Mr. Messi was, so I decided to go with him. Really, since this story is so ridiculous, you could replace Messi with nearly anyone and it'd be the same.

-P.S.I.- One of the main fantasy components of the story, Pneuma per Square Inch is the power that lets all the players form soccer balls with fantastic powers, such as bursting into a vast cloud of smoke, or powers their martial arts techniques. I wanted to give it a soccer related name, so I substituted pounds/pressure(?) for pneuma, and there you go.

I wish I could share all the gags and silly moments with y'all here, but I'll just say that before the story goes too far Tobin jumps out of a helicopter... attempting to catch one of the blades. Since this is a real person/non-historical figure story, I can't post it here. BUT! I do have it up on my deviantART, so I'll share a link: http:///art/Fly-Me-To-The-Moon-Talex-Fanfic-404571181

-Destroying Angel: The Legend of Tenten- The sequel to Genocide Soldier, Destroying Angel takes place after the Fourth Ninja War. Tenten is a little shaken up, so she heads off back to Nakamura Pass... More serious than Genocide Soldier, and also with more political repercussions of Tenten's exploits being explored. Although it's less of a surprise than last time, it again does not end happily, as the fates of a couple characters are not made obvious and more danger is on the way...

-Inter-Village Registry of Rogue Ninja Treaty- Seemed like a plausible thing that might occur in the Naruto world. After the war, this treaty becomes important to the hidden villages of the Five Great Nations, especially to Kumo, who has a certain ninja they'd like to deal with...

-The Jutsu- Tsunade giving Tenten something to occupy her time also seemed plausible. All but two are from the Naruto franchise, the originals being the magnetic shield jutsu and the epic one Tenten used to (spoiler!). The others, I think, would be possible for Tenten to learn- yes, even (spoiler!). She's intelligent, and has a drive to excel. Now, I should explain the "bones of the earth". They are in the series, but are instead called Dragon Veins, and are used in a certain jutsu. Kawatatsu never calls them this, though, as he is a dragon. Speaking of...

-Kawatatsu- Another detail I created to flesh out Nakamura Pass. He's very, very old, and was around long before the villages formed. He was the last of the dragons to be killed or sealed away, and holds a grudge against the Kumo ninja for sealing him. Being an old dragon, I'd think he wouldn't want to hang around with a n00b, so that's part of the reason he guides Tenten with improving her jutsu.

-The Original Characters- Given how many ninja Tenten meets and fights in this story, there were going to be some no matter what. Spoiler! Although the named ones(Shanna, Bachiko, etc.) do leave their mark on the story, by the end of it almost all of them are dead. Don't take this to mean only original characters pop up, as there are several canon characters who stop by. The most frequent visitors are Santa Yamanaka, Hinata, and...

-Darui- The Raikage's right hand man(or would that be left?), Darui is trusted with leading the missions to attack Tenten. He grows to hate her, even more so after their brief confrontation. Whether he is alive or not at the end of the story is up for you to decide. I'll just say that so far, after every time Tenten's attacked him and left he's survived...

-Tenten's Taijutsu and Kenjutsu- Speaking of surviving, Tenten has... a few scenes of close quarters combat, a couple of which you'd think she has no chance of surviving. She's directly stated to be outmatched in one, even. Tenten is a smart ninja, though, and uses shock and surprise to get away. Had any of those fights gone on longer or had Tenten stayed around to finish the job, she'd have lost, no doubt about it. That being said, in the third databook Tenten has a surprisingly high Taijutsu rating of 3.5 out of 5.

-SUN BIRD: the Legend of Tenten- The sequel to Destroying Angel and the last of the the trilogy, this is even more serious than Destroying Angel and ends even less happily. After returning to the Land of Fire and Konoha Tenten alternates between hiding from the repercussions of her actions, and running from them- sometimes literally. She learns things about herself, the people she fights with, and those she fights against.

This ended up being WAY longer than I thought it would be. In my mental notes the only thing I had planned was Tenten being found out; I thought this would be about half(or less) as long as it is. But sometimes, I just write, and enjoy what comes out. Surprisingly, there were a couple philosophical moments; I think the real strength of this story is not the action or intrigue, but the moments where Tenten and the other characters are just being real and honest with each other.

-Tenten's Strengths- Tenten gets much stronger in this story, mainly by her devising an improvement to a jutsu she learned in Destroying Angel, and secondly through her Nature Manipulation. It's shown in canon that practice and constant strain make you stronger, and there are few things that would do that more than the events of this trilogy. So, while her taijutsu is marginally improved(about 3.75 - 4 out of 5), her stamina has gone up even more. If you're wondering about the benefits of Tenten's meditation before her encounter with the Iwa ninja, the answer is yes. However, having not been trained in that particular area, she wouldn't have thought to do it again, or how to maximize its abilities. And along those lines...

-The Original Jutsu- There are several, some (accidentally)created by Tenten, and some being used by the other characters in the story. They range from the Lockpicking Jutsu to a jutsu that creates a volcano. Since there are so many characters that appear in the story being put in ...difficult situations, I think it makes sense that the odd original jutsu would show up to help get them out of a tight spot. There are original bloodline limits as well(Tenten doesn't develop one, don't worry) that show up, some belonging to the ninja fighting with Tenten, and one belonging to the (true)villain. All of these get a bit of explanation in the bonus chapter, which is basically the funniest part of the story. :D

-The Original Characters- There are more that show up, some of them just being background characters, and some having an impact on the story, such as Sara Kusajishi. This time around, Sara and most of the other OC's are alive at the end, though except for one that's not much of an issue...

-Goro Tenchihana- One of those characters that surprises me with what they did. After the Raikage lets her out of prison to attack Konoha, she goes on to cause all sorts of problems for everyone, and is involved in the distinctly sudden and unhappy ending. She has more human moments, despite her bloodline limit and being the only true villain in the story. She's quite selfish. As she focuses her skills on evading capture, she's not seen at full power in this story and will not be in any future stories in this continuity.

Speaking of future stories in this continuity, I have an idea for one that I may write sometime. It will feature some ninja from Konoha, that unnamed country where the Mountain's Graveyard is, and Goro will have a chance to be a proper villain.

Now has a theme song, sung by me! Here's the link, if for some inexplicable reason you want to hear me sing it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AZfDC1lBSN4 . There is also a list of songs I put together, that fit with the themes and moods in the story. Tesseract: Concealing Fate pt. 4(I recommend Drewsif Stalin's cover on YouTube), Hell in Me, by Killswitch Engage; I Am Oblivion by Bleed From Within, Behind the Veil, by Dream Theater; The Enemy Inside, by Dream Theater; Insurrection by Lamb of God; Love is Hanging by a Thread, by Michelle Chamuel; Puscifer: The Humbling River, and to close out the story in the bonus chapter's epilogue, Kung Fu Piano: Cello Ascends, by The Piano Guys.

-Scraps: Naruto Ultimate Harem Marmalade War Z- *holds out hands to be cuffed* Well, I think all I'll say is that this one turned out to be surprisingly musical- and if anyone could make a serious and professional version of JB's song We Are An Army from this, I would love you forever... Be glad I decided to not finish this.

-Frankenstein- As I state in the summary, this was a short piece done to fill out the background of a story I have planned for The Legend of Tenten continuity.

-Tenma- Ended up not being human, despite me not planning that. I think his appearance wouldn't be all patchwork; also, he doesn't have horns and won't grow any. Since he's a newborn he doesn't do too much besides run, but when he's grown I think he'll be capable of some neat stuff- like what the "Blue-Eyes White Beast" does in Stealth.

-Keiko Kenko- A young woman who will be appearing the previously mentioned upcoming story. Keiko is a dedicated ninja, working to step out of the shadow of her younger brother, Ken. Some general info on her and her clan: I took the idea of the Kenko clan bloodline limit from Rorschach's Blot, specifically his story What If?(chapter four, in the omake)and will credit him with the idea if Kenkos make any more appearances. Second, they all have K names. :) Third, I decided they would be neighbors/distant relatives of the Akimichi clan, known to the Akimichis by the friendly insult "dirt eaters". The Ascension Jutsu, better defined, would be converting Yin(spirit/mind energy) into Yang, physical energy. As with anything where you maximize your physical strength/capabilities, the risk of internal damage can be high; also, since it's Yin that's converted, mental capabilities would be diminished. Not as powerful as opening the Eight Gates, as strength fueled by chakra always beats pure muscle.

-Stealth- The evil twin of Frankenstein, this is what might happen if Shizune had created a person instead of a beast. Is not in the wrong category/area- Stealth... in Parody... get it? There's nothing else it could be, not after a line of mustard powder is snorted off a certain appendage. If you take a step back and look at what Shizune does here, it's appalling and sick- things I don't approve of in the slightest.

Though they probably won't make any more appearances in my fan fiction, I think the things Shizune does in the battle scene are fairly "realistic", and that if anyone would be capable of using Creation of All Things to make a human, it would be a genius medic nin like her. However, what the Blue-Eyes White Beast does here definitely will be showing up in later stories, so look out for that.

-Hand of God- The sequel to Fly Me To The Moon, this particular story has Talex and the USWNT taking on Diego Maradona and his church. No, I didn't make up his church for this story- it is completely 100% real. Overall this is not as silly as FMTTM, but it still has some flat-out ridiculous moments that I just can't get over. "Not you." *ahem*

The action takes place in Central and Southern America, as Tobin and Alex and the rest of the team are there to protect the True Ballon d'Or and an ancient cache of powerful energy. There's another Vince Russo prophecy and frantic running around to get to the scene on time.

And again, I don't hate Messi- or Maradona- and bear no ill will towards them. I'm a big fan of heels(as they say in wrestling), and ladies and gentlemen there is no better example of a heel in soccer/football than Diego Maradona. If you can make it past the opening line, you get a cyber high five from me. Here's the link: http:///#/art/Hand-of-God-Talex-Fanfic-429116127?hf=1 "WHO IS WORTHY?!"

-Tree of Woe- The sequel to Hand of God, this story has Tobin and Alex racing across Europe(with a little help from Rick Steves) and trying to stop two thieves who broke into a vault in the Vatican. Like Hand of God, although it has some epically ridiculous and silly moments, it's not as silly as Fly Me To The Moon. Indeed, few things I write may even come close. _; This one focuses on Alex and Tobin, and a "villain" that was thought defeated. Here's the link to the story: http:///art/Tree-of-Woe-Talex-fanfic-448723325

Has another of my original songs in it, which is played at the big concert at the beginning, and from which the fanfic takes its name. As I was writing it I could "hear" the music, and when away from the computer, made the guitar into a full song. Here's a link to it: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KWnjx7xUE9E

-Through the Looking Glass- One of my very rare stories done in first person. As this one is being updated as I write it and I really don't want to potentially spoil anything, the summary and story will have to tide you over for now. Actually, due to the ending, I still can't say a whole bunch. However, I will say that: the clues are there in the story, and that I had the concept of the ending with me from the beginning(yes, really), and that despite not being marked so the story is indeed over(but if you're sharing this with anyone, don't tell them that- it'll be our little secret). Just a heads up: there is a major, major spoiler in the reviews, so don't check them out if you really want to read this. This is one of my serious non-troll stories, so check out the first few chapters to get an idea of what it's like.

But man, what. A. Ride. Other than having the ending in mind, I kinda just let this one grow. What was intended to be one story arc expanded to become a whole story of its own within the overall premise, and eventually grew big enough to earn a part in the ending. Besides the big dramatic and suspenseful parts, I also enjoyed the little slices of life scattered throughout the story; in particular, when Hinata stole Haruko from Hanabi.

-Original Characters- There are a handful of them here in the story(none of which Hinata falls in love with, don't worry), and they all have a part to play. Some aren't around for more than a chapter, and some stay around for most of the story. In my opinion, I think the ones here are some of my better/best OC's- and I've been doing this fanfiction thing for a few years, so I know about OC's(lol jk)

This is long, longer than the entire Legend of Tenten Trilogy, and longer fanfiction stories aren't all that common, so you may not know what to do with this one at first. But if you take your time, and just let it happen, I think you might have something to come back to and visit with. Hopefully this will be as satisfying for you to read as it was for me to write(but let's be honest, probably not lol).

-The Fat Man From Shanghai- As a writer, sometimes you have something that lights a fire in you. For me, one such thing that came up recently was the TV commercial for the movie John Wick, specifically the line "Yeah, I'm thinking I'm back." Being the loser/troll that I am, I thought it would be funny to write a fan fiction story for the movie. And, well, as of the time of this little update, John Wick wasn't out for another week. ...yeah.

That being said, this was an absolute blast to write. The titular character, the Fat Man From Shanghai, was actually the name of a character my dad thought up many years ago, and I too thought it would be a good name for a villain. Though not by any means to be taken seriously, there are actually a couple decent twists and turns to the story, and incredible silliness and craziness similar to my Talex fanfics. Will either be ten times more hilarious or ten times worse once the movie drops, but most likely the latter.

-SuperBrawl- As the author's note at the end points out, this was spawned from a tweet- "Did Peyton Manning just yell Romo like he's calling out Tony for a WWE title shot?" Nothing especially important on the line here in this match; although, I am fond of the flashback to Romo's title win. xD

-Legend of the Phoenix- For a while I'd been thinking if I did one more Talex story, what would it be about? Well, the main elements of said story turned out to be a brand new Vince Russo prophecy, a returning villain, and the (spoiler) second True Ballon d'Or being used on more than a personal scale. Contains one of my longer fight scenes, and an interesting new power/style of magic somewhere inside that I very well may steal for something else I write.

This one was more serious(honestly, what's up with me and writing more serious sequels) than my previous three Talex fics, but when it gets silly, it gets silly. "I'm getting old and deaf, Tobin- what did you say?!" Also features New Orleans Saints quarterback Drew Brees as a guest star. Can't post it here, but it is posted on my deviantART: http:///art/Legend-of-the-Phoenix-Talex-fanfic-496308585

-Threads of Fate- After a while, the idea of this began to take shape- who's left for Tobin and Alex to take on? Turns out that that person is Rick Steves, who had been an ally in previous stories, and -SPOILER!- was revealed to have his own agenda near the end of Legend of the Phoenix. An element introduced way back in Hand of God, the tree Tobin briefly turned into, becomes a major plot point here. Rick eats its fruit, becoming immortal, and sets about laying the foundation for conquering the world, in what is probably one of the best scenes in the story.

This is probably the least silly story in the series, but considering how unbelievable the first story is, that's not saying much. Still, it has a couple of my favorite moments and most terrible similes and metaphors from the series. For now at least, this is most likely going to be the last Talex story I do. Here's the link to part one of two: http:///art/ Threads-of-Fate-Talex-fanfic-part-1-of-2-542647956 Alternatively, you can find this in one piece over on Archive of Our Own(same username!), and I've posted my other Talex stories there, too. http:///works/4399076

-Drunk Texts From Galactus- I really don't know how this one popped into my head, but it did, and writing it was magical. Some of the most fun I've ever had writing a story, right up there with The Stars In Your Eyes and The Fat Man From Shanghai. There were some sentences and ideas I'd been carrying around that got to come out and simply be themselves, instead of being blatantly ill-fitting.

I wasn't quite sure how to address the subject matter of the ending, which led to it being like it is, but it's said that the choice wouldn't be easy. There could perhaps be more happening in this continuity, but then this story wouldn't be Drunk Texts From Galactus. I think that's how some of the best endings are, though- when they're really just a new beginning. "To ass cheese and brighter days!"

-The Battle at Beacon- As the author's note states, this was chiefly inspired by the utterly magnificent works of GodEmperorPenguin. I wanted to do something ridiculous, and me being me, the first thing that popped into my head was Jaune rap battling Weiss. This popped out fairly quickly, though, I am fond of Weiss' Eddie Money lines. I thought that as a last twist, I would "spoil" things by putting the epilogue in the story description.

-Holy Doom Eagles of the Final Bacon Apocalypse- This one was inspired by the fanfiction.txt Twitter account, who said they would just give up when the Angry Birds movie came out, as they wouldn't be able to handle fanfic of it(thankfully, they've kept on). So, with the movie almost half a year away, I decided to just sneak this one on out here. I tried to put what little I knew of the movie(I just saw the trailer, basically) into my classic "troll" prose. I'm particularly glad I got to toss in what became the last spoken line. All of the super moves are references to Pokemon TMs- if you look up Gen 6 Pokemon TMs, many of them will directly translate to in-game moves.

-Off the Chain- UGH. Not only did I start this during late Summer last year, but it is yet again another more serious sequel. I did consciously try to up the drama, though. There are a number of things supporting characters in this story misinterpret/blow out of proportion, and the rap battle is also more serious. In particular, the third round just gets downright brutal. That being said, it does also have some more light-hearted moments, such as Jaune's DBZ scheme in his second round. After hearing "Divide" from the RWBY soundtrack, I also wanted to bring in Cinder to play the shadowy villain.

-The Sound of Truth-

This started with the opening sword throw that came to me with a dream. I ignored it for a while, but then I cracked and got started on it. I'd wanted to do it Update-As-I-Finish-The-Chapter style, which got me in a good rhythm for the first several chapters. I'd debated about whether or not for Rin to have a certain power, but then worked out the kinks and gave it to her. As most of my more recent serious stories have, this one ended on a serious low note, because I honestly couldn't think of a way for it to end happily.

Now, like with SUN BIRD, I also did a bonus chapter to explain some of the powers used. I also threw in a few follow-up parts that gave a little closure to some of the plot threads the ending cuts off. Not in true epilogue fashion due to the style of the bonus chapter, but enough to not leave you hanging.

-Deliverance-

Another one that I wrote to get out of my head and that probably would have been better off just deleting after I was done. No grand thematics or subtle references here, it's exactly as dumb and stupid as it reads on first glance.

-John Wick 3: Burning From Thr33 3ndz-

I'd seen a promotional image of Joh Wick riding on a horse and angrily aiming his gun at someone riding on a morotcycle beside him, and that got me inspired to put out another first in the John Wick fandom. I brought back Clara from the first story, and made this one musical- there are a handful of short "songs" scattered throughout the fic. The shot from the promo image is worked into one of the fight scenes, and the climax of the story contains what's almost certainly the absolute worst one-liner I've ever written on purpose(which I still love, though). Not quite as silly and ridiculous as the first story, but few things are, and this is still wacky and not meant to be taken seriously, at all.

-Scraps: Bloodlines-

Exactly what the summary says, these are a few short sketches of Naruto bloodlines I'd thought of but didn't want to use as the focus of a whole story or character. As of this update I still have the notes so if you're interested in using them or one of the others that didn't show up before the story got scrapped let me know.

-Шрам Коллекционер-

Извините, что разочаровал вас, товарищ, но я грязный американец, а не русский. I had been thinking up more Naruto bloodlines, and the idea of a short and slightly meta story poking fun at Americans and other English speakers came to mind. However, it is rated and categorized how it is for a reason, and it gets serious. The ending is intentionally vague, as I personally am not comfortable with taking things in the direction they seemed to be heading in.

-Fanfic Challenges- Here are a couple ideas I would love to see done. If you want to take on one of these, let me know if you finish them!

-1- The WWF wrestler Ultimate Warrior in a crossover fic starring as... a Jedi Master. At some point he has to meet Anakin, and preferably to train him. "THE POWER OF THE WARRIOR, FLOWING THROUGH MY VEEEIIINNS!" *skronk*

-2- A crossover between Doc Martin and House. It seems like the basic premise is House is taking a vacation to the English countryside, and things escalate from there. House and Martin HAVE to meet.

-3- A crossover between Castle and Murder She Wrote. Castle is surfing the web and comes across a theory that Jessica Fletcher is actually a prolific serial killer, investigates on a whim, and gets drawn deep into danger. Castle and Fletcher must meet AND work together.

-4- Four words: Walker Texas Power Ranger. That is all.

That's all for now. :)

Hugs and Kisses and Best of Wishes,

Uskius.