Warning for one OTT unbelievable kunoichi, mild bad language/boobs and aggressive, manly fluff.

EDIT 2020: I was re-reading this and quite suddenly knew exactly how the wedding would go. So I've edited the proposal a little, and now there is a wedding for all you fans from way-back-when to enjoy!

o0o

"Thank you for your hard work." Umino Iruka stamped the form handed to him and smiled up at the shinobi currently in front of his desk. When she didn't immediately leave he smiled harder, his brow twitching suspiciously. "Is there something else I can help you with?"

"Perhaps," the kunoichi purred, shaking her hair loose around her shoulders and fluttering her long eyelashes at him. "Do you think there is something you could… help me with?"

Iruka shrugged, and pushed a stray strand of his own hair behind his ear. "No, I don't think so. You seem to have everything together."

The kunoichi frowned, an expression she quickly replaced with a sensual pout. "Are you absolutely sure of that?" She slid the tip of her finger into her mouth and licked it slowly, maintaining intense eye-contact.

"I'm sure." Iruka gave the mission room a cursory glance and sighed inwardly. There were no other shinobi around, so he had no excuse but to listen to her.

"Oooh." The kunoichi gave a loud, sensuous sigh and started to slowly unzip her flak jacket. "It's just so hot in here, isn't it?" she murmured, waving a hand daintily in front of her face.

"You may need to go to the hospital if you think it's too hot in here," Iruka said blandly. "It's going on winter, and they still haven't fixed that window Naruto nose-dived through last week."

The kunoichi leaned towards him, and a pen rattled off the desk and onto his lap. She ran her tongue over her top lip and murmured wetly in his ear, "Let me get that for you."

Iruka leaped backwards as his vision filled with cleavage. "I'm fine, thank you."

"So you're a little shy, are you? Well, no matter. You can come home with me later." The cleavage jiggled in his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm on mission duty all afternoon," Iruka said. "Please refrain from letting your… assets touch my desk."

The kunoichi stared at him, pursing her lips. "Perhaps I am not making myself clear enough. Let me put it this way. If you come home with me tonight, there is 100% chance of getting your cute little chūnin dick wet."

"Oh?" Iruka glanced over the paperwork on his desk, and noted some sheets needed reorganizing. "That's nice, I suppose, but I'm not interested."

"But I'm a jōnin, a jōnin." The kunoichi glared. "You should be glad that someone of my rank is taking notice of an unworthy little chūnin like you."

Iruka frowned. "To start with, I don't care for rank. I think it's an immature way to pick your partner. Did Genma put you up to this? Because if he did, he surely hates you."

"Come on, look at me." The kunoichi slid her hands seductively over her breasts, down her stomach and around her hips. "How could you not want this? Your stupid, ugly little chūnin girlfriend couldn't stand a chance against me, so why bother staying loyal?"

Iruka's eyebrows rose above his hairline. "You're assuming I have a partner, and that she is an ugly chūnin?"

The kunoichi crossed her arms tightly across her chest and nodded decisively. "There is no other reason for you to refuse to date me."

"It couldn't just be that I don't like you?" Iruka asked with wry amusement.

"No. You definitely have a partner. And I bet I could take her on any day of the week."

"This is getting good," Izumo whistled, clapping his hands.

Iruka stared at him, startled. He hadn't noticed the other chūnin come in. Actually, while they'd been arguing the whole room had filled up. "I honestly don't think you could beat my partner in anything," he said quietly. "But I need to do my job, and you need to leave."

"Bullshit," the kunoichi hissed. "You can't just make me leave on that note."

"She's right, you know," a listening shinobi, a jōnin Iruka vaguely recognized, put in, "You can't just end a conversation with a challenge like that."

"Yeah," added another, "You should call up your girlfriend and they can fight it out right here. It'll be more entertaining than my last mission, at least."

Iruka levelled his best teacher glare at the man. "Firstly, that is a terrible example to set for the genin. Secondly, didn't all of you come here to hand in your mission reports?"

Most of the heads around the room shook from left to right. "That can wait, Iruka-sensei," a voice called out from the back. "We wanna know what you're gonna do to her."

"Do to her? I'm not going to do anything." Iruka turned to the persistent woman. "Look, I don't know why you're so into me. I'm assuming Genma dared you to do it, seeing how you apparently detest all chūnin. You're entitled to that opinion, but I will never say yes to you. I do not know how to say it clearer than that."

"You're right," the kunoichi conceded, "Gen-kun did put me up to this. But now that you've insulted my looks and my strength I feel the need to steal you away from your little girlfriend. There's something about you that I kind of like. You're stubbornly cute, like an itty bitty bug."

Iruka blinked incredulously. "Is that actually supposed to make me fall for you?"

"I'm renown for being able to get a man off without even touching him," the kunoichi continued, "I'm definitely better than the whore you're sleeping with right now."

Iruka narrowed his eyes. "I'd rather you didn't call my partner a whore."

The kunoichi shrugged and blew on her nails, a bored expression on her face. "She is what she is."

"Listen," Iruka growled, standing up and slamming his hands down on the desk, "I love my partner. Shi has issues, yes, and is not always the easiest person to get along with. Shi scares the hell out of me coming home and dripping blood all through my kitchen and bathroom. Shi steals all the blankets and leaves the empty toilet roll on the holder. But Shi is sweet and genuine and makes me laugh when my world is falling apart. I do not want you, or anyone else. Shi is the only person I would gladly spend the rest of my life with."

A blanket of stunned silence landed heavily on the room, only to be broken seconds later by the lazy drawl of the one person Iruka didn't want to see. "Maa, Iruka-sensei, was that a proposal?"

Hatake Kakashi strode through the crowd, grey eye glinting with thinly veiled amusement. Iruka drew in his breath, face turning pale.

"Because, you know, it sounded an awful lot like a proposal to me."

Iruka closed his eyes for a few seconds, gathering all the courage he had before opening them again and levelling the jōnin with his best defiant gaze. "So what if it was?"

Kakashi's eye widened fractionally, and then narrowed. "Then I guess you should have been more clear about it."

"Clear, huh?" Iruka muttered. "I bet you're going to wish you'd never asked for that."

He vaulted over the desk and knelt on the floor between the stunned jōnin's feet. "Hatake Kakashi," he said, clearing his throat. "I don't have a ring, and I suspect you don't want one. But I don't need a ring to know that I need you in my life. You make me so, so happy. I want to spend the rest of my life by your side, no matter how much you piss me off and I drive you crazy." He fumbled around his neck for a moment before pulling away and pressing his dog tags into the jōnin's lax hand. "As I said, I don't have a ring, but I can give you this, as well as my heart and my soul. So, Shi-chan, will you marry me?"

Kakashi swallowed heavily, his fingers tightening instinctively around the metal in his hand. Iruka gave him a few moments before standing up and silently brushing the backs of his fingers against a clothed cheek.

"Is this your idea of a joke?" Kakashi whispered, voice strained.

"No, I'm very serious." Iruka smiled. "I don't expect your answer now, though. I know that's not the way you do things. Take your time, there's no pressure."

Kakashi stared for a bit, and then put his hands together and disappeared, the pop of his jutsu extremely loud in the silent room. Iruka dusted off his knees, turned around calmly and settled back down in his seat. "So, who was next?"

The room stayed in its silently stunned state for a few beats before someone at the back called out, "Was that it?"

Iruka raised an eyebrow, coolly pretending his heart wasn't beating at a thousand times its normal speed. "Was what what?"

"This is not funny," the original kunoichi snarled. "I don't know what your idea of a joke is, but this is –"

"This is Genma's idea of a joke," Iruka interrupted. "He was the one who pushed you into this, remember? He knew I would say no, no matter what you said, and he wanted to annoy me and embarrass you."

"By making you propose to Hatake freakin' Kakashi? Because that was going too far. You didn't have to turn me down by asking the most dangerous man in the village to marry you. I can take a hint, you know."

Iruka shrugged. "Well, I guess even he wouldn't have seen that coming. I didn't really plan on it, but what's done is done."

"Hatake. Kakashi. The Copy-Ninja. I don't understand why he didn't incinerate you on the spot," the kunoichi lamented.

"You still don't get it?" Iruka shook his head. "I'll put it this way. Kakashi is – how did you put it? – my 'ugly chūnin whore of a girlfriend'. Now I'm not sure how much of that he heard, but if I were you I'd be very worried about what he'll do once he's got over this proposal thing."

The colour drained from the kunoichi's face, fear flickering in her beautiful eyes.

"If you understand, can you leave and let me do my job?"

"But why would he – with you?" the kunoichi stuttered.

"You'll just have to ask him that, if you're daring enough." Iruka made a shooing motion with his hand. "You should go now, I have work to do."

The kunoichi gave him one last defiant glare, and called over her shoulder as she stalked out, "You're still just a dirty stinking chūnin."

Iruka waved merrily after her. "I'm sure Kakashi would love to hear what you think of me, after he remembers what you said about him."

He grinned as she picked up her pace without looking back and slammed the door behind her.

"Oi," Izumo hissed, sliding into the seat beside him, "What was that all about?"

Iruka frowned. "You know, you're right. I shouldn't have threatened her with Kakashi, that makes me look like some kind of helpless damsel."

"That's not what I was getting at," Izumo complained, and Kotetsu, who'd commandeered the seat on his other side, stifled a chuckle. "No one would ever think you were a damsel in distress, Iruka. If you were, you'd beat any guy who assumed you needed saving to death with your tiara."

"But you would look good in a dress," Genma interjected, leaning on the desk and grinning widely. "And by the way, may I commend you on that amazing performance. It went better than I ever expected."

Iruka scowled for a moment before the wrinkles smoothed out and his face took on a dangerously calm expression. "You know, Genma," he said sweetly, "If I were you and I didn't want a senbon-induced colonoscopy, I would leave. Right now, in fact."

"Hey, hey." Genma took a step back and held both hands out, palms forward. "I meant no harm, it was just a joke, right? And plus, you got something out of it too. You're gonna get hitched. I mean, isn't that awesome?"

Iruka shook his head. "Have fun explaining all that to Kakashi when he finally comes out of hiding. Now get lost, I know you have a mission to do."

Genma licked his lips, which were suddenly very dry. "Well, remember to tell Kakashi that he's getting something out of this, okay? Tell him that it's not necessarily a bad thing."

Iruka narrowed his eyes. "Out."

Genma fled.

Iruka turned his gaze on the rest of the shinobi crowding the mission room and gave a smile that was maybe a little wider than necessary, causing an instant collective retreat. "Now, who's next?"

o0o

It was three days before Iruka saw Kakashi again, but he couldn't say that he hadn't been expecting it. The jōnin was not, by nature, a public creature, and hated with a passion anything that made him stand out. It sounded like an oxymoron, Kakashi wanting to blend in when the very essence of him stood out from the crowd, but that's who he was. He employed a slouch to defy his height, covered as much of his body as he could and created a barrier of porn to deter anyone who was daring enough to want to start a conversation with him. And when all of that failed him, he hid behind sarcastic wit and fake smiles.

What Iruka had done was enough, in itself, to make the answer to his question a resounding 'no'. Public displays of affection were not something Kakashi 'shied away' from – rather, they were something he physically ran from. A drunken Iruka had once tried to kiss him on the street outside his apartment and ended up in his bed with a black eye, a bleeding temple and no recollection of how he'd gotten there, Kakashi nowhere to be seen.

When he did finally see Kakashi again, it was when and where he least expected it, of course. The jōnin's favourite pastime was putting people out of their depth, and even more so on the rare occasion when they'd managed to do the same to him.

"Hi, Shi-chan." Iruka gave a weak smile and wiggled uncomfortably, his heart pounding like crazy. "Could you, maybe, let me go?" He twisted his arm slightly, not so much as to attempt to escape from the iron-like grip the jōnin had on his wrists but more to remind Kakashi that he was, in fact, pinning him to the wall of his classroom. Just in case he'd forgotten.

Kakashi didn't say anything, just continued to hold him there and stare at him. Iruka squirmed internally. Now that the jōnin had returned, he didn't even really want to hear his answer. At the time he'd figured that a 'no' would mean they'd just get on with their lives as usual and nothing would change. That had been a stupidly optimistic thought, now that he'd had three days to contemplate it. Three days of shinobi of all manner coming up to him and asking him, 'is it really true?' 'so, what's under the mask?' and the one that really stopped his heart, 'I better be invited to your wedding'. He'd royally fucked up, and nothing he could do would fix that.

"I'm sorry, Shi, I really am." Iruka worried his bottom lip between his teeth nervously. "It was an accident, she was just so annoying and you provoked me – I didn't mean to –"

"So you didn't mean it," Kakashi said blandly, giving him a trademark closed eye smile. "Well, that clears things up a little."

Iruka bit down on his lip, this time drawing blood. "No, you're twisting my words. I did –"

Kakashi smiled harder and continued on over top of him blithely. "You see, I did wonder why on earth you'd actually want to marry me. I do hope Genma enjoyed his show."

"You're missing the point completely," Iruka argued.

"Maa, you're a very good actor, 'Ru. I almost believed you."

"Kakashi, stop it!" Iruka struggled for real this time, though to no avail. "Please don't talk like that."

"I suppose there are bets on whether I say yes or no, ne?"

"Shi-chan, shut up!" Finally understanding that any attempt at freeing his hands was useless, Iruka decided instead to lift a leg and knee his captor in the balls. Kakashi released him immediately, keeling over with a low moan. Iruka crouched down beside him, hesitantly putting his arms around the shaking jōnin's shoulders. "I'm really, really sorry for that, but you just wouldn't listen. You can do the same to me, alright? After you hear me out."

Kakashi glared at him.

Iruka winced. "I know that was kind of uncalled for, but half-measures don't work well with you. I have to get you in any way I can."

Kakashi rolled his eyes and pointedly looked away.

Iruka looked away as well, willing his cheeks not to turn too red. "Look, the only thing I regret is proposing to you in the mission room, with everyone watching. And the reason for that is that now they're going to expect things, and want to know things, and want to go to a wedding that probably isn't going to happen. In all honesty I don't give a rat's arse about 'marriage', or 'wedding ceremonies' or all that crap. All I do know is that I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If you'll let me."

He was still staring intently at the wall (anywhere but Kakashi, anywhere but Kakashi) so he jumped a little when something hard was pressed into his hand. The slightly rounded edges, metal warm from body heat, finely linked chain – he knew what it was without looking. His heart sunk.

He'd been expecting a no, deep down. He'd never have let himself be optimistic enough to expect a yes, anyway, but it still hurt. He would get over it, and hopefully Kakashi wouldn't leave him altogether for his stupid mistake.

"Maa, that's not the expression I imagined you'd have," Kakashi said in a deceptively light tone.

Iruka forced himself to look over at the jōnin, who was now sitting cross-legged with his hands hovering protectively over his crotch. "What?"

Kakashi shrugged. "I thought you'd be happier, seeing as it was your idea and all. Were you expecting something better?"

Iruka frowned, and looked down at the dog tags in his hand. The top one had a long scratch through the centre and a couple of chips marred the side. "These aren't mine," he said slowly.

"Well, yeah. Wouldn't that defeat the purpose?" Kakashi scratched at the back of his head, avoiding Iruka's gaze.

"These are yours," Iruka said, unable to keep the disbelief from creeping into his voice.

"Yes."

"This means you're agreeing to marry me, right?"

"It does appear that way, yes."

"Are you sure?" Iruka asked.

"Well, I don't know about a wedding," Kakashi said slowly, "But I do want to stay with you for as long as possible. And I want you to keep these." He closed his hand over Iruka's, around the dog tags.

Iruka chuckled. "I don't think that Tsunade-sama would be very happy about that. It's illegal, isn't it, to wear someone else's tags?"

Kakashi shrugged. "Do you really care?"

Iruka thought about it and decided that no, he really didn't care. Having Kakashi's tags given to him meant much, much more than a ring he wouldn't be able to wear to work anyway. He felt like he was being offered a large part of the jōnin's identity, or rather, a large part of the jōnin himself. "Hokage-sama can kiss my ass," he said, grinning, and closed his fingers tightly around the precious pieces of metal.

"Maa, isn't this the part where you kiss me instead?" Kakashi asked, peeling his mask down and leaning forward expectantly.

"Oh, that's right." Iruka crawled forwards and brushed his lips against the jōnin's, only to fall to the floor a moment later clutching his groin as pain seared through his body. "Wha -?"

"You did say I could get you back," Kakashi said. "And I still haven't forgotten the fact that not only did you inform the entire shinobi force of our relationship, you insinuated that we were going to partake in a wedding."

Iruka groaned. "Are you serious? It's not like I did it on purpose."

"I know." Kakashi patted his arm genially. "That's why I chose to forgive you for it. But it's still your responsibility to fix the mess you've made."

"I know, I know." Iruka closed his eyes and sighed heavily. "Give me some time and I'll do something about it. Why couldn't you just let me have my one romantic moment?"

Kakashi grinned. "Where's the fun in that?"

Iruka scowled.

"Cheer up, you got what you wanted, didn't you?" Kakashi leaned forward and brushed his lips over Iruka's forehead, then his mouth, pulling back before Iruka could respond. "I love you, alright? Keep the tags."

He stood up and strode towards the window, only stopping to toss over his shoulder, "You should probably get going on fixing your little 'wedding' problem, too. I bet Genma is already picking out a dress for you."

Iruka sighed, and banged his head against the floor. It was going to be a long, long year.