I'm not really writing fanfiction anymore, and I haven't in a few years. You can PM me, though, if you have something interesting to say about my stories, or something interesting to say in general, or you're on the verge of a mental breakdown. I'll probably answer.

All my stories are tragedies, but they're also comedies. So just keep that in mind while you're reading.

QUOTES:

I am selfish, private, and easily bored. Will this be a problem? - Neil Gaiman

Dear Lord, give me rampant intellectualism as a coping mechanism. - Chuck Palahnuik

It is because we are all imposters that we endure each other. - E.M. Cioran

A dysfunctional family is any family with more than one person in it. - Mary Karr

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet. - Woody Allen

I think that all mothers are alike, regardless of cultural background, when it comes to irrational cleaning. - Neal Shusterman

Kids don't remember what you tried to teach them. They remember what you are. - Jim Henson

He was painfully shy, which, as is often the manner of the painfully shy, he overcompensated for by being too loud at the wrong times. - Neil Gaiman

My mother had a great deal of trouble with me, but I think she enjoyed it. - Mark Twain

A building has integrity, just like a man. And just as seldom. - Ayn Rand

The first time you escape from the small town you live in, you realize there was a reason behind why it was a small town - because nobody wanted to live there. - Bille Joe Armstrong

The mere thought hadn't even begun to speculate about the merest possibility of crossing my mind. - Douglas Adams

You are done for - a living dead man - not when you stop loving but when you stop hating. Hatred preserves: and in it's chemistry lies the mystery of life. E.M. Cioran

People used what they called a telephone because they hated being close together and were scared of being alone. - Chuck Palahnuik

This is the story so far: in the beginning, the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. - Douglas Adams

I'd call him a sadistic hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse. - Woody Allen

Education has produced a vast population who is able to read, but unable to distinguish what is worth reading. - G.M. Trevelyan

Don't walk in front of me, for I will not follow. Don't walk behind me, for I will not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend. - Albert Camus

I took a test in existentialism. I left all the answers blank and got a 100. - Woody Allen

My mission is to kill time, and time's killing me in it's turn. How comfortable one is among murderers. - E.M. Cioran

I was a victim of a series of accidents, as are we all. - Kurt Vonnegut

Did perpetual happiness in the Garden of Eden maybe get so boring that eating an apple was justified? - Chuck Palahnuik

Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know, because I've done it thousands of times. - Mark Twain

When a subject becomes totally obsolete, we make it a required course. - Peter Drucker

I swear - by my life, and my love of it - that I would never live for the sake of another man, nor ask another man to live for mine. - Ayn Rand

It is what you read when you don't have to that determines what you will be when you can't help it. - Oscar Wilde

Humans are the only animals on earth who have children on purpose; with the exception of guppies, of course, who like to eat theirs. –PJ O’Rourke

The road to creativity passes so close to the madhouse that it often detours or ends there. - Ernest Becker

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. - Aristotle

Only two things are infinite--the Universe, and human stupidity. And I'm not so sure about the Universe. - Albert Einstein

Stories may well be lies, but they are good lies that say true things, which can sometimes pay the rent. - Neil Gaiman

We are here for knowledge. Our enemy is thoughtlessness. This is philosophy. - Dan Horowitz

I am free of all prejudice. I hate everyone equally. - W.C. Fields

Youth ends when egotism does. - Hermann Hesse

It is not worth the bother of killing yourself, since we always kill ourselves too late. - E.M. Cioran

Isn't it strange? The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with truths for which Archimedes would have sacrificed his life. - Ernest Renan

Man is condemned to be free; for once he is thrown into the world, he is responsible for everything that he does. - Jean Paul Sartre

There is no such thing as fun for the whole family. - Jerry Seinfeld

All God does is watch us and then kill us when we get boring. We must never, never be boring. - Chuck Palahnuik

You look up because you wish to be exalted. And I look down, because I am exalted. - Friedrich Nietzsche

I did not attend his funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying that I approved of it. - Mark Twain

Making fun of “born again” Christians is like hunting dairy cows with a high powered rifle and scope. –PJ O’Rourke

Since change is constant, you wonder if people crave death because it's the only way they can get anything really finished. - Chuck Palahnuik

The dumber people think you are, the more surprised they're going to be when you kill them. - William Clayton

For I do not exist: there exist but the thousands of mirrors that reflect me. With every acquaintance that I make, the population of phantoms resembling me increases. Somewhere they live, somewhere they multiply. I alone do not exist. - Vladimir Nabokov

People say, "I'm taking it one day at a time." You know what? So is everybody. That's how time works. - Hannibal Buress

Multiple exclamation marks are the sure sign of a diseased mind. - Terry Pratchett

Music is the refuge of souls ulcerated by happiness. - E.M. Cioran

I don't want whatever I want. Nobody does. Not really. What kind of fun would it be if I just got everything I ever wanted just like that, and it didn't mean anything? What then? - Neil Gaiman

Don't live with writers. Writers are bastards. - Warren Ellis

And so it goes. - Kurt Vonnegut

If we could only find out who's in charge, then we could kill him. - George Carlin

Man is least like himself when he talks in his own person. Give him a mask, and he will tell you the truth. - Oscar Wilde

Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies. - Friedrich Nietzsche

Everything is changing. People are taking the comedians seriously and the politicians as a joke. - Will Rogers

How nice; to feel nothing, yet to still get credit for being alive. - Kurt Vonnegut

You know the oxygen masks on airplanes? I don't think there's really any oxygen. I think they're just there to muffle the screams. - Rita Rudner

He had noticed that events were cowards. They didn't appear singly, but instead would run in packs and leap out at him all at once. - Neil Gaiman

The weirder you’re going to behave, the more normal you’re going to look. For instance, when I see a kid with three or four rings in his nose, I know there is absolutely nothing extraordinary about that person. – PJ O’Rourke

If you're ever in doubt, throw a pepper in the air. If it fails to come down, you have gone mad, so don't trust in anything. - Gregory Maguire

On the outside, I may appear like an emotionless, sarcastic jerk; but, just like an onion, when you peel back the layers, you find the exact same thing over and over again. And then you start crying.