Disclaimer: I do not own Neon Genesis Evangelion.

THE FOURTH DAY

Pen Pen

It was the heat that woke her up.

Without opening her eyes, Asuka tried to shift around to get out of the disgusting and hot groove she'd slept herself into, but her bed wasn't wide enough for that. She was drowning in warmth. And she was struck by a vague sense of deja vu, an irritating feeling of recurrence. Among the fractured dreams of battle and familiar faces closing in on her, she seemed to recall this exact scene: waking up from the uncomfortable heat.

Her blanket already laid discarded among candy wrappers and bits of food that she'd dropped and never bothered to pick up, in the small space between her bed and the wall. It was probably covered with dust and all sorts of nasty bacteria by now. Through monstrous effort, she managed to lift up her head and flip over her pillow. The other side didn't seem to be any cooler.

The closer she drifted to full consciousness, the more aware she became of the over-powering stench of sweat, and the way her clothes clung to her skin. And the itching... It was a miracle she'd managed to sleep at all with her whole body itching like that. It was driving her crazy. She twisted her arm around to scratch the small of her back. She scratched her calf, her elbow and her cheek, but stopped when she brought her hand to her head to scratch her scalp and her fingers found the nerve clips still in her hair.

With a sigh, she rolled over and pressed her face into the pillow that smelled of Asuka. She was reminded of why she wore perfume. Some of her hair ended up in her mouth.

It had been a while since she had last taken a shower. Probably a good three or four days; she wasn't exactly sure when it was. She hadn't done much anything in that time, in fact, except sleep. A few bathroom breaks and something like a meal here and there. The thought came to her that she should do something, she should get up, thoroughly wash up and then take her bedsheets and burn them. But the thought disappeared as quickly as it came. She just...

There was no reason for her to get up. None.

She was well on her way to falling asleep again when her hand, hanging over the side of the bed, came into contact with something hard and cold and a little bit sharp. That something then pulled back and pecked at her gently. Laboriously, Asuka finally opened her eyes and turned to look at who had attacked her.

Pen Pen.

The penguin was standing at her bedside, staring right into her face.

"What do you want?"

Pen Pen cocked its head to one side.

The door to Asuka's room was slightly open, even though she distinctly remembered bashing it closed several times until the stupid sliding door finally stayed where it was supposed to. Pen Pen must have pushed it open and slipped in. Out of the blue, Asuka realized that this was the first time one of her flatmates had come into her room, the very first. Japanese people really did respect privacy. Neither Shinji nor Misato had ever tried to come in, not even when the doors were wide open.

Asuka raised her hand and pushed it against the penguin's head lightly.

"Go away."

Pen Pen made no move to go.

"Leave me alone."

Why the hell was she talking to a penguin?

With a snort, Asuka turned her back on Pen Pen. Only she couldn't fall asleep anymore, knowing that it was there and watching her. She kept still for a long time, listening for flippers padding away on the floor but not hearing it. The light seeping in from the edges of the closed curtains was starting to bug her. It seemed to be morning or so, but cloudy. And it was so hot.

When she eventually peeked back over her shoulder, the penguin was still right there, in the exact same spot, staring at her.

"Damn it!"

Asuka rolled back around and reached out her hand, fully intending to give Pen Pen a firm shove to get it to leave. Instead, she found herself slowly patting its feathery crest. Pen Pen made some kind of penguin-noise, a squeak of surprise. Why should it have been surprised?

"We're the only ones here."

It obviously had some measure of intelligence, but Asuka had never been able to tell how smart it really was. And honestly, she usually didn't care very much. But for once, she found herself wondering what it was feeling, and why it had come into her room. Its gaze was inscrutable; one could ascribe pretty much any meaning to it.

"Are you... lonely?"

Pen Pen lifted up its wing and placed it against her hand, as if in greeting. Had Misato trained it to do that? Thinking about it, it did come across as a bit desperate, and expectant somehow. Could a penguin feel loneliness? Asuka had the impression that it liked to keep to itself most of the time. But now, with Misato neglecting it, perhaps it was looking for a bit of companionship.

Giving Pen Pen's head a final pat, Asuka pulled back her hand and pushed herself to her knees, then slowly sat up on her bed. Pen Pen squeaked again while Asuka dispassionately looked over the carnage she'd caused in her room. Broken mugs, ripped paper, clothes lying around everywhere – but no. This wasn't something she wanted to deal with or think about.

Standing up immediately made her head spin as her blood flow adjusted to movement after such a long time, but she appreciated the feeling of air on her skin. She tugged at the collar of her t-shirt to get some wind under it. Her normal morning routine after getting out of bed was to step up to the mirror and look herself over, but right now, she suppressed that instinct with all her might. Instead, on a whim, she bent down and picked Pen Pen up. Its feathers felt pleasantly chilly to the touch.

"What should we do now, huh?"

It seemed like she and the bird looked each other in the eye for an eternity. Eventually, Asuka scowled and looked away. She irreverently marched through the debris on the floor and stepped outside, then forward into the living room. She put the penguin down at the edge of the kitchen corner and wondered what to do. She really had no idea.

After an indeterminable length of time just standing around, her gaze fell on the blinking light on the telephone. Another day, another meaningless message from Misato on the answering machine. Reluctantly, she dragged herself over to the phone. She made a point of rolling her eyes as she pressed the replay button.

"Hey Asuka, are you there? There's nothing much to report here. Ritsuko called in all the reserve technicians to help with getting Shinji back. She's looking into some old files of hers that might be useful. There's still hope. I don't know when I'll get home. Don't forget to feed Pen Pen!"

Don't forget to feed Pen Pen.

Beep.

Asuka stood still for a moment. She could hear her breath get caught in her throat, she could hear the blood rushing to her head. Pen Pen's food bowl was on the floor next to his fridge, empty. The penguin was still staring at her.

There were few things she hated more than feeling stupid.

"You just wanted me to give you food, is that it!"

Asuka's knees buckled. Suddenly, she found herself rushing towards Pen Pen and aiming a kick at it. Pen Pen dodged her foot and dived underneath the dinner table. Asuka snarled and pounded her fist into the table so hard that one of the chairs around it was knocked back and fell over with a sharp thump.

"That's all I'm good for, right!"

She whirled around and headed for the refrigerator, the big one, and tore open the door. She grabbed some things at random – a plastic box of cooked rice and an open can of sardines that probably wasn't spoiled – then stomped over to Pen Pen's bowl and dumped everything in it, spilling quite a bit.

"Are you happy now, you stupid fucking bird?"

Pen Pen was cringing under the table between the chair legs, peeking up at her with that same blank, animalistic expression. She wished she could say something genuinely hurtful, to throw the whole thing back in its face somehow – but the fact of the matter was that she was talking to a penguin. This whole situation was retarded. There was nothing she could say that wouldn't twist around to make her look even worse. She felt embarrassed for feeling embarrassed.

With a wild shake of her head, Asuka turned around and half-ran back into her room. She tried to slam the door shut, but the damn sliding door just bounced open again. She had to turn around and close the door behind herself, keeping her eyes closed so she wouldn't have to see Pen Pen waddle over to his bowl as she knew it would.

Immediately afterward, Asuka threw herself back into her bed and hid her face in the pillow.

Why did she even bother with all this?

There was no reason at all for her to get up.

Notes:

- As you can imagine, this story is (hopefully) going to have 30 chapters. There isn't going to be a real central plot, though there will be a few lines of thought running through several chapters. It's more of a collection of vignettes depicting moments from Asuka's downward spiral. I wouldn't be surprised if there was a story with a similar premise floating around, but I didn't find anything on a cursory search, so feel free to point something like that out to me.
- The issue with this chapter, I fear, is that it might just be a bit too silly. I think I pulled it off pretty well in practice, but the concept's kind of hard to take seriously. You could also argue that it's a poor choice for the very first chapter, but this is honestly the only way it made sense to me. What do you think?

Next chapter: Mother 1.