FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, PLEASE, PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU READ.

I don't care if the review in its entirety is ":)" or "lol" or "meh". Just...let me know that you actually read it. Every new reader who comments on my shit is like a nugget of sunshine lighting up my heart.

Would you be my nugget of sunshine?

I write South Park fanfiction in the form of scripts (usually). The scripts are typically similar in length to half-hour episodes.

My scripts take place when the boys are in third and fourth grade. They often include an original character named Charlie Pierzynski. They are rated T for naughty language. There is no sexual content--just (immature) innuendo. I do not write slash or sex-explicit fanfiction and I do not (intentionally) read said fanfiction. Fourth graders should not engage in butt sex. (Additionally, fourth graders should not engage in vaginal sex. Also, it disturbs me that people find it gratifying to envision older versions of children--cartoons, yes, but children nonetheless--engaging in explicit sexual acts. ...Pedophiles. [Avoids flames.])

Original Characters: My Defense

If you hate original characters in fanfiction, I can't say I blame you. They usually suck. In my defense, my character scores well on Mary Sue tests, and she is not intended to be a fictionalized version of myself. The reason I include an original character is because I have trouble allowing myself to work with only the canon characters. Trey Parker and Matt Stone already perfected South Park. I have to make a few changes before I can do anything but embarrass myself. [Heck, maybe I'm doing it anyway, but in the anonymity of the internet, I feel relatively safe.]

I try to write my "episodes" in a style reminiscent of actual South Park episodes, with the canons as in-character and the plot-lines as wacky as possible. In other words, I try to make them funny. [Whether or not I succeed at this, you be the judge.] Basically, I'm writing about the kids at the time when the show is set--in third and fourth grade--but with an extra character tossed into the mix.

So what I'm going to do is introduce my character. [I figure you can read this and decide whether or not you really want to bother with reading my shit or not, because the last thing I want to do is annoy you with a character you'd like to punch in the face.] My character, Charlie Pierzynski, is a naive, nervous, impressionable, unpopular, good-natured, easily manipulated little loser. She joins the kids' class in November of third grade as an eight-year-old. She is reasonably good-natured and clever (albeit naive), but she doesn’t make friends easily. Although she is not shy, Charlie is not skilled in making good first impressions. She is not a good conversationalist; she can be somewhat blunt and un-talkative in casual conversations. In the stories I've written so far, her circle of friends is limited to Stan, Kyle, Cartman, and Kenny (and sometimes Butters). If she thinks she'll benefit from a Cartman-esque scheme, even if it involves, say, claiming she's fundraising to fight brain cancer when she's actually raising money for scrotal elephantitis, she'll usually be willing to go with it. And like everyone in South Park, she enjoys making fun of her friends.

Also...she's not there for the pairing. She's there because South Park needed a female child willing to be pushed around by the boys. And that I don't hate. Sorry, Wendy fans, but to be perfectly honest, Wendy is a canonical Mary Sue. And kind of a bitch.

And my last appeal, to those who remain skeptical: as I said, I'm writing comedies. I'm making fun of these characters, and I'm not sparing Charlie any more than I'm sparing Cartman. Laugh at her. That's what I want you to do.

The South Park Commandments: Please do not hate me for this, for I enjoy jokes and bitchiness.

1. Thou shalt watch the television program South Park prior to writing fanfictions about the Blessed Program.
2. Thou shalt have a sense of goddamn humor, for Christ's sake.
3. Thou shalt respect the sanctity of childhood innocence and avoid gut-wrenching dramas about the angst of homosexual emo versions of the amusing and youthful characters from an animated satirical black comedy program.
4. Slash not the characters without just cause, lest the characters change form and become unrecognizable.
5. Thou shalt not insert thyself into thine stories under the guise of an original character.
6. Thou shalt not make use of the words yaoi, yuri, seme, uke, kawaii, or bishi within this fandom, for such words have appropriate English counterparts.
7. Thou shalt not make the Blessed Characters into objects of sexual desire, for pedophilia is totally not cool.
8. Calm thine tits in regards to Mysterion.
9. Thou shalt not take the Holy Creations of Parker and Stone too seriously.
10. Should thee be unable to adhere to these tenets, thou shalt take thy ass to a fandom for a more appropriate television program, movie, book, or comic series. Get thee to an anime fandom!