Female, 15

Here are the links to my FictionPress profile:

http://www.fictionpress.info/amystardust (We are having some technical difficulties. Please use the link below instead.)

http://www.fictionpress.info/u/766339/

They're the same though. :)

Aah! I forgot to mention my deviantART! :P

http:///

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Profile Pic:

The manga version of Nellie Gomez. This can be found in Rick Riordan's blog, Myth and Mystery. Date: June 2009. Title: 39 Clues in Japan.

E-mail me:

twoauthorsunited@

If ever you do e-mail me, please write my penname and 'FF' in the subject. Thank you! XD

Funny Quotes:

1. Last night I lay in bed looking up at the stars in the sky and I thought to myself, where the heck is the ceiling?

2. The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

3. "Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss." - Douglas Adams

4. When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

5. If you die in an elevator, be sure to push the Up button.

6. Everyone has photographic memory; some just don't have the film.

7. After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, "No hablo ingles."

8. Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.

9. "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."

10. A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

11. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

12. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

13. I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants. - A. Whitney Brown

14. I could've eaten Alphabits and crapped out a better essay!!

15. How Many Roads Must A Man Walk Down Before He Admits Hes lost?

16. Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway.

17. When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.

18. Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.

19. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on. - Robert Bloch

20. What do you mean, my birth certificate expired?

21. There is a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

22. Hard work never killed anybody, but why take a chance?

23. If there is a "WILL", there are 500 relatives.

24. What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

25. Karate is a form of martial arts in which people who have had years and years of training can, using only their hands and feet, make some of the worst movies in the history of the world.

Jokes from the Net:

(Handpicked for you to enjoy. :D)

1. I’d noticed that my 60-year-old father seemed to be losing his hearing, so I mentioned it to my mother.

"Things haven’t changed that much," she said. "Only difference is, before, he didn’t listen. Now, he can’t."

2. An out-of-town fellow pilot missed a turn to his gate at LaGuardia Airport in New York, a harmless mistake that nonetheless ruffles the feathers of the ground controllers. I heard one of the controllers, a woman, holler through the radio, "Where do you think you're going?" She followed with a torrent of harshly worded instructions.

Then came a third voice. "Hey," an unidentified pilot remarked, "wasn't I married to you once?"

3. I got stuck in a traffic jam while commuting into Los Angeles one day. The woman in the SUV in front of me took full advantage of the slowdown. She whipped out her eyebrow pencil, lip gloss and a mirror, applying the finishing touches on her face in the ten minutes it took us to creep through the Cahuenga Pass. Finally, the traffic broke up and as she zoomed away, I caught a glimpse of her vehicle's license plate: NTRL BTY.

4. After browsing the restaurant menu, I had a question for the waitress. "About the salmon entrée, is that a steak or a fillet?"

"Neither," she said. "It's a fish."

5. I was working as a short-order cook at two restaurants in the same neighborhood. On a Saturday night, I was finishing up the dinner shift at one restaurant and hurrying to report to work at the second place. But I was delayed because one table kept sending back an order of hash browns, insisting they were too cold. I replaced them several times, but still the customers were dissatisfied. When I was able to leave, I raced out the door and arrived at my second job. A server immediately handed me my first order. "Make sure these hash browns are hot," she said, "because these people just left a restaurant down the street that kept serving them cold ones."

6. My father began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community college. On his first night of class, he started a chapter on banking. During the course of his lecture, the subject of ATMs came up, and he mentioned that, on average, most machines contain only about $1,500 at a given time.

Just then a man in the back raised his hand. "I'm not trying to be disrespectful," he told my father, "but the machine I robbed had about $5,000 in it."

7. My musical director wasn't happy with the performance of one of our percussionists. Repeated attempts to get the drummer to improve failed. Finally, in front of the orchestra, the director said in frustration, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument, they take it away, give him two sticks and make him a drummer!"

A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor."

8. My husband and I are both in an Internet business, but he's the one who truly lives, eats and breathes computers. I finally realized how bad it had gotten when I was scratching his back one day. "No, not there," he directed. "Scroll down."

9. There were three fathers-to-be in a hospital waiting room, waiting for their babies to be born.

The first nurse comes out and tells the first father, "Congratulations you're the father of twins!" He says, “Great! I am the manager for the Minnesota Twins.”

The second nurse comes out and tells the second father, "Congratulations you're the father of triplets”! He says, "That's cool! I work for 3M."

The third father opens the window and jumps out.

The third nurse comes out, and asks, “Where's the third father?"

One of the other fathers said, "Oh he jumped out the window.”

The nurse asks, "Why?"

He replied, "He works for Seven Up!"

10. A little boy, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the bride wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

The boys thinks about this, and then says, "Well then why is the groom wearing black..."

11. Two blondes were going to the mall. When they got out of the car, they started tossing the car keys back and forth. One of the blondes missed, and the keys flew into the sewer drainpipe.

The other blonde tried to reach it but couldn't. So, she called a locksmith, and a cop. When the two got there, the blondes explained what happened, then the cop tried to reach the keys but couldn't.

Finally the locksmith opened the door. The blonde that missed the keys in the first place said,"Whew... for a second there I thought we might have needed to use the SPARE key." ;)

12. One day a blonde office worker comes out to the warehouse to walk around. As she is walking she looks up and sees a co-worker hanging upside down from an I-Beam in the ceiling.

She asks "What ARE you doing"?

The co-worker says "I need a few days off but the boss won't let me have them so I'm hanging upside down from this I-Beam acting crazy.

The boss will see me, think I need rest and send me home for a few days".

The blonde says "That won't work...uh ohh...here comes the boss now, you're in for it".

The boss spots the blonde looking up and sees the man hanging up there and asks him "Just WHAT do you think you are DOING?!!"

The man says (in a "crazy" voice) I'm a light bulb...I'm a light bulb"

The boss says "Buddy, you need some rest..take the rest of today and tomorrow off and get some sleep".

As he is climbing down he winks at the blonde showing her it worked.

The blonde thinks about this for a moment and starts to follow the man out the door.

The boss asks her "WHERE do you think YOU'RE going?"

The blonde says "I can't work in the dark".

COPY AND PASTE:

(TheJazzyDolphin's profile)(I added what's not italicized.)

I am the girl...

that doesn't go to school dances, and when I do go, I sit in a corner and read a book. (Never had one yet. Still 13.)

I am the girl that people look through when I say something.(Um, sorry, I don't understand this.)

I am the girl that spends most of her free time reading, writing, or doing other activities that most teenagers wouldn't call normal. (M-hm.)

I am the girl that people call weird, and a freak either behind my back or to my face.(None that I know of...)

I am the girl that doesn't spend all her time on MySpace, or talking to a girlfriend on a cellphone or regular phone. (What's MySpace? Sorry, I'm kinda always studying. Any help here?)

I am the girl that hasn't been asked out in a year. (Never, never, ever!)

I am the girl that has stopped to smell the flowers and jump and splash in the rain. (I'll try. It's not raining though. Wait a second... I can't! I saw a bee.)

But I am also the girl who knows and is proud to be who she is, doesn't care if people call her weird (it's a compliment), who loves reading and writing and doing the things that no one seems to have the time to do any more, who loves and is obsessed with Anime and Books, who can express herself better with words, and knows the importance of the little things. (Yes!)

Copy and Paste this onto your account, and add your name to the list, if you are anything like me, so the girls who are different and unique can know in their weakest times that they are unique, but not alone.

PrettyFanGirl, Truth Be Told 13, DEFiiANCE, torchwoodfanx3, PyroFairyGirl, .insane.lil.piratess, xActDanceWritex, Aviva636, Flockgirl, Sammie.reader, TheJazzyDolphin, Amy Stardust

(TheJazzyDolphin's profile)(I didn't agree with everything, so I erased some...)

If you are an expert at doing absolutely nothing for hours on end, paste this into your profile.

If there are times when you wanna annoy people just for the heck of it, copy this into your profile

If someone has ever said something to you that had nothing to do with your current conversation, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you don't watch Laguna Beach or the O.C. or The Hills religiously, never have, never will, and are proud of it, copy and paste this into your profile. (I don't even know what those are!)

If you have ever been hit in the face with a ball and started laughing maniacally, copy and paste this into your profile. (I don't remember, but seeing as I'm me, I must have.)

If people think you are mentally insane...copy and paste this onto your profile. (I act crazy sometimes. I'm serious. Ever rode on a 1-year-old's bike? It's hard.)

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this into your profile. (I did that for an entire day once. Not kidding.)

If you've ever wanted to go into a book and slap/ scream at a character copy and paste this onto your profile

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile. (I love the sound and the smell! So relaxing!)

If you are random and don't care, copy and paste this onto your profile.

(Bellus Brit's profile)

If you believe in Jesus Christ put this in your profile and don't just ignore this, because in the Bible it says, ‘If you deny me, I will deny you in front of my Father in the gates of Heaven.’

(dragon-rider II's profile)(This. Is. So. COOL!)

cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrgide Uinervtisy, it doesn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas toghuht slpeling was ipmorantt! Ha!

If you could read that, put it in your profile! (awesomeness, no?)

(Also dragon-rider II)

There's nothing wrong with arguing with yourself. It's when you argue with yourself and LOSE when it's weird. If you agree, copy this and put it in your profile. By order of Flame User Laurena

If you think that being unique is better than being cool then put this on your profile.

If you have ever had a mad laughing fit for absolutely no reason, copy and paste this into your profile

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile. (Hmmm... Not sure of this...)

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

I'm bored...If you're bored then paste this in your profile and let the world know you have nothing to do... (Used to. I'm obsessed with FF right now.)

(Also from dragon-rider II's profile)(I LOVE this one!)(YOU. MUST. READ. THIS!)(I am getting a lot of stuff from her profile...)

6 truths of life: PLEASE READ!!

1. You cannot touch all of your teeth with your tongue.

2. All idiots, after reading the first truth tried it.

3. The first truth is a lie.

4. You're smiling now because you're an idiot.

5. You will soon copy this and show it to another idiot.

6. There's still a stupid smile on your face.

all true all true...

Amy S: I have got to send this to all of my friends!

(Hehe. Guess whose profile?)

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, bellabookworm9,Ginormous Funtastic Everything, HopelessxRomanticx1993, boyzaremylife, September5Rhyme (and proud to do so), HisokaYukiko, fullmetal'sgirl92, DarkRose02, devotedtodreams, SkywardShadow, XxGaarasGirlXx, Gaaras1Girl, Dragon-Rider II, Amy Stardust

95 percent of the kids out there are concerned with being popular and fitting in. If you're part of the five percent who aren't, copy this, put it in your profile. (The popular who?)

99.9 percent of the Girls in America would pass out if Miley Cyrus disappeared. Post this to your siggy if you were the 0.01 percent Happily poking your new hostage with a spork

92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it's uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent screaming with laughter at the others.

98 percent of teenagers have participated in under aged drinking and drugs. If you're one of the 2 percent who hasn't, copy this into your profile wearing a smirk of pride!

98 percent of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like chocolate chip cookies, and anime!

95 of teens would cry if they saw the Jonas Brothers at the top of a skyscraper about to jump. Copy and paste this if you are part of the 5 that would yell "DO A FLIP!!"

(Me. Yes, me)(my stuff isn't interesting)

I just want you to read LucianGurl39's profile cuz it's so cool! Please? (It's also really long, so I don't want to copy paste it here.)

(Ranirose272!)(some are erased)

If you have ever fallen up the stairs copy this into your profile.

92 percent American teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch told them it was uncool to breathe. Copy this into your profile if you would be in the 8 percent laughing their butts off at the others.

If you have ever tripped over your own feet copy and paste this into your profile.

If there are times where you just wanna annoy someone for the heck of it copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being popular, copy this on your profile.

If you hate those obnoxious snobby people, PLEASE copy this into your profile.

If you are odd and proud of it put this on your profile.

If you've ever forgotten how old you are when someone asked you, copy and paste this onto your profile. (My dad does this. A LOT.)

IF YOU CAN HURT YOURSELF DOING JUST ABOUT ANYTHING, COPY AND PASTE THIS TO YOUR PROFILE

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile

(Also Ranirose272)(answers are changed)

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 81, and find line 4.

"Spicy, but not just pepper-hot. Thyme, for sure..." -Storm Warning, Book 9 of 39 Clues :D

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can, What can you touch?

Wooden Blinds (I wasn't able to stretch my arm all the way 'cause the wall was there.)

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?

Glee (My sis has all the episodes and she's become addicted! At 11 years old!)

4. Without looking, guess what time it is:

12:30 am

5. Now look at the clock. What is the actual time?

12:35 am (5 minutes...)

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?

Airconditioning (everyone's asleep)

7. When did you last step outside? What were you doing?

6 hours? Coming home from my grandparent's house.

8. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?

Ranirose272's profile!

9. What are you wearing?

Pajamas with cats on it. :))

10. Did you dream last night?

No...

11. When did you last laugh?

20 minutes ago while reading one of Ranirose272's fanfics.

12. What is on the walls of the room you are in?

Aircon, blinds, clock, light switch, sockets, and maybe a sticker (but it's on a door)

13. Seen anything weird lately?

The animal sounds my friend types when we chat.

14. What do you think of this quiz?

Nice! I love answering facts! :) But I just wonder where you got the questions.

15. What is the last film you saw?

Flipped! It's so cute!

16. If you became a multi-millionaire overnight, what would you buy?

Books, iPhone, mansion (if-y), island (if-y), a lot of things...

17. Tell me something about you that I don't know:

I like singing (but most definitely not in front of people).

18. If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?

I would turn back time to when there was no pollution. :)

19. Do you like to dance?

No. No, no, NO!

20. George Bush:

Eh?

21. Imagine your first child is a girl, what do you call her?

I always thought that the name Natalie was nice. And when I saw it in the 39 clues, I thought, Hey! That's the name that I like! But I would name my daughter...maybe, Ella. :)

22. Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?

Nathan or Lucas. :)

(Ranirose272 too!)

PUNS AND JOKES

Did you hear about the man who had his whole left side cut off? He's all right now!

Q: A plane crashed yesterday and every single person died? Two people survived. How is this possible?

A: They were married

Q: Johnny's mother had four kids. The first was named May. The second was named April. The third was named June. What was the fourth named?

A: Johnny

I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.

I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

When William joined the army he disliked the phrase 'fire at will'.

Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I'll show you A-flat minor.

I did a theatrical performance about puns. Really it was just a play on words.

A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

When a clock is hungry it goes back four seconds.

I was going to buy a book on phobias, but I was afraid it wouldn't help me.

What's the definition of a will? (It's a dead giveaway).

SMART BLONDE JOKE

A blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the Loan officer. She says she's going to Europe on business for two weeks andNeeds to borrow $5,000.

The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for the loan, so the blonde hands over the keys to a new Mercedes Benz SL 500.

The car is parked on the street in front of the bank, she has the title and everything checks out. The bank agrees to accept the car collateral for the loan.

The bank's president and its officers all enjoy a good laugh at the blond for using a $110,000 Benz as collateral against a $5,000 loan.

An employee of the bank then proceeds to drive the Benz into the bank's underground garage and parks it there. Two weeks later, the blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, "Miss, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"

The blonde replies, "Where else in New York City can I park my Car for two weeks for only $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

Finally... a smart blonde joke.

(RANIROSE272!!! XD)

1) I NEED TO TELL YOU A SECRET (LO0K AT #5)

2) THE ANSWER IS (L0OK AT #11)

3) D0NT GET MAD (L0OK AT #15)

4) CALM DOWN DONT BE TICKED OFF ( L0OK AT #13

5) FIRST (L0OK AT #2)

6) D0NT BE THAT MAD (L0OK AT #12)

7) I JUST WANTED TO SAY HI...LOL

8 ) WHAT I WANTED TO TELL YOU IS...(THE ANSWER IS ON #14)

9) BE PATIENT (L0OK AT #4)

10) THIS IS THE LAST TIME IMMA DO THIS (L0OK AT #7)

11) IM NOT MAD WHEN IM SAYIN THIS (L0OK AT#6)

12) S0RRY (L0OK AT #8 )

13) D0NT BE GETTIN ALL HYPE (L0OK AT #10)

14) I D0NT KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS (L0OK AT #3)

15) YOU MUST BE REALLY TICKED OFF (L0OK AT NUMBER #9)

(Put it on your page if you laughed)

(Ranirose272...)

Man: Girl, you must be a thief because you stole my heart. Woman: Hun, I only steal valuable things

Man: Where have you been all my life? Woman: Hiding from you.

Man: So... Your a girl huh? Woman: No, no i'm not

Man: Haven't I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Man: Your place or mine? Woman: Both. You go to yours, and I'll go to mine.

Man: So, what do you do for a living? Woman: I'm a female impersonator.

Man: Hey baby, what's your sign? Woman: Do not enter.

Man: How do you like your eggs in the morning? Woman: Unfertilized.

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.

Man: I would go to the end of the world for you. Woman: But would you stay there?

Man: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy. Woman: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.

Man: If I could rearrange the alphabet I'd put u and i together Woman: Really, I'd put f and u together

(Ranirose272)

Take your time and see if you can read each line aloud without a mistake. The average person can't.

This is this cat

This is is cat

This is how cat

This is to cat

This is keep cat

This is a cat

This is retard cat

This is busy cat

This is for cat

This is forty cat

This is seconds cat

Now go back and read the THIRD word in each line from the top down. I bet you can't resist passing it on when you're done

LOL I was halfway through this when I thought, 'Hey this seems familiar' And then I remembered, I used to have a Foopets account and I saw this there and fell for it so I checked and read the thrid letter and I was right. Ha! You almost caught me! LOL! Thank you Foopets!

(Ranirose272...)

My best friends are the kind that if my house were on fire, they'd be roasting marsh mellows and flirting with the firemen. They're also the kind that would spend hours upon hours trying to drown a goldfish... but they know i love them

People who say anything's possible haven't tried to slam a revolving door

When people don't laugh at our jokes we don't think of it as a "You had to be there" type of thing, more like a "You have to be mentally retarded like us" type of thing

If at first you don't succeed skydiving isn't for you

Follow your dreams. Except for that one where you're naked at work...

WARNING: Do NOT walk in my footsteps... I tend to walk into walls, and off the occasional cliff.

I'm here because heaven wouldn't take me and hell was afraid i'd take over.

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

"They say "Guns don't kill people, people kill people." Well I think the guns help. If you stood there and yelled BANG, I don't think you'd kill too many people."

Education is important, school however, is another matter.

I am on a quest to the deepest, darkest corners of my room in search of what some would call "a floor" - a long and difficult task awaits me. Wish me luck my friends for I may not return alive

A best friend is the type of person who can see you with the biggest smile on your face.. and still know something's wrong.

When you get caught looking at him, just remember, he was looking back.

The number of people watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'

I am going to put an end to my procrastination problem. . . Tomorrow

"I am amazed at radio DJ's today. I am firmly convinced that AM on my radio stands for Absolute Moron. I will not begin to tell you what FM stands for."

"It takes 46 muscles to frown but only 4 to flip 'em the bird"

Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level and beat you with experience. Never argue with me, I'll drag you down to my level and beat you with a bat.

'I'll protect my friends because I know they're worth protecting.'

Mothers of teens know why some animals eat their young.

I'm not random, i just have many tho- OH A SQUIRREL!

Paper may beat rock, but cannon ball makes a big hole in paper.

The pen may be mightier than the sword, but my keyboard can crush your crummy pen!

"He who laughs last didn't get it. He who laughs first has the most perverted mind."

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read in school about the wars that solved America's problems?

When life gives you lemons, throw them at people you don't like. When life gives you people you don't like, push them off bridges.

Quitters never win, winners never quit, but those who never win AND never quit are idiots.

I don't suffer from insanity... I enjoy every minute of it.

"Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss."

The only reason people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory.

Did you just call me a bitch? Well a bitch is a dog, and dogs bark, bark is on trees, trees are part of nature, nature is beautiful. So yeah, thanks for the compliment.

No one was perfect...well, there was this one guy, but we killed him.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

I only have PMS on days that end in the letter "y".

If Tylenol, Duct Tape, & a Band Aid can't fix it, you have a serious problem.

"The dinosaurs extinction wasn't an accident. Barney came and they all committed suicide."

I ran with scissors, and lived!

There is an island of opportunity in the middle of every difficulty. Miss that, though, and you're pretty much doomed.

I'm so gangster, I carry a squirt gun.

I called your boyfriend gay and he hit me with his purse.

The worst time to have a heart attack is when you’re playing charades. No one will believe you.

Tu madre! Yes, you just got burned in Spanish. Would you like some ice for that Spanish burn?

Kids are the future. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Ideas don't stay in some minds very long because they don't like solitary confinement

Save the earth. It's the only planet with chocolate.

No I won't go to hell! It has a restraining order against me.

Some people are like Slinkies. They're really good for nothing. But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down a flight of stairs.

Boys are like trees - they take 50 years to grow up

Slinky Escalator = Endless fun!

Life isn't passing me by, it's trying to run me over.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

Why be difficult, when with just a little bit of effort, you can be impossible?

You know what makes letting go of a crush so hard? The fear that the moment you let go, they'll catch on.

If I throw a stick, will you go away?

"Some see the glass half full, some see it half empty. Me? i just want to know who the hell is drinking my damn soda"

There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.

Some people are alive today simply because it is illegal to kill them.

I'm the kind of girl who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence... because of something that happened yesterday.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because you're all the same.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

It's you and me versus the world...we attack at dawn

Everything here is eatable. I'm eatable, but that my children is called cannibalism and is frowned upon in most societies.

Your mom looks like Voldemort (oooooh burn)

Therapist = The/rapist... scary thought

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.

Two men walked into a bar. The third guy ducked.

Boys are like lava lamps, fun to watch but not too bright.

I live in my own little world- but it's ok, they know me there.

RAWR! I ate my eraser! -cough-

Don't knock on death's door. Ring the bell and run. He hates that.

They call it PMS because "Mad cow disease" was already taken.

Beware! For my place of employment has given me a NEW weapon...THE BUBBLE WRAP!

"The world is out to get me. Hide me in your closet and cover me with clothes. Don't let it find me."

To the world, you are just one person, but to one person, you are the world

(Ranirose272...)

Regular lions say ROAARR.

Angry lions say BLARGAROARIMMAEATYOU

Sad lions say roooaaar.

Mountain lions say: OMGEDWARDCULLENRUN!

"A day without sunshine is like...you know...night"

"Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to"

Your shin (n): a device used to find furniture in the dark.

You know it's going to be a bad day when you fall out of bed and miss the floor.

(Ranirose272...)

Needing someone is like needing a parachute: if they're not there the first time you need them, chances are you won't be needing them again.

Forget love, I'd rather fall in choclate.

Be tolerant of the human race. Your family belongs to it, and some day you might, too.

95 percent of all teens would go into a panic if the Jonas Brothers (Or Miley Cyrus/ Justin Beiber...) were on a 100 foot building about to jump. copy and paste this if you are one of the 5 percent who brought popcorn and invited friends while yelling "JUMP JUMP JUMP"

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear into my crib

If you ever catch on fire, try to avoid seeing yourself in the mirror - I bet that's what really throws you into a panic.

I try to take my days one at a time, but sometimes several days attack me all at once. Usually when I'm eating french fries or peanuts or something else they like.

My mind is like a steel trap - rusty and illegal in 37 states

What do you do if you're riding a giraffe and getting chased by a lion? Answer: get your butt off the merry-go-round and whatever else you happen to be on

If the world were a stage, I'd want to be the one operating the trap door.

I'm the type of girl who can watch a hundred horror movies and never get scared, but who will scream at the top of her lungs when toast pops out of the toaster.

Never, ever, ever try to make a grilled cheese in the toaster.

I'm going to live forever or die trying.

When life gives you lemons, you'd better wait for some sugar first or you'll have some really nasty-tasting lemonade

Don't take life too seriously - none of us are going to get out alive, anyways.

Every time someone hands me a brouchure it's like 'hey, mind throwing this away for me?'

Stardust Awards:

(These are awards that I would give...if I could.)

'The First Place Award for the Longest Profile' goes to... LucianGurl39!

'The First Place Award for the Funniest Profile' goes to... Alex Almighty!

'The Second Place Award for the Funniest Profile' goes to... dragon-rider II!

Now, maybe you can press one of the links down there and read one of my stories...?