Author's Note: The game of Werewolf, as described by the kids, is real and is commonly played wherever students are bored and lack access to alcohol. Some readers may also be familiar with it under the name of Mafia. Many variants exist, but this is the one I have played most often.
A wide number of CHARACTERS are assembled in an UNIMPORTANT LOCATION. All those present are currently ALIVE, AS SANE AS CAN BE EXPECTED and none of them have ANYTHING BETTER TO DO. As a consequence, they are rapidly succumbing to BOREDOM.
Inevitable: Happen
John: hey, guys. you know what we should do?
Karkat: NO. WHY DON'T YOU SHARE WITH US WHAT I'M CERTAIN WILL BE AN UTTERLY BRILLIANT IDEA.
John: we should play werewolf.
Jade: yes! :)
Dave: no
Dave: that's a terrible idea
Rose: Actually, it isn't.
Rose: Werewolf would be a good way to pass the time.
Dave: no it isn't
Dave: werewolf is always a terrible idea
Dave: and you only like it because you take it as an excuse to psychoanalyse everyone
Dave: even more than you normally do
Tavros: uHH, gUYS, wHAT ARE YOU, tALKING ABOUT
Jade: it's a role-playing game!
Nepeta: :33 yay!
Tavros: iM NOT SURE –
Vriska: Is it FLARPing?
Aradia: FLARPing has been something of a pr0blem in the past. 0_0
Rose: It isn't live action.
John: one person is in charge of everything and they're called fate.
Karkat: OKAY EVERYONE STOP WHINING.
Karkat: WE ARE PLAYING THIS GAME.
Karkat: IT'S A FUCKING WINNABLE GAME AND WE'RE GOING TO PLAY IT.
Equius: D- But –
Karkat: I AM THE LEADER. WE ARE PLAYING THIS GAME.
Karkat: AND I AM GOING TO BE FATE.
Karkat: WHAT ARE THE OTHER RULES?
John: everyone who isn't fate is living in a village together.
John: and some of them are werewolves!
Karkat: WHAT IN GOG'S NAME IS A WEREWOLF?
Rose: A construct demonstrating the widespread desire for the separation of the id from the ego.
John: a monster!
John: they come out at night when everyone is asleep and attack people
John: but in the day they look like normal humans
Karkat: LIKE A RAINBOW DRINKER?
Kanaya: I Had Been Led To Believe The Human Equivalent Of Rainbow Drinkers Were Known As Vampires.
Kanaya: And Were Fictional.
Rose: The human psyche is capable of creating multiple constructs to mask identical issues.
Dave: werewolves are a lot like vampires in every way that counts including being total bullshit
Dave: and there are a whole bunch of stupid books and films where they fight and date girls and take their shirts off and completely fail to be even ironically interesting
Jade: actually…
Jade: i like twilight!
Karkat: SO EVERYONE IS IN A VILLAGE AND SOME OF THEM ARE WEREWOLVES WHO INEXPLICABLY REMOVE THEIR CLOTHING AT SUNSET
John: umm, no
John: that's something else
John: the werewolves are just like normal people in the day and then at night they attack people
Sollux: why ii2 everyone a2leep at niight?
Kanaya: It's A Human Thing.
Kanaya: Although Since Twelve Trolls Are Present And Only Four Humans The Convention Is Questionable.
John: okay so when it is night werewolves are normal people and everyone is awake.
John: then in the daytime everyone goes to sleep and each of the werewolves points at someone to attack.
John: and if two werewolves attack the same person that person dies.
Vriska: It seems this game is 8ased heavily on luck.
John: no, because the werewolves all know who each other are.
John: so they have to communicate during night when everyone is awake.
John: but without the normal villagers knowing what they are doing.
Dave: because if they suspect you then you get lynched
Terezi: TH3R3 4R3 L3G1SL4C3R4TORS?
Dave: don't be ridiculous
Dave: that would make some kind of sense
Dave: this game is as close to sensible as karkat is to chilled
John: anyone can call to lynch someone anytime in the day
John: i mean night
John: when everyone's awake
John: if someone seconds then it goes to a vote
John: everyone including the person shuts their eyes and holds a hand in the air
John: open to kill them, closed to let them live
John: majority wins
Terezi: FOR HUM4NS TH4T SOUNDS V3RY R34SON4BL3
Rose: It's barbaric.
Dave: precisely.
Dave: why do you even like this game?
Rose: Observing the base nature of my fellow players as they are systematically reduced to an uncivilised mob is –
Dave: forget I asked
Rose: And it's fun watching you get lynched.
Dave: there is nothing fun about me getting lynched
Jade: there is when it happens every time! :)
Karkat: SO IS THAT THE ENTIRE GAME.
Karkat: EVERYONE KILLING EACH OTHER.
John: it depends.
John: it can be just werewolves against villagers
John: and the villagers win if they kill all the werewolves and the werewolves win if they kill all the villagers
Rose: But no-one ever plays it like that.
Karkat: SO HOW DO YOU PLAY?
John: we play with special characters
Jade: like the cult!
John: the cult is a group of villagers who all find out that each other are innocent
John: but they can't say they know because of the cult or they die
Karkat: WHY?
John: umm…
Dave: because the cult meet up to worship horrorterrors who kill you if you mention them
…
Karkat: THEY'RE GRIMDARK
Karkat: WE ARE NOT PLAYING A GAME WHERE THERE ARE GRIMDARK VILLAGERS
Rose: Maybe the cult could be about something else.
Jade: frogs!
Jade: the cult is breeding frogs!
Jade: but there are derse agents in the village
Jade: so they can't mention the frogs!
Jade: or the frogs will get killed :(
…
Dave: harley
Dave: that was actually brilliant
Jade: duhhh!
Karkat: WHAT OTHER SPECIAL CHARACTERS ARE THERE.
Karkat: OR IS IT JUST FROG BREEDERS?
John: there are also Seers
Terezi: S33RS OF M1ND?
John: i don't know
John: maybe
John: actually, more like Seers of Wolves
John: because they can point to someone every night and find out if they're a werewolf or not
John: and then there are wolfsbanes
Karkat: WHY DOES EVERYTHING IN THIS GAME HAVE A STUPID MADE UP NAME?
Dave: it just does
John: wolfsbanes point to someone else every night and protect them from wolves for that night.
Karkat: WHY AREN'T THEY CALLED SOMETHING SENSIBLE THEN?
Karkat: LIKE 'WITCH OF SAFETY'?
Rose: What if the Wolfsbane is male?
Karkat: WIZARD. OF. SAFETY.
Karkat: WHAT WAS SO HARD ABOUT THAT?
Eridian: yay
…
John: also there are vigilantes
John: they only get one bullet
John: but they can shoot anyone in the d
John: in the time when people are awake
John: instead of having to get everyone to vote on lynching
Dave: let me guess were going to call that something really original
Dave: like knight of death or something like that
…
John: if you insist
Karkat: IS THAT ALL OF THE RULES YET.
John: mostly
John: except for the romance deck
Dave: we are not going to play with a romance deck
Dave: it just isn't going to happen
Jade: why not?
John: there's nothing that complicated about the romance deck.
Karkat: WAIT.
Karkat: WHAT QUADRANT DO HUMANS HAVE AGAIN?
John: in this game there are two kinds.
Karkat: I AM SURE YOU TOLD ME HUMANS ONLY HAVE ONE.
Rose: Romantic relationships in this game are notoriously complex.
Rose: In fact, there are many fascinating parallels with troll culture.
John: there are lovers and there are rivals.
Karkat: I AM ONE HUNDRED PER CENT SURE YOU TOLD ME HUMANS DID NOT HAVE KISMESIS.
Dave: normal humans don't
Dave: only stupid idiots who play this game have to deal with all this quadrants shit
John: the lovers are in love.
Jade: duuhhh
Rose: I believe the correct terminology is "red-rom."
John: and if one of the lovers dies then the other one has to commit suicide.
Karkat: WAIT.
Karkat: THAT IS JUST FUCKED UP.
Karkat: HUMAN ROMANCE IS SO WEIRD.
Kanaya: I Am Forced To Concur.
Kanaya: Surely This Is Severely Detrimental To The Human Population.
John: the lovers aren't always human
John: they can be humans or werewolves.
John: and if one is a human and one is a werewolf they can only win by killing everyone else in the village.
Karkat: THERE SEEMS TO BE A LOT OF DEATH IN THIS GAME.
Dave: dude
Dave: way to state the completely fucking obvious
John: then there are the rivals
John: they hate each other.
Rose: The concept of devoted rivals is very close to the troll ideal of black romance.
Rose: It occurs to me now that several elements of this game suggest a troll influence in its creation.
Kanaya: An Interesting Theory
Karkat: WHATEVER.
Karkat: SO WHAT HAPPENS TO THE KISMESIS PAIR.
John: well one of them has to die
Karkat: OKAY
Karkat: I KNOW HUMANS HAVE NO CONCEPT OF HOW ROMANCE IS MEANT TO WORK
Karkat: BUT EVEN YOU SHOULD KNOW
Karkat: YOU ARE NOT MEANT TO ACTUALLY KILL YOUR KISMESIS
John: that's how the games works
John: neither of the rivals can win if the other is alive
John: if their side wins and they are both alive then they both die
Karkat: NO WONDER THE HUMAN QUADRANTS ARE SO FUCKED UP
Karkat: LISTEN UP IDIOTS
Karkat: IF YOU KILL THEM THEY AREN'T YOUR KISMESIS ANY MORE
Karkat: IF YOU EVEN MANAGE TO THEN THEY WEREN'T A VERY GOOD KISMESIS TO BEGIN WITH
Karkat: I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THIS SCREWED UP HUMAN RIVALS THING IS
Karkat: BUT IT IS NOTHING LIKE BLACK ROM
Karkat: NOT EVEN A TINY BIT
Nepeta: :33 wait there are only two quadrants?
Nepeta: :33 what about pale rom?
Nepeta: :33 i bet all these werewolves need is a good feelings jam :33
John: maybe that would help
John: i don't know
John: how would it work
Nepeta: :33 well you and your palest buddy sit in a pile and talk about –
Karkat: UNLESS YOU CAN THINK OF A GOOD GAME MECHANIC FOR IT
Karkat: IT ISN'T HAPPENING
Karkat: BESIDES I DON'T THINK ADDING MOIRAILS IS GOING TO DO ANYTHING TO SAVE THIS TRAIN WRECK OF A QUADRANT SYSTEM
Dave: bisect
Karkat: WHAT
Dave: there are only two kinds dude
Dave: it cant be quadrants with only two types
Dave: it would be a bisect
…
Rose: Technically, I believe he is correct.
Karkat: OKAY BISECT.
Karkat: WHATEVER.
Karkat: HAVE WE FINALLY GONE OVER ALL OF THE RULES FOR THIS RIDICULOUS GAME.
Rose: I believe we have covered in detail the bylaws invoked by our favoured variant.
John: yeah, pretty much
Karkat: THEN SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET'S PLAY
Jade: yay!