IMPORTANT NOTE CONCERNING LINKS: Although this site ostensibly supports external links on profile pages, it has come to my attention that most external links are currently disabled. I have therefore added non-hyperlink versions of the various URLs, with strategic spaces added to stop the site software recognizing them as links and suppressing them. The YouTube links to the numerous songs referenced in my stories are still working.

UPDATE, 29 OCT 2018: It has come to my attention that the site was suppressing most of this page's line breaks for some unfathomable reason, resulting in walls of text. I have corrected the problem, at least for the nonce, so we'll see if the fix holds.

How providential when you find
The face an index to the mind,
And evil men compelled to call
Themselves by names like Gideon Crawle!

--W.S. Gilbert, Ruddigore

I am the "evil man" who calls himself Gideoncrawle, although I will answer to any reasonable permutation thereof. My avatar is "The Magnet And The Churn" (gilbertandsullivanarchive. org/patience/webop/pat13.html), one of the "Bab" drawings that Gilbert made in connection with the Gilbert & Sullivan operetta, Patience. The corresponding song is a parable about the torment of a man who is irresistible to women and so can have any woman he wants--except for the one that he does want.

At 60 years of age, I am probably the world's oldest writer of Total Drama fan fiction. (My DW, 53, may be the second oldest.) After 3 years on the Total Drama Island Fanfiction Wiki, during which I became one of that site's best-known writers, I began porting my stories here to see how they play in the big city, as it were.

Sadly, one story (if it can even truly be called that) that I won't be porting--at least not in its entirety--is the one that got me into writing fanfiction in the first place. Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan (totaldramaislandfanfiction. wikia. com/wiki/Total_Drama_Island_by_Gilbert_and_Sullivan) (commonly abbreviated TDI-G&S, pronounced "Tiddigus"), which retells the canon TDI story arc using some 8,000 lines of the G&S songs and recitatives, is surely one of the most unusual works in the entire Total Drama fandom, but its formatting requirements are incompatible with this site's technical limitations. If you're interested, you can find it on the wiki via the link above. It's also available as a downloadable PDF file (drive[dot]google[dot]com/file/d/0ByqHiH2WCvMJRDAwT0VKWmpuTkE/view?usp=sharing), and it also has a TV Tropes page (tvtropes. org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/TotalDramaIslandByGilbertAndSullivan) with over 20 tropes identified in addition to those inherited from the source material.

I'm considering porting excerpts here, but their formatting would have to be very different from the full version, and I wouldn't be able to include the music links because this site doesn't support external links in articles.

STORIES

Stories that I have finished porting include:

Legacy: a 5-chapter AU story where Gwen's encounter with The Escaped Psycho Killer With A Chainsaw And A Hook doesn't go the same way as it did on the show. This was the wiki's Featured Story for June 2010. (Port completed 11 May 2013)

Courtney and the Violin of Despair: I call it "a kinder, gentler, 'Courtney bashing' story". I had noticed that "Courtney bashing" stories tend to wallow in viciousness at the expense of proper storytelling, and I wrote CatVoD (as it's commonly abbreviated) to demonstrate that you can give your favorite punching bag a lot of grief without being mean or sacrificing little things like story development. This was the wiki's Featured Story for March 2011. (Port completed 29 June 2013)

You Don't Know Them: Two prequel one-shots originally written for a multi-author anthology on the wiki. Includes the Heather-centric "Rise of the Dragon Queen", which was my first attempt at a dialogue-heavy story; and the Izzy-centric "Desperate Measures", which is based on an incident in my "TDI my way" story (see below). (Port completed 21 May 2017)

Stories in progress include:

The Legend of Total Drama Island (commonly abbreviated LTDI): a Season 1 (Total Drama Island) reimagining, told by a former camper to her teenage son in the style of The Book of the Thousand and One Nights. Essentially TDI played for drama instead of laughs, it tends toward the dark, gritty and (mostly) realistic, although it does preserve some of the original's cartoonish elements. (It also includes certain supernatural elements, because what's a legend without something supernatural?) This story is in progress, currently about 50% complete. (Port began 13 July 2013, currently no lag to the wiki version)

TROPES PAGES

For those of you who are fans of the TV Tropes website (), most of my stories have tropes pages:

Courtney and the Violin of Despair (tvtropes. org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/CourtneyAndTheViolinOfDespair) - 41 tropes identified

Legacy (tvtropes. org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Fanfic/LegacyTotalDrama) - 70 tropes identified

The Legend of Total Drama Island (tvtropes. org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/TheLegendOfTotalDramaIsland) - roughly 1,000 tropes identified that are not merely inherited from the show, including nearly 600 for the currently published portion of the story

Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan (tvtropes. org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/FanFic/TotalDramaIslandByGilbertAndSullivan)- 22 tropes identified that are not merely inherited from the source material

MUSIC LINKS

Because this site's story pages don't support external links, links to music videos (where available) for music compositions mentioned in my stories are provided here. The Legend of Total Drama Island also has character theme songs, which will be added as they are selected and suitable videos located. Note that in some cases, certain events must come to pass in the story before it will be clear why the character theme fits.

MUSIC LINKS - Legacy

The basis for Trent's tribute song (song begins at 2:45) - "A Wonderful Joy Our Eyes to Bless" from Utopia, Limited, by W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan. In Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan, this is Bridgette's theme song.

MUSIC LINKS - Courtney and the Violin of Despair

Finale from Symphony #4, by Peter Tchaikovsky
"Meditation" from Thais, by Jules Massenet

VIDEO/IMAGE LINKS - The Legend of Total Drama Island (story videos/images)

Izzy "defeats" Chef's cooking - Triumphal March (Throne Room scene) from Star Wars, Episode IV: A New Hope, by John Williams (instrumental)
First wakeup call - "Dies Irae" from Requiem, by Giuseppe Verdi. Appears a few times in later episodes to imply that the day's challenge will be life-threatening.
Alejandro counsels Beth - "Good Advice", by Allan Sherman
Funeral montage - "Siegfried's Funeral Music" from Gotterdammerung, by Richard Wagner (instrumental)
"St. Crispin's Day" speech from Henry V, by William Shakespeare - the basis for Noah's rousing speech
Courtney's talent show "audition" - "Dance of the Comedians" from The Bartered Bride, by Bedrich Smetana (instrumental)
Katie and Sadie's talent show act - Slavonic Dance in G, Op. 46 No. 8, by Antonin Dvorak (instrumental)
Background music for Beth and Izzy's talent show act - "Sabre Dance" from Gayane, by Aram Khachaturian (instrumental)
Courtney's talent show act - "Flight of the Bumblebee" from The Tale of Tsar Saltan, by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov (instrumental)
Ezekiel's elimination ceremony song - "Pie Jesu" from Requiem, by Andrew Lloyd Webber
Heather's makeover look - an iconic publicity photo [en . wikipedia . org/wiki/File:Hepburn_little_black_dress . jpg] of Audrey Hepburn (1929-93)
"The Clean Song" - a bawdy song that the Muskies sing around the campfire
"Barnacle Bill the Sailor" - another bawdy song that the Muskies sing. The video provides the tune. See the Wikipedia article on this song [en . wikipedia . org/wiki/Barnacle_Bill_(song)] for the R-rated lyrics the Muskies actually sing.
"My Name is John Wellington Wells", from The Sorcerer by Gilbert & Sullivan - the song licensed by Dawn's ancestors as a company song for their Family Sorcery business. Performed by Martyn Green, who is widely regarded as the greatest Gilbert & Sullivan actor of the 20th Century.
The Incantation Scene from The Sorcerer - Dawn essentially acts out Mr. Wells' part of the scene when she enchants the necklace. From a made-for-TV production.
"The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze", as Chris calls the blindfolded trapeze catch challenge.The first verse and chorus of this popular 19th Century ballad remain well known to this day; the other verses, not so much. Interested parties can read the unabridged lyrics at digital . nls . uk/broadsides/broadside . cfm/id/15112/transcript/1
Dawn and Ella search for a contestant missing and feared dead - "The Field of the Dead" from the cantata, Alexander Nevsky, originally the film score for a 1938 Russian biopic of that name. An English translation of the lyrics is quoted in the narrative.
Chef Hatchet appears in military garb to start the Boot Camp challenge - "When I First Put This Uniform On" from Patience, by Gilbert & Sullivan
Reasons to love Chef, Gwen's essay for the boot camp challenge - "If You Want a Receipt", also from Patience. This song is also Chef's theme.
"The Caisson Song", also known by other names, sung by Ella as she marches the contestants back to the obstacle course during the boot camp challenge
"Im Taberna" from Carmina Burana, by Carl Orff - representative of the drinking songs Ella sings at the boot camp party, possibly sung in-universe with English lyrics. The video has the original Latin lyrics with non-metrical English translation.
"Heart of Oak" - official song of certain Commonwealth navies, including Canada's, sung by Ella at the boot camp party as a drinking song
"Bella Notte" ("Beautiful Night"), better known as the Spaghetti Scene song from Lady and the Tramp - sung by Ella to open and close the dance portion of the boot camp party
"Swan song" from Carmina Burana, accompanying presentation of the main course in the Brunch of Disgustingness. The lament of a swan upon being cooked and eaten, the translation in the narrative is singable to Orff's excruciating tune.
"March of the Toreadors" from Carmen, played over the the loudspeakers when campers fight the Cretan Bull in the Labors of Heracles challenge. This is also Alejandro's LTDI theme song.
D.J. vs. the Stymphalian Birds - "Der Vogelfänger bin ich ja" ("I am the Birdcatcher") from The Magic Flute, by Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
Izzy vs. Jasmine - fight scene from the unfinished martial arts film, The Game of Death (Bruce Lee vs. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar)
Chris pranks Izzy - "Boa Constrictor", by Shel Silverstein
Izzy's dance mix, part 1 - "In the Hall of the Mountain King", by Edvard Grieg, canonically the tune Mal likes to whistle in Total Drama All-Stars
Izzy's dance mix, part 2 - Russian Sailors Dance (traditional)
Dawn denounces Chris - The Queen of the Night's famous aria from The Magic Flute, by W.A. Mozart
Chris kicks off the pirate treasure hunt - "Oh, Better Far to Live and Die" from The Pirates of Penzance, by Gilbert & Sullivan (verse 2 quoted)
Katie riddles Scarlett - "When Our Gallant Norman Foes" (a.k.a. the ballad of the Tower) from The Yeomen of the Guard, by Gilbert & Sullivan
D.J. races Izzy - "Climbing Over Rocky Mountain" from The Pirates of Penzance (verse 2 quoted)
Leshawna vows to eliminate Heather - "Away, Away!" from The Pirates of Penzance (verses 1-3 quoted, verse 2 quoted out of sequence)
The "pirates for a day" open their treasure chests - Opening chorus from The Pirates of Penzance (verses 1-2 quoted)

VIDEO LINKS - The Legend of Total Drama Island (character theme songs)

Staff:

Chris: "I'll Make a Man Out of You" from Mulan
Chef Hatchet: "If You Want a Receipt" from Patience, by W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan. This is also Chef's theme in Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan.
The Interns: "Chorus of the Hebrew Slaves" from Nabucco, by Guiseppe Verdi
Alejandro: "March of the Toreadors" from Carmen, by Georges Bizet
Dawn: "If I Could Talk to the Animals" from Doctor Dolittle
Ella: "Sing" from Sesame Street

Contestants:

Beth: "Fanfare for the Common Man" by Aaron Copland (instrumental)
Bridgette: "Simple Gifts" by Joseph Brackett Jr.
Cody: "The Impossible Dream" from Man of La Mancha
Courtney: "The Olive Tree" from Kismet
Duncan: "The Seven Deadly Virtues" from Camelot, by Alan Jay Lerner and Frederick Loewe
Eva: "Ride of the Valkyries" from Die Walkure (Part II of the opera tetralogy, The Ring of the Nibelungen) by Richard Wagner (instrumental)
Ezekiel: "Drop Kick Me, Jesus, Through the Goalposts of Life" by Bobby Bare
Geoff: "Ghost Riders in the Sky" by Stan Jones
Gwen: "The Music of the Night" from The Phantom of the Opera, by Charles Hart, Richard Stilgoe, and Andrew Lloyd Webber
Harold: "Valhalla" leitmotif from The Ring of the Nibelungs opera tetralogy (sometimes described as "the world's first miniseries") by Richard Wagner (instrumental)
Heather: "Be Prepared" from The Lion King
Izzy: "Magic Fire Music" from Die Walkure (instrumental)
Izzy #2: "Secret Agent Man" by Johnny Rivers
Justin: "C'est Moi" from Camelot
Katie & Sadie: "Friendship" from DuBarry Was a Lady (later added to Anything Goes) by Cole Porter
Katie (alone): "The Mary Ellen Carter" by Stan Rogers
Leshawna: "Clancy Lowered the Boom" by Hy Heath and Johnny Lange
Lindsay: "'Cause I'm a Blonde" by Julie Brown
Noah: "If You're Anxious for to Shine" from Patience, by W.S. Glbert and Arthur Sullivan. The choice for Noah's theme reflects both his personality in this story and the manipulative editing that gave him a significantly different presentation in the finished episodes.
Owen: "Baby Elephant Walk" by Henry Mancini (instrumental)
Trent: "A Wandering Minstrel, I" from The Mikado, by W.S. Gilbert and Arthur Sullivan. This is also Trent's theme song in Total Drama Island, by Gilbert and Sullivan.
Tyler: "Go the Distance" from (Disney's) Hercules, suggested by Rhonda the stalker fan! on the Total Drama Fanfiction wiki.

Other:

Brett & his mother: Scheherazade, by Nikolai Rimsky-Korsakov (the opening chords, representing the Sultan commanding Scheherazade to speak, comprise Brett's theme. Scheherazade's theme, a violin solo that first appears at about 0:50 of a typical performance, is the Storyteller's theme.)
Sunshine: "Pick a Little, Talk a Little" from The Music Man, by Meredith Williams

TOTAL DRAMA CHARACTER RANKINGS - FAVORITE & LEAST FAVORITE

Favorites:

1. Gwen (Season 1) - before the writers nerfed her
2. Leshawna
3. Chef Hatchet
4. Izzy
5. Jo - Eva used to be in this spot, but Jo is essentially Eva 2.0

Honorable Mention/ favorite minor character: Eva
Honorable Mention/ favorite Pahkitew Islander: Scarlett
Honorable Mention/ favorite Ridonculous Racers: Jacques/Josee, the Ice Dancers. Horrible people, but consistently entertaining to watch.

(So I like the girls. So sue me.)

Least liked:

1. Duncan (Season 2) - nothing but a bully. Didn't care much for him in his other seasons, either.

2. Amy - for pretty much the same reason I don't like Duncan. Her one saving grace is that we were clearly supposed to hate her, so she did her dramatic job.

3. Scott (Season 4) - the show's least plausible antagonist to date. (Well, except for Mal, but Mike's alters don't really count.) I liked him in All Stars as the Brick-like "pain magnet".

4. Courtney (Season 2) - I regard Season 2 Courtney as an impostor. Season 2 Duncan/Courtney was a match made in Hell.

5. Owen (Seasons 1/2) - Season 3 Owen was OK, mainly because the writers toned down his excesses. He was OK in The Ridonculous Race for the same reason, plus he worked well with Noah and Kitty.

Dishonorable mention: Mike - I don't like the multiple personalities, and that's his whole shtick. I don't find it offensive or insensitive as some people do, I just didn't like the "new powers as the plot demands" quality his alters gave him. I would have liked him much better as just Mike or (better yet) just Vito. Even before the introduction of Mal, Mike was in my Bottom 5 until Amy pushed him off.