MOST OF MY WRITING STUFF IS ON LIAMLANE, my LJ.

NAME: Liam. Zai. Whatever you want to call me. 'Overlord Pengis' is also accepted.
AGE: "Age is something that doesn't matter, unless you are a cheese." - Billie Burke. 17, anyway.
GENDER: I'll go check. Ask again later. edit: I DISCOVERED A PENIS.
ORIENTATION: I don't judge love, bby. Feel free to hit on me.
LIKES: Anything that doesn't annoy me. edit: I love you, you sexy beast.
DISLIKES: Anything that annoys me.

Something amazing I learned from someone elses profile. (No, I do not stalk other people profiles. DD: ...occassionally. BUT ONLY WHEN THEY REVIEW. I mean. Uh. Shit. Nanana.) But. Subtext = BUTTSEX. WTFUCK.

Things I Honestly Believe About Writing/Will never do/attempt AND a list of random stuff that involves my writing:

1. Rape. One word. I don't want that word in my stories unless it's in a joking teenage boy sentence of, "You just raped me!" "Stop whining like a bitch. It's only a headshot." "RAPIST." And such. Most rape fics I read are horribly written, and are usually a minor point an author throws in just to make it more dramatic or lay the stepping stones for another plot idea. There are some good ones out there, and I applaud them. A lot.

2. School AUs. Actually, this carries over to a lot of different AUs. Maybe AUs in general. I believe there are two things an AU can be. Either brilliant, amazing, awe-inspiring, breathtaking. Or it can be complete and utter shit. -- I have actually been writing a lot of AUs. I wonder if I meet my own standards. The ideas sound nicer in my head. I've been thinking about a school AU of some sort.

3. I have high standards of stories. Usually. Sometimes I just follow a story for the plot because I liked it/I'm somehow having an off day.

4. I give short reviews for the most part. God. You have NO idea how hard it is for me to write a long review. Seriously. I try though. I really do.

5. Japanese words in a story confuse me.

Zaiyle: The User's Guide and Instruction Manual

Congratulations! You are now the proud owner of a ZAIYLE unit! So that you may reap in the full benefits of owning this charming figure, please read these instructions carefully, and follow them closely, for not doing so will result in a very volatile ZAIYLE unit, and possible crack story-overload.

Basic Information:

Name: Zaiyle/Liam/Li/Zai

Age: 17

Place of Manufacture: California

Height: 5'10"/177.8cm

Weight: 138.5lbs

Module Type: Writer

Your ZAIYLE unit will come with the following accessories:

A white t-shirt with paint stains

Crappy laptop that overheats when not put near a fan

Bad eyesight

Gray jeans

iPod with only 500+ songs

Old stuffed TY Tiger

A deck of cards

When you first receive your ZAIYLE unit, he will be social, ditsy, and confused. He may also seem to be friendly to the point where he’s flirtatious. Engage your ZAIYLE unit in conversation, it should stop his default flirting setting. It will take a bit of time before he starts acting serious though. ZAIYLE units are not meant for high strung people or children that require babysitting. ZAIYLE units are also not meant to handle money, as the ZAIYLE unit is almost always broke. Also, if you have an ASSHOLE figure or BLUNTLY BITCHY figure, it is slightly advised not to purchase a ZAIYLE figure, but that's optional. The ZAIYLE unit is adaptable to most other units.

Programming:

Your ZAIYLE unit is an extremely social unit that adapts well with many situations, but it can be a mildly intelligent unit at times too. As such, he has many useful programs:

Socialite: Your ZAIYLE unit's default function. The ZAIYLE unit is adaptable with almost any person, and can strike up a conversation almost anywhere. This is a very useful program whereas your unit can help you acquire new connections, as well as introduce you around to many new people. The ZAIYLE unit is a excellent people-person, and his charisma keeps him smiling. The ZAIYLE unit is never afraid to talk or comment.

Flirt: One of the more interesting functions on the ZAIYLE unit. The ZAIYLE figure's social abilities have the tendency to switch into overdrive, thus turning on the FLIRTfunction. In this stage, it is hard to tell whether the ZAIYLE figure is just playing around or seriously interested. The ZAIYLE unit has several past experiences in different styles of seduction, but usually stays with the simple flirt option. The FLIRT function is a sensitive program, as it can cause trouble for not only the ZAIYLE unit, but the user too. Use wisely.

Amateur Card Shark: This is a new function just recently installed in the latest ZAIYLE units. The AMATEUR CARD SHARK program on your ZAIYLE unit is a great way to pass the time, or even make some money. (however this is not recommended considering it has not been perfected.) ZAIYLE comes with a deck of cards, which he uses to amuse himself when on standby, or just to practice his skills. It is an always developing function, and can be stunted by any injuries to his hands. The AMATEUR CARD SHARK program usually kicks in when the ZAIYLE unit is around the OLDER BROTHER unit.

Fanboy: The ZAIYLE unit has many loves. Most of which he fanboys over intensely. In this program, you and your ZAIYLE unit can talk for hours about something. Whether it be an anime, a manga, a game, or something random, the ZAIYLE unit will enthusiastically converse with you about it. The ZAIYLE unit's FANBOY function can be seen as a harmless but more severe version of the socialite.

Your ZAIYLE unit comes with 12 different modes:

Playful(default)
Sleepy(default)
Sweet and polite
Civil and polite
Innocent and naive
Mildly seductive
Passionate and competitive
Psychotic and critical
Blunt and harsh
Puppy-helpful
Protective
Serious and silent
Stupidly furious

Please note: Your ZAIYLE unit's two default features, playful and sleepy, tend to overlap.

Troubleshooting

Problem: My ZAIYLE unit won't update his stories!
Solution: The ZAIYLE unit has a lack of motivation, and therefore needs much attention to keep himself going. Reviews, favorites, subscriptions, and random private messages should fix that.

Problem: The ZAIYLE unit didn't respond to my review!
Solution: The ZAIYLE unit responds to reviews that interest him.

Problem: My ZAIYLE figure is freaking out and talking to no one. Should I be worried?
Solution: No. He's talking to the muses that stay in his head.

Problem: He bit me!
Solution: He tends to do that. Don't worry. The ZAIYLE unit has all his shots.

FAQ

Q: Can I say hi?
A: Of course! The ZAIYLE unit is a very social person, and is willing to talk to almost anyone.

Q: Can I do a collaboration with the ZAIYLE unit?
A: It depends if he likes how you write.

Q: Can I add him to my msn/aim?
A: Ask him. The ZAIYLE unit only gives it to special people, though.

Thank you for purchasing your very own ZAIYLE unit!

-busts a move and poofs-

...angry rain sex, anyone?