I do not own Alex Rider.

"Aren't you a little young to be a member of the SAS?"

Alex resisted his increasing urge to scowl. It tended to make him and Wolf seem related. "No. I just have really good genes that make me look and act like a teenager." He stated sarcastically at a recruit who dared to approach him. The spy motioned for the other to get out of his sight with a series of rude hand gestures.

Alex never believed that he would feel anything other than hate for the SAS sergeant, but as the morning rolled on, the spy felt a shred of sympathy for the old buzzard. Recruits strutted arrogantly about the camp. The new soldiers compared times on the assault course, criticized the camp's lousy food, and tried to get away with doing as little work as possible. They thought they had made it.

These mannerisms, while annoying, did not bother Alex much. Little did the recruits know that they still had a long way to go before they could be considered anything other than maggots. After seeing his skill on the shooting range, most older soldiers stayed out of K-unit's way. The spy thankfully noted that he hadn't heard the nickname "Double-O-Nothing" during his stay.

Unfortunately, with the arrival of new blood, a more sadistic one came about. Their name for the youngest soldier was "Midget". It was both humiliating and degrading, made worse by the fact that members of K-unit would often crack a mocking smile whenever it came up. Unfortunately, the sergeant forbade Alex from doing anything in retaliation after he had put two men in the hospital wing for using it.

The teen glared at Boar who had been staring at his unit quizzically. The soldier responded likewise, creating some sort of death vortex in the middle of the room. Osprey, who had to walk between the two would later swear that he could feel himself weaken under the two powers. Both K-unit and S-unit as well as those training under them were the subject of ridicule because of their less than uniform appearances. S-unit's dye had faded slightly leaving most of its subjects now a shade of periwinkle. Lion's skin was still a deep blue, making Alex suspect Wolf had reapplied the dye before the other soldier's shower. Not that Alex would blame him. Lion had become especially crabby the last few days, making the other units joke that it was his time of the month.

More than ever, Alex missed the discipline in Scorpia. Teachers didn't care if students maimed or even killed each other as long as they learned what they needed to. The boy swore that if another recruit asked how old he was or refused to listen to the "midget", he would take a leaf out of Dr. Three's handbook.

Oblivious to his unit mate's angst, Eagle plopped onto the bench beside the spy. He sighed. Alex twitched. After his fainting episode the day before, recruits avoided the soldier with the same tenacity of those trying to avoid paying taxes. Because of the slander by S-unit, most of the new maggots believed Eagle was the mastermind behind the pranks occurring several days before. Alex rolled his eyes. Anyone who had spent five minutes with the hyperactive sniper would immediately realize that the words "Eagle" and "mastermind" rarely, if ever, occurred in the same sentence let alone the same paragraph.

Alex knew his unit mate wouldn't go away. "What is it Eagle?"

The soldier still hadn't gotten over whatever nefarious substance S-unit had put in his food. "Snake confiscated all my gummy bears this morning. He claimed they would slow me down, but I know they won't." Eagle turned to the spy giving him a look that would've made a kitten jealous. "You believe me, right Cub? Fox was supposed to bring me more, but he's late. "

Alex's brain stalled, not actually believing a soldier was giving him puppy eyes before he recalled the rest of the sentence. Fox hadn't arrived the night before nor the morning after, but the spy wasn't worried. He had snuck into the guesthouse where he called Ben several hours before in order to have his coworker confirm some of his suspicions.

"Don't believe him, Cub. He doesn't need anymore sweets to make him hyper." Snake and Wolf sat across from the two at breakfast.

Wolf sniffed his food before scowling. The whole unit was still paranoid that S-unit would prank them.

"Where are the recruits?" Snake asked, making small talk between bites of the gooey rice and mystery meat mixture.

The unit leader didn't seem too concerned. "They're going through the Killing House with the Sergeant and other recruits."

Alex finally spoke up, "Why didn't we have older soldiers helping us when I was around?"

"They came later."

Eagle suddenly laughed,"Yeah, remember Iguana?"

"That man belonged in a loony bin," Wolf shuddered.

"I wonder where he is now?" Snake mused.

"Never mind him, where's Cub?"

Snake looked around the room. "Damn it. He's gone. I never got to ask him about his scars."

Eagle laughed. "That sounds fairly suggestive, Snake."

"Not you too," The medic lamented.

…

"What are you really doing here, Midget?" Boar growled into Alex's ear. His hand clutched the teen's arm to block any escape. The spy would later blame his inattention on the fact that Snake was still chasing him in order to get his secrets. Eagle was the medic's accomplice.

"What is it with you SAS soldiers and making everything sound perverted?" Alex joked, not at all intimidated.

"Shut up and tell me what you know."

"I know lots of things." Alex smirked. "Two plus two equals four and most people would get the wrong idea when they saw a grown man pushing a teenager into a corner. I hear the prison system takes a dim view of child molesters."

Boar's visage twisted into an ugly sneer. "I'll show you punk." He brought a fist up to punch the teen who caught it, twisting the man around and forcing him on his knees. He leaned down to whisper in the soldier's ear while simultaneously tightening a hand around his throat."I've tolerated your units pranks because I find them amusing, but if you try to threaten me ever again the only job you'll be able to find will be begging in Sri Lanka. Got it?"

Boar nodded fearfully, evidently believing the boy.

"Good. Now, I'm going to let you go and you're going to warn your unit to stay away from mine." Alex let go and Boar darted towards his cabin.

The teen sighed. "You can come out now."

"Scaring the other units already?" Ben teased, seemingly not affected by the scene taking place seconds before.

"Did you replace the file?"

"You wound me, of course."

Alex breathed slightly easier. Ben continued. "I also took the liberty to alert Jones of the situation after you called me. If the sergeant is selling information on soldiers' files, we'll know."

"How was your week?" Alex now asked innocently.

Ben scowled, "No good, thanks to you. I now know way more about ancient Sumerian than I ever wanted to. The only IT man available was Jeeves who wouldn't stop talking about his cat, Mr. Cuddles. The mangy furball kept ejecting hairballs into his favorite pair of shoes." The man shuddered in disgust then suddenly grinned. "Mrs. Jones sent you a present."

"What is it," Alex didn't know whether to be happy or suspicious. They walked toward the parking lot.

"It's in the car."

"You took my car?"

"You have three in London alone."

"It's still my car. What happened to your own piece of junk?"

Ben mumbled something.

"What was that?"

"I said, it got towed."

"Why?"

"Because Jeeves became sensitive enough when I told him to dump his cat and get a new one that my car will be permanently impounded until I apologize to Mr. Cuddles."

Alex laughed heartily.

"Shut up." Ben muttered feebly while handing him a cardboard box.

Alex glanced inside then hissed. "You didn't."

Ben smirked vengefully, "I did."

"The whole reason why I went on this trip was to get away from paperwork. Why would you give me a box full of it?"

"Mrs. Jones thought you might get homesick."

"That's a terrible reason and you know it."

…

Meanwhile, Snake called a cabin meeting. He tried to smooth to smooth his expression into something sober, but the triumphant grin wouldn't leave his face.

"What is it Snake? Or am I going to regret asking?" Wolf asked wearily. Whenever Snake smiled like that, there was usually some sort of trouble sure to follow.

Snake held a thick manila folder with the same sort of glee found in serial killers when cornering their victims. "Guess whose?"

"The Sergeant's, Fox's, your own" Eagle guessed rapid fire.

"No," Snake made a face. "Cub's. Now we can learn what that boy has been hiding from us."

Wolf glanced at the file as if it were a live bomb, but did not look away. "How did you get it?"

"It was on the Sergeant's desk. We can replace it before he gets back."

"Are you sure about this?" Wolf had a feeling this would come back to bite him in the butt later.

"How many opportunities are we going to get to learn about Cub?"

"We could just ask him."

"You know he wouldn't respond. I'm not going to let this opportunity go to waste." Snake quickly cracked open the file before he could lose his resolve. His expression quickly turned from interest, to shock, then finally settled on disbelief.

He gave the top page to Wolf who with Eagle glancing at it over his shoulder.

Name: Cub aka Wade Wilson

Known Aliases: Slade Wilson, Deathstroke, Catman, Deadpool, Winston Wilson, Robert Drake, John Watson, James Bond, and Adam Young

Agencies: KAOS

Birth Date: unknown

Known Relations

Chuck Norris and Selena Kyle: Biological parents

Elizabeth Summers: Ex Girlfriend (no other relationships)

Tony Stark: second cousin thrice removed, on his great uncle's estranged sister's side

Distinguishing Marks: Scar from a mutant spider bite on left hand.

Skills: Black belts in both Tai Chi and origami. Fluently speaks Pig Latin, Esperanto, and Aramaic. Has grandmaster standing in knitting and quilting.

Missions:

Classified- see files for:

Queen's Blade, Operation: Red Dawn, Lost Hero, Inception, Blue Amazon, Fight Club, Dark Night, Sleepy Hollow, Whirlwind, and Labyrinth

Medical History:

Scars on chest and torso from learning to disable a bomb at age eight.

Second degree burns on shoulders and back from rescuing a kitten from a burning building at age ten.

Small scar on left hand from a mutant spider bite, also age ten.

Large scar from a dog bite which covers right calf gotten at age eleven.

Motorcycle accident at age twelve leaves multiple scars on chest and legs.

...

When finished reading, Wolf voiced what the rest were thinking. "What the hell?"

Eagle glanced at the Spiderman comics in his bag in confusion and betrayal.

"What should we do with this information?" Snake asked.

At the same time Wolf began putting the file back together. "Nothing," He grunted. "Put this back on Sergeant's desk and keep any information you learned to yourselves. That's an order."

Eagle saluted him lazily while Snake just looked confused, both actions soon turned to panic as they heard walking on the gravel outside the cabin.

Snake's eyes now resembled dinner plates as the steps showed no sign of turning away. He tossed the evidence to Wolf who then panicked and threw it to Eagle with the order hide it. Not realizing anywhere better to hide the file, the sniper sat on it just as the door opened.

...

The first things Ben Daniels observed as he peeked through the cabin doorway was Eagle attempting to whistle and Snake pretending to read one of his field journals. He might have succeeded in appearing busy if they weren't upside down.

"Fox," Wolf greeted him warmly as did Snake.

"Foxy Boy," Eagle's voice held some sort of suggestion that Ben didn't want to analyze too much for fear of laughing. He noticed they were tense.

"Did Cub come to the reunion?" Ben asked trying to get them to relax after exchanging pleasantries. He guessed that Alex hadn't told them anything. God knows the boy liked to keep his secrets. If possible, Snake and Eagle seemed to tense up even more.

"Yes, but he isn't here right now."

Ben wondered why his unit seemed so defensive until he spotted the tell-tale folder under Eagle. He smirked.

Simultaneously, Alex walked into the cabin, slamming the door behind him and carrying a large cardboard box which he set on the cot.

"I didn't expect to see you here, Cub." Ben clamped down on his emotions to keep himself from snickering at the irony.

"You too, Fox," Came the serene reply.

"I has been awhile," Fox remarked, as if speaking about the weather.

Eagle squirmed, noting their familiarity. He shouted before Alex was able to speak. "You two know each other."

"I believe that is the point of a reunion, Eagle. Perhaps you should be quiet and let the adults talk." The teen stated blandly.

Eagle, who was quite annoyed by his unit mate's comment, now interjected. "Don't tell me to shut up, midget. I know all about your secrets, Cub or shall I call you Wade."

Alex's face which had become steadily paler throughout the exchange now took on an expression of confusion. Ben indicated the bogus folder with a gaze. The teen did not know whether to be relieved that they were still ignorant or frustrated that they had found it only a few minutes after it was planted. He settled for a mixture of the two. Crossing his arms he looked at the folder and glared, "That better not be what I think it is."

Eagle seemed to fold in on himself under the considerable weight of Alex's glare. He ran out of his cabin when the resounding call for mealtime sounded and before Alex begin his interrogation. The other two soldiers, while walking at a considerably slower pace, quickly made their way out. Snake muttered something along the lines of, "Saved by a cowbell."

Ben turned to Alex, smirking. He held his hand out. "Pay up. I told you they would find your 'file' within the first day, but you didn't believe me."

The teen frowned, but eventually complied giving up their standard payment for bets which was twenty five euros.

Sideshots:

"It looks like Cub has finally left for greener pastures," Fox stated, seeing the empty cot.

Wolf paused in exchanging his shirt for a less soaked one, "Good riddance. School boys don't belong in the SAS."

"He did grow on us, though," Snake held out the box of matches Cub had procured a few days before.

"You make him sound like some sort of fungus."

"I liked him," Eagle voice cracked, startling everyone.

"What happened to your voice," Wolf asked in strange fascination, "It sounds as if you're going through puberty again."

"Shut up," Eagle squeaked.

Sideshot:

"Get up you lazy SOBs," The sergeant's dulcet tones drifted through the cabin. Eagle fell off his cot and onto Wolf's who spluttered before pushing him onto the floor. By the time the two were ready, Snake and Fox had left them.

They lined up in front of the mess tent to see several groups of strangers. The sergeant stood in front of them. "I'm sure you men now think you know what an honor- no, privilege- it is to serve in the SAS."

Wolf glanced at Snake who smiled.

"Congratulations, boys. You're less than a quarter of the way there."

Snake frowned.

"Lucky for you. These men," The sergeant indicated those behind him, "Your predecessors have dedicated their time from fighting on the front lines-" Someone behind him snorted, muttering something about being forced to babysit. The officer ignored him. "They have dedicated their time to train you maggots. As you can see, some of the units are less full than yours, many have made the ultimate sacrifice so that you stains can live so treat these men with respect. I will assign each unit a mentor so you degenerates may soak in their knowledge."

The sergeant then began calling out units.

"A-unit, you will have Ostrich. B-unit will be assigned Horse… K-unit-"

Eagle's eyelids flickered open from where he had been sleeping standing up.

"-You will have Iguana."

Fox gazed at the man coming toward the unit. Thick scars littered the visible portions of his skin and his eyes darted between the four of them before flickering over their area. He seemed to be carrying a cactus. Wolf glanced at him doubtfully.

"As you heard the sergeant, my name is Iguana. I will also be known to you as the bastard who made your life hell. You may hate me now, but I guarantee you won't die easily."

Snake hesitantly raised his hand. His mentor glanced at him. "Yes?"

"Why do you have a cactus?"

Iguana seemed offended. "She is not a cactus. Princess saved my life."

"You named a cactus Princess?" Fox couldn't help but wonder aloud.

Iguana glared. "That will be fifty pushups. Don't insult Princess."

"But-"

"On your knees."

Wolf seemed amused until Iguana glanced at him. "What's so funny Puppy? You might as well join him." Unlike Fox, Wolf knew better than to argue with one so clearly cracked.

Kudos to anyone who can identify all my references. I like reviews.