Hmmmmm...

You're reading my profile.

Why?

Do you want a cookie?

No?

You want to hear my story?

Well, okay then, here it goes:

(Starts to sing, everybody runs away screaming)

To the tune of "Dreidel, Dreidel" (Or really anything you want)

Well, hello there random strangers

That seem to looking at me

Let me tell you my story

of memes and misery

I had a raspberry pi

And I lurked in the forums yonder,

experimenting with it because I can

then eventually

throwing it at a man

then I got a calculator

A Ti 84 Plus CE

Then I haunted the cemetech forums

biting anyone who came near me

(to the tune of "Frosty the snowman")

but then I saw the light

the holy grail you see

when I walked into barnes and noble

and found my complacency

Keeper of the lost cities!

Is a very addicting thing

It makes me rant and rant

and ship sophex

until I die of my computer screen.

There, how did you like it?

(Crowd is silent)

(KermTheMartian from cemetech)

Run for your lives everybody! He's crazy! He thought he could emulate a ARM board on a ez80!

(Crowd looks at him confused)

RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!!!!

(the crowd evacuates)

Okay, that was uncalled for.

Why are you still here?

Wasn't my terrible singing enough?

FIIIIIIIIIIIINE

Okay, I am going to sing "Moves Like Jagger" at full volume for 5 hours, and if you are still here, I will give you a sneak peek into the next Wanderling chapter(in development).

I've got the moooooooooooves like jagger(repeat 5000 times)

Wow, that's dedication.

So, here's the sneak peek.

The author was stumped. Although they had yet to get over his chronic case of not having a life, they also had writers block. If only had someone reviewed their work, giving them the necessary emotional support and ideas to write the next chapter. So, whoever was, let's say, LOOKING AT THEIR PROFILE should really leave a review. It would help them a lot.

Wow, wasn't that great?

Now, by nobody's request, a F. A. Q.

The Author on The Author

The author interviewing himself

(inspired by Pseudonymous on Pseudonymous)

A = author

I = interviewer(also author)

I: How did you get into KOTLC?

A: Listen to my song, you imbecile

I: Is it true that you have had multiple restraining orders put on you by Simon and Schuster?

A: I shall neither confirm nor deny that.

I: When is the next wanderling chapter coming out?

A: I shall never tell you. MUAHAHAHAHA!!!!

I: Could we at least get a sneak peak?

A: I already gave you one.

I: But that wasn't really a-

A: NEXT QUESTION!

I: Are you a boy or a girl?

A: Why do you want to know that?

I: Because.

A: Very convincing argument. Fine! I am a boy.

I: Okay, how old are you?

A: I'm-

(WHEEOOOOHHWHHHEEEEEOOOHH)(sirens)

Coppa: Hold up! No revealing personal information online!

A: Thank Iggy.

I: Back, Back to the wasteland of youtube, you vile demon!

(Coppa hisses and crawls back to youtube)

I: Hold on, did you say thank Iggy?

A: Yes.

I: You just came up with that right now, didn't you?

A: I shall neither confirm nor deny that I came up with the copyrighted by me saying of Thank Iggy!.

I: You have got to be kidding me.

A: Not even a little.

I: Will you ever free GtaTemp guy?

A: If people comment about it, I'll consider it.

I: Is GtaTemp guy based on anything?

A: He's mostly based on the annoying but endearing people I've met throughout my life, and is is also partially based on the crowd in Swan Song, which is written by A very obsessed fangirl(one of my favorite fanfic authors). Check it out!

I: So is that why you mailed him to her?

A: Yep. It'll be interesting to see how he interacts with the crowd, or if she realizes that I exist.

I: Do you have any writing experience?

A: I have written a couple short stories and I have a science fiction novel in the works. I'm hoping to get it published by Simon and Schuster.

I: Wait, you're an actual author?

A: You do realize what you're referring to me by, right?

I: Good point.

A:ASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKLASDFGHJKL!

I: Why did you just randomly scream?

A: Because this was dangerously close to actually being informal and boring.

I: (Sighs)

A: (Eats mallowmelt through nose)

I: Are you going to ever write anything else?

A: I have a TON of ideas in the back of my head, and I am going to make a poll with the next chapter.

I: Rumors are going around that you attempted to create an iguana army using mallowmelt while you were in Puerto Vallarta. How is that working out?

A: It's going well. But it's classified, a secret project of the PFIA(psycho fans intelligence agency), under the code name Project Mallowmelt. I can't tell you anymore. BUT HERE IS A CLUE! JULIUS CAESAR! Zrz, brx pxvw eh uhdoob dqwlvrfldo wr kdyh wklv pxfk wlph rq brxu kdqgv. Jr rxwvlgh. Exw li brx zdqw wr frqwlqxh, jr wr kwwsv://wkhklvwrubripbvwhub.zlavlwh.frp/sild

I: Whaaaaaaaaaaaa?

A: As I was saying, mallowmelt tastes very good when slathered in peanut butter.

The F. A. Q. will be back

Now, time for an interview with Gtatemp guy!

GT: Wow, I've never been here before.

A: Yeah, I try to keep my profile original.

GT: Much better than your stories.

A: Thanks?

A: Oh by the way, this is an interview.

GT: I'm famous?

A: Sorta?

GT: Yes! It's always been my dream to be an opera star!

A: Okaaaaay. Let's just ignore that.

GT: Get on with it.

A: What's your name?

GT: Dude, it's the internet. I can't tell you that.

A: Good point. But you are trapped in my stories, soooooo...

GT: Still no.

A: Fine. But you owe me a waffle cat.

A: Is it true that you will have your own adventure?

GT: Aren't you the one writing it?

A: So I've been told.

GT: You are immensely frustrating.

A: Thank you.

A: Who do you ship?

GT: You're not going to like it.

A: Who, me? The sophex shipper? Pal, at this point nothing could surprise me-

GT: Soforkle.

A:(dies)

GT:ummmmm...

A:(wakes up) WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU YOU PIECE OF ALICORN POOP YOU SHOULD DIE A THOUSAND TERRIBLE DEATHS FOR THAT YOU MONSTER.

GT: Goodbye.

A: Oh no(grins wickedly) it's torture time.

The author was walking around his sophex-cave, and then took the sophexmobile for a drive to get some inspiration to get over his writer's block. The author drove back to the sophex-cave, and then flew around the invisible sophexjet. It still didn't help him. He threw his sophexarang at his bookshelf in frustration. The bookshelf toppled over and the books seemed to magically arrange themselves.

"It's... beautiful" the author gasped in amazement as a giant interconnected multiverse plotline formed in his head. He quickly started writing it down right away.

That was my way of saying... it's time for my projects page!

Finished:

Hahahahahaha! That's a very funny joke!

In progress:

Keeper of the Lost Cities: Wanderling

My first fanfic that prevented me from going insane after legacy, I put my heart, soul, and appendix into it. Read it! (It's a book 9 prediction)

KOTLC reacts/The adventures of Gtatemp guy and the KOTLC crew: The Quest for the Magical MacGuffin:

No spoilers! It's GT's first original story and my first venture into the strange world of (shudders) originality.

Will start working on when I feel like it(if you want any of these soon, VOTE FOR IT!):

The Fabulous Misadventures of the Trouble Troop:

This will be probably recognized as one of my greatest works of all time(if anyone actually keeps track) but it's like you take the most potent k-t rated fluff from the entirety of this fandom FOR ALL SHIPS(sokeefe, sophiana, fedex, sofitz, you get the idea) and added my trademark humor, a pound of mallowmelt, a dash of soda water, plus the Triplets, Keefe, and Iggy(with surprise crossovers)(Okay, let's just get this out of the way, WE WILL HAVE THE WEASLEY TWINS CROSSOVER). All fun!

One-shots:

These will be the fluffiest things on the planet earth and I will do all ships, except soforkle.

Agents of K. A. B. A. F. S.:

If you like mallowmelt, or you haven't eaten it, or you like chairs for no apparent reason, and I'm getting off track here aren't I. It's gonna be good and involve romance, paranoia, and good ol-fashioned slap-keefe-fitz-dex-biana-tam-linh on the head with the boy-bat because they're making out with sophie comedy..

PFIA: DoubleCross:

More adventures with originality, with the fourth wall breaks of koltc reacts mixed in with a good old fashioned espionage comedy.

Shippers unite!:

This is a fanfiction about fanfiction, and YOU, yes YOU you fanfiction writer who's reading my profile. It's a fanfiction about KOTLC shippers. There will be fluff. It'll be funny! Yeet!

House: Gryffindor/Ravenclaw (I've gotten both an equal amount of times)

Patronus: Black and White Cat

Wand: Alder wood with a unicorn hair core, 10 " and surprisingly swishy flexibility

Godly Parent: Athena/Hephaestus (I've gotten both an equal amount of times)

Ability: Telepath

／l、
（ﾟ､ ｡ ７
l、 ~ヽ
じしf,)ノ

Yaaaay kitty!

This is Kitty. Copy and paste Kitty into your
signature to help him gain world domination.

I couldn't help myself, okay? VIVA A LA KITTYLUTION!

FINISH THIS PHRASE YOUR WAY: When life gives you lemons...

Eat them! Lemons are yummy! -noonesorange-StarsRShiney

Read Them! O.O -noonespurple-toxilev

Squirt the juice in your enemy's eye! -Kicon

MAKE FLYING MONKIES!! -Picklewars2

. . . use them to power your doomsday device and hold a few countries ransom, THEN use the resulting influx in cash to take over the world. -M. Burusu

make applesauce! -FrostDeman

... use one lemon bunch's seeds to grow more lemons and start a lemon farm, use the other bunch to make a pitcher of poisoned lemonade, which you give to your worst enemy, then you use the last bunch to power up a time bomb which you use to scare the mayor of your city into giving you complete control over it. Then you use your city control to enslave the townspeople as soldiers to aid you in your plan to take over the world. (Profile worthy, eh?)- Cresle Generation X

... Use them to make a love potion! -Raikim4Never

...Make apple juice and let the world wonder how you did it -Rainsong or Moonfeather

...use them to make lemon bomes and dominate the world with it's lemony goodness -Willowbark-Riverclan

... Think "Man, if life doesn't throw me some sugar and water, my lemonade's gonna SUCK!" - AriusWinter

... Scream "But I wanted a PONY!" and lock yourself in your room and pout until life throws you a pony, or at least your very own puppy. - Also AriusWinter

Build an unholy lemon monster and set it off to destroy the world! -IStillHopeForSophex

Note: I will try to put in some funny, unique copy-n-pastes that most people haven't seen before. Enjoy!

15 Things to do when you're in Walmart!

1. Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals.

2. Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the rest rooms.

3. Walk up to an employee and tell him/her in an official tone, "'Code 3' in housewares"... and see what happens.

4. Go the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on lay away.

5. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

6. Set up a tent in the camping department and tell other shoppers you'll invite them in if they'll bring pillows from the bedding department.

7. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask, "Why can't you people just leave me alone?"

8. Look right into the security camera and use it as a mirror, and pick your nose.

9. While handling guns in the hunting department, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are.

10. Dart around the store suspiciously loudly humming the "Mission Impossible" theme.

11. In the auto department, practice your "Madonna look."

12. Hide in a clothing rack and when people browse through, say "PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

13. When an announcement comes over the loud speaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "NO! NO! It's those voices again!"

14. Go into a fitting room and shut the door and wait a while and then yell, very loudly, "There's no toilet paper in here!

15.Grab a lot of bouncy balls and throw them down the aisle, shouting "Go, Pikachu, Go!"

FUNNY THINGS TO DO IN AN ELEVATOR

1.When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

2.Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.

3.Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.

the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor your on.

5.Hold the doors open and say your waiting for a friend. After a while, let the doors close, and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"

6.Drop a pen and wait until someone goes to pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"

7.Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator.

8.Move your desk into the elevator and whenever anyone gets on, ask if they have an apointment.

9.Lay down the twister mat and ask people if they would like to play.

10.Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if they can hear ticking.

11.Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency procedures and exits with the passengers.

12.Ask, "Did you feel that?"

13.Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

14.When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay, don't panic, they open again!"

15.Swat at flies that don't exist.

16.Tell people that you can see their aura.

17.Yell out, "Group Hug!"and then enforce it.

18.Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering, "Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

19.Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside, ask, "Got enough air in there?"

20.Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.

21.Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in horror, "Your one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

22.Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other passengers.

23.Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

24.Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

25.Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, then announce, "I have new socks on".

26.Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers, "This is MY personal space!"

27.When a person in the elevator repeatedly pushes a button (such as "close" or "9") say, "Congratulations, you figured out that if you push the button 20 times, it works quicker!"

28.Whistle the first seven notes of "It's a Small World" incessantly.

29.Offer name tags to everyone getting on the elevator. Wear yours upside down.

30.When arriving at your floor, grunt and strain to yank the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by themselves.

31.Greet everyone getting on the elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you Admiral.

32.Meow occasionally.

the other passengers you can fit a quarter in your nose.

34.Walk on with a cooler that says "human head" on the side.

35.When the elevator is silent, look around and ask "Is that your beeper?"

36.Say "Ding!" at each floor.

37.Say "I wonder what all these do" and push the red buttons.

38.Announce in a demonic voice: "I must find a more suitable host body."

IN THE CINEMA: Wait for it to go quiet and then stand up loudly and yell "I can't find the remote to change the channel!"

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As Part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5-year phase-in plan that would be known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped if favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 2 letters shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments wil enkourage the removal of double leters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer peopl wil be reseptiv to steps such replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be droped from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German lik zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad yu smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl.

Things I am not allowed to do at Hogwarts:

1) Seamus Finnigan is not after me lucky charms

2) I will not sing "we're off to see the wizard" when sent to the Headmaster's office.

3) I will not bring a Magic Eight Ball to Divination class

4) I will not, under any circumstances, ask Harry Potter who died and made him boss

5) Professor Flitwick's first name is not Yoda

6) Remus Lupin does not want a flea collar

7) First years are not allowed to be fed to Fluffy

8) I will not make any jokes about Lupin and his "time of the month"

9) I will not give Hagrid Pokemon cards and convince him they're real animals

10) I will not sing the Badger Song during Hufflepuff-Slytherin quidditch matches

12) When Death-Eaters are attacking Hogsmeade, I shall not point at the Dark Mark and shout "To the Bat Moblie, Robin!"

13) When a class-mate falls asleep, I shall not take advantage of the fact and draw a Dark Mark on his arm.

14) It's not necessary for me to yell "BURN!" every time Snape takes house points from Gryffindor

15) Any resemblance between Dementors and Nazgul is simply coincidental

16) I will not refer to the Weasley Twins as "bookends"

17) I will not scare the Arithmancy students with my Calculus book.

18) I will not hold my wand in the air before I casting spells shouting "I got the power!"

19) It’s not necessary for me to yell "Bam!" everytime I apparate.

20) I am not allowed to sing my own personal spy music when wandering the halls.

21) "To conquer the earth with flying monkeys" is not an appropriate career choice.

22) I am not allowed to make lightsaber sounds with my wand.

23) I am not allowed to paint the house elves blue and call them smurfs.

24) I will not slip Malfoy a Love Potion with centaur hair in his morning goblet of Pumpkin Juice.

25) I will not say the phrase "Dude, get a life" to Voldemort.

26) Should I chance to see a Death Eater wearing a white mask, I should not start singing anything from The Phantom of the Opera.

27) I will not refer to the Accio charm as "the Force".

28) I will not call Dumbledore "Santa Claus!" during the Christmas Holidays.

29) I will not put Muggle fairy book in the History section at the library.

30) I will not send Snape a bar of soap for Christmas.

"I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants."

"To the world, you may be just one person, but to one person, you may be the world"

"In a world of Cheerios, be a Fruit Loop!"

"Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss"

"Within you I lose myself. Without you, I find myself wanting to become lost again"

"Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river."

"If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives."

"'There are three sides of an argument -- your side, my side and the right side."

"What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?"

"The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on."

"If you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers."

"When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room."

"The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do."

"In God we trust; all others must pay cash."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else."

"I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places."

"Everybody wants to go to heaven; but nobody wants to die."

"Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died."

"A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing."

"Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils."

"After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."" (btw, that means 'I don't speak English' T-T)

"There are no stupid questions, just stupid people."

"Everyone is entitled to their own opinion. It's just that yours is stupid."

"The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory."

"Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?"

"Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film."

"If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button."

"The road to success is always under construction."

Join the dark side. We have cookies!

An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed.

Who doesn't love comebacks that make the other person sound stupid?

Very few personal problems can't be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

There are three types of people: those who can count, and those who can't.

History lesson: the dinosaurs didn't go extinct, Barney came and they all committed suicide.

Worst excuse for not turning in homework: I couldn't find anyone to copy it from.

He who laughs last thinks slowest.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Sometimes I wonder, "Why is the frisbee getting bigger?" Then I get hit in the face.

"It's not strange to argue with yourself. It's only strange to argue with yourself and lose."

Chocolate chip cookies are the best!! If you agree, copy and paste this into your profile!!

A large percentage of writers don't know the difference between "your" and "you're". If you are one of the ones that do and want to deck 'em, put this in your profile.

THIS STUFF IS ESPECIALLY IMPORTANT!!!!!

In Harry Potter Remembrance:

In Remembrance to Severus Snape,
A Slytherin who died like a Gryffindor,

In Remembrance to Fred Weasley,
Who fought bravely to the very end,
And whose jokes will forever brighten his other half,
And will loyally await his soul mate and brother,
With many jokes,
He's got forever to think of them, right?

In Remembrance to Dobby,
Who was more free and full of love,
Than any elf, and most humans.

In Remembrance to Remus J. Lupin,
The last real Marauder,
Who was not just a wonderful father,
An incredible husband and a brave hero,
As well as an awesome werewolf,

In Remembrance to Nymphadora Tonks,
Who died for the greater good,
And would probably hex me for calling her Nymphadora,

In Remembrance to Alastair 'Mad Eye' Moody,
Whose motto 'Constance Vigilance' kept him alive,

In Remembrance to Tom Marvolo Riddle, A.K.A Voldemort,
Who was pretty cool and cute when he was younger,
But who got his bottom kicked thoroughly in the end,

In Remembrance to Albus Dumbledore,
Whose past and wisdom confused us,
Whose seeming betrayal shocked us,
But who actually turned out to be an okay guy in the end,

In Remembrance to Bellatrix Lestrange,
Because it was awesome how Molly Weasley got her with the Avada Kedavra,
She deserved everything she got in the end,

In Remembrance to Colin Creevey,
Who we really didn't know too well,
But took a lot of pictures and died fighting in the war,
So he must've done something good...
Besides stalking Harry,

In Remembrance to Hedwig,
Harry's first real friend,
Who lived and died soaring.

(Thank You Hades' Winged Shadow)

The Percy Jackson pledge:

I promise to remember Percy
whenever I'm at sea
I promise to remember Annabeth
whenever a spider comes at me
I promise to protect nature
for Grover's sake of course
I promise to remember Luke
when my heart fills with remorse
I promise to remember Chiron
whenever I see a sign that says ''free pony ride''
I promise to remember Tyson
whenever a friend says they'll stick by my side
I promise to remember Thalia
whenever a friend is scared of heights
I promise to remember Clarisse
whenever I see someone that gives me a fright
I promise to remember Bianca
whenever I see a sister scold her younger brother
I promise to remember Nico
whenever I see someone who doesn't get along with others
I promise to remember Zoe
whenever I watch the stars
I promise to remember Rachel
whenever a limo passes my car.
yes I promise to remember PJO
wherever I may go

Why America has some issues (Yes, I live there, but tough. These are all clever.)

1. Only in America...can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

2. Only in America...are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.

3. Only in America...do drugstores make the sick walk all the way to the back of the store to get their
prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front.

4. Only in America...do people order double cheeseburgers, large fries, and a diet coke.

5. Only in America...do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.

6. Only in America...do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway
and put our useless junk in the garage.

7. Only in America...do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't
miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

8. Only in America...do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

9. Only in America...do we use the word 'politics' to describe the process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'

10. Only in America...do they have drive-up ATM's with Braille lettering.

11. Only in America...is it legal to shoot crows but against the law to keep them as pets.

12. Only in America...do we have escalators outside of health and fitness buildings.

My own original copy-n-pastes

Inspiring quotes from a robot:

Life is like paper trail, you can always get back there but only if you throw in the towel and try again.

People who laugh uncontrollably will have the most uncontrollable laugh of all.

I'm not so interested in finding out who am and am instead focusing on finding myself and finding out who i'm going to be.

Delete the negative ones. if you don't like the result, you don't follow through. if you don't like the experience, you leave.

What does it mean to be strong is not just about physical strength, but also about mental strength.

Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Cheese. Ducks.