Heeeeyyy guuuyeees. So, uh, two years? Not that bad, I mean-no, really, it's bad. Sorry for leaving you guys like this. I don't even know how many of you are still here but if you've stuck around, you can thank Villainislemony for my reappearance.

I'm giving the story another shot but I'm not promising anything. It's been two years so you should notice some change in my writing style - if you can call it that - and so on. I considered starting from the top with story and really going through it, fixing everything, but I don't have the time for it, so you're going to have to live with this.

Anyways, thank you for coming back and even considered giving this another change. I owe everyone a foot massage, especially Villainislemony.

This chapter is shorter than what I'm planning in the future, just FYI, but on , this is a combination of two chapters because I messed up the order.

The night sky had cleared and the stars were easy to spot from the back of the pickup. I sat there quietly, watching how my hot breath turned into a white cloud in front of me. I tightened the grip I had on the blanket around me. If I hadn't brought my jacket, it would have been too cold to stay out here.

I let my head fall down, nudging my chin down into the blanket while looking down. I had avoided everyone for the rest of the day and I didn't even leave the respawn room after what had happened. Scout had kept an eye on me until I had left but he didn't say a word. Sniper had acted oddly, awkwardly shifting around while it looked like he wanted to say something but he couldn't find the words for it.

When they looked away, I left.

I leaned my head back, listening to the hallow sound it made when I bumped against the metal. I could still feel it. The wet and sticky surface stuck to my skin while it sucked me down, swallowing me whole, while the taste of earth was still in my mouth. It even felt like it crunched in between my teeth.

''Becca?''

The voice next to me made me jump and gasp loudly. I quickly turned and stared at the person, my heart beating rapidly against my ribcage.

''Adrian… Goddammit…'' I huffed, trying to relax again.

''Sorry.'' His voice was low and apologizing.

He leaned against the truck while watching me carefully, ''can I…?''

I nodded and made room for him as he joined me on the back of the truck. He moved down beside me and put an arm around me without much hesitation. I let my head fall down on his shoulder, enjoying his presence.

''Brought ya' something…'' His voice snuck into my ear while I heard him fidgeting with something.

I noticed the little bag he had brought with him and I couldn't keep a smile back when I saw what he had in there.

''How the hell did you get chocolate?''

''Easy enough...'' He whispered softly before leaning in closer to me.

I sighed before taking in his scent and placing a soft kiss on his jaw, ''thanks…''

His rough fingers worked on opening the packaging while I watched, still smiling. I leaned my head back against his shoulder and happily opened my mouth when he brought a piece of dark chocolate to my lips. The sweet and somewhat bitter taste reminded me of Christmas and birthdays, even though the memories were shallow, it felt nice.

''Listen… I, uh, I really don't know what the hell to tell ya'… I didn't see it but the mongrel told me the details…'' He paused awkwardly when I looked up at him but let out a sigh short after, ''just wanted to make sure nothing was… well that you're alright…''

I watched him for a while before I could find something to say, ''I'm not… okay. I really don't know how to put it. I mean, I swear I can still feel the mud on my face and hear it crunch when I chew… and I'm scared that this wasn't enough revenge for her but I'm just glad you're here…. With chocolate.'' I smiled and let my head fall back on his shoulder.

He sat there quietly before softly pressing his lips against my forehead. I sighed before closing my eyes. I didn't know what to expect from him but the fact that he had showed up was already enough for me.

''Wanna talk about it?'' his voice was low, close to a whisper, and had the sweet hint of concern in it.

I exhaled through my nose before I opened my eyes, thinking about how and what I should say.

''She blames me…'' I finally spoke, ''…. She blames me for getting this job. She told me that it was my entire fault, and my mother's. I'm… I'm really not sure what to do with it…'' My voice died when I didn't know what else to say.

His hand tightened around me and I watched his breath turn into a white cloud.

''Well, I'm not sure what I would do with that either…'' He spoke softly, leaning his head against mine, ''just let me know if anything is bothering ya'…''

I smiled again before finding another piece of chocolate and bringing it to his lips. ''Thanks…'' I whispered while he gladly accepted the chocolate, ''you're sweet.''

He smirked while raising an eyebrow, ''talking to me or the chocolate?''

''Dumbass.'' I snickered before kissing him softly.

It felt good knowing that he was there for me…

/

My lungs burned like fire while I ran, breathing rapidly and struggling to keep myself from falling. Her voice seemed to follow me, no matter how fast and how far I ran.

Her harsh words turned into a cold laugh when my feet got stuck in the sand and I fell down face first. I tried to get up but the sand wouldn't let me. When the sand turned darker and her voice came closer, I felt the tears run down my cheeks when I realized what was happening.

The sand was turning into mud.

''You see that? That's what you deserve.'' Her voice shrieked while I started to sink down into the mud and I started screaming.

She started laughing again as I sank. The familiar cold and wet feeling pressed against my skin and my body. I started to panic. It was the same as before. I was helpless and no one was doing anything.

I screamed as I sank further down, recalling exactly what had happened the last time. It pulled me down, swallowing me into its cold embrace. I took what I knew would be my last mouthful air but I sank down faster than I had thought. Mud invaded my mouth and nose and before I could do anything, it closed around me…

… I sat up while gasping like I hadn't had any air in my lungs for years. Sweat ran down my body like it was rain and dried tears covered my face. I sat there, uttering a mixture of panting and sobbing sounds. My fingers gripped the sheets while I started sobbing more loudly and tears ran down my face.

''Oi… kid… what the bloody-'' Sniper muttered beneath his breath while rubbing his eyes but stopped as soon as he heard me sobbing.

He sat up quickly and his hands quickly framed my face. They turned my face so he could look at me while mumbling soothing words in mild panic and concern.

''Hey, hey… 's alright…'' he whispered before kissing my forehead and looking at me again. His thumbs tried to wipe away my tears but I couldn't stop crying.

''She-she was there… and I couldn't… I just couldn't…'' I sobbed, almost choking on the words.

His hands brought my face against his bare shoulder, gently holding me against him.

''It's the fourth time in a week now…'' I whispered when I had calmed down but kept my eyes closed.

''If I knew what to tell ya', I would have said it already…'' His lips brushed against my forehead while he spoke lowly.

''I know.'' I exhaled softly, ''I know…''

Nothing had really gone my way after the episode in the mud. Scout was walking around on tiptoes and whenever he came somewhat close to the subject, he would watch me like I was a time bomb. Engie looked like he didn't know what to do or what to say. The atmosphere was awkward as hell and most of the team tried to avoid me. Sniper was the only one who tried to act normal without acting like it never happened.

''I try to forget it, I really do, but it's like my brain won't let me…'' My voice was only I whisper and I tried to keep the tears at bay, ''I'm sorry,'' I sobbed when I couldn't fight them, ''I really don't know what to do.'' I squeezed my eyes shut as I pressed my forehead against his shoulder, my bottom lip quivering softly.

His hand gently stroked my hair while I was talking and kept going when I quietly sobbed against him. He didn't know what to say, that much I knew and I didn't expect much else from him. What could he say? I swallowed hard. If the situation had been the other way around, I wouldn't know what to say to him either.

''I'm gonna call in sick tomorrow…'' I mumbled after a long silence.

His lips pressed against my temple before his head rested on top of mine. Neither of us said anything while we sat there. His heartbeat thumped in my ear and I exhaled softly.

At least I wasn't alone…

/

The base was abnormally quiet. I couldn't tell if it was just my imagination but it sounded as if my heavy footsteps echoed down the hallway. It felt unreal, like everyone had just disappeared and left me here in the middle of loneliness. I wanted to laugh at myself. It was pathetic, wasn't it? I had spent the first two days in my room, catching up on sleep and enjoyed the isolation from the questioning glances, but now I was beginning to feel restless. The urge to move around left me wandering around the empty base.

The rest of the team was out fighting, like I should be.

I sighed.

Pathetic.

I was afraid of her and it was keeping me from doing my job. It was frustrating and despite how the thought of her would make my stomach turn, I had decided to join the battlefield again the next day. The decision was already making me nervous. In the end I really didn't have much choice; if I couldn't fight they had no use for me. It would only be a matter of time before they'd reached that decision and they wouldn't have wasted any time in waiting and my ass would have been on the a train on its way back before I could count to ten. I couldn't risk it. After all, I was starting to doubt wherever I would be able to function out in the real world again.

''Ah, look who finally left her room.''

A faint laugh next to my ear broke my trail of thoughts. My head snapped towards the person who had spoken but I quickly regretted that decision. A smirk was the first thing that met me, then smoke was blown into my face and I wrinkled my nose while pressing my eyes shut, hoping to prevent the stinging.

''Shut up.'' I grumbled and went to take a step back but Spy was quicker and easily snaked an arm around my shoulder, keeping me in place.

''Ah, no no… so negative…'' He chuckled.

Knowing this could quickly go wrong; I decided to try to dodge his comment by asking him a question instead. ''So, you're already done fighting?'' I asked quietly while trying to take a step back but he kept me where I was.

''Ah, oui oui, rather hard to win with one man short, non?'' He sighed.

His answer made guilt pool in my stomach and I had to swallow. I took a deep breath, finally shaking his arm off my shoulders and cautiously took a step back. While eyeing him, I mustered up what little courage I had these days.

''It's just for today.'' I crossed my arms, hoping to resemble the attitude I would usually waltz around with when in the company of Spy. It seemed to work more or less.

''Really?'' He snorted and turned around. ''I'm sure your counterpart will be thrilled with the news.'' He laughed while starting to walk away, leaving me standing in the middle of the hallway.

My mouth pressed together into a thin line. Just the thought of seeing that woman again was making my stomach turn but if I couldn't overcome this, I would be nothing but a burden for the team. And if it came to that, it wouldn't take long before I would get the dreaded, yellow note and be kicked on a train with the direction of New York. There was no other option, even if it was the last thing I wanted to do, I had to. Both my hands ran through my hair in frustration while I turned around, leaning my back against the wall. I closed my eyes as I allowed myself to be swallowed in a moment of hopelessness but it didn't last long.

''Hey, B. You finally decided to come out?''

I looked towards the direction of the voice; already knowing it belonged to Scout, and found him walking towards me. He had a smile on his face despite just losing today's battle and it positively brightened my otherwise foul mood.

''Hey man.'' I tried to find a small smile and somehow succeeded quite well. ''How was it out there?''

''We lost in overtime. It was real shit.'' He shrugged and looked me over. ''You-uh… like, alright and stuff?'' He mumbled, awkward as ever.

''Somewhat.'' I chuckled faintly for the first time in two days, humored by his awkward acting. When he started to frown because of my amusement, I shook my head faintly. ''Sorry, thanks for asking… I just don't really know until tomorrow.'' My smile faltered as I spoke and my eyes sought downwards.

''You're coming back then?''

I nodded.

''That's great! I'm freaking tired of playing two against one all the fucking time. It gets really boring, you know? And their Scout it just shit.'' He spoke with excitement in his voice which made me look up again.

''Yeah, sorry for ditching you.'' I smiled.

''Nah, it's fine, B. As long as you're not just giving up… I mean, if the higher ups found out-''

''I know… I know.'' I interrupted him and took a shallow breath. ''I would be fired within two seconds, I know.'' I murmured.

A small silence followed and I wasn't sure what to say to break it. I had no idea what was going inside his mind but the expression he wore suddenly turned glum once he looked like he had remembered something. His eyes left mine while he pondered on his thoughts and his hands were left to fidgets with the content in his pockets.

''She, uh… the psycho was looking for you…'' Our eyes met and he suddenly looked like he regretted telling me but my questionable gaze made him continue. ''She didn't say why, she just asked me- or yelled it across the field – where the hell you were. She's fucking insane or something.'' He mumbled, unsure of how to look as he spoke.

I stayed silent while I stared blankly at him. I took my time to figure out what to say but even as I opened my mouth to speak, I still wasn't fully sure what to say to that. ''I thought she already… made her point earlier.'' I murmured while my hands moved to my neck, my fingertips searching for where her hands had been back then.

''Maybe you should just stay close to me tomorrow…''

''That's kind of my job, idiot.'' I smirked at him and earned a grin from him.

''Oh would you look at that.'' A Texan accent made both of us look up and I sat Engie and Snipes approaching us. ''Great to see ya', kid.'' Engie grinned and was quick to tousle my hair as soon as he had the opportunity. ''Come on you two, dinners gonna be ready in a minute.'' Engie grinned and moved his attention to Scout, pushing him down the hall towards the kitchen while starting a conversation.

I was left standing with Snipes, who was already looking at me when I looked up at him. Without saying a word, he gestured for us to follow Engie and Scout while his hand quietly found mine. Fingers brushed against mine before they intertwined and I gave his a quick squeeze.

''You alright?'' He murmured while our hands left each other again.

''I don't know… probably not but if I don't go back tomorrow, I'm just going to seem suspicious.'' I sighed.

'''S gonna be just fine…'' He spoke while smiling faintly, offering me some consolation in my troublesome state of mind.

''I hope so.'' I murmured quietly and looked ahead, spotting the rest of the team walking inside the kitchen. Neither of us said anything but Scout was quick to include me in his and Engie's conversation as we joined the others. Despite having lost today's match, everyone was in rather high spirits and dinner turned out to be quite enjoyable and relaxing. No one asked me any questions about my absence and even Spy kept his mouth shut throughout the evening. It felt as if a pair of rocks had fallen off my shoulders and I momentarily forgot about the last three days.

The short break from chaos caused me to develop some sort of plan, which could possibly give me a night of sleep without waking multiple times from nightmares. The idea was simple; I just had to tire myself out. The problem wasn't hard to solve as Scout managed to produce a useable idea and mere thirty minutes later, we were trying it out.

My throat was burning as I was gasping for air and I could feel the sweat trickle down my neck.

''How fast was that?'' I panted and wiped my forehead with the back of my hand.

''Not fast enough, toots. I'm still way faster than you.'' Scout huffed next to me, sweating as much as I was.

''You got the same time…'' Snipes sat in the back of the truck with his watch between his fingers. He glanced at us both before sighing and sitting up, focusing his glance on me. ''How's the exhaustion going?''

I stood up straight and stretched my back as he addressed me, trying to focus on the tiredness in my body. I groaned while throwing my arms up and then down before rolling my shoulders. My legs were definitely screaming for me to stop but I still wasn't tired. Not enough at least.

''I still need a couple of rounds.'' I huffed, somewhat having gained control over my breathing pattern again.

''More?'' Scout groaned beside me. ''Fuck…''

I glanced at him, quickly noticing how he was looking more tired than me, and I knew I had to get him fired up somehow.

''You're giving up?'' I grinned and watched as his head snapped up. His glance flew to me and I knew I had him. ''Come on, wuss. You can't be that tired yet.'' I teased him, watching the fire rekindle in his eyes and he let out a snort.

''I'm no fucking wuss.'' He grumbled and flashed me a grin while stretching as well. ''Bring it, B.''

No more words were exchanged while we locked eyes and got ready for another race. I heard Snipes grumble something from his seat but like the other rounds, he glanced at his watch and called out once he was ready. The same second he spoke, the sound of running in loose gravel and dirt filled the air. The sensation of my lungs and legs burning felt so freeing and familiar, it consoled me in a way I wouldn't be able to explain properly. We ran until we were ready to drop and for the first time in over a week, I slept like a rock.

Despite this, I knew fear and nerves would be back the following day and I found that I was right.

Sometimes, it wasn't nice to be right.

/