Title: Tales of a Security Chief

Summary: Security Chief Cmdr. Sam Giotto is a 50-something on a ship filled with 20-somethings (his captain included). Because so many people liked Rule Three, this is a series of shorts about his experiences.

I always thought the security chief ought to have been given a bit more of a roll considering how many of his redshirts Kirk goes through on away missions. Cmdr. Giotto is identified as the head of security in the TOS episode The Devil in the Dark. I have a soft spot for the redshirts and Giotto has taken on a bit of a life of his own in my imagination. He is one of the few TOS characters with nearly all gray hair and I since I've been noticing some myself lately, I got to thinking about what it would be like for him in the AU serving on a ship full of newbies, including a very young version of Kirk.

Rating: T

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek (I'd be writing this from a lovely villa in Aruba if I did), but Sam and my other OCs are mine.

The Orientation Lecture

Because you have to at least try to keep young, womanizing captains out of trouble on shore leave

Cmdr. Sam Giotto looked around the lecture hall one last time before permitting the crew to dismiss from the orientation lecture for the planet upon which they would soon embark for shore leave. He mentally calculated that he had gotten through to roughly 80% of them through the simple expedient of using the special stare that looked at no one in particular but made each one of them feel as though he was looking at them specifically. Not bad. And the remaining 20% were all paired with members of the majority, so if one of those 20% started to get of line there would at least be someone present capable of saying 'Stop that you dumbshit'.

The captain approached him with a pleased smile. "Good briefing, Sam. I think you were right. Having the Captain sitting in, right up front, probably did get everybody to pay a little better attention."

If only the same could be said of the captain himself. Unfortunately it took very little power of observation to note that he was almost certainly among the 20%. While he would be paired with the doctor, who was solidly in the 80% and more than capable of saying of 'Stop that you dumbshit' to anyone, the captain included, after the incident on Rigel there had been a tacit agreement between Giotto and McCoy that the captain was not going down to the surface until he demonstrated a clear appreciation of the facts of life on Vorteil III. The prospect of lecturing a superior officer, however, was not something he relished.

"Thank you, sir." Sam straightened slightly, preparing to deliver his requisite lines by looking the captain directly in the forehead. "If you wouldn't mind, sir, I thought it would be a good idea to review some of the details with you. Since you and Dr. McCoy will be the senior officers on the first shift of leave, if anyone transgresses local customs or ordinances, you'll be the first ones contacted to resolve the situation."

"I don't think that'll be necessary, Sam. It all seemed pretty straight forward. I mean, this is quiet agrarian society. It'll basically be like vacationing in Amish country."

Giotto exchanged a look with the doctor - Amish country, but without the commitment to nonviolence and with very, very serious taboos against premarital sex.

"All things considered, Jim," McCoy drawled. "I think I'd like to go over those details again."

"Okay, Bones. Tell you what: I'll meet you in the transporter room in 10." Kirk flashed a boyish grin. "It's been awhile and I want to take a little time to pimp my hair."

Sam and the doctor practically read each others thoughts. Dear God, no. McCoy put a hand on the captain's shoulder. "Sit, Jim."

"What?" Kirk looked from one to other, gave in and sat. "Fine, let's review."

Giotto activated the screen and brought up an image. "What is the first thing you notice about this woman, sir?"

There was low whistle from the captain's chair. "She is fine."

By pure effort of will, Sam kept his jaw from dropping in dismay. The doctor, on the other hand, glared at the captain with an intensity that threatened to reduce him to a heap of ashes.

"Jeez, just kidding." Kirk held his hands up in mock surrender. "The first thing I notice is that she she's wearing a knife at her right hip, so she's of age, a virgin, and expected to protect her virtue until marriage."

Sam was impressed. It wasn't that he thought the captain unintelligent – he'd memorized the dossiers for every person on the ship and knew Kirk was near genius level. And the captain had proven time and again that he had the ability to almost instantly assimilate and utilize tactical data. But he could have sworn that he hadn't been paying attention. Maybe this shore leave would go without a hitch after all…

"But that's only if she chooses to - sort of like how Southern Baptist chicks are supposed to stay pure." Kirk tossed a smirk at the doctor.

"Dammit, Jim!" The doctor swatted the captain across the back of his head and Sam, not for the first time, envied the CMO's complete disregard for rank. "Southern Baptist girls aren't flogged if they turn up deflowered on their wedding night and frankly a southern-style shotgun wedding would be nothing compared to what the locals might do to you."

"Fine, I get it. Stay away from virgins." Kirk frowned.

That brought them to the next important point. "Just to be clear, Captain." Giotto continued. "The vast majority of non-virgins are married. The penalties for adultery are even more stringent, hence the presence of two knives, the second having been provided by the husband."

"Okay, okay, stick to widows and divorcees." Kirk rolled his eyes. "And you don't need to tell me. Widows wear two knives on the left hip, divorced women just one."

"True." Sam drew the word out slowly. "However they are still expected to remain celibate and defend their honor until remarried."

"Yeah, but they don't really have to worry about being found out, so..." The captain waggled his eyebrows.

Giotto was just beginning to calculate just how many security officers he might need to assign to 'special escort duty' when the doctor all but growled and slammed his hands down on either side of the back of the Captain's seat, glaring directly into his eyes. "You listen here, Jim, and listen good. If you make a move on someone and she or one of her family members cuts your junk off, I am not sewing it back on." McCoy arched a threatening eyebrow. "Are we clear?"

"Crystal." The captain sighed unhappily. "I get the feeling this shore leave is going to be a lot less fun than the last one."

Giotto and the doctor exchanged another look. They could only hope.

AN: This one was follows Rule Three (although you certainly don't need to read it to understand) and was written first and because T'Key'la requested it.

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