CT: I would like to thank JP for allowing me to use this chapter to close out a story arc that I spent the last few chapters of my "Debeste of Friends" fanfic writing. For those of you who haven't read that story and don't feel like reading it, here's a brief summary:

During Sebastian's freshman year at Themis, as you'd expect, he had only one friend, an OC I created named Chloe Ernst who was the school mascot and had social anxiety/self-esteem issues that were so crippling that she wouldn't casually talk or take off her costume. However, if Chloe was pretending to be someone else (something she had quite the talent for with her keen observational skills, eidetic memory, and the artistic prowess to create flawless masks), she was perfectly fine. Though despite her unrivaled ability to become anyone on the stage, Chloe wished that she was brave enough to be herself- a desire that resulted her developing a crush on Sebastian.

However, after making the mistake of asking Sebastian out on a date, Blaise got involved, and as you know, when Blaise gets involved, people disappear. However, despite nearly three years of unspeakable torture at the hands of Blaise, after his arrest, Chloe was able to escape. Though despite being free from her suffering, the pain had forever shattered her psyche, stripping her of all her morality as she fled the country and became the Phantom that we know and hate.

As such, since this is parody involves Simon dealing with the person who killed his mentor and ruined his life and Sebastian having to come to terms with a person he once knew as a friend having become an emotionless monster, it's not going to have my usual brand of humor.

So with that in mind, I hope that nica2026 enjoys the parody of I'm the Bad Guy that they suggested.

JP: For anyone reading my collab drabbles with ForGreatCoffee (on his wall) called Heartwarming Java Shots they'll know I'm no stranger to throwbacks to my own works within my other stories, so I figured green light for CT's pimping out of his criminally underrated story about the fiendish trio! Check it out – it's your twisted, snaflatulating brand of CzarThwomp humor at its finest, as demonstrated here with no exception! 😊

"I'm the Phantom"
Sung to the tune of "I'm the Bad Guy"
From Wander of Yonder

After the Phantom's arrest, Simon thought that he would be instantly assigned as the prosecutor for the case. After all, who better to prosecute the Phantom than the man who knew more than anyone else did when it came to the spy's methods? Who better to lead the case than the prosecutor with the psychological knowledge to go toe-to-toe with the Phantom's mind games? Who was more deserving to be the prosecutor to lock away this soulless husk of a human being than the man who was not only arrested for murder and put on death row because of that monster, but also was tortured nearly every day for a year thanks to that psycho spy killing and assuming the identity of the most annoying dolt to ever receive a police badge and then proceeding to stick to him like glue on the grounds of 'rehabilitation'?

However, life's rarely straightforward and goes as expected. Simon learned that lesson the hard way when he entered Metis' lab on that fateful day, only to find his beloved mentor dead and little Athena standing there with blood on her face, smiling and saying how she was 'fixing' her mother like something out of a horror film; he learned it once more when it was revealed that the bumbling detective who was only capable of raising his ire and blood pressure was the very spy he was trying to apprehend; and on this day, he was learning it a third time as he found himself walking to the detention center's visitor's room to see the Phantom- not as the prosecutor for the case, but rather to assist in questioning and to provide emotional support to the lead prosecutor, Sebastian Debeste.

"I can't believe that the Phantom's a girl, Mr. Blackquill." Sebastian said with unease in his voice, his gaze pointed towards the ground as he slowly walked forward, almost as if his body was on auto-pilot. "Not only that, but she's Chloe Ernst, my best friend from Themis!"

"Your best friend was someone who has caused me nothing but pain, misery, and irritation for seven years? I have to say, Deworste, that's the least surprising thing I learned about the Phantom yet." Simon wryly commented, only for his remark to go right over his naïve coworker's head.

"Why, when Mr. Edgeworth told me that the Phantom was Chloe, I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I mean, we all thought that Chloe was dead ever since she vanished without a trace on Halloween of 2016. But then Mr. Edgeworth showed me all the forensics tests that they ran on the Phantom, and sure enough, they matched Chloe's information to a tee- at least the information that they could gather. Apparently, Chloe burnt off her fingerprints several years ago."

"Do you blame her? Why, if I were your friend at any point in time, I'd have perfected the art of sky diving without a parachute." Simon chuckled.

"Is this just one big joke to you, Mr. Blackquill?" Sebastian asked in an uncharacteristically serious tone as he looked up at his fellow prosecutor with grief-filled eyes. "Do you find it amusing that my only friend during my time at Themis turned into some international spy who blew up a courtroom and sabotaged two space missions funny? Because it isn't. You don't understand how painful this is to me!"

"Don't understand?! DON'T UNDERSTAND!?" Simon roared as he flashed his coworker a death glare. "You listen to me, you little git! Your 'friend' snuffed out the life of my beloved mentor, forcing me to take the fall and spend seven long, agonizing years on death row so that the innocent girl who had her mother unjustly stolen away from her by your 'chum' wouldn't have the crime of matricide hanging over her head for the rest of her life! You want to talk about pain? Do you understand how it feels to cry yourself to sleep every night for seven years in a cold, dark jail cell because you know that with each passing day you're one step closer to being killed like an animal for a crime you didn't commit, the fear of your sacrifice being in vain while the real criminal runs free?! Do you know how it feels to finally have a chance to fight back and be part of the plan to have that criminal put away, only to later learn that the detective assigned to be your partner was the monster you were hunting down and was playing you like a fiddle!?"

"You suffered for seven years?" Sebastian scoffed. "Try 17. Ever since I could remember, my pops had made my life a living hell. Every morning, Pops would wake me up by hitting my crotch with some kind of blunt object; and every evening, he would tell me that I'd be doing the world a favor if I killed myself. Pops would barely feed me, not wanting his food to be wasted on an unwanted idiot, he would lock me in a closet whenever he couldn't hire some little kid to babysit me for mere cents or if he just felt like it, and he wouldn't even 'waste' money on buying me different clothes. Why do you think I only wear my old Themis uniform? It's all I know! Heck, do you know what my childhood bed was? It was some futon that Pops apparently killed a couple over and then proceeded to break with a bat and then give to me because he found it to be too soft. That's right! According to my pops, I was only worthy of his trash because that's what he saw ME as! And it wasn't just Pops! When I was at school, the other kids would hate me because they thought that I was stupid, my teachers hated me because they thought that I was annoying, and the janitors hated me because I always had… accidents because I had to potty train myself!

But then I met Chloe, a kind, caring girl who built up my self-esteem, not tear it down; who listened to me, not ignore me; and who treated me like a human being and not as some joke! Chloe believed in me and we would spend hours after school having deep conversations about our thoughts, hopes, and dreams- well, I would talk while she would use a speak-and-say or something of the sort. In fact, Chloe was the first girl to ask me out, but on our first and only date, I was too assertive and scared her off, never to see her again…" Sebastian let out a long sigh, tears that he had been trying his hardest to hold back during his tangent streaming down his redden cheeks that he proceeded to wipe away. "For the last 11 years, I had to live with the guilt that Chloe was dead because of me; that if I had only been a little smarter, or a little more enounced- er, nuanced, she would have stayed at that dance just little longer and would still be with us. And now I learn that Chloe's alive, only to find out that she's done so many bad things and has hurt you, a guy who a see as one of my best friends…"

"Heh…" Simon softly chuckled. "You know, you really aren't all that bright if you think that. So tell me, Deworste, why do you see me as one of your best friends despite all the times I insulted you, had Taka attack you, and used your pathetic tricycle to break my shackles?"

"Simple, Mr. Blackquill: because you need a friend." Sebastian stated matter-of-factly with a small grin. "You try to hide your pain behind your edgy tough guy persona, but deep-down, you're hurting and crying out for help. You created that image to convince the world that you were strong and capable, but more importantly, you did it to convince yourself. I was the same way when I was first starting out as a prosecutor…" A small tear trickled down the naïve prosecutor's cheek. "I-I acted like I was so cool, as if I was the best of the best and that everyone was beneath me in the hopes that I could finally win my Pop's love. But then I met Justine and Mr. Edgeworth, who taught me that if you have someone to guide you and be your friend, then you don't need to hide behind fake personas; that you can be yourself and that no matter what kind of bad stuff life's thrown at you, you can move past it and find peace."

"Well, well. It seems like you do have a brain somewhere in that head, Deworste." Simon remarked in mock amazement before turning his back to his coworker. "You know, when Edgeworth-dono chose you to prosecute this case instead of me, I couldn't grasp his logic- how he could pick someone like you over someone like me on the grounds of 'conflict of interest', but I think I finally understand his reasoning…"

"Yay! Mr. Blackquill's warming up to me!" Sebastian chirped.

"I said nothing of the sort- only that you aren't completely useless." Simon curtly responded. "Now let's go. We need to spend less time discussing our inner demons and more time questioning the Phantom."

"Right." Sebastian nodded as he and his coworker picked up their pace as they made their way to the visitor's area.

When Sebastian had first learned from Edgeworth that the Phantom was his old high-school friend, he was prepared for the worst. After all, if your hopes are as low as they can go, things can only get better. However, nothing could prepare the naïve prosecutor for what he saw when he entered the visitor's room with Simon.

Behind the bulletproof glass sat a woman of around five feet, five inches in height, though she looked a bit shorter on account of how she slightly hunched over with crossed arms as she vacantly stared out the window towards the back wall. Maybe she was formulating an escape plan, or perhaps she trying to come to terms with how her, a superspy who prided herself on her complete lack of emotions, was bested by a bluffing idealist who had just gotten his badge back, a wannabe therapist, and some small, loud, edgy child. But what thoughts were racing through Chloe's mind were the least of Sebastian's issues as he took note of her appearance.

While the naïve prosecutor had never seen Chloe without her mask, he was certain that she didn't look the way she did when last they saw each other all those years ago, and that said years were less than kind to her, to say the least. Chloe's skin was pale and chalky, almost as if she was a ghost who had never even heard of the sun, let alone see it, and was covered in scars and stitches, making her resemble something akin to Frankenstein's monster- something that was made all the more apparent thanks to the short-sleeve prison shirt that the police gave her on account of her not wearing anything other than her body suit doing nothing to hide her gaunt, twig-like arms. Like her arms, Chloe's frame was thin, with the only full feature being her breasts which were nearly entirely covered by her long, messy dirty-blonde hair cascading over her shoulders and down to her waist, her bangs partially obscuring her emerald-green eyes, with the right one being noticeably cracked at the top, not unlike a broken egg.

For a brief moment, an awkward silence filled the air as Simon and Chloe locked eyes with stoic, emotionless expressions as Sebastian stood off to the side as stiff as a soldier as he desperately tried to keep himself from crying. But then suddenly, the silence was broken- not by either of the prosecutors, but rather the convict herself.

"Prosecutor Blackquill…" Chloe mentioned in a monotone voice with a face to match. "When they told me that I would be visited by the prosecutor for my trial, I figured it would be you. After all, what kind of 'samurai' walks away without one final showdown with his archenemy...? Perhaps the same kind of 'samurai' who cried himself to sleep for seven years over his inability to save his mentor and never bothered to wipe his tears away like the little bitch that he is…" The Phantom emotionlessly tittered, internally savoring the scowl that was starting to form on the Twisted Samurai's face. "Or were you just feeling a bit homesick? Not that I'd blame you. After all, this was home-sweet-home for you for the last seven years after you so kindly took the fall for me after I taught Metis why smart people don't leave swords lying around."

"Save your breath, Phantom." Simon curtly stated as he turned his back to the spy. "You can try to get under my skin until you're blue in the face, but you'll never succeed, and do you know why…?" The Twisted Samurai turned around to smirk at his longtime enemy and brought Sebastian over to the window. "Because in a few days, this will be your permanent home after the prosecutor for this case reminds the court of your countless crimes."

"I-I-I…" Sebastian stammered, bending his baton as he continued to hold back the tears forming in his eyes.

"Well, if he's the prosecutor for this case, Blackquill, then maybe you wouldn't mind doing another sentence for me after I get released and tie up some loose ends with that Athena girl you care so much about." Chloe emotionlessly mused, not even flinching when Simon slammed his fist on the glass that was separating them.

"If by some slim chance you manage to weasel your way out of paying for your crimes, the day I allow you anywhere near Athena is the day I eat a hamburger while watching an English dub of a beloved anime!" Simon snarled.

"Don't worry, Blackquill. Even if your friend completely fails, there's still a chance he could pull through. After all, you've seen it first-hand with those Anything Agency lawyers. Who knows? Your little friend may squeeze out a victory thanks to the judge taking pity on him and those cute little Bambi eyes he's giving me now." Chloe said with a lifeless giggle and a hint of intrigue in her gaze as she directed her attention to the other prosecutor. "So, little guy, what's your name?"

"Y-You don't know my name?" Sebastian asked in a devastated tone.

"Correct." The Phantom nodded. "I may be an international spy who can become anyone, but that doesn't mean that I know everyone."

"B-But you do know me!" Sebastian whimpered.

"Trust me, kid. After spending a year working with Prosecutor Evan Draven here, I think I would remember seeing someone like you." Chloe joked in a deadpan tone as she gestured over to Simon, who's only response was to quickly shoot her a glare. "So once again, who are you."

Sebastian took a brief pause to wipe away his tears and straighten his posture. "I'm Prosecutor Sebastian Debeste."

"So?" Chloe shrugged with pure indifference.

"So?!" Sebastian exclaimed. "Don't you remember me, Chloe? It's me, Sebastian, your old best friend! We were freshmen in Themis together! We ate lunch every day! You helped me with my homework every day! You even helped get me down from the flagpole every other day after the football team would hoist me up to the top by my Underoos! You mean to tell me that you don't remember any of that?!"

"Like I said at Cykes' trial, I left my memories, personality, beliefs, emotions, and soul behind a long time ago. You see, when a person's tortured every day for nearly three years in almost complete isolation- their flesh peeled off, bones broken, and even being forced to eat one of their eyes after it's painfully removed from its socket with a melon baller- it shouldn't be all that surprising that when said person is finally freed from captivity by the police, they proceed to make the officers to find them… disappear to cover their tracks before running off and leaving their crappy life behind. Actually, scratch that. I can't say that I cast away all of my past…"

"Wha-What do you mean…?" Sebastian weakly asked as he cocked his head off to the side in confusion.

"Well, remember how I killed Fulbright in order to infiltrate the L.A.P.D. and stop Edgeworth and Blackquill's plan to bust me? Well, he wasn't my original target. That honor would belong to a certain science-loving detective working under none other than Klavier Gavin..." Chloe rolled her eye, the tiniest spark of rage flickering in her good pupil before quickly being extinguished by her icy stoicism. "After all, if I was going to go through the trouble of killing a detective and stealing their identity for the sake of revenge, I might as well have done it right by also getting revenge on one of my old bullies, someone who reminded me of all the pain I felt before I became the Phantom. And what better way to do so than by killing a girl that he's clearly head-over-heels for? But after doing some recon and discovering that the girl was as fed up with that pompous peacock as I was, I decided to cut her a brake and instead target the dumb oaf of a detective who felt that it was a good idea to walk the streets alone at night."

"So you do remember who you are, Chloe…?" Sebastian softly grinned, a glimmer of hope filling his eyes. "In that case, during your trial, just admit to your crimes! That way, you can receive the help you need, get over whatever bad things happened to you since the last time we saw each other, and you can go back to being Chloe Ernst, my best friend!"

"How many times do I have to say this? I put my past behind me a long time ago and am never going back." Chloe stated in the same monotone voice despite the angry undertone in her words. "I would rather walk up to that assassin who failed to shoot me during the trial, get down on my knees, put the barrel of their gun in my mouth, and guide their hand to the trigger before going back to being Chloe Ernst, the mascot who was kidnapped off of the streets for merely being herself.

"But-" Sebastian tried to argue, only to be immediately interrupted.

"Fine." The Phantom stated with the slightest hint of anger in her voice. "In that case, let me put this in a way you'll understand: in song."

{Chloe}

I'm not the girl who was your friend.

I'm not some oaf who you can just condescend.

I'm not the dorky mascot who'd dance to the school anthem.

No, I'm the Phantom.

All of the sins that I've committed:

Murders, bombings, and getting you, emo weeb, indicted,

And so many more that few could hope to fathom.

So who am I?

"Y-You're the Phantom, but-" Sebastian whimpered, trying his best to hold back the tears forming in his eyes, only to be interrupted by the girl who used to be his friend.

{Chloe}

Oh, it's so grand,

To see this sad land,

Fall into chaos.

Oh, it's a blast,

To learn people's pasts,

Which I use to completely destroy their lives.

{Blaise?}

Y'see, 'cause I'm the Phantom!

"How does she have a mask of Pops?! I thought that they took away all of her masks!" Sebastian replied in a flustered tone.

"How does Prosecutor Dandy's brother have a solitary cell that's nicer than most penthouses despite killing several people?" Simon angrily retorted as he glared daggers at the woman who ruined his life. "Our police force is completely inept when it comes to punishing criminals… with the unfortunate exception being when they confiscated my mangas!"

{Blaise?}

Y'see, the world's my playpen,

{Metis?}

I see someone,

I become them.

Care to theorize why?

{Chloe}

I've always had a penchant,

For acting and for vengeance.

I become your loved ones so I can break your soul.

{Blaise?}

Y'know, I find this quite amusing,

{Athena?}

That you're so blind to how this is a fight you're losing!

I'll just escape from here in the blink of an eye!

Why?

C'mon, guys! Guess!

{Sebastian and Simon}

'Cause you're… the Phantom…

"And that's why you're Debeste." Chloe deadpanned.

Dual (because you know, we're a duet!) shout out of thanks and replies to the following awesomesauce readers/reviewers including PM's! Everyone else…thanks so much for reading! 😊

Chapter 95

Muhammad Sban

CT: I've said it before, and I'll gladly say it again because the idea's too funny to pass up: I personally feel that the primary reason why Phoenix is so into cleaning the toilet (and why he didn't hesitate to pass the brush to his own protégés) is because it became part of his normal routine thanks to Mia forcing him to clean it after she did her morning… business from the day he started working at the firm in order to drill the fact that pretty girls do indeed poop into his head. Sure, it may sound like a nasty punishment, but considering that Phoenix was the simpiest simp to ever simp when Mia first met him, she needed to take drastic measures to reform him. Heck, Phoenix was so much of a simp during his Feenie days that he makes Larry look respectable. I mean, Larry has done a multitude of questionable stuff in the hopes of getting a girl, but at least he's never stooped to eating glass and metal for a girl who's actively trying to get him sent to jail. Not to mention, Phoenix indirectly killed a guy who was merely trying to warn him that his "girlfriend" was bad news. Granted, Dahlia was the one who ended Doug's life, but if Phoenix wasn't under the delusion that his "girlfriend" was so pure that she didn't poop, he wouldn't have flown off the handle and pushed Doug, and in turn, that power line wouldn't have snapped and Dahlia would have been without a weapon.

That, right there, is one of the reasons why Blaise is one of my absolute favorite "Ace Attorney" characters to write for. He's so evil, and so irredeemable that no act of villainy would be out of character for him. Not to mention, unlike the grand majority of villains in the "Ace Attorney" series who have some understandable reason as to why they did what they did (Manfred trying to get revenge for his record being ruined, Matt wanting to get rid of a rival who was on the verge of ruining his career, Morgan and Ga'ran being tired of living in their respective siblings' shadows, etc.), but with Blaise, everything he did was purely for the sick fun of it. I mean, why else would a guy who's at the literal top of the L.A. legal world hold a multitude of black market auctions, obfuscate information from arguably one of his most reliable subordinates, and work to assassinate the beloved president of a small nation that he probably didn't even know about until then?

Not to mention, Blaise has a track record that makes even the most heinous of "Ace Attorney" villains look like little bunnies by comparison, which includes, but isn't limited to: the aforementioned assassination of a beloved president, disgracing Lang's family, hiding evidence from Manfred so the guy would slip up, which would allow him to dole out a penalty (something that could have been done solely to get back at the "perfect" prosecutor for calling him unfashionable) and caused DL-6 to happen, verbal and heavily-implied physical abuse towards his son, multiple counts of kidnapping, betraying the trust of countless defendants by using plea bargains against them (something that not even Manfred had done), and working with Alba's smuggling ring (as seen by how Jacques was apparently never investigated by the P.I.C., in addition to Blaise possessing the real Alif Red statue, a stolen item that was part of an Interpol case and, by extension, out of his jurisdiction).

Heck, I wouldn't be surprised if the Great Fire mentioned in "Professor Layton vs. Phoenix Wright" was caused by Blaise going overseas to the U.K. to visit his old friend Bill Hawks (with how scummy Bill is, I would be shocked if the two of them weren't at the very least acquaintances), in which they toured the British countryside and threw Molotov cocktails at any small villages they passed by for sport.

JP: even though I am the numero uno Phoenix fan and my husbando's greatest supporter I will acknowledge that weenie Feenie hardly be recognized as being the same person that is today's unbreakable DILF Man that being said… He was too pure and good for this world! How could anybody legit hate him? Oh wait… You would have to be a soulless twatclanger. Which I suppose can be the alternate name for the Satanic Succubus known as Dahlia Hawthorne. I mean why not? Over the years between me and CzarThwomp and us and our hilarious readers, I have lost count of how many unflattering nicknames we have come up with for the creepy German sausage and Benedict Sadmahdi. Surely she of the Devil's ditch nether regions can be a poisonous flower that would still be not as sweet is called by different name?

I have not seen one single game outside of the Ace Attorney series where Phoenix is not seen with Maya… Even Marvel vs. Capcom he needs his trusty assistant with him there like peas and carrots and peanut butter and jelly… Just not all mixed together because it's kind of gross! I said before and I'll say it again I came into this series as a Layton fan with that crossover and I could not believe how long it took to pick my job off the floor when I found out that Nick and Maya were not a canon couple after seeing their dynamic in that game! If you have ever played project X zone two I highly recommend it great music and more Phaya heaven galore plus I fell in love with the cast of Darkstalkers and Maya's fearless tongue when she tells a certain Psycho Power major that his chin looks like a butt! XD

Of course, my own personal headcanon about Nick's neurosis about being the Mr. Clean of toilet bowls is much more simple (additional headcanon it's how, along with waking biking everywhere he also got that amazing physique including but not limited to his guns of steel and Spirit of Justice pecs!)… After the whole eating the glass incident before Phoenix became the King of the Turnabout became King of the Porcelain Throne… The aftermath was… not pretty. That is all.

As for Nah-POO-ta the wankpuffin, I don't think he encountered Blaise at all even though the idea of him being tortured under his mentorship is hysterical simply because if the pyromaniac was that hard on his own offspring for being such a pantywaist, there is no way he would've left Mr. man pretty Smellsa get past him without some scathing and blistering and lifelong scarring damage done to his emotional psyche. I think were giving Blaise to much credit… I truly think despite having an awesome Daddy Dragon, Nah-EW-Ta is proof of the proverbial apple not only falling far from the tree but in an entirely different orchard and was clearly filled with worms… I think he's just a world-class spunktrumpet all his own accord for the same reason that poor Sebastian's father was… Just for the funsies and just because he could!

On the topic of Mia teaching Nick that pretty girls DO poop… she also has some more hellacious wakeup calls for him in the side-splitting one-shot by my fave female comedy writer on A03 – it's called:

Hellish Training by VickyVicarious.
Description: Mia teaches Phoenix a lesson about image versus reality. (prompt: Mia eating chicken wings and farting gloriously.)

All I can tell you is it's a real… GAS! :p

Cheers,
JP

Chapter 96

Peoplepersonsof DooM

JP: Hiya Lyn! Miego is more spicy than sweet, kind of like this wonderful candy bar I had the other day that was spicy chilly and dark chocolate… I tend to save my cavity inducing fluffy stuff for my other works and especially for Luke and Pearl a.k.a. Feyt a.k.a. ultimate Disney couple! 😊

About Diego packing– dang! There's no way papi had that much suave and swagger unless he was packing some major heat! It's the same reason I insisted that Bitchtoff Gavin has more of a Vienna sausage than bratwurst in his lederhosen… No man could be that much of a petty bitch unless he's trying to make up for some… Shortcomings? 😛

If we are going to go with X-rated head canons I get the feeling of these two would've been the sexiest risqué pair out there… You know the whole thing about kids getting their jollies by having sex in their parents bed (EWS btw!)? I figure if they're going to do in the office were better to do it been on the boss's desk? It's probably the cleanest one in the office and probably always smells of lemon clean freshness… Although probably not when they're done making their own lemon scene… Mia was very considerate though – I'm sure she just sprayed the desk down with some citrus pledge afterward! 😆

CT: The way I see it, if Diego was going to slam his coffee cup on Mia's defense's bench while in the firm, they would do it right. Diego and Mia would wait until it's just the two of them and enter Grossberg's office, where, after closing the door, the former would clear off the desk with a single mighty sweep of his arm before picking up the latter, making out with her in his arms, and then upon reaching first base, slamming her back onto the desk before proceeding to round the bases and slide into home. That, or Mia and Diego would opt to remain standing purely for the sheer sexual thrill that comes with rocking some coco against their boss' beloved fisherman painting that he never stops talking about.

Forgreatcoffee

JP: I will admit Señor Java,your sexy theme song is my email ring tone on my cell phone. I'm sure it was a just your singing I'm sure your swarthy good looks and sexy Latino accident – which the anime dub totally messed up by the way! – Had something to do with it as well! Therefore, kudos to you on your restraint in the office… Although if you couldn't always restraining keep your hands to yourself once everyone else had left… Nobody is judging you I swear! 😉

CT: Forgreatcoffee: Personally, I always thought that the deal with Mia would be sealed with a late-night visit to her apartment with a boombox playing "The Fragrance of Dark Coffee" held overhead.

DJJ680

JP: You did give us free reign for what song to pick from this wonderful seeming musical and I fell in love with this song because right away I knew who I would use it for it was either for Miego or for SkyeFop but somehow the lyrics of Detective Fräulein… How do I make you mine? Just didn't have the same ring to it! I'm delighted you liked the parody and my headcanon about how the sexiest man in the series – and I may be in love with Phoenix but I'm not blind! – Whether he's a visually impaired silver haired fox with a mask or as Mr. Tall Dark and Studly, Armando was sex on a stick and was surely no stranger to the ladies until his kitten came along. That being said, to this day I still maintain that Mia was the most beautiful woman in the Ace Attorney series so at least he didn't settle for anything but Debeste! Best way to describe that sexy duo: Catch AND Catch! I have never seen the movie but it's on my list and I think you for your part in helping expand my musical repertoire. 😊

CT: Sure, Godot may not be as flirty as he used to (instead of saving all of that energy for broaches), but I think it's safe to say that even after being in a coma for five years, he's still as cool as a cucumber in a fridge that's been floating in the Arctic Ocean. I mean, what other prosecutor can come off as badass by stating that they've never prosecuted a case before while smooth jazz plays in the background?

As for Mia, I won't deny that she changed her community for the better- not because of how she tirelessly fought day and night to defend the helpless and innocent; not because she lost her life in an effort to bring Redd White to justice; but because she managed to fix Phoenix by transforming him from Feenie, King of Simps, into a respectable member of society.

Thepudz

JP: I have a bit of a crush on Maya and I emphasize that more than anyone because her poor sister is in the Twilight Realm but Mia was definitely the Gal Godot of the Ace Attorney universe in that she was beautiful and sexy. Also, the buxom beauty was hot enough to make even my gay guy friends have said they would have dated her – because nobody's that gay! – That it's safe to say that when it came to Miego there is a little bit of something for everyone… No matter which way you swing! It's impossible to say which one was the luckier one! Maybe Diego was too sexy to live that's why Dahlia tried to kill him? Mayhap she tried to turn his head away from his kitten and he shot her down – and hell hath no fury like a woman scorned? Thanks for dropping me a line, mate! You're amazeballs! 😊

p.s. speaking of stuff that's illegal, I'm positive the first time Diego got Mia to loosen up some buttons it was by using the line: Si la belleza fuese delito, yo te hubiera sentenciado a cadena perpetua 😉

CT: Don't worry, we'll edit this chapter to include a "Caution! The romance in this chapter is hot!" disclaimer. Though speaking of which, I'm surprised that Capcom didn't capitalize on the fact that Godot repeatedly throws scalding coffee at Phoenix by having one of his snarky internal monologues reference that infamous lawsuit.

TheFreelancerSeal

JP: Unless you're old enough to predate the metric system, The Music Man was well ahead all of our times but that doesn't mean it wasn't a classic – I'd actually heard of it, unlike a lot of requests we get from our readers! I will the things I can't stand his home people assume most of these Ace Attorney characters have never indulged in any kind of alcohol or any other kind of naughty activities especially when being a lawyer and drinking tend to go hand-in-hand and there's no way people that look like the Mia and Diego (read: unlike the adorkable Phaya these two actually had game and were aware of their physical assets!) were unaccustomed to… The horizontal mambo? I wish someone would write a one-shot about the fop and Diego chatting about their seduction techniques of past and present because the former would be hoping for a shot to get with Ema and it seemed his over-the-top flirting and over-the-top flattery just isn't doing the trick… I picture Godot/Diego schooling him on the fine art of seduction with the tongue… Maybe picking up some Spanish – the sexiest language in the world – instead of being a fake German? I mean, what sounds sexier to you?😈😆
Du hast wunderschöne Augen.Küss mich

VS.
Tienes unos ojos tan bellos, que podrías curar hasta a un ciego.

CT: Too bad Diego didn't learn anything from his encounter with Dahlia on account of how he shows absolutely no reservations in regards to drinking from an open coffee cup that some random person slides over to him.

Still, despite the negative aspects of Godot's personality, I can't deny that he and Mia made a cute couple that probably had more than one date at a burger place in order to make him worthy in the eyes of his girlfriend's little sister whose own idea of romance (and may still be a bit to this day) was Mayor McCheese sweeping her off her feet and letting her eat his head.