Chapter 6: No Easy Way to Say This

Blank stares at blank pages. No easy way to say this. You mean well, but you make this hard on me

Sara Bareilles - "Love Song" [Little Voice]

A/N: Hi guys! I hope you had / are having an amazing weekend, happy New Year 2020! Thank you for your reviews. they mean a lot too me.

I made a mistake and told you about the drama too soon, that will be in the next chapter, sorry! Enjoy!

The weeks went by. I rarely saw Ron or Harry. It wasn't intentional, I was just busy with university. I got full marking on the paper Severus helped me with and was asked by one of my peers, Stefanie to hang out.

Things were going well.

Sometimes my arm hurt. Sometimes I had nightmares. Sometimes I woke up screaming.

The Battle of Hogwarts was part of my memory and part of my every day life, even in the muggle world. But I wasn't alone.

Severus didn't come by every night, he was busy at school. As it turned it work was piling on their and he was under a lot of stress.

According to him I took his stress away and he did the same for me.

It wasn't just the sex.

We had similar interests and when I told him about my story of my secret lover being Cormac McLaggen he laughed out loud. I liked his laugh and I liked the way things were going, calling him "lover" felt right to me.

"Hi 'Mione!"

Harry arrived at my table and hugged me tightly. We'd agreed to meet in the café-shop, because we hadn't seen each other in so long.

"You look good!"

"Thanks, you too."

We ordered coffee and once we were sitting down again, Harry started chatting about his work and Ginny. Things were going well for him too. The couple was thinking about moving in together.

"So..." He grinned at me. "How are things with you?"

My blush gave me away and my oldest friend chuckled.

"I see."

"Actually, there's something I wanted to tell you."

He set his cup of coffee down. "Really? What's going on?"

"I..." The problem was: I was fine with Severus being my lover, I was fine with no strings attached but I was sure as soon as I told Harry he would berate me about how Severus was using me because he was older than me.

And I wasn't sure I was ready for his doubt. Even if I was sure about him.

"Hermione, I know you're not sleeping with Cormac."

"What?"

Harry was relatively calm as he leaned forward and explained: "I left the party basically after you did, but Ginny was there and well...we were talking and I told her about you and him and she said he came back to the party later on. Turns out he went home with Pansy."

"Oh."

"I didn't say anything." He continued. "I figured you'd tell me once you were ready."

I was flooded with affection for him in that moment.

"How long have you known?"

"Since shortly after New Years."

I shook my head smiling. "Harry Potter, you had me fooled."

He chuckled. "You'd have me fooled if I hadn't talked about it."

There was a silence while we looked at each other and he was obviously excited, his eyes wide as he waited for me to reveal the secret.

"You don't have to tell me." He finally said and I laughed straight out loud because I knew he wanted to know.

"I don't want you to freak out." I said. "We're in public."

He was grinning now and just looked at me.

"Ok." I said, sitting up in the comfortable chair. "It's Severus. Severus Snape."

The grin on his face faded and changed into confusion. He was frowning and looked like he hadn't heard me.

But I know he had.

An eternity passed until he said:

"What?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"You're kidding." He took off his glasses and rubbed his forehead. "Tell me you're kidding, Hermione."

"I know it seems crazy from the outside." I said, leaning forward. "But we're really good together."

He shook his head, burying his face in his hands. "This can't be real."

"You said yourself that I was happy."

This made him look up and the confusion was still written on his face. "He's old."

"He's not that old. And when we're together he somehow gets younger and I get older."

"And he was...gross in school, his hair was all greasy."

"It's not anymore." I bit my lip. "The war changed him, Harry and it changed me too."

"I'm starting to get that." He put his glasses back on and looked pale.

"I'm sorry this is such a shock."

"He...he loved my mum, Hermione. And he..." He looked up at me now and his green eyes were blazing with emotions. "He made my life a living hell, you know that."

"I do." I said, trying to stay calm. "But I also know that he helped defeat Voldemort and spent years trying to keep you, trying to keep us, safe."

"But he was horrible to us."

"Ron cheated on me three times, Harry." My voice was cold. "Somehow he's still your best friend."

There was a long silence between us and I worried in that moment that this might be the moment I truly lost Harry. We'd been in school together, we'd grown up together and we had survived the war together.

His eyes locked with mine and he held me in that gaze for a long time, before he finally stood up and left.

My heart dropped and I felt tears burn in my eyes.

This was it then.

Without a word, Harry Potter had just stood up and walked away.

"Ok, I'm going to need some ground rules." I looked up. Harry was back and had a sheet of paper and a pencil in his hands. "Number one, no details about sex, no he does this thing with his tongue or he has a trick or anything like that, in fact, I'm going to write down a list of forbidden words, right now. Tongue is number one, followed closely by fingers and of course..." He gave me a mock stern glance. "I do not want to hear any stories about his abnormally large nose."

I couldn't help but laugh out loud and wiped away the few tears that had managed to escape my eyes.

Harry set the paper down. "I'm sorry about Ron, Mione. I really am. You're my best friend. And I'm so sorry he treated you like crap, you never deserved that, but I can't..." He shrugged helplessly. "I can't cut him off, he's Ron and he's..." He sighed. "You know he's really been struggling since Fred's death and can't keep down a job and I just...I can't let him go."

"I understand, Harry. I feel the same way."

"He's actually been doing better." His face brightened up. "He said he's been working on something and it's going to be great." He shrugged. "We'll see, I suppose."

"Yeah."

"So, rule number two: As soon as Snape does something to hurt you, I get to hex him all the way out of the country."

I laughed again. "Stop."

"Number three: He and I will never be in the same room together, no parties with me and him, no social interaction, no tea-parties, no ballet-performances."

"Ballet-performances?"

"Well, I don't know what you guys together." He tapped the sheet of paper. "Remember : rule number one, I don't want to know."

"Are you done?" I asked. "I have some rules of my own."

"Really?" He looked surprised.

"Number one, no Snape-bashing behind my back or in front of me." Harry sighed at this but then nodded. "Number two, I'm not ashamed of what we're doing, but he does not need the staff or students of Hogwarts to know, ok?" This Harry accepted immediately. "And rule number three: I know you think I'm in over my head, but you need to stop telling me what to do. It's just sex."

He opened his mouth to argue, but then sighed. "Fine. You are in love with him though."

"He actually does have a trick with his tongue..." I leaned forward and Harry covered his ears.

"Ok! Ok! I'll let it go, I promise."

I laughed and for the first time in forever, things were finally absolutely perfect.

"So I told Harry about you today."

"Really?" Severus sounded surprised as he put his arm around me, tugging me closer. "What did he say?"

"He was shocked and he set up some rules."

"What rules?" His lips grazed the side of my face and I closed my eyes, finding it hard to concentrate

"No details about the sex, if you hurt me, he gets to hex you." Severus actually laughed at that as he ran his fingers through my hair. "And he doesn't want to see you in any social setting."

"Hmm." He mused. "I can agree with those."

"In return he's not allowed to talk badly about you or tell anyone at Hogwarts."

"You are quite the clever girl, Hermione."

I giggled. "Yeah, I know."

"Know-it-all."

I hit his chest which made him laugh again.

The sound of his laughter made my heart swell, there was almost no other sound in the entire world that I rather heard.

"I need to get going soon."

I knew better than to ask him to stay, no matter how badly I wanted him too. Severus and I had our own rules too. No emotions, no strings attached. Asking him to stay went too far. Asking him to stay even if we didn't have sex wasn't the point.

"Hermione, there's something I wanted to talk to you about."

It wasn't the wording exactly that made me nervous. It was the fact that he was the one to sit up. He pushed his hair out of his face in one swift movement.

"I applied for a job as a potions master in New York. They invited me in for an interview."

"New York?" I repeated. "Really?"

I couldn't picture him anywhere else than England.

"Yeah." He chuckled. "I know, but it's away from Hogwarts and that was the main thing I was going for."

"Well, good." I found myself lying. "I'm happy they invited you in."

He kissed me and a part of me hoped it was because he didn't want to think about the future either and especially not the possibility of this arrangement ending.

Please tell me what you think, did you think Harry had walked away? Who wants Severus to take the job? Let me know!