This was quite good and well written, very nice for your first yaoi lemon. It was detailed and well laid out, got to the point but didn't rush everything. Thank you for writing this and sharing it with us!

Oh my gosh, this was so cute 3
In the end, I mean.

dont feel ashamed it was wonderful ive looked at many sauke and naruto pairing( yes i like the sex. who could blame heheh) and i thought this was one of the best. keep writing!

You did an awesomejod i swear in the name of the great yaoi god!

more please.

You say that was your first lemon? I think that was one of the best stories I've read. It was the right mix of - agh, I suck at getting the right words to express it, but this was amazing. This is definately going on my faves list. I hope you write more - you're obviously a very good writer.

I really liked this! Thank-you very much!

Wow, for your first lemon scene, it was really good and hot. Poor Naruto though, at least he has Sasuke. -

An optimist would probably point out that Naruto’s traumatic experience actually led to his discovery of a couple of things: about his father and Sasuke’s true feelings for him. With Sasuke’s love and support, he recovered from the horrible ordeal and gained something special. Thus, it was a very satisfactory ending indeed.

You have a way with words, captivating me from start to finish. The amount of details/descriptions was just right (no unnecessary phrases/words), giving me a feel of what the characters—especially Naruto—were going through. Reading works by talented authors like you is a wonderful experience, inspiring/motivating one to strive for a better way of telling a story. I sincerely look forward to your future writings, regardless of what fandom it may belong.

Thank you for sharing this and all the best to you!

No, really? You did pretty well! - I liked it!

ashamed?

of the f word or of the smex?

either way i though it was rather well written

a little ooc, but thats fine only the origanal creator can get their personalities perfect

and some of those traits would hav interfeared with the story

u say this was ur first time writing something like this?

for that u did exceedingly well!_!

o/o that was sweet _

*dies of fangirlish glee* absolutely amazing BZ-chan! For your first time...oh...I am insanely jealous! I also am envious of your ability to write dark fics...I wish I could do them like this! *sniffles* poor Naruto...I wanted to go off and kill all those bastards with Kakashi! _

Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful!

Absolutely wonderful. You are a fantastic writer and this was a fantastic story. I was enthralled and didn't stop reading once I started. It was perfectly executed.

My only constructive criticism is that you need to cut down paragraphs. Paragraphy 15 could have easily been put into two paragraphs right in the middle, a couple others aswell. Along with the 'sex scene' paragraph.

"And move he did. Sasuke braced his hands on either side of the lithe body beneath him, pulled out and snapped his hips, burrowing back into that tight heat as deep as he could." Could have been the start of a second paragraph which would have made it a lot more aesthetically pleasing to the eyes. Paragraphs that are too large often puts off a reader and misleads them into believe that writer is incapable of writing well.

That's not the case with you. You're a terrific writer, but it feels like you're trying to group everything into one mass. So my only advice is to try and cut down paragraphs. Part them if they become too long.

You are an excellent writer. I hope my review didn’t discourage you! Just keep what I said in mind next time.

xoxo

This was a heart touching story! Great job!