MorticiaYouSpokeFrench
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Joined 01-17-10, id: 2220074, Profile Updated: 11-12-19
Author has written 20 stories for Harry Potter, Sherlock, A song of Ice and Fire, Once Upon a Time, Series Of Unfortunate Events, Pride and Prejudice, and Addams Family.

"If there is anything that could survive a nuclear attack, it is probably typographical errors." -Thomas Sowell

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I Never Knew Myself (Now Preview Only) by Melanie Rachel reviews
Little Ellie Windham, goddaughter to Lady Matlock and cousin to the Fitzwilliams, is kidnapped just before her fifth birthday. When Fitzwilliam Darcy visits the Bingleys and meets twenty-year-old Elizabeth Bennet, he cannot figure out why she seems so familiar . . . (This is going to be a lightning post so I can get it out for you before it's up for publication-don't fall behind!)
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 16,113 - Reviews: 272 - Favs: 182 - Follows: 315 - Updated: 3/6 - Published: 2/20 - Elizabeth, Mr. Bennet, Mr. Darcy, Col. Fitzwilliam
The Propriety Fiction by WadeH reviews
Elizabeth Bennet enters the Netherfield Ball with a desperate plan in mind, willing to break or at least bend all the rules of propriety. How desperate? Let's find out.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 9 - Words: 13,790 - Reviews: 310 - Favs: 483 - Follows: 126 - Published: 6/28/2019 - Elizabeth, Mr. Collins, Mr. Darcy - Complete
These Unfortunate Affairs by Ms Pimprenelle reviews
A series of Regency whodunnits featuring Mr Darcy and Miss Elizabeth Bennet. Silliness inside, work in progress, irregular updates. Each chapter can be read as a one-shot, providing your primary focus isn't D&E's relationship, since they are too focused on their enquiries to think about romance.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: T - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 20 - Words: 86,673 - Reviews: 229 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 191 - Updated: 4/23/2019 - Published: 4/14/2018 - [Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy]
Again and Again by Athey reviews
The Do-Over Fic - a chance to do things again, but this time-To Get it Right. But is it really such a blessing as it appears? A jaded, darker, bitter, and tired wizard who just wants to die; but can't. A chance to learn how to live, from the most unexpected source. slytherin!harry, dark!harry, eventual slash, lv/hp
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Supernatural - Chapters: 44 - Words: 335,972 - Reviews: 6047 - Favs: 12,055 - Follows: 11,936 - Updated: 10/7/2018 - Published: 5/25/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort, Tom R. Jr.
The Secret Diary of Hugo Granger-Weasley, Aged Thirteen and a Half by FloreatCastellum reviews
Rose says that I am an oblivious moron, but would an oblivious moron have such a deep and sensitive diary? I don't think so. No one knows how I suffer in this ridiculous family. Written for SIYE's The Burrow Secret Challenge 2016, and inspired by Sue Townsend's Adrian Mole.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 7,029 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 113 - Follows: 23 - Published: 9/14/2016 - Complete
Seventh Horcrux by Emerald Ashes reviews
The presence of a foreign soul may have unexpected side effects on a growing child. I am Lord Volde...Harry Potter. I'm Harry Potter. In which Harry is insane, Hermione is a Dark Lady-in-training, Ginny is a minion, and Ron is confused.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 21 - Words: 104,212 - Reviews: 1669 - Favs: 8,802 - Follows: 4,119 - Updated: 2/3/2015 - Published: 9/7/2014 - Harry P. - Complete
The Many Harry Potters of Little Hangleton by VivyPotter reviews
Also known as 'Harry and Voldemort Explore Fanfiction Tropes Together'. Different Harry Potters visit Little Hangleton, and Voldemort's the only one with much sense around here. I almost feel sorry for him. Includes Slytherin!Harry, Fem!Harry, Plothole!Harry, Flamboyant!Harry, Joker!Harry, Dark!Harry and more.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor/Parody - Chapters: 112 - Words: 64,654 - Reviews: 2898 - Favs: 2,017 - Follows: 1,260 - Updated: 12/30/2014 - Published: 5/11/2014 - Harry P., Voldemort, Peter P. - Complete
Reunion by Rorschach's Blot reviews
It all starts with Hogwarts' Class Reunion.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 61,134 - Reviews: 1916 - Favs: 6,453 - Follows: 4,105 - Updated: 3/2/2013 - Published: 11/14/2008 - Complete
Pocket Destiny by wickedlfairy17 reviews
There are places, that are full of wonder, mystery, magic, and danger. Places that no one has ever seen before, places that to survive you have to be as Mad as a Hatter. Harry intends to see them all, yet one cannot visit these places without being changed themselves and it is in the change where the truly interesting things happen. Come explore. We're all Mad here.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Adventure - Chapters: 3 - Words: 15,404 - Reviews: 91 - Favs: 299 - Follows: 322 - Updated: 1/30/2013 - Published: 8/29/2012 - Harry P., Voldemort
The River of Time by Paimpont reviews
During a class trip to the Ministry of Magic, 16 year old Tom Riddle steals a time turner on a whim. He arrives at Hogwarts in 1996 and meets a boy named Harry. Can Tom help Harry conquer the mysterious Dark Lord who threatens his world? TR/HP slash. Two-shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,278 - Reviews: 122 - Favs: 430 - Follows: 615 - Published: 8/3/2012 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr.
Professor Monroe by Athey reviews
In Harrys 5th yr Voldemort wanted one thing - the prophecy. AU yr 5 -No Umbridge - Dumbledore found another teacher, but he isn't who he appears. Harry's world is turned upside down with new discoveries, exposed secrets, and a new love interest. Slash
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Mystery/Romance - Chapters: 14 - Words: 98,480 - Reviews: 991 - Favs: 2,917 - Follows: 3,188 - Updated: 5/23/2012 - Published: 5/14/2012 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr.
Text Me When It's Over by immaculately-flawed reviews
After the fall Sherlock starts writing texts to John. Of course, he never sends them... Until he does by accident. Post Reichenbach fic but not angsty.
Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Friendship/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,990 - Reviews: 321 - Favs: 2,116 - Follows: 285 - Published: 4/17/2012 - Sherlock H., John W. - Complete
Army Doctor Turned Assassin by Corpium reviews
Sherlock stalks an assassin then gets kidnapped by said assassin. Then they become best friends, because, hey, no matter what occupation he's in, John Watson is awesome. Probably a oneshot. Unless you persuade me otherwise.
Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Crime - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,361 - Reviews: 153 - Favs: 831 - Follows: 258 - Published: 2/5/2012 - Sherlock H., John W. - Complete
Calculation by fringeperson reviews
Young Harry liked numbers, he liked using numbers and working out the value of things. When he found out that he was a wizard and had a big pile of gold... well, he had something new to calculate. oneshot, complete, don't own.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 18,141 - Reviews: 1354 - Favs: 14,722 - Follows: 3,955 - Published: 12/8/2011 - Harry P. - Complete
Problem Children by IronicNarwhal reviews
Martha Hudson likes to think she's quite a tolerant babysitter. However, when faced with the double trouble of five-year-old super genius Sherlock Holmes, and his brother twelve-year-old political mastermind Mycroft, she finds herself beginning to crack.
Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,310 - Reviews: 33 - Favs: 96 - Follows: 102 - Published: 11/18/2011 - Mrs. Hudson
The Pocket Watch that Changed the World by Athey reviews
While running through the Dept of Mysteries, Harry touches a small pocket watch. Suddenly a Harry from many years in the future finds himself in his body in the past and is faced with an opportunity to change everything. dark!harry plot bunny haitus
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 20,677 - Reviews: 221 - Favs: 1,322 - Follows: 1,313 - Published: 6/3/2011 - Harry P., Voldemort
The Fifth Act by oliver.snape reviews
After coming to an understanding during the Horcrux hunt, Snape and Harry spend the next year reclaiming what they never had in their lives while playing their roles in the war. HP/SS though not rushed , with a happy ending with some humour throughout.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 18 - Words: 111,595 - Reviews: 414 - Favs: 1,610 - Follows: 328 - Updated: 3/7/2010 - Published: 1/31/2010 - Harry P., Severus S. - Complete
Sphere of Influence by Bobmin356 reviews
Harry's trip through the Department of Mysteries reveals the Mysteries behind the department
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 10,086 - Reviews: 215 - Favs: 1,611 - Follows: 488 - Published: 2/19/2010 - Harry P. - Complete
Three Times by Kaylee's teddy reviews
The first three times Ruth and Idgie had sex. Ruth's POV
Fried Green Tomatoes - Rated: T - English - Romance/Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 473 - Reviews: 21 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 4 - Published: 12/27/2008 - Complete
The DA Missions: Agent Miss Print by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. One-Shot. DA Mission #3: The Daily Prophet has been furthering Voldemort's agenda. It's time for the DA to do something about that. Senior Secretary of Veracity Lisa Turpin gets the call in Operation Roto-Reuters.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,493 - Reviews: 311 - Favs: 1,041 - Follows: 245 - Published: 9/30/2008 - Complete
Gossip Queens by opalish reviews
After the war, Neville and Harry meet up to mock people and get drunk. It's a good life. Post-DH oneshot crackfic.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,210 - Reviews: 499 - Favs: 2,329 - Follows: 348 - Published: 7/12/2008 - Harry P., Neville L. - Complete
The DA Missions: Agent Furry Fury by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. One-Shot. DA Mission #2: Post Agent Toots. The DA have to act and pick up on the Junior DA's, a.k.a. the Order's, slack. Research Director Chairman Granger plans and directs the mission: Operation Tolerance or Else.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,383 - Reviews: 236 - Favs: 1,117 - Follows: 247 - Published: 5/29/2007 - Harry P., Hermione G. - Complete
The DA Missions: Agent Toots by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. One-Shot. DA Mission #1: Harry and the DA decide it's time to be a little more proactive in the war on the Dark Lord. Chief Counter Intelligence Officer Lovegood initiates her first mission: Operation Death is Your Friend.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,551 - Reviews: 203 - Favs: 1,154 - Follows: 276 - Published: 1/24/2007 - Luna L., Harry P. - Complete
The Indirect Approach by Rorschach's Blot reviews
Sometimes the direct approach doesn't work, therefore you must try . . .
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Supernatural/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 13,873 - Reviews: 163 - Favs: 1,314 - Follows: 371 - Published: 1/22/2007 - Harry P. - Complete
Now Hiring: Committee for the Disposal… by nonjon reviews
COMPLETE. OneShot. NOW HIRING: COMMITTEE FOR THE DISPOSAL OF DANGEROUS CREATURES. PostOotp. The summer after Harry's fifth year, Albus Dumbledore, newly reinstated Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, must deal with an interesting end to a boring day.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,354 - Reviews: 258 - Favs: 1,196 - Follows: 292 - Published: 12/16/2006 - Complete
The Marriage by Janara reviews
[Complete] At the start of Harry's seventh year Dumbledore has come up with the perfect way of ending the war. There is only one problem, Harry refuses to play the Headmaster's game. Will Harry be able to avoid the trap set by the aged wizard?
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,058 - Reviews: 551 - Favs: 2,191 - Follows: 595 - Published: 6/4/2005 - Complete
Ashes to Ashes by Secret Weapon reviews
COMPLETED A year after Harry graduates from Hogwarts and the Light's last stand against the Dark is near. A curse goes wrong that, though it does win them the War, leaves serious repercussions for everyone. Slash. Rating Increased.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Drama - Chapters: 4 - Words: 28,781 - Reviews: 126 - Favs: 221 - Follows: 57 - Updated: 1/17/2004 - Published: 12/30/2003 - Harry P., Voldemort - Complete
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Morbidity, Murder, and My Immortal reviews
Wednesday Addams has known true horrors in her life. She has seen things that would make your skin crawl, and your hair stand on end. She has unflinchingly faced creatures that would send grown men running for the hills and then slain them and eaten them for breakfast. But Wednesday Addams has never before encountered Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way.  That's about to change.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Addams Family - Rated: M - English - Parody/Horror - Chapters: 14 - Words: 7,187 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 9 - Updated: 6/20 - Published: 3/26 - OC, Wednesday A.
A Protector From the Past reviews
Unbeknownst to both, Sansa and Sandor share a connection through an incident from their pasts. When the story comes out, it has far-reaching consequences.
A song of Ice and Fire - Rated: T - English - Romance/Friendship - Chapters: 3 - Words: 5,101 - Reviews: 5 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 5/9 - Published: 5/3 - [Sansa S., Sandor C.]
Not a Villain reviews
In which Wickham is not evil and the story plays out rather differently.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: K - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,396 - Reviews: 53 - Favs: 120 - Follows: 27 - Published: 3/18 - [Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy] Mr. Wickham - Complete
In Praise of Her Conceited Independence reviews
A daring rescue at Ramsgate changes the course of events for our dear couple.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: T - English - Friendship/Romance - Chapters: 8 - Words: 25,483 - Reviews: 249 - Favs: 354 - Follows: 461 - Updated: 3/11 - Published: 1/22 - [Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy] Georgiana - Complete
A Good Memory Would Be Unpardonable reviews
Elizabeth Bennet is widely acknowledged to be an intelligent young woman and a witty conversationalist. However, she does tend to be quite... absentminded. Absentminded enough to forget she had been insulted by a gentleman within ten minutes of hearing the insult. In a universe where Elizabeth is a bit of a space cadet, how do out dear couple fare?
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,768 - Reviews: 47 - Favs: 97 - Follows: 30 - Published: 12/30/2019 - [Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy] - Complete
Love at First Sight and Other Misfortunes reviews
Sansa always believed that love at first sight was the most romantic and lovely thing that could happen to a person. Unfortunately for her, when she first set eyes on the handsome prince, she immediately fell in love... with his sworn shield.
A song of Ice and Fire - Rated: T - English - Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,036 - Reviews: 4 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 5 - Published: 12/19/2019
In the Name of the Mother reviews
The first time Sandor meets her, she is set to marry his brother in a week's time.
A song of Ice and Fire - Rated: M - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 2 - Words: 11,630 - Reviews: 11 - Favs: 32 - Follows: 7 - Updated: 12/12/2019 - Published: 7/16/2019 - [Sandor C., Sansa S.] - Complete
The Future Soon reviews
Salazar Slytherin is a man on a mission. When he appears in Hogwarts in the year 1995 with a message for Hermione Granger, it's time for some long forgotten truths to come to light.
Harry Potter - Rated: K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,467 - Reviews: 19 - Favs: 41 - Follows: 72 - Published: 12/5/2019 - Hermione G., Salazar S.
Rudeness and Retribution reviews
Elizabeth Bennet is not one to take an insult lying down, and she decides that Mr. Darcy must be punished for his rude comment. With some inspiration from Caroline Bingley, she sets out to exact her revenge.
Pride and Prejudice - Rated: K - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 4 - Words: 10,801 - Reviews: 85 - Favs: 190 - Follows: 169 - Updated: 11/25/2019 - Published: 11/11/2019 - [Elizabeth, Mr. Darcy] - Complete
The Faceless Girl and the Cursed Queen reviews
There are rumors that Sansa Stark is cursed. All the men she has ever wed, have died before they could consummate the marriage. Now that Sansa is betrothed once more, how will this new husband fare?
A song of Ice and Fire - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,313 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 9 - Published: 11/5/2019 - [Sansa S., Sandor C.] Arya S. - Complete
Philosophical and Literary reviews
"In a world too often governed by corruption and arrogance, it can be difficult to stay true to one's philosophical and literary principles." is a phrase which here means: Lemony Snicket lied about the deaths of Jacques Snicket and Olivia Caliban in order to protect them.
Series Of Unfortunate Events - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,364 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/25/2019 - [Jacques S., Olivia] - Complete
Teach Your Children Well reviews
An Addams Family crossover. When Rumpelstiltskin's daughter Morticia needs assistance, help comes in the form of a princess, wishing to save her land from ogres.
Once Upon a Time - Rated: T - English - Romance/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,002 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 8 - Follows: 5 - Published: 10/24/2019 - [Belle/Lacey, Rumpelstiltskin/Mr. Gold]
The Object of Her Affections reviews
Arya recruits Sandor to her mission of discovering the object of Sansa's affections. Modern AU
A song of Ice and Fire - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,694 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 19 - Follows: 3 - Published: 10/2/2019 - [Sandor C., Sansa S.] - Complete
All You Need Is reviews
A break-in to Hogwarts, and a mysterious letter. One shot.
Harry Potter - Rated: K - English - Fantasy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,899 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 22 - Follows: 14 - Published: 4/2/2019 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr. - Complete
The Story of a Soul and a Struggle for Control reviews
In the year 1926, Marvolo Gaunt returned home from prison to find his daughter had abandoned him to run away with a muggle. Later, finding out she had produced a half-blooded offspring with the filth, he resolved to kill the child. 70 years later, Harry Potter discovers the true story of Tom Marvolo Riddle.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Romance/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 8 - Words: 39,630 - Reviews: 104 - Favs: 278 - Follows: 301 - Updated: 8/19/2018 - Published: 2/26/2016 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.] - Complete
Harry Potter and the Sympathy of Souls reviews
Voldemort succeeds in stealing the philosopher's stone, but not all is as it seems.
Harry Potter - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 10 - Words: 62,450 - Reviews: 478 - Favs: 2,262 - Follows: 1,333 - Updated: 5/14/2017 - Published: 6/22/2015 - [Harry P., Tom R. Jr.] [Nicolas F., Perenelle F.] - Complete
Mummy Knows Best reviews
Within 5 minutes of talking to him, Mummy Holmes just knew that John Watson would have been perfect for her son Sherlock. If only he hadn't jumped off a hospital roof two years before...
Sherlock - Rated: K+ - English - Family/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,385 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 85 - Follows: 29 - Published: 4/17/2017 - [John W., Sherlock H.] Mummy H. - Complete
A Study in Friendship reviews
Sherlock knows that the Potter boy, the one with the abusive relatives, is hiding a secret, and sets out to solve the mystery. In the meantime, Harry sends a letter to Lord Voldemort in an attempt to come to an agreement with his enemy, and finds out that he and Tom Riddle aren't so different after all. The story of three lonely boys finding friendship in each other. Eventual Slash
Crossover - Harry Potter & Sherlock - Rated: M - English - Adventure/Friendship - Chapters: 23 - Words: 119,780 - Reviews: 864 - Favs: 2,784 - Follows: 2,263 - Updated: 6/22/2015 - Published: 7/2/2012 - Harry P., Tom R. Jr., Sherlock H. - Complete
The Greatest Weakness reviews
Lord Voldemort and Quirinus Quirrell. You know how the story ends, but do you really know what happened in between? Slash.
Harry Potter - Rated: M - English - Romance/Tragedy - Chapters: 1 - Words: 3,818 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 18 - Follows: 3 - Published: 4/8/2015 - [Voldemort, Q. Quirrell] - Complete
The Azkaban Honeymoon Suite reviews
Wednesday goes to Azkaban to get herself a pet dementor. While there, she meets the most fascinating Dark Lord... Wednesday Addams/Lord Voldemort.
Crossover - Harry Potter & Addams Family - Rated: M - English - Humor/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 5,641 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 338 - Follows: 120 - Published: 4/24/2013 - Complete
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Paimpont (45)
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