Author's Notes: First things first: this is an extremely dark fic. I had an idea earlier this evening (okay, by now actually it was yesterday) that was kinda dark, but then I started writing and...I scare myself sometimes, I really do. So I really feel the need to warn you all that there are some extremely unpleasant elements in this story. Heed that 'R' rating.
As for other notes, this is (eventually) going to fill the latest challenge at the anirarepair list, which is simply one of the characters writing a last good-bye letter that has to have some kind of connection to a rare-pair couple. But that's not coming for a long time. And also, this is an AU, "what if something went different in 54?" story. I'll never get tired of that basic question. And seeing's how it's been a year exactly since the last book, it seems fitting to do a story along those lines.

Breakdown
By: Forlay

Prologue

I saw it all, of course. I'd always known it was a possibility, and I even felt a grim sort of satisfaction knowing that the plan I was seeing unfold would be the deciding blow against the Yeerks. It was a desperate plan, made by the desperate leader of the band of humans called Animorphs. But it was the right plan. He knew it, she knew it, I knew it, though none of us liked it. But what could any of us do? The humans could only do what they could understand with their brilliant, but primitive, minds, and I was bound by the rules of the Game.
I felt my opponent's fear. It was strange and also satisfying. Crayak rarely felt an emotion like fear. But he saw what I saw. He knew that his Yeerks were going to lose. He didn't know what to do, how to feel. He had never applied the concept of loss to himself.
But suddenly I saw it. Crayak was unwilling to lose without hurting my team.
He altered her.
The Animorph he'd become obsessed with. The one he'd tweaked minutely, to give her greater strength, greater hostility, even going so far as to once give her, by human standards, super powers. This was the Animorph he chose to alter. To force her to give up.
I saw her stand on the bridge of the Yeerk ship. A human alone in the midst of a pack of ferocious animals.
I saw her look into the human eyes of Elfangor's son, eyes that were wet with tears. And I saw her say the three small words humans place so much emphasis on.
"I love you."
And with a swift blow, a Yeerk in morph as an Earth creature called a polar bear, ended the life of Rachel the Animorph
The rules we had abided by for so long had been broken.
I 'spoke' with Rachel before she died completely, moving on to something even Crayak and I knew nothing about. It was technically a breech of the rules, but this was a minor infraction. Crayak would have permitted it even under ordinary circumstances, and could say nothing now that he had so blatantly broken the rules himself.
All sentient creatures, especially after giving their lives, want to know they mattered. Rachel, after sacrificing so much, deserved to know that her life and, in a way, even her death had mattered. For even as I spoke with her, I saw the remaining Animorphs continue their battle, making sure their friend had not died in vain.
But there was still Crayak to deal with.
"Crayak."
He appeared beside me immediately. "You wish to gloat?"
"I have nothing to gloat about. You broke the rules. She shouldn't have died."
"What does it matter? You can see as well as I that you and your pathetic humans win. For now."
He was right. One lone Yeerk ship escaped Earth. But there were other ships spread throughout the galaxy. One day they would return. But for now, Earth was safe.
"But at what price have the humans won?" I asked as I directed out attention to Earth again. The death of Rachel profoundly affected the remaining four human Animorphs. Tobias excluded himself from the human race, choosing to live as a hawk. Jake was nearly overcome with guilt, which kept him apart from Cassie and forming long term relationships of any kind with other humans. "This is not the way it should have been, Crayak. She should have lived."
"And what will you do about it? Break your precious rules?"
"You already have. I will not break them again. Correcting an error is not against the rules."