This is extremely sad. You've brought out the emotions really well - I particularly liked these lines: "When others come running, I wave them away" and "Though I scream at her body, she will not awaken". Both are very potent lines.
There are two small things I did find odd. First the line "It surely can't be that she's flat while I'm perpendicular!" Unless you're referring to the fact that she's lying on the ground and he's standing up, I didn't quite understand the meaning. The other is that the Yule-ball was in Fourth year, not Fifth.
That aside, the poem is lovely, very emotional and tugs at the heart-strings. And it isn't easy to write such a long poem with an aabb rhyme scheme no less, so great job!

Hello.
I really like poetry, so I enjoyed this. I think your metaphors come through quite well - Ron and Hermione dealing with the aftermath of the war: their dead friends and family, grief, Voldemort's reign and always trying to stay one step ahead of him, children to look after. Ron's caring nature and concern for Hermione are clear, as is her awareness of it. I think you've done a great job! Well done!

Hi,

(“Mum, you’re sane…” I wasn’t sure if this was supposed to be insane, so for me, the joke didn’t quite work, although I did get that they were teasing their surprise at Ron having friends. Though it kind of makes me think if Ron didn’t have any growing up.

I felt that in some places the action (although there wasn’t much) was slightly confusing, jumping from scene to scene and where everyone is, especially with so many characters in such a small piece. I thought that perhaps it would have been better to simply focus on Ron, Hermione and Molly rather than the entirety of the Weasley clan who aren’t really overly important to the piece.

I did like how you characterised Hermione, especially her starting to lecture Ron :) And Mr. Weasley seemed very typical of the other parent, helping one of his children out behind the other’s back. I did think that Mr.s Weasley wouldn’t have reaction like that so much, it doesn’t seem in place with her character. But overall the characters seemed to be very real.

Good job :)

Very nice. I can't think of anything else to say. Um.

Keeping in mind that I neither know anything about poetry, nor do I particularly like poetry, I actually thought this was alright. So well done! :)

umm...poetry isn't really my thing, abstract poetry even more so XD from what I understood, though, it was quite good! I can't tell you anything about the poem itself but I caught on to most of the symbols and Ron and Hermione came through, so good job. and kudos for going for poetry in the first place, I can't!

I honestly know nothing about poems let alone abstract ones, I think I may have got this, and it was interesting to read and try and interpret :)

It feels like one big, long, run-on sentence... But it is beautifully written and I love that you wrote it that way! It feels almost like a stream-of-consciousness writing, which is hard to pull off. I must say, it is good you said who you were speaking about, because otherwise I'd be lost, but it was overall a beautiful poem. Bravissima!

First of, poetry isn't my forte so as far as concrit stylewise etc i fear I won't be of much help...

Even if it was abstract, I /think/ I got it. You've shown nicely how grief is still very much a part of their world, and that never really got time to grieve right after the events occurred. It feels to me as though perhaps Hermione is 'drowning' in her emotions at times, but that Ron is always there to be her anchor.

First off, hooray for poetry! I love abstract poems and I have to say this one was stellar! I loved the contrast of questions in this piece and I felt you had really strong WC. Well done!

This is simply amazing! I can't believe this is your first (abstract) poem. I feel so sorry for Hermione and Ron right now...

This was a lovely poem. She is reminded that she has to live for her kids and she has helped to create the perfect world for them to live in, but she is still haunted. Thankfully, Ron is there to help Hermione wash away the bad memories that plague her mind. Nice job.

Deeeep. I enjoyed this. I especially liked "the race to end his reign, the trials of his games", and the repetition of "we've two kin to cradle". I think the rhythm works nicely, the occasional alliteration is well placed, and you've struck a good balance between rhyming a bit without forcing the rhymes! Bravo, bravo :)

For an attempt at con-crit because what's a review without it, if I understood this right then I think "wipe clean the slate" or "wipe the slate clean" might have made more sense than "wipe the clean slate", as for me this reads more as wiping an already clean slate, rather than starting anew by wiping clean a dirty slate which I think is what you were getting at? Hope this makes sense!

Off to read the rest of this collection now! :)

Definitely an interesting look into their relationship. I really love the peoms that come across this site as they always show such powerful emotions. There isn't really anything much else I can think to say, other than I liked this.

Ha! This was rather confusing, but according to the challenge I think it was meant to be that. To be honest, there isn't much I can comment on, on this, as I didn't actually understand it (poetry and Ashleigh are not friends).

So, I will just say... YAY ROMIONE. Anything Romione is good. Woot!