[recommended listening : 'My Hands Up' - Trespassers William]

prologue | an invitation

He was over it.

Really. It had been ten years and all of the should haves, could haves, would haves, had been thought and accepted and filed away as lessons learned. He never even thought of Zack anymore, but sometimes he dreamed.

Every now and then lying in bed, somewhere between the end of the fourth REM cycle and waking he was fifteen again. He was fifteen and in his impossibly blue bedroom and Zack was with him and they were touching. Cloud's hands would be placed on Zacks pretzel folded knees as if to steady himself and the dark haired teen would lean forward, one hand bracing itself in the blue carpet as he brushed feather light kisses onto the younger teens trembling lips. The other hand would raise to cup the blondes jaw and he would press a kiss, soft and unsure, onto them and they'd stay like that for a few moments and pull away. Then it would be the blonde who would lean forward and press his own lips reassuringly over the others in a kiss that was strong yet strangely sweet. Strange for the circumstances. Things like this, experimenting, no strings attached, hidden were not really supposed to be sweet. But it worked for them.

They were still learning at this time, discovering. Their tongues swirled clumsy and curious as if they were searching for something that they both knew wasn't quite there. But there were hormones and soft flesh and dream Cloud's hands would rise up from the knees along strong thighs to rest on pajama clad hips as dream Zack took control of the kiss and leaned forward, pushing his partner down onto the carpet and rolling their hips together in a way that sent electric shivers, still new, directly into both of their stomachs. Dream Cloud would moan into the kiss just as Dream Zack broke it, moving to nip and suck on the creamy expanse of the younger blonde's neck and shoulder, and Cloud would shutter and while dream Zack was distracted he'd flip their positions leaving the older boy a bit dazed as he found himself on his back.

Smirking from his position in the other boys lap he would roll their hips together, kissing down the other boys chest and simultaneously moving back until he reached the waistband of the pajama pants. He would lean down as his hands pulled and look up, clear ocean blue meeting briefly with violet and then-

He would wake up.

His eyes would snap open and the room would be too hot. In summer the sun would already be up but in Winter it would still be dark and it would be quiet like death or nowhere and his heart would be beating too fast.

He'd raise one hand to run through sweat damped blonde spikes and he'd lay there staring at the eggshell colored ceiling until his alarm went off. He would be shaking because it was so real and he would take a cold shower and resent his subconscious.

Over morning coffee he would try to once again bury the memories-both of the past and of the dream and become once again Cloud Strife: 28, reasonably successful, well liked, healthy, and happy. He was happy. He had absolutely no reason not to be.

He would catch his frowning reflection in the microwave and stop, he'd rearrange his features so he was smiling but that looked weird so he let them settle into something neutral as he scolded himself in his mind. 'You are happy, nearly every commercial jingle on the tv was written by you, you're sought after and respected. You have a nice apartment and a good job and many years of comfortable life ahead of you. You will do your best and reap the benefits of your effort.'

He wouldn't let himself think about how quiet his house was, how lonely. How even when he was standing there in the kitchen it was still empty.

It was one of those rare days that did not start with a dream of his first love that the invitation arrived.

The day had started off well. The weather was good, the sun was shining, the coffee had come out perfect and his hair was well behaved. He had finished a big project, the music for a new camera commercial, and received great praise for it. He'd accepted his coworkers invitation to go to their favorite bar after work. He had spent the night in good company, not once thinking of deceptively soft lips or violet eyes and feather light touches or the crushing weight of heartbreak.

Slightly tipsy he grabbed his mail on the way to the elevator. He pushed seven and flipped through the envelopes. Nestled between a department store circular and his light bill was an envelope slightly more rectangular than the others. He frowned as he stepped out onto his floor. Once inside his apartment he dropped the rest of the mail on the table and pulled out the off-white envelope, just a bit heavier than the others.

His eyes widened as he scanned the return address for the name of the sender. He found himself sobering up as he tore open the envelope, pulling out the expensive paper. In perfect printed cursive, with just the right amount of swirls and flowers Cloud Strife found himself being invited to the wedding of Aerith Gaignsborough and Zackary Fair.

He reread the invitation over and over again until his vision was blurred by tears. No, He thought dropping the paper onto the floor.

No.

It was inevitable, Cloud knew that.

Zack had cut short their arrangement ten years ago after all out of love for the then new flower girl and the two had been dating ever since. They'd dated through high school and college and the last he'd heard they'd moved in with each other so it was only a matter of time really. Cloud knew that. He was over it. He was over Zack so why did it feel like he was being ripped into a million pieces again?

He wiped his eyes and walked over to the kitchen, filling a glass with water from the tap and downing it. He repeated this several times before he slammed the glass onto the counter, gripping the sides until his knuckles turned white.

That night sleep would evade him. He would lay in bed staring up at the ceiling and think about being fifteen. Being young and in love and happy, about giggling quietly as he lay on the floor, upper body propped up on his elbows as a young, much more serious than was customary Zack studied instructions on the laptop...

"Why are you frowning?" he asked, reaching up to move the bangs out of Zacks face.

"This...sex stuff just seems...so complicated." Zack said, closing the laptop. "I really want to get it right...but even just typing it into the search engine makes me feel stupid."

Cloud laughed, "I'm sure we'll figure it out."

"Are you sure...I mean, it'll probably hurt. Are you sure you're ready? That this is ok?"

"Of course," Cloud said, sitting up completely, "I wouldn't have brought it up if I wasn't."

"Is it ok...that it's me? It's your first time right?" Zack said, playing with the frayed edge of the blanket.

"Who else would it be? I...I want it to be you." Cloud said quietly, 'I love you' he thought, but didn't say.

Zack grinned then, all perfect teeth and sparkling violet eyes and Cloud thought it again, 'I love you'.

He thought it again and again and he almost said it outloud but he didn't. Instead he pressed a kiss to the others lips that he allowed the slightly older boy to quickly deepen...

"So uh, what do you think of Aerith?" Zack asked, dropping down onto one of the chairs in the Strife Residences back yard.

Cloud narrowed his eyes behind dark sunglasses as he lay floating in the pool. "She seems nice." He knew this was coming. He'd seen the way the two looked at each other, the little touches they shared, the quiet smiles, the achingly sweet looks they gave each other when no one was looking.

"I...think I like her Cloud."

Cloud was prepared for it, had been expecting it all along but he still felt like a balloon that was slowly losing all its air. He could feel himself deflating. "Oh...well that's...nice. She's...nice."

Zack made a quiet noise of agreement.

They hadn't touched since the first day she spoke to them.

"Have you asked her out yet?" Cloud choked out.

"Just today. We're going out Friday night."

"Good for you." Cloud said, not meaning to sound so mean.

They sat quietly, Zack sitting in the shade on the patio while Cloud lay floating in the pool, on his back staring directly into the sun.

"Say Cloud,"

"Hm?" the blonde asked, almost all his air was gone. He was just discarded flesh without elasticity floating in the pool like fallen leaves.

"Are you...ok? Is it ok?"

Clouds heart broke into several pieces "Of course! I'm happy for you. What we were...doing was all in preparation for this right? S'not like we were dating or anything."

Zack's smile was genuine, "Yea, I know. I was just...making sure. You're approval means a lot to me Cloud. You mean a lot to me."

The pieces of Clouds heart rattled in his chest.

"You're my best friend." Zack said.

"Right back at ya," Cloud said, and the current of the pool pulled him away.

This is ridiculous Cloud.

He would think to himself the next morning, staring at his tired reflection in the mirror.

You're their best childhood friend. You will call them, you will congratulate them.

You will make up an excuse to not attend and send an expensive gift.

You will hold it together because you have moved on and you are happy.

He would narrow his eyes at the unconvincing look that would flash across his reflection. The slight furrowing of the brow, the pathetic downturn of his lips. He would force his face into a neutral position, a quick smile, then back to neutral.

You are happy.

a|n:
HI! It's been so long since I've written a story. It feels really strange posting again, but exciting as well! I've wanted to get back into fic writing and can't sleep so I figured I'd polish up the little bit I was working on now and post.

I don't claim to be a wonderful, original, or creative writer but am only having fun and attempting to improve and become the best writer I'm capable of being. That being said, is this something that anyone would be interested in reading?

It's hard getting back into the swing of things, but I'm looking forward to it!