I love this and I hate this, because it's so real.

Shadow

That was amazing. I despised the last book, but this fic was really good.

this was so sad and altogether susan seems kind of stupid to not belive but it was a great story

Wow. That was quite beautifully done. You definitely captured perfectly that opposite reaction to the one most writers give Susan after the death of almost everyone close to her. So many people use the trauma of such a loss as a wake-up call, but I have to admit that such an event would be more likely to bring anger and denial for many people, perhaps even myself. With all the "Susan's redemption" fics out there, it's easy to forget that she quite possibly never made it to Narnia again.

Very well done!

- Avia

I had to think about this for a bit before I reviewed.

There are so many wonderful fics out there with the train wreck as the catalyst that brings Susan back to faith. And in a way, I think that eventually it probably does. But right away - right away I think that it would make her extremely angry and bitter. And you've succeeded in capturing that.

I think that there tend to be fics in which Susan "cries a lot and repents" because we desperately WANT her to come back to believing in Narnia and Aslan. Some of those absolutely make me cry because they're so beautiful. But this provides another excellent, if heartrending, perspective.

NB.I am reviewing this story specifically in the light of the discussion we are having on the ACA forum about bringing God Glory in our writing. ~EVA

This is a very powerful story. I believe it may actually bring God more glory than the happy ending ones you are determined to avoid. Let me attempt to show you how...

1)It contrasts the hopeless despair of those who have no hope with the other Pevensies reality -which we all know and love in the Last Battle where reunions and eternal joy are the reward of those who love 'Aslan'.

2)It reminds the reader that the difference between the ones left behind and the ones who have gone on, is not just Narnia, but faith. Mr and Mrs Pevensie are also receiving the fruition of their faith and yet Susan is more like Harold and Alberta than she would ever wish to admit:

"She was aware of Harold and Alberta huddled together beside her; she heard their stifled sobs, saw the despair in their eyes as they stared at the coffin that held their only child. It was a measure of how deeply they had been shaken that they had tamely submitted to the Anglican funeral Susan had planned, though Susan could remember years of snide remarks about her parents’ faith. Perhaps now they wondered where their smug intellectual theories had gotten them."

She doesn't realise that she is constructing her own 'intellectual theories' with the same arrogance that she despises them for.

3)It allows us to see through Susan's critical eyes, the character maturing which has happened to her siblings as a result of their faith in God/Aslan. At the same time we observe the shallowness of her own character, as a result of her rejection of those experiences which produced such valuable qualities in the others: her desire to not spoil her make up; her restraint about "displays of emotion"; the hatred she feels toward all that reminds her of their dead state, and refusal to listen to the words of the minister she enlisted to represent her parent's faith in what they were now experiencing; her rejection of the gentleness she had been known by in her Narnian youth -replaced by harsh un-truths and callousness toward her aunt and uncle's grief;

4)Her conclusion asserts a rejection of Happy endings which your readers long to be proven false. Yes there is a lot of sadness and tragedy in life, but there are also miriad true life stories of people who have found and retained happiness and fulfilment in life. Hopefully Susan's provocative conclusion will drive your readers to think deeply about what it is that makes for a happy ending, and their love of Jack Lewis's allegory may compel them to consider the answers he provides in Narnia and his other writings.

...There are probably more, but I am being constantly interrupted by noisy children so I can't concentrate! *glances fondly, but ruefully, at the squirming mass of baby worshippers rolling around on the mat by her youngest daughter*

Anyway from this first sample of your writing I believe you are on the right track. When we daily commit ourselves to God to be used by him where he pleases, it really shows in what we do even though we may not be conscious of it.

...Wow.

That was just...I'm at a loss for words. Beautiful is an understatement with this. You got into Susan's head PERFECTLY, and were fully able to describe what being at a funeral like this feels like.

I've only seen the Narnia movies, and read one book, but I DO plan on reading the rest. However..do all of them actually die? I'm just curious to see if this actually happened or if you made it up.

My favorite line was the last one. It really struck me..hard. And it summed up how a person *WOULD* feel after that.

Either way, great story, and I thouroughly enjoyed it. Hope ya write more!

-Flaming Blizzard

Oh man, it hurts to see Susan this void of true emotion. I love that she lapses back into Narnian memories even when she tries to avoid it, and that she has to kind of shut herself up...the reader doesn't notice her slip up until she does, which makes it even sadder when she doesn't wonder if that could have happened, but dismisses it instantly.

It's painful and obscene, as you put it, but beautifully written.

Boy that girl can really deny. Well done.

it is so sad that Susan no longer believe in Narnia...

This is so sad, but realistic and in-character. Also very well-wrtten. I loved it. _

The line "Narnia didn't exist" is especially effective because Narnia really *doesn't* exist anymore.

no idea as what to say... it really is that good.

That was so sad. I was crying through the whole thing. I didn't like how Susan got left out of Narnia in the books but I guess they all couldn't have made it there...

Excellent, wonderfully insightful story. You really did great work narrating through Susan's thoughts. Good job!

Fantastic. The tone was spot on and the cadence of the end was perfect.

(I, too, am rather bored with "Susan cries and repents and has many babies with a man of God and goes to Narnia when she dies" sorts of Susan fics. There are some good Susan fics here, but not many of them deal with the aftermath. Those I've had to find on other sites for the most part.)