Writer's Note:  Forgive the bad jokes and crude humor.  This is a parody of the movie Boondock Saints, a great rated-R flick sporting Sean Patrick Flannery and Norman Reedus—two very sexy boys adopting Irish accents.  (but this is also a self-contained story, so you don't need to have seen the movie to read this.)  Hope ya'll enjoy.

Disclaimer:  Don't own Boondock Saints OR Rurouni Kenshin.  Both are works of art which someone like me could never conceive of on their own.

Mibu Saints by Leila Winters

            The Lady's Church of Holy Suffering and Stigmata was solemn as Minister Anji told his tale.  Creaks in the pews were muted by Anji's booming voice as he said:

            "Sakaiya was walking home after school when a car pulled up.  They dragged Sakaiya to the corner and proceeded to beat her.  No one called the police.  People just watched as Sakaiya was stabbed to death in broad daylight!"

            Heads turned as a light patter of feet from the back was heard…lazily making their way toward the pulpit.

            "Sakaiya's murderers walk, justice not served and a family seeking retribution!"

            Near the front of the church's pulpit and still slowly walking, were two men in identical blue jeans, close-fitting black shirts and knee-length black overcoats.  As the minister continued talking, he glanced at the cold grey-blue and amber eyes…and shuddered.  Lady's Church of Holy Suffering and Stigmata would be glad to be rid of them.

            Beyond the minister they walked, to the life-size statue of Lord Jesus Christ crucified.  Each placing a hand on the Lord's feet, they bent and kissed his toes.  And on each of those hands…a mark.  The left one had kanji tattooed across the back and index finger; on his trigger hand, was "Aku soku zan;" and the right one almost in an identical fashion, was "Honor through Strength."

            When they had righted themselves, they strolled towards the back of the church, effectively ignoring the minister's sermon.

            "We all must fear bad men, but there is another kind we must fear.  Another kind whose threat to society may destroy any helpful establishment—and that is the indifference of good men!"

            Outside of the church, both men paused to examine their surroundings.  In sync, they pulled black leather gloves on their trademark hands, slipped shades on their clear eyes, and lit up cigarettes.  The slightly larger of the two turned to his partner.

            "Well now, you think the old man finally got today's sermon right?"

            "Aa," the other man said, his impassive voice holding just a hint of a smile, "I would say so."

            [cue music]

Meat Packing Plant

East Side

Mardi Gras

Kondou was taking a few notes on his little clipboard when he approached the two men working diligently, cutting away the fat on slabs of meat.

            "Aoshi, Hajime, I want you to meet someone.  She's new here, so you'll be training her in.  Boys, do meet Miss Misao Makimachi," leaning in a bit closer and adopting a conspirital tone, the old man said, "The group representing big, fat lesbians has been getting on my case about my hiring stats, so try to go easy on her, okay?"

            Thin lips curved into a smirk and Hajime gave his boss a slight nudge, "Mm, while we're hiring big, fat lesbians, why don't you give your ma a call?"

            "Fuck you."

            "Not on your best day, sir."

            Behind the aging man was a short, skinny, tough-looking girl.  Her long black hair was tied in a severe braid and when Aoshi extended a hand to her, she merely lifted a defiant chin to reveal the words "Untouched by man" on the underside of her throat.

            He faltered slightly, but Aoshi said easily, "It is a pleasure to meet you, Misao."

            Giving him a dirty look, "I prefer to be called Makimachi by men."

            Hajime laughed.  "Oh yes, of course.  All right, watch closely.  The rule of thumb here—"

            Green eyes flashed.  "Wait a minute!  Rule of thumb?  Did you know that in the early 1900's, it was legal for men to beat their wives? …as long as they used a stick no wider than their thumb."  In disgust, she gave him a shove, her small stature surprisingly of no consequence.

            Seeing Hajime's eyes narrow dangerously, Aoshi gave his brother a warning look.

            The man proceeded to examine his gloved thumb.  "Well, you can't really do much damage with that, now can you?  Suppose it had been the rule of wrist…"

            "Hajime," Aoshi admonished.

            "…I don't suppose many women would have survived disobeying their husbands."

            "Hajime."

            "Say, Aoshi, how many spindly weasel lesbians does it take to screw in a light bulb?"

            "…"

            "One weasel girl to actually screw in the light bulb and one little lesbian to suck my cock, while I supervise!"

            The expected outburst came.  The small girl growled in her throat, gritting out, "I knew you two pricks would give me problems—give me shit 'cause I'm a woman.  Well, let me tell you something, I'm tired of your male dominance bullshit!"

            Trying to make peace, Aoshi stepped in front of his offensive brother.  "It's Mardi Gras, a New Orleans drinking day.  We are just having a bit of fun."

            "DO I LOOK AMERICAN TO YOU, FUCKFACE??"

            The larger man stepped in front of the other man, "Don't you talk to my brother like that, you man-hating bitch!"

            In retaliation, the girl took a step back and kicked Hajime Saitou Omitsu as hard as she could in the nuts.  "I'LL TALK HOWEVER I LIKE, JERK!!  —OOF!"

            Knocked flat on her back, Misao Makimachi looked at the man glowering dangerously above her.  He was giving his fist a little rub.

            Misao looked incredulously at those cold grey-blue eyes.  Did he just punch me??  IN THE FACE??

            Kondou took one look at Misao sprawled on the floor, Aoshi standing over her, and Hajime curled into a ball, two women hovering over him.  "Shit."

            And upstairs, God laughed because all was as it should be.

            "Hajime!  Are you okay?"  Megumi, who had been training to be a nurse, tried to pry the man's hand from his crotch.

            "Oh, Hajime…"  Tokio placed the man's head in her lap, his face still in a grimace of pain, and stroked his hair soothingly.

            This made the weasel lesbian very angry.  "What are you guys doing??  Get away from him!  Women.  Always catering to the needs of men.  Get the fuck up!!"

            Aoshi offered a hand to the girl.  "I apologize for hitting you, but I will not forgive you for hurting my brother so easily."

            "OH, FUCK YOU!"  Misao's eyes fell on Hajime's fallen form.  "AND FUCK YOU, TOO!!"

            Aoshi merely stared at her, blinking calmly.  "Fucken dyke."

            God rewound the tape and played it back, letting out a chuckle.  He had a plan for Hajime Saitou and Aoshi Shinomori Omitsu—fraternal twins whose place in the cosmic scale of things probably extended beyond Oprah's.

            Oh, it would be interesting.  And with that, God smiled fondly at his kin.

Writer's Note:  Sorry about the short introduction, guys.  This might end up being a short-chapter type fic.  But I'll be sure to keep it interesting.

Oh yes.  And I DO apologize for the language.  I know some people get offended by that kind of stuff, but language is really an integral part of everyone's life and I always think it's nice to include.

LAST THING:  Sorry for making everyone OOC.  ^_^  I just find it amusing.