Enjoying the action, I have a tendency of writing long, involved tales mayself...some maybe too long. But I found that I have to research as well to make them workable.

ST-103

hmmm. this version was decently done. didnt like pyrrha and ruby's fairly out of character rivalry. it didnt make sense to me specially since ruby has never been shown to have a romantic interest in anybody and having her take even slight pleasure in somebodies pain is so out of character for her that it mightbas well be somebody else or chaos corruption...looking forward to how you change things in the newer version.

The main draw for me was of course Arkos; I'm always a slut for Arkos and refuse to read a RWBY story that doesn't have it. Other factors include that this is one of the good 40k crossovers with the interesting premise of Jaune being descended from one of the lost Primarchs.

As for things I didn't like. I find you spend a lot of time describing peoples clothes. You spend entire paragraphs describing peoples outfits and I find myself simply glossing over those. I feel a lot of potential was lost with Ruby's anger and jealousy over Jaune choosing Pyrrha, There was potential for some Chaos influence there. Also some other 40k races would be nice, Maybe Atlas found a damaged Tau battlesuit and this influenced the Paladins. Maybe Pyrrha's mom had a one night stand with an Eldar Ranger and this is the reason for Pyrrha's height, extreme agility and amazing combat skills.

Overall I still think this story is pretty good and would have kept following it as is but If you're going to start over then you might as well fix a few things.

sad that your gonna rewrite, which will take awhile, but its worth it considering how good it is...just keep Arkos and I'll approve

I would like that you carry on with the story, but if you wish to rewrite, that is fine with one condition. Keep this one for us to view so that we can compare.

I'm enjoying the story and have been every chapter. but I understand if you feel like you've gone past a point you can rope it all back into a solid core story. I'll keep reading if you keep posting it but if you start anew I'll support that as well. I love your zombie AU and this AU. you're an awesome writer.

I'd rather you didn't, as I'm enjoying it, but if you feel that you need to, I can understand.

Don't know what I did to make that review end up in a giant mass like that sorry.

Honestly, I love the beginning. It's when all the extra 40k stuff came in that it began to fall. That and your representation of Pyrrha. Once you started going into long winded explanations you started to lose me. Since I know nothing about 40k but the bare minimum, this was especially frustrating, because learning about the Arcs was fine, but hearing every gun description and town layout and...I just think you started introducing too many elements too quickly, and started going more warhammer than rwby. And maybe it was just me, but Pyrrha was really, really whiny to me as time went on. I understand you want to spend time with your boyfriend and you're worried, but I'd like to see a Pyrrha whose thought process isn't almost constantly about Jaune. And honestly, I don't think that's entirely your fault. Jaune is the everyman hero, and that allows so many people to easily construct stories about him. We get to see the show talk about his dreams and hopes and fears and get a solid understanding regarding his character. The problem was we didn't get all of that for Pyrrha, and a common pitfall I see in a lot of arkos fics is that as Jaune is the protagonist, everyone, especially Pyrrha, spends every waking moment not just observing him, but thinking about him. All of their thoughts snap back to Jaune. So no, I'll keep reading, but if you wanted to do a rewrite, I would read that too.

story is sooooooo good, if you do decide to stop ill be sad, its so great

Great chapter

Great chapter today man, I really enjoyed it! It is really fucking demoralizing to know that there's not even a billion people in remnant, I mean, fuck me running. One bad Grimm/ deamon incursion and they're fucked. Like, slaneesh fucked. FeelsExtraBadMan. Keep up the great work!

Chaos marines in crimson?

Can't be the sexy World Eaters, cause this guy sounds far too sane and boring. If I had to guess i say something to do with the Word Bearers cause he said mentioned the true pantheon. Plus I'm pretty sure that mace is the thingy that the chaplains use.

Also Jaune's mom is a drinking buddy with a space wolf? What? Her poor liver.

As for the characters, what's there to say? I mean aside from the dislike you've pretty much actively shown of Blake and Weiss that's obvious. Also you never really shown much of Yang but i guess that's cause this is supposed to be about Jaune and his team. That being said in the show team RWBY are the main cast, though you can argue was team JNPR.

The final thing I've got to say is really, how big is Remnant? Like population cause from what you've written Arcadia has to have like millions of people from what you're describing.

Why'd you put this back into the Crossover section?

Great chapter