It's a clear, cold night, but I'm wearing Four's sweater, and I don't feel the chill as I sprint across the field towards the train track. I know I'll never outrun the guilt I feel over what I've done, but the feel of the wind on my face and in my hair is a small kind of release. The train is comes, and I reach up, grab the handle, and throw myself inside. I've done it a dozen times, at least.

This time there's nobody waiting for me. The car is lit, dimly, and I sit down on the floor, pulling my mother's letters from my pocket. I take a deep breath, and open the first one. My heart contracts at the sight of her handwriting.

"Dear child…" it begins, just as my father's had. The contents are similar as well, explaining her decision to leave Dauntless and join Abnegation with my father. It contains nothing about the society, though, only a more general warning to hide my divergence. Some of the letter is specific to Dauntless, for example, she warned me about the fear simulations. "…Be sure to hide the fact that you are aware while you are in them."

The second letter is far more shocking. It's addressed specifically to me, and I see it was written on the day of Evelyn's funeral. The script is not my mother's typical hand – it appears cramped and rushed.

Dear Beatrice,

If you are reading this, it means that you have joined Dauntless.You are only seven now, but I sense in you an adventurous spirit, one you will find was inherited from me.I'm writing this letter because I've just found out something terrible, and if you choose Dauntless, you could be in danger, and I may not be alive to tell you the things you need to know.Yesterday Evelyn came to me with a confession.She told me she had a lover, a factionless man, and had become pregnant.I was sympathetic, at first, thinking she had acted out of love.That was not the case.She went on to explain her motives, and what she told me filled me with terror.

She told me that when the founders created the faction system, they wished to prevent another war, and therefore chose to bar the Divergents from the city.There were left to die of thirst, many of them begging and pleading for mercy, outside the Fence.This was not, however, the end of the Divergents.A small handful managed to hide their identities, and were permitted into the City.Most joined Erudite, where they were celebrated for their advanced intellect, and where they managed to hide their violent nature.

Angered by the treatment of the banished Divergents, they made a solemn vow to work, through successive generations, to bring about the destruction of the factions, and, when their numbers were great enough, to take control of the City and to banish or enslave its non-Divergent inhabitants.

Evelyn told me that she was a descendent of these Divergents, and that its members, since the beginning, had selectively married and procreated so as to maintain their genetic alterations and to grow their numbers.She told me the day of the Divergent revolution was drawing near.

I had known her marriage to Marcus had been arranged, and I knew she was unhappy, but she told me then that she had not chosen Abnegation for herself.She had been ordered to choose it by the others, so that she would be hidden and protected there.She was also ordered to marry Marcus.She said she had failed with Tobias – that she had never intended to have a child with Marcus.Her lover was also a descendent of the society, and that this child she carried was therefore 'special'.She told me Marcus had discovered her infidelity, and that she felt she and the child would be in danger.She had therefore decided to leave to join the factionless, to protect her child.

I was shocked, of course, but also confused.Why was she choosing now to trust me with these terrible secrets?I don't know how, but she had sensed our Divergence, and was convinced that it was our duty to leave with her and to join the factionless Divergent.She was particularly interested in you, Beatrice, saying that she sensed you had the combination of aggression paired with intellect that the society valued the most.She was genuinely shocked that I refused to listen to her, and refused to consider joining her and the others.She begged and pleaded with me – it went on for several hours.Finally I screamed at her that she was insane.It was then that I saw her for what she truly was – cruel and calculating – pure evil.She told me that she had taken a great risk in trusting me, and that if I ever breathed a word about this to anyone, she would find out, and kill us all.I will never forget the look on her face as she said these words.I believed her.

She also made me promise to help Marcus cover up her disappearance, and in truth I thought it would be best for us, especially, Tobias, if she were dead.I pray that I will never see her again, but my greatest fear is for you.

Beatrice, this is important.If you join Dauntless, I fear she will find out, and she will believe you are one of them.She will find you and try to persuade you to join them.She can be charming, she fooled me for years, but you must not allow yourself to be fooled.She will offer you protection from those who hunt the Divergent, but she will destroy you, and herself, in the end.

The letter stops there, abruptly, and I have no idea what, if anything she had planned to write next. My hands are shaking. I had delivered Four to Jeanine to be tortured, and in saving him, I had caused Zeke's death, and had put Four into the hands of someone even more dangerous than Jeanine.

I look back over everything that has happened, every decision I made, with new eyes. I ask myself, at every turn, would I have acted differently, had I known? If I had stayed in Erudite that night, I would never have met Four, and would never have lured him to Erudite. Would he have been safe, then? No, I decide. If Eric had not killed him first, Jeanine would have found another way to get to him. And if that had happened, no one would ever have known about it. There would have been no one to rescue him. Four would have died, instead of Zeke. But which was the right outcome? Does that question even have any meaning?

I'm tired and numb and I can't think anymore. I lay down on the cold floor of the train, on my side. I rest my head on my arm. I don't expect to sleep, but slowly I am lulled by the rocking of the train. I dream of Four, of course. He breaks my fall at the top of the Ferris wheel, and holds me tightly against his own body. I had loved him even then, though I hadn't recognized or understood it.

When I wake, though I know it is selfish, I find I cannot regret having climbed that Ferris wheel. If I hadn't taken him to the factionless, he'd have died in my arms on the train to Amity. Even now, I can't even be sure that he is alive. I feel that he is, though. The sun is rising now, and I can see, with absolute clarify, what I have to do. No matter what it takes, I will find him. I will save him.

A/N Thank you so much for all of your support as I wrote this. There will be another book (a sequel), it will be called 'Memento Mori'. I probably need to take a break for a bit, though, and I also want to revise some of the chapters in this book. Because the story changed, dramatically, while I was writing it, there are some continuity issues. I'd also like to make the first few chapters a bit more interesting. It's difficult, of course, because the heart of the story is Tris and Four, but I don't want to bring him in any sooner than chapter 7 when Tris first sees him from the Watchers. I welcome any suggestions along those lines (or any other!). Because I may not start book 2 for a bit, I will tell you one more thing: The first chapter will be called 'The Art of Losing Yourself', and will be narrated by Tobias. So yes, he's alive, of course :)

Thank you triseat0n for your helpful critique!

Standard Disclaimer: All rights to Divergent and its characters belong to Veronica Roth.