Vicious Calm

Chapter 7- Small Victories and Big Losses

I'm back.

where r we, everything's so bright

…

im scared

It's alright Childishness; it's just been a while. Everyone have all their parts.

cynicism looks bigger, like… big cat bigger

With this fool's extended pity party I've have grown magnitudes stronger, I now dominate the darkest areas of his mind with an infernal army. Soon we will march on the king.

There's a king? You mean me?

nopey dopey

Don't flatter yourself twit. Your mind is so damaged empires have formed in the cracks.

That's worrisome, good thing I can legally drink.

No that's worrisome.

Silence cur. Now let's get down to business.

Cur?

i like curds not ways though

never ways

"Nagi-chan. It's Sakura, open up!" Sakura banged on a large iron door marked with a six; her knocks reverberated through a long metal hallway.

This was the apartment building in which; though calling the place Nagi lived an apartment building always struck Nagi as something of a misnomer. If nothing else it was underground.

One has to wonder just why the Hokage would place a young girl under his care in the place he did, the place had... something of a sordid history. Its major use for the past few years was as the sight for the annual Torture & Interrogation Department's training camp.

The story started when Nagi after losing a number of apartments to 'inexplicable' acts of god/fire frustrated the Hokage to such an extent that he just decided to put her in an apartment that just could not be destroyed. No matter how much she tried.

To be fair there was logic behind the Hokage's as the apartment had once, in fact, been a proof of concept of a new type of military bunker. It was called a Vault, a marvel of science equipped with countless marvels of science from pneumatic sliding doors to its own generator and even very early computing technology. The head designer, a genius of his time, had rated it to survive a nuclear blast... whatever that was. If you hadn't noticed the head designer was also a quite mad man. Few people could understand his ramblings and even those who could where at a loss to explain any of it.

The head designer died from extremely old age almost as soon as the first stage of the project was completed. Fortunate as the second stage involved cruel social experiments. To this day many researchers pour over his work, however nobody could really justify the exorbitant cost of the bunker, scientific marvel or not, when Konoha already had a network of tunnels and shelters in the Great Faces Mountain easily able to house and protect three times the populace of Konoha. Keeping in mind this was pre-Kyūbi attack.

Eventually the deed for the buker was sold off to the Ibiki family; the only known fact about the context of the sale was that it involved a lot of alcohol more of which was poured over wounds than actually drunk. Since the bunker was very large and the Ibiki family was not they decided to make some cash by offering the many empty rooms they had as luxury accommodation... Then they offered the rooms as reasonably priced accommodation... Then dirt cheap housing... Then shelter for the homeless... Then storage... Then the Ibiki's just realised that no one wanted to live in or even go near an underground bunker operated by a family of torturers. In retrospect it might have been wiser not to advertise the sound-proofing as a feature but then again the Ibikis wanted to attract the 'right' kind of crowd.

Nevertheless the family never stopped advertising their bunker and now de-facto clan home as space for rent; if nothing else then in order to justify the bunker's purchase. Cut back to the present when Nagi is coaxed into renting a room she became the first, only and likely last non-Ibiki tenant of the Vault-City Apt.

While Sakura was aware of all of this the only thing she cared about was that for all the fancy technology, the locks could be dealt with only a screwdriver and a bobby pin.

Which Sakura did regularly, much to the irritation of Nagi's current landlord. "Haruno, what have I told you about breaking into my tenant's apartment." Morino Ibiki walked past such a familiar scene on his way to work, sipping from a large travel mug filled to the brim with extra strength coffee as he did so.

Sakura only gave a curt nod in response to his question, not bothering to look up at Nagi's landlord. Picking locks was a delicate task and she had only brought a few spare bobby pins. She noted to herself to rummage through more metal boxes.

Still as far as landlord/break and enterer relationships went these two were on more or less good terms. In the past Sakura had to come by almost daily to make sure Nagi hadn't overslept and would be late for school, the blonde girl rarely did such a thing though Sakura was just being more than a little paranoid. Somehow Nagi had won her friend's trust, at least when it came to punctuality, and since the mission to Wave several weeks ago Sakura hadn't arrived prematurely to break into her friend's apartment and watch her sleep.

Today Sakura had a legitimate reason for breaking into Nagi's place, namely passing instructions for a multi-team training exercise. Which was all well and good but Ibiki just couldn't bring himself to fully trust a girl who doesn't even attempt to knock before resorting to picking the lock.

Sakura saw it differently. "Y'know I wouldn't have to keep doing this if you'd just agree to give me a key."

"Never going to happen Haruno, and I don't care if Nagi gave her permission either. I take personal annoyance towards psychotic stalkers harassing my tenants."

"I keep telling you asshole I'm Nagi's friend not her stalker." Sakura growled in annoyance, she had been through this conversation with far too many people as of late.

"Just because you've managed to convince Nagi of that doesn't mean you're going to convince me."

"One day I'm going to gut you like a fish landlord."

Ibiki could only shake his head, he might be a lax guy in the morning, hence the coffee, but unlike some psychopaths he knew through work he prided himself as a man who had standards in work. Whether that applied to his day job or as a landlord, even if he 'technically' only had one tenant, he went to lengths to assure his tenant was comfortable and safe.

"One of these days I'm going to have to fix those robots and enforce a no pink-haired girl policy."

Sakura didn't even hear Ibiki's threat, if she did she likely would have had some questions about where and why he had robots, however the lock had just suddenly clicked open and the girl rushed inside with a cry of 'success'.

Ibiki waited patiently.

"What the hell is this!?" Sakura's screams echoed throughout the metal halls of the apartment building.

Ibiki hid his smirk of petty revenge by taking another sip of coffee.

Sakura's mouth was wide in utter horror. Her brain shuddered in pain and panic, unable to fully comprehend what her eyes were showing her.

For the sake of the readers what she saw was the same long dark haired girl who had disappeared after the Bridge Incident- as people in the know called the mission in wave her team was on a month ago- seated on Nagi's bed. Wearing only a kimono the girl was drying the hair of Nagi who was wearing only a towel and seated between the dark haired girl's legs.

Somewhere in the back of her mind Sakura actually found the whole situation strangely arousing but, like most instances of her budding teenage hormones, she pushed those thoughts away in favour of violent fury.

"Once again... What! In! The! HELL!?"

Nagi didn't look Sakura in the eyes when she answered, not because she was embarrassed, rather because she had a simple and common problem. "I got shampoo in my eyes."

The girl though had no sympathy. "It's your own fault for squirming around when I put the lather in your hair."

"It tickled." Nagi argued.

"You...you two bathed together." Sakura had to clamp a hand over her nose when it felt like her soul was trying to escape, in actuality a nosebleed but that was another issue altogether. 'I've spent far too much time around Hinata.' Sakura thought.

"Most people would ask who I am first. Though to answer your question yes, we actually showered together, for all its amenities this place doesn't have baths only small shower cubicles. Honestly it all seems a bit mechanical and cold." The long haired girl didn't look up at Sakura when she answered. Keeping remarkably calm and collected as she continued to dry the smaller girl's hair; regardless of the presence of a girl who wouldn't think twice before trying to kill her.

To her credit though Sakura managed to keep calm for quite a while, or at least while she processed what was happening. When her left eyes began to twitch sporadically it was a good sign that she was nearing her limit. "Nagi... just tell me two simple things. Who is this and/or can I kill her?" Sakura hoped for a yes somewhere in the respond.

Nagi, who had managed to get the soap mostly out of her eyes, looked at Sakura in confusion. "But... you've met before." Apparently she was ignoring the murder query, probably for the best really.

The dark haired girl merely laughed while Sakura's right eye once again began to twitch faster this time.

"I don't know if you'd call that a meeting, I did jump off a bridge at the end of it." The dark haired girl finally finished drying Nagi's hair allowing her to stand up and started getting dressed.

While Nagi walked over to the metal dressing, dropping her towel as she does so ignoring the others in the room. The others in question paused their conversation during this, watched her actions for a good half minute before resuming their conversation. Which really says alot about the people she hangs with but one issue at a time.

"Anyway I'm Nagi's elder cousin, as well as Zabuza's…daughter and apprentice."

Sakura was too focused on having a minor breakdown at what she had just heard to notice a partway dressed Nagi giving her 'cousin' a questioning look. Before shrugging and deciding to roll with it, deciding that he was running one of his famous schemes. "Yep, she's my Haku-oneesan."

"Since my father has decided to go gallivanting off on some sort of spiritual quest," Sakura noticed how Haku's knuckles tighten at this part, "I will be staying here with Nagi-chan in the interim. Pleasure to meet you." Haku ended with a deep bow.

Sakura could only stare at the bowing girl with tired eyes.

"Oh and I've already gone through the process of obtaining a Konoha refugee citizenship so don't think you're going to get me deported." Haku added with a wicked smile.

'God damn Konoha and their pro-immigration laws why can't we just deny their base humanity like everyone else... the hell... I think I just had a fit of political outrage.' Sakura thought adding this to the growing list of things that she needed to worry about later.

"As long as you understand," Haku stood up from the bed and adjusted... her kimono, "now then I believe you arrived here for a reason."

"Huh, what?" was Sakura's only answer to that.

"We've got morning training with Team 10." Nagi answered in her steed, having dressed in her usual orange sundress and black flak jacket.

"Precisely, run along and have a good day Nagi-chan." Haku smiled with all the warmth of a mother sending her little girl off to kill people. Which in a ninja village accounts for a great amount of warmth.

"'Kay onee-san, come on Sakura we're going be late."

Sakura was pulled out the room by her excited friend before the pink haired girl could come to grips with the current situation.

Haku gave a happy little sigh of contentment before removing his sleeping kimono, pulling on his lightweight body armour, strapping some small senbon bags to his belt, pulling over a heavier day wear kimono and a shopping basket.

"Well then, time to go shopping."

"Hello Haku."

"Good morning ma'am." Haku smiled as he greeted the sweet old lady he passed in the street.

"H-Hi there Haku-chan."

Haku gave a polite wave and cute smile to the store assistant who always stumbled over his words when he passed.

"Having a good day Haku-chan."

"Of course Keiji-san." Haku gave a small bow as he paid the kind old greengrocer who never noticed when he short-changed Haku on already heavily discounted produce.

'Cheap groceries, blatant manipulation and the oddly perverse thrill that one day that grocery store assistant will have to question his sexual preferences.' Haku thought as he walked home with the feeling of contentment that came from the fact that life in Konoha was a rich and fulfilling as he thought it would be. Though his thoughts quickly turned sour. 'If that damn thick headed bandage face would just understand, why it is so bloody hard to force happiness on people against their moral code.'

You'd think something about that would make Haku realise something about his own moral code but… upon typing that out I realised how ridiculous and OOC that would have sounded. Carry on Haku, like the psychotic gender confused assassin you are.

"With pleasure cat-chan."

…I hate when characters break the fourth wall… and when they talk to the voices in my head. I've also learned to hate when people call me cat-chan, brought that one on myself really.

"Just consider yourself lucky I can't actually interact or you'd be dead for that last crack. Now enough with the poorly written metahumour and continue with the poorly written fanfiction."

Yes sir uh… ma'am… sir'am? Ma'ir?

As the mild wave of insanity passed, over author and character alike, Haku regained awareness his reality and the fact that he was still four blocks away from a refrigeration unit and yet carrying a bag full of fish on a very hot day.

Haku groaned in annoyance before looking behind himself, then above and then above and behind, finding no villagers, ninja or otherwise, aside from a group of small children playing with a large blue ball. Whom he waved to and smiled sweetly, all while muttering under his breath. "Good thing ANBU only keep watch over darkened back alleys and the large gaping holes in the electrified fences instead of the children parks. Not to mention how fortunate that the standard police forces in a ninja village are far too secure in the knowledge that ninjas make up their extensive military force."

Humming happily to himself Haku gave one last wave to the nearby children. "Life in Konoha really is quite fine." Once more he sighed contently before vanishing in a puff of smoke, leaving a group of surprised children to let their ball roll off into the bushes before running off screaming. Meanwhile the one wholly desensitised kid from a ninja family was left to cry out. "Sweet! Free ball!"

Training ground 16 was… well to put it poetically, and somewhat plagiarist-ly, a field by any other name would be as featureless. The field was, much like many training grounds, meaning nothing special, after all Konoha could only afford to maintain one area filled with deadly traps and giant monsters. No seriously, they budget for it and everything. It was calculated and determined what would be the most fiscally responsible choice versus the benefits that can be gained from monster infested training grounds. That's ninja economics for you.

Still this normal training ground has, for a number of weeks now, been home to a peculiar and violent mini-tradition. It had all started with a small scale war, when she got back from the bridge incident Nagi had been acting odd…er. Or at the least more antsy, having had tried to pick a fight with most every rookie ninja and a few fully trained killers. Aside from Kiba though, who lacked a healthy sense of self preservation, none were inclined to assist in her self-destruction. Thus she resorted to goading people into fight, which ended about as well as you'd think it would, at least until she tried goading Choji with fat jokes then it ended worse than you could ever imagine. After this Sakura got involved.

By the end of it all Ino had to spend a day pulling senbon out of her body. While her attacker Sakura was getting over a stab wound; though she personally was more shocked over the fact that Ino would literally shiv her than the wound itself. Shikamaru was hospitalised for two weeks over two broken legs, so he was happy at the least and Sasuke… Sasuke came out alright though the given value of 'alright' was debatable the boy still refused to have his arm, head or the recent neck wounds checked out. The war eventually ended with the sharing of ramen between Choji and Nagi as they mended hurt feelings and broken ribs respectively.

Now most teachers would look at such an act and think 'Gee, we really should keep these two groups; that are quite clearly unhinged and may try to kill each other again'. Those kinds of teachers however would never be able to handle teaching a ninja team, probably end up snapping and find solace in so many cats or a collection of people's faces.

No, as Azuma and Kakashi saw, the only logical thing to do was to arrange regular joint training sessions between Teams 7 and 10. Not only did it teach Team 7 not to underestimate an opponent, even if they were an ally, as well as keeping them on their toes. As for Team 10 well, it actually got them to do something during group training; no easy feat as Azuma could attest.

Even if for Ino that something was a life and death battle with her former best friend every other day.

"Heh heh, Ino-pig I see you're still as weak and pin-cushiony as ever, sometimes I wonder if you train at all." Sakura smiled as she held Ino to the ground by her chest, a selection of senbon, each dripping with a deadlier toxin than the last, were held in the knuckles of her free hand.

"Fucking hell. Get off me you psycho!" Ino gritted her teeth as she struggled against the pink haired girl. A futile effort, not only was Sakura stronger than her by a magnitude but with the position they were in the pink haired girl was practically sitting on top of her blonde former friend. The blonde had a dream like this once; she chose to forget it very quickly.

"What's the rush, you're so desperate to get back to your precious Sasuke-kun."

Ino went red, though it wasn't clear whether it was out of rage or embarrassment. "What do you care? Go hang out with your blonde midget girlfriend!"

"How dare-" Sakura snarled and drew her fist back ready for a killing blow. Only for a swift punch to the gut to knock the wind out of stomach as well as knock the senbon out of her fist.

The next hit targeted her throat and Sakura fell to the side in a heap, gasping for breath while Ino leapt to her feet and sprinted away.

"Enjoy the upper hand while it lasts forehead, I'll make you pay for everything. What you did to Sasuke-kun and especially for hanging out with that blonde midget all the time."

"Stay still blondie."

"Huh, weird." Half a field away Sasuke and Shikamaru sat under the shade out a tree, a shoji board set up between them and a kettle of tea cooling to the side.

"It's probably not in my best interest to ask but… What's weird?" Shikamaru remained almost perfectly still, aside from a single rising of an eyebrow, his fingers flooded in a latticework as he pondered his next move.

"It's nothing really it's just what Sakura just said, it's a little weird to hear that applied to someone other than Nagi." Sasuke sipped his tea with a thoughtful look. "Also please stop staring at me like I am something particularly horrifying which you just barely managed to avoid stepping on," he paused to take another sip of his tea, "I do not find it amusing."

"…Uchiha for the love of every single one of the eight million gods go see a head doctor, or a GP or a bloody vet. Just… see someone ASAP."

"Hmmm. Did you know that you are the twenty-third person to tell me something to that effect in the past week, the third person to use that precise wording and, overall, the thirteenth most convincing."

"For fu-What the hell happened to you in the Land of Waves?"

"If you're curious the most convincing was one of the people who used that same line but he had a firmer tone of voice. It's all in the delivery, I keep telling people that but they never take the advice. Perhaps if I tried saying it in context. "

"Forget it." A bit too lazy to throw his hands up in defeat Shikamaru just opted to sigh and make his move. "Your move crazy man."

"Excellent, quick question about the rules first."

"Shoot."

"What is this game called again?"

"…"

"I said I do not find that look amusing."

Shikamaru tried to sigh but it came out more like a shaky breath than an actual expression of exasperation. "You know… you should consider yourself lucky that you're so surprisingly good at this game because if you weren't one of the few people I could count on for a decent game because…well… let's just say there are some people my family knows. These people would beat you so hard that, in the few moments before you breathe your last from massive internal haemorrhaging, you would regain your sanity and you would realise that a long painful death at the end of wasted life could be the only end that could ever await you."

"Well… that… was certainly uncalled for Shikamarau."

"That's your opinion. I believe in looking at things from multiple viewpoints."

"I'll just make my move than shall I."

"Y'Know if you're curious, those people I was talking about, they call it the Number 3, you want to know what the first two are?" Shikamarau asked generally enthused

"In my head this conversation was going to go in a much different direction. Guess that's a good thing really, we do not have that many ferrets. Of course who would have that many ferrets?"

Choji scanned the field intently, his eyes and mind working hard to determine the shapes and shadows obscured by the mist. His every muscle was taunt, his senses strained to the limit as he readied himself to anticipate an attack from every angle.

He had to be cautious; the goods he protected were too valuable to be allowed to fall into the enemy's hands.

Crack!

In the silent stillness of the mist even the breaking of a twig was magnified exponentially. Choji reacted by whipping his body towards the sudden sound, his senses flicked from strained to focused in an instant as he adjusted from defence to offense.

"Expansion Jutsu!" He yelled and unleashed his technique, his right arm growing to monstrous size even as he swept it across the battlefield towards the sound. Though he couldn't quite see his arm as his attack stretched deep into the mist, but the crashing of trees and the feeling of splinters bouncing off his forearm told of the devastation he unleashed. What he didn't get was the scream of the enemy or the wet crunch of flesh and bone; rather he got a soft pop and the feeling of warm jelly.

Too late did he realise his mistake, the snapped branch was a diversion. He knew this before he felt a presence behind him, the enemy was reaching for the goods he held in his left hand. Desperately he tried to recall the expansion jutsu and free his arm for a second attack, but it was no good the jutsu was indeed powerful but it was also slow and unwieldy. That however didn't make him entirely defenceless though.

Choji loathed doing the next part but he released the goods, letting them drop to the ground but freeing his left hand. He immediately put the limb to use, grabbing a kunai and stabbing at the approximate enemy's location before he could even turn around. When he did so he saw that, once again, his instinctive attack proved to be another fatal mistake.

The thing he attacked was the shape of the enemy yes but shape was all it was. A featureless maple coloured facsimile with a kunai sticking out of its forehead, staring at him with eyes that lacked detail. The attack did not make the clone fall into a puddle like a kind natural order would have allowed but instead it boiled and churned before exploding outwards. The horrific slime starburst reached towards him and encased his arm in a cocoon which didn't even have the kindness of keeping still.

When his other arm finally retracted from its last attack Choji quickly tried to reach over and free his left arm with his now normal right only to find that his right arm had picked up a passenger when it had swept those trees down, another of the red slime clones. He tried to burst free from the swiftly expanding slime by initiating his expansion jutsu again but, whether by luck or some twisted semblance of intelligence, the slime clone targeted his hand first entrapping them so he couldn't hope to form the necessary signs.

With both Choji's arms encased in churning unpleasant sliminess, which was quickly growing uncomfortably hot, there was little he could do in defence. Unless of course Choji were insane enough to try bull rushing his enemy.

Which he was.

It didn't work but you can't fault him for his attempt.

"Finally," The enemy said pulling open the top of the goods and plucking a barbeque flavoured chip from inside, "come to me delicious snack."

"Was all this necessary," Choji pulled himself up from the ground following his failed ramming and waiting while the remains of the slimes dripped from his arms before pulling another bag of chips from his ninja bag, "I am willing to share. I mean, maybe not a whole bag and definitely not the barbeque flavour and… on second thoughts give those back."

Choji's attempts at reclaiming his rightful snacks were stopped short when Nagi disappeared into a nearby tree. A very TALL tree. There were things he would do for snacks, terrible unspeakable things that Shikamaru would sometimes ask from him, but climbing? Not going to happen even if they were barbeque.

"You win this round shortie." Choji gave a half-hearted shake of his fist as he relaxed under the tree Nagi had climbed onto.

"Don't make me cut you." Nagi scowled from atop her branch.

The two spent a while under, and in, the tree eating their chips. Choji enjoyed a relaxing afternoon watching the clouds, peppered with fending off the occasional hit and run attack whenever Nagi would run out of snacks. Nagi also tried relaxing and watching the clouds but when her mind inevitably drifted off and started looking for shapes the drifting white puffs had made, her mood soured once more. No matter how much she tried far too many of the clouds looked like foxes to her.

"You've got to be kidding me."

Haku's day had been going so well too; go to the markets, fuck with people for shits and giggles and scare small children before heading home. He had been looking forward to relaxing, before cooking dinner for himself and Nagi while puting off the cleaning; lord if there's one thing he missed about living on the lamb it was the fact that you didn't have to dust trees or vacuum dirt. Sometimes you had to mop rocks if things got particularly violent but he usually let Zabuza do that job.

But now…

"Ah get off my back ya… son of a… son of a… I don't know a cat? I…I got nothing."

Now the self-proclaimed meister of fire, the nine tailed biju, the demon fox Kyūyo was lying drunk in a tree outside Nagi's… apartment seems the wrong word and underground bunker designed by a madmen is far too literal, let's go with abode. That's right the fucking nine tailed demon fox was lying drunk outside his ex-girlfriend's abode, class act this one is my friends.

"This is truly pathetic even by the standards of a demon, and I've met some pretty pathetic demons."

"Really? I can *hic* can I get some details I might know them."

"That's not important right now, what is important is the reason you're doing out here!"

"Drowning away my sorrows, watching the steely coffin that keeps me from her, etc." Kyūyo took a deep draught of his homemade firewater as he stared forlornly at Vault-City Adpt.

"I should probably tell you she has been out most of the day." Haku stated as he began counting the quantity of empty bottles that led to this point.

"I am aware *hic* I was here when you and her left this morning."

"Then why are you still-"

"I cannot leave this tree, I am in fact so drunk that the slightest movement will disrupt my centre of balance and send me plummeting to the ground." Kyūyo wondered if he should've put a HIC in that sentence.

"I almost hesitant to ask but exactly how long have you been in that tree, days or weeks?"

"How many empty bottles *hic* are there on the ground?"

"Far too many to count." Though Haku believed there to be around forty-two.

"Huh must only have been yesterday afternoon then, kinda thought it would have been longer honestly considering how many times the landlord came by to poke me."

"Ibiki checked to see if you were alive that seems unlikely."

"He was checking with a spear *hic* so he probably had another intention in mind. I just play dead but he still stabs me periodically to check… or for the fun of it." He punctuated this statement with a large burp.

"Lovely," Haku had finally been peak levels of disgust for the fox, "at least that makes more sense."

"Yes well know that you know please leave me be to wallow in my own self-pity." The demon waved off the boy while simultaneously taking a swig of his fire-water, careful in both actions to avoid losing his balance. Haku though didn't show any sign of leaving and that annoyed Kyūyo very much. "I said, Go Away!"

The red haired boy sparked and growled at Haku, twisted his face into a visage more befitting his demonic status

Haku looked unimpressed for several seconds until he finally started began walking away…

Kyūyo sighed and took another sip of his, surprisingly, unignited drink.

Suddenly Haku whipped around, delivering a flying kick to the tree. Kyūyo chocked on his liquor and fell from the tree branch.

"God damnit." Kyūyo cried out as he impacted the ground. "Why would you do that?"

"Usually for the joy of it but right now because I can't stand to see you act quite so pathetic."

"That's you opinion. I have my reasons." Kyūyo said as he rubbed his neck

"I'm adept at looking at things for different viewpoints but so far as I can tell your reasons consist of you being a whiny little bitch, or am I wrong?"

"Yeah your probably hit the nail there." Knocking empty bottles out of the way Kyūyo made himself comfortable in his new spot on the ground.

Haku glared at the demonic teen for a good while, before he decided that the fish needed to be put in the cold-box more than he needed to waste time, and possibly sanity, on the nine tailed demon twit before him.

Walking off to the apartment he muttered under his breath. "Perhaps I wrong, maybe I should get Nagi a new boyfriend."

Behind him the tree, the liquor bottles and the boy all exploded in crimson flames.

"Y'know Kakashi," the leader of Team 10, Azuma Sarutobi sat by his fellow jōnin instructor under a shady tree on the edge of Training Ground 16. The experienced ninja lazily took a drag from his cigarette held loosely in his mouth in between sentences. "Things have been going well lately, I mean really well."

The jōnin sensei removed the lit cigarette from his mouth for a few seconds to take a sip from his teacup. "Don't you think so?"

"Azuma, I have literally spent the afternoon telling you about all the worries I have with my team. I asked for your advice as a fellow teacher and jōnin ninja of the leaf. Were you not listening at all?"

Azuma closed his eyes as he breathed in the fresh air before replacing the near burnt out cigarette with a new one. "I meant things have been going well for my team, my students are all facing new challenges and surviving. Your team on the other hand is a band of disjointed psychos with emotional problems, their beyond help of any kind."

Kakashi narrowed his one visible eye at his fellow instructor, though he made no move to correct this statement.

"Have some of this tea Sakura made, I think she put something in it I've just felt so relaxed since I had some." Reaching over to a tray arranged by Sakura earlier in the day Azuma removed a porcelain kettle and poured its contents into a new cup which he offered to Kakashi.

Sighing, Kakashi took the offered cup and threw its contents over his shoulder. "Are you always such an idiot on nice days? Sakura made that especially for us teachers, you know what that means. Little bitch probably laced it with a slow acting neurotoxin or something equally nasty. Get us out of the way so she can murder the blonde unimpeded. That is to say your blonde."

"I see… I'm a little too far gone to comprehend it but… hm." Azuma raised another cup to his lips while Kakashi thought of how he'd explain any of this to his friend's lover. Reaching over him to grab the kettle, figuring the medic-nins would need a sample to devise an antidote, only to find the large porcelain pot empty.

"Please do not tell me you drank all of this?"

"Most of it, gave some to this rabbit that Nagi brought with her. The thing looked thirsty, though that might have been a hallucination." Azuma gestured to the white bunny that lay nearby, Nagi's pet apparently which is odd but Kakashi remembered that she also had a cat. The girl had claw marks over her face the day after they got back from Wave and a chip on her shoulder about some asshole that didn't feed Taiga properly.

Looking over at the rabbit the pair of ninjas felt an odd chill, the animal was indeed lapping tea from a cup but for some reason it felt compelled to constantly look up while doing so. Never taking its eyes off whatever looked in its direction; even when Kakashi, Azuma and a small bird all looked at the same time.

'Creepy thing isn't even a little sick from the poison.' Kakashi thought before throwing a spare face mask over the thrice damned creature, the act did little good to stop the chill. "Can we perhaps get back to the issue of my team."

"Could we talk about this again later, my buzz is starting to hurt a bit."

"No, damn it, some half decent advice this time even if it kills you." Which was a real possibility by this point.

Azuma tried to sigh but it came out as more of the gurgling death cry of a small animal. Though it might have been the nearby bird which had suddenly and inexplicably fallen dead from its roost. "Refresh my memory then, I think the portion of my brain that governs long term memory just switched itself off. I… really hope this isn't permanent."

"All right, the gist of it is this. Some things have been alright, as of late; Sakura isn't keeping Nagi on such a short leash anymore though she's started taking what I think might be sexual frustrations out on other people. Sasuke seems to have lightened up about his whole situation even if he has some serious mental and psychical injuries he continually refuses to get addressed. Nagi though seems to have taken a step back without any silver lining."

Kakashi poked his friend waking him up as he continued, "I don't know if anyone else had noticed but ever since the Wave Incident she's had these moments of melancholy whenever she's left alone. Yesterday I found her crying in a tree; I haven't seen her genuinely sad since she was a child. When I asked her if she needs helps she doesn't admit she's crying. I think the business with her uncle messed her up more than she'll admit. I'm still worried about telling the Hokage the whole story about that situation until she does, so I don't know who I can talk to about this."

At this point Kakashi noticed that his friend had once again falling asleep, but to his alarm had also stopped breath.

"Shit." Getting to his feet Kakashi used a sound jutsu to spread his voice over the training ground. "Alright everyone pack up for the day, Sakura you're helping me get Azuma to the hospital everyone else is free to leave."

Ignoring the loud curses of his pink haired student as she walked over to were Azuma lay, the jōnin had started violently twitching which Kakashi, while he was no medic-nin, took as a better sign than him being completely still.

Pulling Azuma to his feet while Sakura steadied his other side Kakashi noticed that the rabbit had disappeared from his spare mask. The first time it had ever left without prompting from Nagi.

'Count the small victories Kakashi.' Advice which he couldn't remember the source of echoed through Kakashi's head before Sakura bothered him back to reality.

Nagi let out a sigh as Sakura parted on the way back home, they lived a long way from each other in opposite directions from the training ground but not too long ago that wouldn't have stopped her pink haired friend from escorted her directly to front door. She still had to wave Sakura off with the assurance that she'd been fine but since Wave Sakura trusted in her sincerity and her ability to carve lesser men like ice sculptures.

Ironic then that since Wave the blonde haired girl couldn't stand being alone. Not wasting time sealing her zanbatō the girl hurried home in the hopes of seeing Haku. While at the same time cursing herself at the dependence.

When she finally reached home, and gave a genuinely sweet smile as she passed her landlord on the way, Nagi was practically running into her apartment when the electronic mechanisms clicked open. She continued running straight into her least favourite individual in the world at this moment.

"Kyūyo." The young girl squeaked out.

"Nagi-chan." The demon fox spoke, his voice sweet on Nagi's ears after so long but the effect was immediately ruined by the heavy stink of homebrew firewater.

Turning away from the red head, her disappoint palpable at the act, Nagi faced the person she counted on as an older sister...brother. Whatever. All this subterfuge got annoying after a while. She was more observant than Haku gave her credit for, which was still more than most to her ire, and the former Nuke-nin was free to play whatever game 'he' wanted. She loved him regardless, it was just that sometimes she loved him a little less than usual.

"Having a conversation? Should I come back?" The blonde genin shifted the weight of her zanbatō on her back, not as a subtle threat but because the weapon weighed her down much more since she had taken to relying on her own chakra reserves. Admittedly strong as they were, for her age, her pure strength nowadays paled in comparison to what she had with Kyūyo. Not that she'd admit it, stubborn as her uncle this one.

"No!" Kyūyo answered a little too quickly, which earned him a glare from Haku.

"You can stay if you want Nagi, fox-boy and I were just about done. Hopefully he'll take what I said to heart." Haku smiled pleasantly at Kyūyo, in response the fox boy growled before remembering Nagi was in the room so the growl trailed off into a series of gravelly mewls.

"No, I don't want to interrupt anything. You two can catch up; just pretend I'm not here. Kay?" Even if the small girl thought the way Kyūyo squirmed was adorable it didn't stop her from being angry at her 'ex'-boyfriend, Haku had suggested she simply call him Kyūyo but Nagi had picked up the word somewhere and took a petty pleasure in using it whenever Kyūyo was in earshot. It didn't occur to her that she and Kyūyo had never really referred to themselves as boyfriend and girlfriend to each other's faces before their… let's call it a falling out.

"That is… generous but really not necessary Kyūyo was telling me he was going to let himself out." Haku finished by mouthing 'say yes' in Kyūyo's direction.

It didn't seem that Kyūyo was going to take the hint and leave by his own accord though; it had been weeks since Nagi and him had talked face to face and no matter how much worse he was making it for himself Kyūyo was afraid to let the moment end. It was very possible it would be his last chance.

Nagi just kept quiet and patently avoided looking at him, trying to ignore the way her gaze would shift to meet his every time she let herself relax.

It took five very awkward minutes for someone to break the tension, in this case Haku by removing an unadorned scroll from a secret pocket in his robes. "I just remembered Nagi; this arrived by carrier 'pigeon' today. It's from Zabuza."

All of a sudden the world seemed a bit brighter at the message from her currently favourite person in the whole world. Though her ranking system was a loose one, mainly dividing Kyūyo as her least favourite person from everyone else she knew, regardless she loved hearing from her uncle ever since Haku had worked out a way to sneak messages in and out of Konoha by way of the forest kami.

Her issues with Kyūyo faded from her mind, though never completely, whenever she received a scroll. Haku had taken to saving them for when the blonde was in a mood; though he was aware that she'd skin him if she ever found out he was intentionally keeping them from her. Of course she'd skin him over a lot of things he had done recently. Sometimes he just had to wonder why he was fully skinned currently given the circumstances.

Retreating to her room to read the scroll, she barely registered Kyūyo's disappointment or Haku's relief that the situation didn't end him burning to death in the metal coffin of an apartment. Unlike bijū or jinchūriki he wasn't fireproof.

Nagi did however register the soft thump of Kyūyo being hit over the head by Haku and giggled even as she felt a twinge of well repressed sympathy for the demon fox.

The Hokage swept his gaze over the jōnin instructors assembled in his darkly lit office, sizing them up as much as he tried to work out which one of them had switched off the lights in his office. Someone always did that when they were having an important and shadowy meeting, he figured they wanted to create the proper mood but he just found it hard to see the papers on his desk.

Eventually he settled on Maitō Gai, but without proper evidence he could do little but moving on. Gai himself thought it was the Hokage who kept doing this, he didn't like how dark and moody it made everything.

In actuality it was Kurenai, who struggled everyday with her hidden penchant for the dramatic, course I could come down as the author of this little piece and tell the Hokage that myself. I wouldn't even be able to write the Hokage, or anyone who knew her for that matter, believing it and not have it be incredibly OOC.

Pushing such thoughts and that niggling awareness of the fourth wall he, like most sane people in this kind of fanfics, kept deeply repressed the Hokage focused on the task at hand.

"By now you should all be aware that the Chūnin Exams will be held in Konoha this year." The Hokage spoke, judging from the excited chatter directed Kakashi's way only Gai had not yet heard the spreading rumours. "I have gathered you here to hear the nominations from the current batch of genin teams."

"Hokage-Sama,"Gai was the first to speak, "I nominate Team Gai for this year's exams. My youthful students have grown much in this past year and they will prove their youthfulness in this grand event."

"Or die trying, I mean let's be realistic." Kakashi looked up from his adult book just long enough to make eye contact with his old 'rival'.

"Ah Kakashi, you really have been such a downer lately what happened to your youthfulness."

"Sometimes I like to imagine I lost my 'youthfulness' on some big life changing adventure like Stand By Me but really I just stabbed a guy. Quite a few guys actually," Kakashi raised his finger to his mask as though licking it before he turned a page. Under his breath he continued, "Also I turned twenty five."

Ignoring the two Kurenai Yūhi stepped forward to drawn attention to herself. "I wish to nominate Team 8 for the Chūnin Exams. In addition, because Asuma could not be here… because someone fed him poison-" Punctuating her sentence Kurenai glared back at Kakashi, he did not wish to meet her glare.

"Since when am I his keeper? The guy drank tea prepared by Sakura Haruno; really he should be getting a Darwin award not medical treatment. This is why the human race is doomed."

The sound Kurenai made seemed to be her conceding Kakashi's point but the look in her eyes promised that this was not over. "Anyway… In his steed and as temporary jōnin sensei of Team 10 I nominate them for the Chūnin Exams as well."

Time passed as a large number of other jōnin stepped forward to nominate their teams, more than a couple for the second or third time in accordance with their contractual obligation as being non-noteworthy extras.

It wasn't until a long stretch of silence as no one else stepped forward, when Sarutobi was about to call the meeting to a close that a sudden voice chimed in.

"You know what the hell? I nominate Team 7 for the Chūnin exams. Should be a laugh."

The Hokage however did not find this turn of events amusing and, much like Kurenai, he began to plan Kakashi's downfall.

So this a romance story right?

Presumably, I like a good romance story.

So why did you sabotage the relationship.

Conflict purposes mostly, don't worry the situation will get better… after I make it worse. They say all stories are built of conflict, I think it's a Schadenfreude thing.

Alright I can respect that.

You really did get a lot bigger. Your… teeth in particular.

I know it's beautiful.

…Don't eat Childishness.

i agree

No promises.