hi! I liked it. It's a really interesting character study - more so of maria than of jasper almost. she gets what she wants and uses everything to her advantage. very nice one shot. perfect.

well, holy fuck, that was intense. love the way canon has eaten its way into your Jasper, reeking of "You want a friend? Get a dog"-wall street. A true soldier, a modern soldier, in the holy war of finance.

Brilliant. I was so sure he was jumping. love it

anna

Fantastic job. Twisted and debauched in all the right ways. I love the parallels you've drawn between this and the canon characteristics.

I can't even begin to pick apart the pieces of this story that make it work. It's so fucking TIGHT! And I mean that in the best possible way.

I love how you've taken all of the clues we've been given about canon Jasper and made him frightening. I think he should always be frightening, even though you can see him hiding sometimes... like in this:

/...she comprehends my harsh command, surprise and humiliation flood her pretty features./

The "pretty" in that line kills me. Pretty is such a "pretty" word and for him to use it shows that there is still some humanity there. I think? I think. I'm not sure. I love that I'm not sure.

A portrait of what it is to be a junkie, regardless of what your substance is:

/A thrill, a small one, the euphoria of the kill. But it's fleeting, too fleeting, and immediately I want more. I need more.

I lean back against my chair, closing my eyes to rebalance, focusing my mind so I can rebuild the armor of blank composure that's temporarily slipped off. It only takes a few moments and the blinding, irrational hunger dies down./

...I wonder if this kind of vampiric behavior is what SMeyer had in mind when she wrote the story. Maybe she's just brilliant at picking up on archetypes, but I adore what you've made of Jasper - and I love wondering about his "before" and "after." Specifically Maria - because to imagine that he was at the feet of this woman, led an army for her, killed indiscriminately - is worlds away from his life on the leash with Alice.

And so...

/The whole trading floor shudders and shivers with repressed lust for this formidable, scary woman. And I burn for her hardest of all: obsessively, compulsively, constantly./

/What I can do apparently is fuck. Fuck like an animal./

Cuz you just know he could. I'll stake my life on it.

And this. This changed my vision of the whole story, because it became almost a throwback fic of the 1980s, and I wish I didn't have to use words to review, but could just show you pictures of Helmut Newton:

/She climbs out of bed, a cigarette on her lips as she walks naked and without any hint of self-consciousness to her ensuite bathroom. I look at her, transfixed and disgusted, as she sits on the toilet, door wide open, a hint of amusement on her lips.

"What? Never seen a woman pissing?"

She laughs and the noise is sweet and obscene, like the scent of a putrefying lily./

The ending is devastating. It's so dead on, but I really want you to do - like really, really, really would like you to do now - is to write this or another some such as this as a multi-chapter. Bring him from the 80s to the next decade or even to the next century. I definitely want to see that.

xot

PS: There is no way that Maria is botoxed, clipped and tucked. Her continued torment to him would be to be twice as beautiful. Jasper deserves no less, don't you think?

Vicious tearing ache.

I loved and hated everything about this.

Beautifully done.

Wow. This is an incredible piece of writing. It's so hard to write unlikeable characters like these, and make them compelling, but also to be able to totally inhabit the head of someone so lost and misguided. Your descriptions are perfect, too: "She laughs and the noise is sweet and obscene, like the scent of a putrefying lily." - such a genuine and yet completely unexpected comparison, perfectly encapsulating the moment.

My soft-hearted self wishes that Alice could have turned up at the end and shown Jasper that drugs and money and the trading floor will eat you alive with their hollow pointlessness, but ignore me, because that's probably an impossibility to the Jasper you've written here, and this piece is beautifully rounded off, anyway.

Wonderful :)

Wow - that was raw and captivating and beautifully written.

I love the pictures you so vividly paint in this story. Your description of the power-hungry and twisted emotions of your characters is very well done. There was a air of mystery too which kept me hooked and your lack of resolution for Jasper certainly fits the non-HEA theme. Well done.

This sent shivers down my spine, its beautifully written, capturing Jasper's despair eloquently.

Well done on the special mention, you deserved it!

"She laughs and the noise is sweet and obscene, like the scent of a putrefying lily."

"I am your soldier, your victim and your battleground. Forever."

Just two of my favourite parts from what is a spectacular piece of writing, bb. I really enjoyed it. Very dark and enthralling. Well done and thanks so much for sharing!

Fecking fantastic.

I just love the epic feel if this. You almost forget you are reading a one-shot.

The raw hurt, intermingled with painful longing and extreme lust, makes for such an interesting and provoking story.

Congratulations on your special mention!

Fabulous stuff my darling, and thoroughly deserving of an honorable mention!

I love this Jasper. He feels so raw, so vulnerable, and yet so hardened and bitter as well. It's not a tear-jerking story, but it is painful. The feeling that he could have been so much more than merely "successful" is woven tightly all the way through, and in the end, his despair is palpable.

Standing on the balcony, I was holding myself ready, prepared for him to jump. If that doesn't tell you how well you drew his pain, I don't know what does.

Beautifully done, my dear. Thank you.

Here's my note from the Never Ever HEA Scorecard: Well shit and fuck and stuff. This was brilliant. An AH account of the Southern Vampire Wars told as a battle for power, lust and vengeance on Wall Street.

Anyhoo, I loved that this was bleak, cold, sexy and heartbreaking without being emotionally manipulative. Great job!

Flanny xoxoxo