The humans left after handing the trolls the final few pillows and blankets they could find, and the trolls started to put together little sleeping areas for each of themselves in the basement,. trying to create as comfortable a pile as they could manage. It was like their hike to the caves on Alternia, they created a circle around a general middle ground. Since they were nocturnal, Sollux had gotten an overview on how the house's security system worked, and a few of the team had gone back to the ship to gather what remained of their supplies. All of them were reeling over the evening's events, trying to make sense of the humans. Or the planet for that matter. The few things they knew about it didn't seem to align, and the fact that the drones had been destroyed seemed unsettling. Still, they couldn't judge this too harshly.

When the few that went to the ship had returned safely, they finished up creating their sleeping areas. There was a heavy silence hanging around all of them. It was Feferi who finally broke it.

"Can we all talk?" Her voice was unsteady. No one blamed her. They were all nervous.

"I think," Karkat said, "Feferi is right, we should really talk." Every troll in the room sat in front of their piles and looked at each other. "Before we get too into discussing the humans, let me ask a few questions. Sollux, Equius, do you think we could get the ship up and running again? If so, in how long?"

"It may be possible, it would depend on the technology and parts this planet has to offer. If they do not have all the appropriate parts we might have to fabricate them from existing pieces, which would make it take longer. Though we should be able to manage something."

"It would fly. It would jutht take a while. The electronics thtill work, thort of. I'm going to work on getting thothe up firtht tho we can track the fleet."

"Alright, do you guys have a general estimate of how long?"

"A few months, it depends on many factors. Though perhaps the humans would be kind enough to gather us supplies, I'm sure we can find something to give them in trade. If we don't want to travel down that path, there has to be a way one of us could find the items and get them."

"Alright, so first mission in general is to get the ship working enough we can track the fleet." Karkat said counting it on his fingers. "Second thing, this doesn't change some of our schedules. The fleet is still coming, and there is no guarantee that we can be moving on this ship before they show up. We still need to train." The trolls around the room nodded. "Finally, the humans."

"Ah yes," Kanaya said. "They are an odd species aren't they? They seemed thrilled to meet us, a bit frightened but quite excited to see us."

"That can't be a good sign." Karkat's eyes darted back and forth, checking that the exit door was still present. "Maybe our best option is to leave as soon as possible. Fill up the ship and run."

"If we do end up leawing, can we take the Egbert human wwith us?" Eridan asked hopefully.

Tavros sighed. "Oh dear. Rebound."

"C'mon, he needs a sawwy protector, howw's he gonna surwiwe wwithout me- us? He wwas dumb enough to beliewe Nep's fake crying!"

"He said unironically," Karkat muttered. Nepeta smirked.

"I knoww I fall for it, I just hate seeing her sad." Eridan pouted. "But he doesn't knoww us, wwe could have easily killed him!"

"That's true, maybe they lack a lot of survival skills?"

"Or perhaps," Kanaya interjected, "they are a kind species, and they would like to help."

"Have you ever heard of that before?" Vriska said. "In all of the species our race has met, how many of them haven't had an ulterior motive?"

"How many of them have our species not been trying to enslave or exterminate?" Feferi pointed out. "Maybe they'd all have really been nice if we hadn't attacked them!"

"What are you trying to do, suffocate us mercifully under the weight of your optimism before they kill us?" Karkat shook his head. "Seriously, even if they don't plan to eat our brains, this is not an appropriate culture for us to be hanging around in. Come on, a species so sex-crazed that they regularly fall asleep on their beds?" He glanced over at Gamzee and Eridan. "Not a good environment for some of us, I think."

"Hey, it can't be all bad," Vriska said. "They get a lusus and an ancestor?"

"Yes, well, from our point of view that just means more things that could potentially attack us. Did you see that beast's teeth?"

"Actually, I think we should stay," Gamzee said unexpectedly. "Come on, we find this little planet, we're taken in and fed, and it turns out everyone here carries Karbro's sacred colour in their veins. It's-"

"If you say it's a miracle so help me I will punch you. I do not need to be reminded that Belsai would have creamed his stupid robe over this place."

"Forget miracles, this is motherfucking fate!" Gamzee's smile faded and he sagged slightly. "Though maybe we shouldn't be staying right in this hive. Not too sure what the spacemonkeys have planned." He looked at his scarred hands. "Not like, you know, that. I don't reckon mammals would want us for… pailing. But…"

"Science experiment? Or maybe they have some other weird use for aliens. Like it's Earthian policy if they find aliens they lure them in for something?"

"Like what? A game?" Vriska rolled her eye. "If that's the case we'll be pretty well off. The John one hugged Nepeta without a second thought. He offered it."

"That could be part of their tactics," Terezi said grimly. "Why are they being so friendly? It's a pretty good question. I almost can't believe it was Gamzee who thought of it."

"My pan ain't rotted enough not to be in the know of when I should be worried. Something that seems too good to be true always is. But at the same time… We should stay but be cautious until we understand what they want better. I think that ain't too much of a raw trade."

"Well, worst comes to worst there's five of them and twelve of us, right?" Terezi said, toying with her cane.

"Eleven, soon." Everyone looked at Equius, who swallowed nervously and lifted the hem of his undershirt. The skin was starting to split, exposing the opening of a silk gland. "My strength will be no use to us when I cocoon, and I can't hold it off forever."

"We'll make it work," Karkat said. "We always do. We don't have much in the way of other options anyway. Though if we're going to leave we need to do it before you are unresponsive. I don't think even with our combined strength and Aradia and Sollux's psychic powers we can move your cocoon… Safely, that is. We could just fling you around, but that might damage something. I don't really understand how our pupation works - no, this is not me asking anyone to explain it. But I don't want any of us more injured than we already are."

"We will figure it out," Equius said. "It could be an option that when it comes I go to the ship and set up there."

"I think that might be our best option, though we might have to lose two of us then. Someone needs to protect your cocoon," Karkat said, leaning his chin on his fist. "Which means Nepeta and you would be gone for however long it's going to take."

"Mine wasn't too long," Vriska said. "Maybe his won't be."

"The higher on the spectrum you get the longer it will take. Until you get to the seadwellers, they are different," Kanaya explained. "For all we know Equius' pupation could take a month. Let alone if Gamzee goes into it… I apologise."

"No, you're right. Bluebloods ain't as big as purplebloods, but they ain't tiny either. It could take a lot of time. I don't think I am close, I don't got any of the signs. Even if I was, it would be delayed some for my health to get itself back."

"If anyone who hasn't starts sensing it, let us know. Equius, keep us posted. We'll have to make that decision when it's more imminent. We just got here, and we don't have all the information."

"It would be good to talk with them and get a handle before we make a useless plan," Terezi said. "We can't waste our resources and time is our most precious resource. We still need to keep training for Feferi to beat the Empress."

"The fleet," Sollux corrected her. "The whole fleet, all of uth need to train. We have to get really fucking good at fighting. And thoon, or all of uth are doomed."

"Equius and I can give a feww training techniques from the fleet to all of you. Wwhile he's still conscious, it wwould ewen the playing field. I don't knoww howw much you learned, Gam… But maybe, if you know anything, you can too."

"That sound agreeable." Equius nodded. "All of us training would be wise as well."

"I can give you all what I learned, couldn't write books on it, but I did learn some."

"Okay, tho we train hard, gather thupplieth, and watch the humanth. If puthh comes to thhove we're ready to go."

Nepeta pulled out her claws. "No time like the present, eh?"

John had only just started to drift off when clashing metal and shouting from outside woke him. He fell out of bed, grabbed his glasses, and looked for the fire; there was none, and the noise seemed to be coming from the front of the house, which he couldn't see from his window. He ran out, bumping into Dave and Dr Lalonde on the stairs, and hurried outside, to find the trolls standing in a circle, pumping their fists, and chanting something.

The humans stared for a long moment, trying to make sense of the scene. Whatever they were chanting sounded weird; not scary or evil, just odd. There were two trolls in the center. John wasn't quite sure which two, he hadn't gotten a handle on all their names. He was sure the longer he was around them the sooner he could pick up the difference between the trolls beyond their differently shaped horns.

He thought the one in the red skirt was Kanaya, she had the most different style of clothes from the others. He wasn't too sure about the other one. All of the trolls dressed similarly, and the second troll was no exception. The only difference was she was wearing a coat over her black shirt.

The chanting went quiet, and John could make out sound from the troll whose name he had doubts on. Then Kanaya returned some noises, though they sounded different. It took John a moment to realize they were speaking in their mother tongue. Or perhaps they were just making noises at each other.

There were more words exchanged, before there was silence, and both Kanaya and the other troll (maybe it was Vriska? Or maybe it was Aradia, John still wasn't sure) had something in their hands. Vriska slammed an 8-ball down on the ground, and recovered what appeared to be a few dice. He couldn't see what was in Kanaya's hand at first, but then she flicked her wrist and he caught sight of it.

"Is that a lipstick…?" he said to himself, confused, before there was a loud "vroom", and suddenly Kanaya was holding a chainsaw.

Rose watched, spellbound. "Mother, I know what I want for Christmas."

"What's going on?" Jade said, sounding nervous, watching the other troll slam the dice down on the ground, and having something appear in her hand afterwards. As the blue glow faded, they realised it was a sword. "Are they going to kill each other?"

Terezi sniffed and looked up in the direction of the humans. "Hey, you're just in time for our strife practice! Wanna watch? Or join in?"

"Strife practice?" John repeated, gaping.

Terezi smiled, looking over at their human hosts. "We've been cooped up in a small ship for what feels like ages, we need to stretch our muscles and get a good fight in. Vriska and Kanaya volunteered to be the first, all of us will have a chance to deliver… or practice delivering justice."

"I see," John said, looking toward the group. "Why are you fighting, though, couldn't you go for a jog or something?"

"Fighting," Aradia said, "not only works muscle groups that other types of motion do not. But also, we are behind on our practice. We have an Empire to defeat, and to do so we must be in the best physical shape of our lives. When the inevitable happens, we must be ready."

"I'm sorry, go back to the 'Empire to defeat' part?" Jade said, shaking her head and laughing nervously. "You mean you're going to go back to your planet, right?"

"Um," Karkat said, rubbing his neck and looking at the ground.

"Returning to our home planet would do little to defeat the Empire, seeing as the vast majority of our species is spacebound. It would be more advantageous to do it on another planet where they don't have an advantage. We all know Alternia, doing it on another planet with enough time for us to get a lay of the land would give us a significant advantage."

"So, long story short, they are coming here?"

"Yes."

Jade went pale and staggered backwards a little. "Okay. This is a little more than we were expecting."

"Wait, where did Dave go-"

A thumping beat poured out of the upstairs window, and they looked up to see Dave waving, his laptop on the windowsill and its speakers blaring rave music. The other humans were pretty sure that he plugged them into the stereo that he had in his room as well. Rose had never been happier that they lived so far from other people.

"What the fuck are you doing?" John shouted up.

"Hey, they wanna set up the extraterrestrial Fight Club, they need some sick beats to keep in time, right?"

"This isn't exactly helping! They are saying that more aliens are going to come and try to take over Earth."

"Not take over Earth," Aradia said, her smile still serene. "Just kill us and whoever gets in their way. This planet is basically useless to the Empire… Then again they might take it over on principle."

"I'm so glad you told us this before we invited you into our home," Rose said sardonically. "Very thoughtful of you."

Eridan frowned. "Wwell, if we had, you'd hawe said no!"

"I don't know about that, but, it would have been good to know." Rose sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose, before looking back to the fight.

Kanaya and Vriska were still meeting blades to chainsaw. The humans had never seen a fight like this, and were curious; no doubt there were rules. Modern human warfare shied away from being so close, and even martial art types didn't look like this. Even though they said they wouldn't kill, it certainly looked like they were trying.

"Wait, if you have the technology for space travel, why do you still use swords?" Jade asked. "Wouldn't guns be… okay, 'safer' is the wrong word, but you get my meaning?"

Gamzee looked away from the fight, eyes and fangs gleaming. "Guns are for hunting, not war! You'd deny yourself the feeling of your enemies' motherfucking blood between your claws?" The humans recoiled a bit at his statement; they had thought he was creepy before, but that pretty much cemented the idea.

Karkat shook his head and looked over to the humans. He looked just as enraptured with the thought. "Guns are for cowards. Sure, you could kill quite a few trolls with them, but the distance makes it impersonal, it doesn't make your kills your own. Most trolls look at it that way, you get the odd one who thinks guns are the be all and end all." He pointed over at Eridan. "But most of them are colderbloods. Warmbloods and purplebloods, especially them, would never deny themselves the thrill of killing up close and personal."

"That's really creepy."

"Don't forget," Aradia said, her eyes still fixed on the fight, "warfare, fighting, bloodshed, etcetera are a way of life for us. Our sports are physically violent, our whole lives we prepare to join the fleet, or army, I suppose in your terms. We have specific battle rituals, and many thoughts on how it should be conducted. What we see as cowardly other species might see as wise. We look at warfare in the sense that if you're not in some moderate amount of danger what's the fun?"

"'Fun'," John repeated disbelievingly. "Uh, well, humans don't think getting killed is fun, so how long do we have before these psycho aliens show up? I want to know how long I can safely spend panicking before we have to do something."

"It'th thort of up in the air," Sollux sighed. "Dependth if they uthe wormholeth or not. And other factorth, but we did get a pretty good headthtart. I have thomeone looking into it."

"That's helpful. So they could be here tomorrow?"

"Nah, they're not in the system yet," Terezi said, looking away from the strife. "We monitor for them, we'll let you know when they get to the solar system."

"Wonderful, then I have a count down to the final days."

"Hey John, this wouldn't be the first apocalypse we survived. How many end of days have come and gone and we're all still breathing and fine?"

"Aliens aren't exactly poorly read prophecies, or miscalculations of dates." John sighed.

"Hell of a lot cooler, though!" Dave yelled from the window. "If I'm going to die, this is how I wanted it to be! Either aliens or rampaging catgirls."

"Let's not talk of death just yet, okay?" Jade said, raising a hand. "Maybe we can talk our way out of it. Right?"

The trolls burst into snickers, then stopped. Karkat blinked. "You're serious? Uh, no. No, we can't."

"Yeah. See, we got something of theirs," Gamzee said, looking at Feferi.

"Something of theirs, Feferi is owned by them?" John asked.

Gamzee let out a little snort of laughter. "Nah, see the fishsister is next in line for the throne, they have until her pupation to kill her or for her to kill the standing Empress."

Feferi nodded. "Or all of our race will die. I ran off to learn how to fight and give myself a real chance at defeating her once and for all so I can take over as Empress."

"So, you're a runaway princess, who is running from an evil queen, who wants to kill you… Who is friends with every level of society… Tell me, do you talk to animals, or maybe just sing and they help you with housework?" Dave asked.

"Well, I did try to train some cuttlefish to clean my windows once. I thought they looked bored and might want something useful to do. Does that count?"

"Oh my god, this is precious." Dave hadn't lost the little lip-quirk which qualified as a smile for him.

"So, you're practicing fighting, in order to take down this Empress," Rose restated. "Do all of you get to do it, or is it just Feferi?"

"It's supposed to just be me. But she'll bring along the fleet or at least part of it, so we all need to be ready for a fight. A pretty epic one as well. There will be a lot of trolls to take down."

Kanaya and Vriska both said something, and a moment later their weapons were put away. Both of them nodded at each other, before Vriska said something that sounded more like a chirp than a word.

"Oh shit," she said shortly thereafter. "Humans. Hello." The humans looked over Vriska; she had a nick in her robotic arm, and a quick glance over at Kanaya showed her wrapping a few bandages on some cuts. "I meant it." Vriska turned slightly to look at the other trolls. "Next. We have to get the strifing shit down. How many of you want to end up as decoration on the floor? We fight or we die. Get your asses in there."

Tavros nodded and stepped forward. He said something in their language, and the other trolls nodded. Terezi came forward and replied to him, they spoke, and a moment later Tavros had a lance in his hand and Terezi pulled a sword out of her cane.

"Mind if I ask you a question?" Vriska asked. John nodded. "My translator says strifing is the translation, but it's also coming up with a bunch of other words, pummel, grief, beat. Are any of those right? Or is it really just strife?"

"They all work. Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, never been better. I missed beating the meddling jadeblood." Vriska had a smile. "Of course, it's all friendly."

"And we're going to keep it that way," said Karkat pointedly. The humans missed his glance in Gamzee's direction.

John woke up, put on his glasses, glanced at the clock, and cursed quietly. Ten in the morning? Why the hell had he slept so late? … Images of grey-skinned creatures floated into his head, and he remembered waking up in the middle of the night. Must have been woken by that crazy dream. He yawned and stretched, stumbling into the ensuite bathroom and rubbing at his stubble, which was already uncomfortable over the course of one night. Curse his father's genetic hairiness.

He blinked into the mirror for a second, before catching a glimpse of water in the bathtub out of the corner of his eye. Had he forgotten to pull the plug last night or something? He turned, saw what was lying in the tub, and screamed.

Eridan rocketed upright, screaming just as loudly, causing a tidal wave to slosh out of the tub and soak the carpet. Ahab's Crosshairs were already in his arms; he swung the gun upwards and there was a sound like a direct lightning strike. John covered his head as plaster rained down.

"What the FUCK?!"

The sound of running feet in the corridor alerted them both to attention from the rest of the house. The bathroom door opened and all four of the other resident humans crowded round, followed by Feferi. Feferi, mercifully clothed, was holding a toothbrush in one hand and toothpaste in the other, and still brushing the left side of her hair with a brush held in the prehensile curls on the right side of her head. John noticed this, and his brain carefully disregarded it, unable to handle any more weirdness at once.

"What's going on?"

"I don't know, ask the glubbin' human. He just stormed in here and screamed."

"Eridan!" Feferi nearly shrieked, her mouth still foamy from the tooth paste. "We don't just shoot at the humans!"

"I didn't shoot at him till he screamed at me. He screamed then I shot. I thought it wwas some type of beast or other creature. Wwhat do you think I am? Some inconsiderate jerk wwho doesn't understand that they are bein' really nice to us?

"I'll withhold my comments about whether or not you're an inconsiderate jerk. What happened then?"

"I told you he came in here and screamed. Wworst fuckin' alarm clock in the uniwerse."

"Sorry, sorry - wait, why am I the one apologising?" John blinked and rubbed his temples. "So many questions. Why are you sleeping in my bathtub? Why are you sleeping naked in my bathtub? Why are you sleeping holding a really big gun anywhere?"

"Answwering in order," Eridan said, scowling and tugging his eyepatch into place, "I like my gills to be wwet wwhen I sleep and you don't hawe any sopor slime; I only hawe one set of clothes wwith me and I wwanted to keep them dry; and the gun is in case some idiot wery rudely barges in on me." He punctuated the last clause of the sentence by jabbing the gun in John's direction.

"Oh God, last night wasn't a dream…" John looked up. "There's a large smoking hole in my ceiling."

"Yes there is." Eridan looked up guiltily at Dr Lalonde. "Uh, sorry about that. I'll fix it."

Dr Lalonde tutted, sipping from the glass in her hand. "Thank you for the offer… Eridan, was it? In the future, please don't play with guns in the house, okay?"

"Mom, are you drinking already?" groaned John.

Rose sighed as the group at the doorway turned to leave. "You get used to that." She politely shut the door, leaving John alone with Eridan and still very confused.

Eridan climbed out of the bath, propped the gun against the wall, and grabbed a towel which, to John's distress, he started to use on his hair instead of to cover himself. "Wwoww, you're still freaking out."

"What do you expect? I came in and found an alien sleeping naked with a gun in my bathtub!"

Eridan frowned, puzzled. "Humans wwear clothes in the bath?"

"That's not the- argh! Why are you still not getting dressed now you're not in the tub?"

"Wwhy bother? You already saww ewerything." Eridan turned around, and John flinched away. "Wwhat?" he said, grinning. "You really newer saww anything like this before? Prude."

"Well, no, not really," John said, gesturing to Eridan's gillflaps.

"Not my fault your stupid planet has no seadwwellers."

"And, uh…" John's eyes moved reluctantly downwards to check if he'd seen what he thought he had seen. "I've only seen that on a boy once. Well, once in real life the time we went swimming, twice if you count the time Dave showed us that porn with the guy who looks like Cyrus Grissom."

"Wwoww, are all humans this prudish?"

John picked up a towel and forced it into Eridan's hands. "Geez, you're cold. I don't think lying in a tub of unheated water for hours can be good for you."

Eridan blushed slightly. "Aww, it's cute that you care, but no, I'm supposed to be cold. Not a mammal, remember?"

"Oh yeah. Well, uh, maybe you should talk to Dave."

"Wwhy?"

"Oh God…" John turned red and struggled to find words.

Getting dressed could be a trial on bad days, even without a broken hand. Still, things had become much better after the surgery he'd had over spring break. Dave proudly brushed a finger against the scars; they'd healed up nicely. His eyes skimmed briefly over another scar, shallower and much older, along his collarbone, but he didn't dwell on it. Instead, he stepped into his pants and wriggled them up one-handed, then made an attempt to put his shirt on.

There was a knock at the door. "Hey, Strider human?"

"What?" Dave opened the door, broken hand still inside his shirt and trying to work into the sleeve, to find a very confused-looking Eridan. "I'm kind of busy here."

"Egbert human said I should talk to you because I don't hawe somefin called a penis. Is that important?"

Dave blinked, and glanced over at the packer lying on his bed. "No can do, fishbug, I only have the one."

Eridan's eye followed his, stared, then widened. "Oh cod, ewwww! Your bulges come off?"

"Well, mine does. It's a rare talent."

Eridan backed slowly out of the room.

"Uh, Tavros, was it? I can't get through the hall with your wings in the way."

"Oh! Um, sorry." Tavros pressed against the wall, letting Jade past. "They are a bit, uh, inconvenient indoors."

"It's okay. Now come on, we need to make a shopping list- eek!"

As Jade reached the top of the stairs, Eridan backed into her as he left Dave's room. Both of them stumbled, Eridan managed to right himself, and Jade fell forward down the staircase. Dave and John, alerted by the scream, ran to the landing, but were too far away to reach her.

"Whoa!" Tavros sprang forward after her, falling off-balance on his robot legs, and the crowd gasped, expecting him to fall too.

Jade opened her eyes to find herself in Tavros' arms, his wings fluttering and scraping the walls but holding him up a few inches above the top stair.

"Uhh, you should be, um, careful on stairs," he mumbled, blushing.

"Wow." Jade clutched her chest, feeling her pulse calm. "Thank you."

After everyone was sure no one was going to tumble down the stairs and get any type of head injury, Dave sputtered out a laugh and looked at the troll and Jade. "Didn't I warn you about the stairs?"

"I'm sorry, Dave." Jade smiled, then continued giggling a little. "But it keeps happening."

John snickered. "You told her, dog!"

"Seriously, fishbug, don't walk backwards near the top of a staircase - how high do you have to be even to do something like that?" That set the humans off again, the trolls looking at each other in complete confusion.

Tavros shifted and pulled them back onto solid ground, setting Jade down carefully and making sure she wouldn't fall again, before he let her go. He dropped his wings and tried to fold them to take up as little space as possible.

"Are you okay?" he asked again, looking a little bashful. He pushed his hands into the pockets of his jeans. Jade was sure if she kept silent any longer he'd start kicking his foot back and forth. She smiled at the image.

"Yeah, I'm alright, just had a little scare. Thanks for making sure I didn't get hurt."

"No, uhh, problem. Can I ask what your little interchange with the other humans was about? You all seemed to understand, was it a pop culture reference?"

"What, your planet's not heard of me?" Dave said proudly. "That was only a reference to the greatest artwork of all time, and I am the creator. It's me. Come on, I'll show you."

"You're an artist?" Tavros said slowly. "That's very, uhh, impressive. I would like to see your artwork, as long as I don't become a part of it." The way it was said made Dave pause. He didn't quite understand the full meaning behind the words.

"You might, I might draw all of you… I've only gotten… Here, let me just show you."

Dave scurried back into his room and emerged with his laptop and a few drawings. As they went downstairs, Eridan took one and sniffed it. "Wwhat the heck's this ink made of? It doesn't smell bloody at all."

"Why would it smell bloody? It's ink, not some unholy sacrifice to Satan, or something. Most of my stuff is online, so let me pull that up. Every troll sit down, it's time to be introduced to the best thing on the internet."

The other trolls were mostly gathered on the couches around the TV. Equius left the kitchen, still eating an apple. Sollux looked up from the unidentifiable gadget he was playing with. Feferi squeaked with glee. "Oh! Human culture! Come on, let us see it!"

"Okay, everyone, prepare yourselves for a pure ocular injection of awesome," Dave said dramatically. "I give you… Sweet Bro and Hella Jeff."

The trolls held their breath as he opened the page, then stared in dead silence.

"Um. It's very…"

Gamzee shrugged. "I've seen worse."

Dave looked around at the trolls. "Seriously? You guys are missing out on the masterpiece of human culture right here. This is considered fine art. See, on Earth, there are two things master artisans such as myself do. One is rap, the other is create the most badass and spectacular comics this side of the universe."

"This is considered fine art?" Equius said slowly, looking over the technicolor and oversaturated page.

"Oh hell yes, this is the cream of the art crop here on Earth. I don't know how good your English comprehension as far as reading goes, but I will personally buy you Hooked on Phonics so you can get hooked on this."

Dave slowly scrolled through the page, giving those viewing ample time to read each line. Terezi pushed herself closer and leaned in, nearly blocking everyone's view. She sniffed the screen before she licked it. "Smells tasty and cool."

Equius took off his glasses, polished them on his shirt, and put them back on. "I think my retinas just died."

"No, that's the flashing graphics. They can take people that way." John handed him a glasses-cleaning cloth. "Here, take this. I think you got sweat on your lenses."

Kanaya tried to find something to say. "I think this may be easier to comprehend if we were raised on Earth."

Jade shrugged. "Not really. It's mostly easier to follow it if you're Dave."