Chapter 6

He remembered reading about the journey of Lewis and Clark and the Corps of Discovery, more than 70 years ago now. One thing that had struck him was that while it took those men over a year and a half to travel west from St. Louis to the Pacific Ocean, it took them less than six months to get home. He understood that as he traveled west and found himself making much better time than he had with Ah-man-ay on the way to his village. There was something about going home that could move a man along faster than he expected.

Maybe it was like the horse who smells his own stable miles before it comes into his owner's view. The horse hurries up even before the rider thinks to spur him on. Home meant rest, and a warm barn, and currying and brushing and good food.

He had no illusions that his horse could smell his own stable this far away, but it did seem like the beast was moving along at a faster pace, as if he knew where they were going.

He took a slight detour to a tiny town where he'd been before, years ago, to restock on ammunition and some canned food and jerky. He remembered the store owner at the mercantile – the man just looked at him like he thought he should remember him but couldn't place him. Jarrod knew he looked nothing like the well-dressed and groomed man who had been here before. He wasn't about to let on that he was the same man, so he skipped the shave and haircut. He just bought his supplies, using most of the money he had brought with him, tipped his hat and left.

It took only a little less than three weeks to reach Donner Pass. The snows were still a while off, but the air was beginning to be colder and the trees were beginning to change their color. He rode longer during the day and made camp later in the evening than he had on the trip east. He wanted to descend down into the valley in California before any bad weather came along.

As soon as he had gone through Donner Pass and begun going down instead of up, he began to feel the tingling in his stomach. It was happiness. He was going home.

XXXXXXX

Victoria was the last to arrive at breakfast on that crisp autumn morning. Even Audra was up before she was. She kissed each of her children at the table, and noted again the empty chair at the end, as she had noted it every day for more days than she could count.

"Good morning, Mother," each of her children said as she kissed them.

"Good morning," she replied to them all, and she sat and led them in prayer. Then she took her plate to the sideboard that Silas had set up with food, and began filling it. "What are the plans for the day?"

"South pasture," Nick said as he filled his own plate, Heath and Audra following along. "Moving the herd there back up to the east pasture. The winter feed's in and we're in pretty good shape to deliver the hundred head we promised to the army by the end of the week."

"Do you have enough men for the drive?"

"It's not that far. We're in good shape, can leave enough men to tend the herd we have left without any trouble."

Heath said, "We thought we'd give the hands who do the drive a day or two off in Stockton after we deliver the cattle."

"And take a day or two yourselves?" Victoria asked with a smile.

"Well…"

Audra laughed. "I don't have any real plans, Mother. Is there something you wanted to do?"

"Some autumn housecleaning," Victoria said. "Get the summer rugs outside to be cleaned and put the winter rugs down. That will take a few days at least."

Audra looked at the empty chair at the table. "It seems like the summer went so fast this year."

The others glanced that way, but Victoria's gaze settled there. Had she given up hope that he would ever come home? She wasn't sure. She had expected him to be back long before now, but it had been over six months and there was not a word from him, or from anyone who might have seen him. If he didn't come before winter set in, would he ever come back?

Was he even alive?

"Well," Nick said, wiping his mouth and getting up from the table when he was finished eating, "Heath and I need to get moving." He leaned over and kissed his mother.

"Wait," Audra said.

Nick and Heath stood where they were and looked at her.

"Can we do something before you head out?" Audra asked.

"What's that?" Victoria asked.

"I'd like to go visit Father's and Beth's graves and bring some of the autumn wildflowers that are growing behind the barn. They'll be gone in a week or so. I just thought it would be good if we all went."

Nick and Heath looked at each other. Nick shrugged.

Victoria sighed, her thoughts going from her missing son to her missing husband. Were they together now? Would she ever know?

Would the four of them going to put flowers on those graves seem too much like attending Jarrod's funeral?

No, it wouldn't. Victoria nodded. "I think that would be a good idea."

XXXXXXX

He stopped when he reached the first sign that said he was on the Barkley Ranch, though now he could believe his horse could smell his barn, he was so skittish and eager to move. Jarrod did not feel the same. There was something in seeing the sign that made him hesitate. Something touched on that nerve that made him remember that he had shamed himself and his family, something that made him wonder if they would take him back after all he had done and all the time that had passed. Something that Beth would be ashamed of.

Or all of that. Who knew? He didn't. It had been so long, and it was all his fault. He just didn't know where he stood with the Barkley family anymore.

But he couldn't just sit here forever. Someone might come along and take him for an intruder, he looked so unlike himself. He was unwashed, long-haired, bearded and gaunt, like a man who just came in from months in the wilderness – which is what he was.

He nearly turned around and left again. He looked up at the mountains he'd come from and felt the pull that way again. Maybe it would be better if he never came back.

But then – no. There was another pull, deeper into Barkley property. Or maybe more than one pull. Things to do here, words to speak, family to repent to. Love to receive the way Ah-man-ay had received the love from his family. Love to express to someone he could only hold in his heart now that he could no longer hold her in his arms.

He let his horse go the way it wanted to go, further on into the Barkley Ranch, but before he went to the house, he passed by the small graveyard where his father and his wife lay together. It was peaceful and quiet there, although he was surprised to see there were no flowers on either grave. He pulled his horse up and tethered it to a tree nearby before he took his hat off and approached the graves.

He stood for a long time in silence before he finally said, "I'm home, Beth, and I'm so sorry I let you down. You deserve to be alive. You deserve a better husband than I've turned out to be. You deserve the man I thought I was, not the man I turned into."

He thought he heard her laugh, coming from over his right shoulder. He looked, but of course, she wasn't there. But he heard it again. Maybe he really did hear it.

What he didn't hear were the horses and the buggy coming up behind him. Victoria and Audra in the buggy were a little ahead of Nick and Heath on horseback, but they slowed up when they saw they were not alone.

They saw a man with long black hair, his hat in his hand, his horse tethered nearby. His clothes were dirty, his hair hung down obscuring his face, and you could smell him before you came close to him. At first they wondered who would visit those graves in such a condition, but as they drew close, they all knew at the same time.

"Jarrod," Victoria said quietly, more deeply relieved than she had ever been in her life.

Nick and Heath dismounted fast and were running up to their brother even as Victoria and Audra were climbing out of the buggy. Jarrod didn't hear them until they were on top of him, grabbing him, hugging him, pumping his hand and slapping his back. He was overwhelmed. It had been a long time since he'd been touched with that kind of welcome. It had been since the women at Ah-man-ay's camp had touched him in gratitude for bringing Ah-man-ay home, that he'd been touched at all.

"Jarrod!" Audra cried and fell into his arms. By this time he was laughing, but he still hadn't said anything at all. He still looked almost startled at what was happening.

As Audra pulled away from her brother, Victoria stopped a few feet away and looked him over. He looked terrible. He had lost even more weight than he'd lost in Rimfire and his clothes were hanging on him like dirty cleaning rags. His hair was down past his shoulders and his beard had not been groomed since God knew when, but his eyes – his eyes were sparkling blue again. She hadn't seen anything but that sickly grey since Beth died. "Oh, Jarrod," Victoria said in complete relief and fell into his arms.

"I told you we would meet again," he finally said quietly into her ear. "I just had to find my way back."

Victoria pulled away but kept her hands on his arms. "And are you back this time, for good?"

He nodded. "If you'll have me."

Victoria began to cry then, and Jarrod saw in her the same thing he had seen in the eyes of Ah-man-ay's mother a few weeks ago. Then she said, "If you agree to shave, get a haircut and take a bath."

He laughed as his brothers slapped him on the back again. "I'll take that as a welcome home," he said.

Audra hurried back to the buggy and fetched the flowers they had brought. She quickly brought them to Jarrod's arms. "You should be the one to put these here," Audra said.

Jarrod took them, smiling awkwardly, but he nodded and put half of them on his father's grave, half on his wife's. For a moment then he closed his eyes against tears he'd felt for the first time in months. When he opened them again, he saw his family around him.

He was finally home.

The End