You are amazing, fantastic! (Couldn't resist. ;) ) I can't express that enough. This was so... perfect. Here's to you, fellow Sherlockian!

Great insight into Mycroft's character!

One thing I think you did very well was that there was a definite difference in the tone/style of the journal entry as compared to the rest of the piece - it actually felt like it could have been written in-character by an (admittedly sophisticated) eleven-year-old.

[He stepped in front of us, effectively blocking the bullets from touching anyone by himself. The sound of the gun, the smoke, the car driving off... all these things still haunt my dreams in a blur of perceptions. The blood blossoming on his chest froze my own]. Incredible imagery here of the shooting; it was very vivid and definitely conveyed the horror of the scene.

One critique: it seemed like a bit of a large jump for kid Mycroft to go from "drive-by shooting" to learning "the politics of adults."

Loved the last line - it really conveyed how much Mycroft cares for his brother, and how by extension that transfers to John.

Good story! Keep up the great writing.

Great characterization in this. Lines like "Mycroft didn't show his heart to many people" are very telling - he does, in fact, *have* a heart, but he's not much of one for emotional displays.

I really like how you develop a relationship between Mycroft and John - you convey very realistically what they might realistically be feeling after St. Barts, and how that might lead them to come together.

The parallel between John's blog and Mycroft's "old notebook" was an interesting lead-in to the journal.

The only critique I would offer would be to point out a bit of repetition - four of the first five paragraphs begin with "Mycroft..."

Overall, I'd say this chapter works as a solid opening hook for your story. Great work!

So I'm 60% fandom blind. But I'll do my best!

The first thing I noticed about your writing, and it is the biggest skill that I'll be pick up from you is: you are able to seamlessly transition from a third person perspective into dialogue. But I would recommend putting down a line-break before "His cane seemed loud even against the plush carpet". It might just be a personal preference, but to me it seemed a wee bit sudden.

("John stopped berating Myrcroft….even acknowledging Myrcroft’s existence") Although it is a simply two lines, you manage to convey perfectly what John might be feeling. The pain of losing a close friend, and then the inability to deal with it, caused him to start shutting people out.

(“He’d watched the CCTV footage of the stalwart man limping around London”) An intriguing line. It shows the almost overbearing care that Mycroft has toward John,constantly watching him. But also the respect that he had for him, 'stalwart man' springs to mind in that reference!

(“The soft bulky jumpers…on his broad shoulders”) Another simple line, but effective in delivering its message! Till now you only talked about the emotional torture that John had put up with. This part also tells us about how he was deteriorating, physically.

Overall I enjoyed this first chapter. The dialogue towards the end was short, but it maintained the strain that John and Myrcroft had between each other. What exactly would be John's reaction to Myrcroft's journal entry? I will read on to find out!

I also learned a lot of vocabulary usage and how to convey emotions through this. So thank you so much!

Cheers!

-HFER

Hi there :) I was just browsing around and I came across this! Mycroft is my absolute favorite character in the Sherlock show, so of course when there's a story with his name in the title, I just HAVE to stop and read it!

'Mycroft didn't show his heart to many people.' - I am a huge fan of openings lines like this. And with Mycroft in particular, this line is totally true. Going on into the next line, I love how you reference Mummy Holmes having a special place. Allow me to just pause here and commend you; I love stories where Mummy and Daddy Holmes are seen in a positive light, even if it's for a brief glimpse like this. I'm a huge fan of the Holmes parents as characters, so when a writer makes a point to mention them, they immediately get points with me.

Woo, sorry about that, bit of a rabbit trail there. MOVING ON.

I really love how you painted a picture of Mycroft that shows how much he really cares about John. Though they have very few interactions within the show, they share a common link of caring about Sherlock. But with Sherlock out of the picture, there is just John and Mycroft can't help but look after him; I honestly believe it's just a part of who he is as a person. He is England, after all!

'...even that useless therapist...' - I lol'ed XD

' "Sometimes writing is the best way to clarify one's thinking..." ' - How very wise and true that is, Mycroft. Some people are better with expressing themselves through the written word...though I never really thought of Mycroft as this type of person. At any rate, ooo journal...

Overall, this was a great start to an interesting short story (I see that it's only two chapters). Can't wait to see what happens next! See you around!

This fanfiction broke my heart because it was perfect in any way

Congratulations on being named story of the week in review lounge.

It’s funny how things happen. I kept avoiding the last episode of Sherlock on my DVR for months, simply because I did not want the season to end… pathetic, I know, but I watched it last night and it was perfect timing for reading this fic and about Mycroft’s love for his brother.

“He watched the CCTV footage…” Whoa, excellent characterization of the man, both from the show and from the original cannon. Mycroft needs his distance, but he also needs his sharp, hawk eye on the situation! Well done.

“…psychosomatic pain,” Watching John, through your words, limping again and the cane making “its reappearance in contempt…” OMG, that was a fantastic idea and it was wonderfully executed. Bravo.

“…hung in shared misery on his broad shoulders.” Then you continue to stab the reader in the heart, by continuing to show how bad John’s condition has become – oh the feels, you are a genius, lol.

“He found his thoughts turned back…” Oh, you’ve piqued my interest in another direction. When was Mycroft damaged? And how?

“…the mystery didn’t hold his interest.” This line, more than anything, shows me exactly the state of mind John finds himself in.

“… my own night terrors,” And then the final hook, that keeps the reader immersed in this lovely drama you’ve begun, wow, this is just… excellent writing. I definitely plan on reading the next chapter. Again, congratulations!

I'm not 100% fandom blind, but I'm not very familiar with Sherlock either.

First, I love your intro. You had me hooked right from the start! I liked how you began with "Mycroft didn't show his heart to many people." The tenderness of that line drew me in, and now, of course, I have to know who he did show his heart to. A few sentences later, when you explained how much Sherlock meant to Mycroft, the memory of that sentence added to the overall description.

Another favorite line is "A grudge had no place in that heart, and eventually John stopped berating Mycroft." It just sounds so poetic. It only said "John couldn't stay mad at him. so he eventually quit nagging," but the way it was phrased gave me a more sympathetic lean towards John.

The way you described John, and how he took Sherlock's suicide, was very well done. You never said what he was thinking- it focused on the attitude more than the thoughts, but my heart definitely ached for him. Both of them, actually.

Your descriptions were really great. They did a nice job of setting the scene. Things like "soft, bulky jumpers," "gently rested his elegant fingers," and "his cane seemed loud even against the plush carpet." They were short, but they were very distinctive. The adjectives like "bulky" and "plush" are more specific than things like "soft" and "pretty;" they catch my attention and give me a more detailed mental picture at the same time.

Your descriptions of moods and emotions are good too. "He wondered briefly at Mycroft's formality of address, but as with most things these days, the mystery didn't hold his interest." Instead of saying "He was depressed," (which is maybe not quite the right word, but it suits the purpose) you illustrate it. You show us his reaction towards one of the situations.

I imagine the real plot breaks out in the next chapter, but I definitely like this chapter a lot. Beautiful job setting up the scene, and nice character development. Also, the story is very interesting, and I can't wait to find out what happens next.

Keep up the good work! :)

You have some good writing going on here; the style really suits young Mycroft. The strict, precise way of writing and attention to detail, plus the way he's complains about Sherlock's abundance of energy.
You painted a pretty scary scene after the father's death, what with three-year-old Sherlock's blood-stained hands, Mycroft having to bodily pull him off, and his mother's crying. I think that's a pretty shocking blow for anybody, to have the father you look up to get shot, then see your strong mother break down into tears. This back story is very good in that it explains a lot of Sherlock's and Mycroft's behavior: Mycroft's protectiveness over his brother, Sherlock's obsession with details, among others. You also made something really sad without going too much into drama.
Very much enjoyed this! And I'm so sorry it's taken me this long to do ch.2; I was delayed because of my tests, I swear!

. For the Story of the Week at the Reviews Lounge, Too! . . Pretty fandom-blind.

On a first impression, your grammar looks very clean and I like the idea of the journal for a character, as they're great for looking at the innermost thoughts and feelings, suggesting that perhaps Mycroft has been through a lot, and so maybe the journal will be like a purging of bleak and troubled thoughts? I like that we get a snippet of Mycroft straight away, and 'didn't show his heart' says so much: that he's a loner, perhaps irritable, and more interestingly that he has plenty to hide... I like the 'until' sentence at the end of the first paragraph, since it gives a sense of cutting short the only person that ever understood him- as if he has nothing now. I like the mention that there's nothing they can do to 'alter the outcome', since it makes the stark reality clear- he's gone, there's nothing they can do- but I like the hint of at least one positive. Mycroft can always attempt to repay John somehow. I love the way you describe the jumpers as hanging in 'shared misery'; the connection between physical and emotional decline is shocking and suggests some kind of vicious circle. As if, if the mind goes into decline, so does the body :( I like the use of 'useless' since it's almost like a bit of Mycroft's own voice in the narration. It works nicely to show his irritation in the fact that he just wants John to be better. The notebook that 'children used', for me, gives a subtle feel of childlike dependence, maybe echoing the way John can't let Sherlock go.

I love the ending, as we shift from John's more overt issues to Mycroft's hidden past. I love that it's said enough to engage the reader, but not too much as to give anything away. Great shift in voice as well; it's cool seeing it to from third person to journal form. I have no concrit for this, but I really like your writing style- you don't overdo it with fancy prose and you do great to convey character and emotions. Lovely work! Keep it up!

Though I do understand that this is a short story and, as such, doesn't really give you the chance to fully show some things, I feel that this story has too much telling and not much showing. I don't really feel in touch with the characters, even though I see what's going on.

What I do like, though, are the actions of the character. You've gotten the characterization down, as far as I'm concerned. Everything they do is in character with what they would do in the show. I always like a fic that includes the friendship between Mycroft and John :3. Even the simple detail that John went into the limo because he knew it would be pointless to resist is a nice touch that I like.

The occasional references to John's therapist grounded the fic both in canon and reality, pointing out that a) yes, there are therapists, and b) John has one, although she's all but useless.

The imagery, though sparse, was neatly placed. (The line about John's jumpers hanging "in shared misery on his broad shoulders" was particularly evocative.)

I would note that the phrases "considered... for quite some time before finally deciding exactly" and "still distracted the entire time by her device as usual" were a bit weighted with adverbs. The verbs got lost in the hustles.

Also, "sensitive" and "delicate" seem somewhat redundant in the sentence beginning "not to mention." Of course, the way it's phrased, that sentence gives the impression of stream-of-consciousness writing...

The lack of a marker before the perspective shift to John leant to the introductory, thought-centered feel of the piece.

The cliffhanger at the end led perfectly into the next chapter, and while some might consider the approach (digging up an old journal, begins with impression that author is haunted) a tad overdone, it fits your tone and plot exceedingly well, and you've repurposed it into more of a psychological than straight thriller trope.

I love this fanfic please keep writing

Uh, I was about to suggest to not write an entire chapter in italics - the first chapter however read canon - until I found it was a letter.

I like your Mycroft, and he's not my usual favourite character. Yay! You may have converted me.

Don't stop please, I do like it and it is interesting.
I'm glad to see Mycroft's views on Sherlock's absence.