Chapter 6

Victoria Decides

1876

Her oldest son stepped quietly up beside her as she looked out the window into the soft rain, across the yard to the barns and the bunkhouse and the corrals. Victoria Barkley knew it was Jarrod before he even spoke, before she even recognized his footfall. Jarrod was the one who could read her almost as well as she could read him. When her husband died, Jarrod had stepped up not just as her son, not just as the one to take over the enterprises of the Barkley fortune, but as the one to help her out, to help everyone out. He was already the most intuitive of her children, having spent a lifetime ramrodding his younger brother Nick especially, helping a boy inclined to be rowdy and undisciplined to become a 22-year-old master of one of the largest ranches around, long before he expected to have to do it. And then there was Eugene, just a boy trying to learn his way into manhood with no father there to be his mentor. Jarrod had taken him under wing too – perhaps natural given that Eugene had more Jarrod's temperament than anyone else's around here. And there was Audra, spoiled and headstrong and needing a strong male hand just when it was ripped away. Jarrod had stepped up with Audra, too, helping his mother whenever she asked with discipline, with understanding, with love.

So of course it was Jarrod who would notice Victoria was not settled tonight, that something was wrong. He'd be the one who would make his way back downstairs after everyone had gone up, because he had noticed his mother came back down. "Can't sleep?" he asked as he stepped up beside her.

She smiled a little. "No."

"What's bothering you tonight?" he asked.

"Oh, nothing in particular, but – something here and there with all of you."

Jarrod raised an eyebrow. "All of us? We all seem pretty happy now that the drought's broken – but of course, Audra."

"We had a little talk and I think she's all right now, but she wonders if she did the right thing with Scott Breckenridge," Victoria said.

"I thought she might," Jarrod said, "once he left and she really thought about it."

"And we told her that none of us – not even the other ranchers, and it turns out not even Scott – were going to let her do it."

"I trust you set her straight," Jarrod said.

"Oh, I gave her that old speech about sometimes we don't get to choose between good decisions and bad ones."

Jarrod smiled. "We only get to choose between bad ones and worse ones. I too remember getting that speech from you when I was even younger than she is."

"And you were deciding whether to go off to war." Victoria looked at her oldest.

He hung his head with a smile. "And I had already decided I was going, and you and father tried to stop me, and I went anyway. I had made the best bad decision. I'm sure of that. And I'll bet Audra is sure of it, too."

"She is," Victoria said, looking back out at the rain, "but it's made me think of other times, other decisions."

"Gene going east?" Jarrod asked.

Victoria nodded.

"I suppose the jury's still out on that one, but I think you've already decided." Jarrod said. "And perhaps for him it wasn't a choice between bad and worse."

"No, for him it was between good and bad, and for him he chose the good."

"Who else has you troubled?" Jarrod asked.

"Oh, Nick seems very restless these days."

"He is," Jarrod said. "He's trying to figure out if he's devoted too much time to the ranch and not enough to himself, which of course, he has."

"You've already talked to him?"

"More than once. I told him he needed to give up some of the running of the ranch, let other men handle some things. Like Heath."

Victoria smiled. "Heath is very capable, isn't he?"

"More capable than Nick would like to admit, I think. He's proven he can do the big jobs."

"I know he was a little taken aback when we did all that paperwork. It did change him a little bit, too, didn't it?"

Jarrod nodded. "It made him feel more part of the enterprise, more of the family, I think. It's not the first time I've seen it happen, that putting your signature on paper solidifies a relationship between people, and between people and enterprises. Heath really feels more a part of us now, I think, and we even feel that way too. I've tried to help Nick understand that he can give up some of the running of things to Heath and make a little more time for himself, and he needn't feel guilty about it because he has a real partner in this ranch now."

"And you?"

"Me? What about me?"

"Something's been bothering you, too."

Jarrod chuckled. "Oh, it's nothing. Just some things I've been thinking about."

"What things?"

Jarrod mentally compared the thought exercise he'd worried himself with against the reality Audra had just almost given herself up to, and he shook his head. There was no comparison. "Nothing real. Just hypothetical. Things that have made me decide I'm a more ordinary man than I like to believe sometimes, but they're unimportant. What is it that's really troubling you, Lovely Lady? There is something in particular. Everything we've talked about has settled down. What's keeping you awake?"

Victoria hesitated, looking at the ground for a moment, before she said, "I ran into Wally and Jenny Miles today, in town."

"Oh," Jarrod said, understanding. The bad blood between the Barkleys and the Mileses following their son Evan's attempt to kill Audra and Victoria's killing Evan was continuing. There didn't seem to be any way to fix it.

"Jenny isn't well," Victoria said. "Of course, she never really was very strong, but now, the way she looked at me today, the way Wally hustled her away before she could say anything to me – "

Jarrod let that hang in the air for a moment before he said, "You miss them, and you don't know how to improve the situation."

Victoria said, "We need each other, Jarrod, and I don't know how to make Wally see that."

"So, you're left with your own choice of bad options – say nothing to Wally and let the situation go on. Let Jenny continue to seem isolated while you feel the same way, or try to talk to Wally."

"I'd try to talk to Jenny, but if I go behind Wally's back and he finds out, well you know he has a considerable temper. If I try to talk to him instead, it will rile up that considerable temper of his, too. If I let the situation go on – will it ever be fixable? It seems no matter what I do, things look bad."

"It hasn't been all that long, Mother," Jarrod said. "A bit more time and Wally might loosen up."

"You don't know Wally as well as I do," Victoria said. "He does not loosen up very easily, and since it's all about Evan, and it will always be all about Evan, I don't know if he will ever get over it."

Jarrod put his arm around his mother and squeezed. "I'd ask what I could do about this, but I know you don't want me to do anything."

"I have to find the best bad decision for myself," Victoria said. "And I find myself moving from one decision to another and being very unhappy with all of them."

"Does any one decision call you back more often than the others?" Jarrod asked.

"I'm very tempted to just let things go for a while, but Jarrod – what if I let them go too long?"

Jarrod nodded. "Timing is always part of the equation. The most uncertain part, often." Jarrod kissed his mother on the forehead. "Just be assured that whatever you decide to do, I will back you up. We'll all back you up."

Victoria smiled. "I know. I never doubted that. I just wish a good choice would present itself. I wish they weren't all bad choices."

"Waiting might be the best bad choice in the long run," Jarrod said. "At least for now, it seems to be the best bad one."

"I think you're right," Victoria said. "I think I've decided, and even if I don't like the decision, I think I know it's the best I can do. Perhaps I can sleep now."

Jarrod kept his arm around her and guided her back into the house, toward the stairs. "Would you like some warm milk to go to sleep on?"

"No, I think I'll sleep all right," Victoria said as they started back up to bed.

"Well, if you can't and you need me, you can wake me up."

Victoria gave him a squeeze. "So you think you're an ordinary man, do you? I'm not so sure."

Jarrod laughed. "Oh, I am, and it's not so bad, especially since I have an extraordinary woman for a mother."

"You're a flatterer."

"Is it working?"

Victoria finally had to laugh.

The End