thegoffietwerb
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Joined Sep 25, 2009, id: 2095030, Profile Updated: Apr 29, 2020
Author has written 8 stories for Dragon Ball Z, Hobbit, and Vicar of Dibley.

The goffietwerb is a small furry nocturnal creature most frequently seen scurrying towards jaffa cakes.

It has taken her years to finally get round to writing some proper fanfiction. Hopefully she'll manage more than one fandom, but for now...she's sticking with her first true love. Plus, she doubts that the world is ready for Doctor Who/Indiana Jones slash.
((I'm kidding of course... ... ... ..although... *stares wistfully into space*... ))

Also I'm fucking old now.

Anyway.

Current

Fools Fall In - Dragonball z - is a work in progress. (Hopefully it won't evolve into an Old Shame since it's my first fanfic.) It's a Krillin and 18 romance of the humorous persuasion. Expect demon's, cyborgs, pregnant women, ridiculous amounts of movie references, lots of Krillin getting himself into bad situations and a perpetually annoyed Piccolo. And a gay porn video.
But we're not allowed to talk about that.

2020 edit- guys I'm gonna finish this. Its going to happen. I've been writing this for a decade and now I'm quarantined and by god I will write fanfiction *shakes fists at the sky *

2020 edit part 2 - hey guys guess what - IT LIVES

The Last Romantic - The Vicar of Dibley - Harry Kennedy arrives in a very weird little village. Also the Vicar is a lady. Also oh no she's hot.

One's I'll get round to eventually...

The Wedding - Dragonball z - In the planning stages. It's going to involve Gohan and Videl's wedding. And its going to be RIDICULOUS.

Queen with bruised knuckles vol.2 - Dragonball z - Piccolo and Chichi talk. Chaos ensues.


You can also catch me here, if my wittering on hasn't put you off already. I'm on Ao3, Tumblr, Twitter and Insta as Gremlinloquacious

Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Grape Soda and Magnets by ChronicallyinFlaming reviews
A collection of over a hundred Krillin/18 prompts, ranging from AU to proposals to holidays to babysitting. V/B, G/CC featured.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 20 - Words: 300,593 - Reviews: 80 - Favs: 103 - Follows: 59 - Updated: Feb 19, 2014 - Published: Sep 24, 2010 - Android 18, Krillin
Bring Them Home by MistakenMagic reviews
"You… You promised you would never… ask me to leave your side again." In the traumatic aftermath of the Battle of Five Armies, a seriously injured Fili, wracked with survivor's guilt, is refusing the crown, leaving a bewildered Kili to pick up the pieces. Family Fic.
Hobbit - Rated: T - English - Angst/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 19 - Words: 89,951 - Reviews: 554 - Favs: 353 - Follows: 198 - Updated: Aug 31, 2013 - Published: Mar 26, 2013 - Fíli, Kíli - Complete
Twilight of the Dawn by Dreamwraith reviews
Piccolo refused his sire’s legacy, but Daimao won’t take “no” for an answer. When the demon’s hand is revealed, he must make a choice. Can Piccolo give up what he has become and go back to the monster he once was to save the planet he calls home?
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 12 - Words: 40,509 - Reviews: 97 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 35 - Updated: Mar 31, 2011 - Published: Aug 31, 2004 - Piccolo, Goku
Mutual by Panur reviews
Piccolo and Chichi could easily bond over various things. Goku just happens to be the most important of them. Post-cell Saga fic, with mentions of Goku/Chichi and impossible Piccolo/Chichi and Goku/Piccolo.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Chapters: 7 - Words: 5,706 - Reviews: 30 - Favs: 15 - Follows: 7 - Updated: Oct 5, 2009 - Published: Mar 14, 2009 - Piccolo, Chi-Chi
Krillen's 100'th Proposal and After by Onyx reviews
Sometimes people are closer to you than they'll let on. A what-if fic based upon the dialogue from the Japanese uncut version of the Garlic Junior Saga.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Friendship - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,408 - Reviews: 28 - Favs: 53 - Follows: 3 - Published: Mar 31, 2009 - Krillin, Piccolo
Past, Present, Future by Gypsy Scribe reviews
Dende should be happy. He's got a lot going for him. He's the Guardian of the Earth, he's got good friends. Problem is, Dende's not happy. He's lonely. And it takes a stranger from 100 years in the past to show him just what happiness is.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 38 - Words: 78,360 - Reviews: 45 - Favs: 62 - Follows: 18 - Updated: Dec 13, 2008 - Published: Oct 9, 2008 - Dende - Complete
Errant Exile by Kieri reviews
[In Progress] NEW Ch. 26, Strong Medicine, Pt. 1. After Goku leaves to train Uub, Piccolo finds himself with little to do until an acquaintance from his childhood returns, a friendship is kindled, and boredom becomes a thing of the past.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Romance - Chapters: 26 - Words: 140,650 - Reviews: 133 - Favs: 51 - Follows: 32 - Updated: Jun 27, 2007 - Published: Jun 28, 2004 - Piccolo
Like Iron by Anduniel reviews
This is a very short POV vignette of Dis, mother of Fili and Kili.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: K+ - English - Drama - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,329 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 7 - Follows: 1 - Published: Oct 8, 2006 - Complete
Three Rivers by Piccolo0714 reviews
Piccolo is about to find out what true love is all about. Something that he does not want, nor does he expect it. This story is not what you think...Has romance, but tons of action and adventure. Lots of Gohan, Vegeta, and Goku.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Romance/Adventure - Chapters: 47 - Words: 74,028 - Reviews: 181 - Favs: 55 - Follows: 17 - Updated: Jun 27, 2006 - Published: Oct 2, 2004 - Piccolo, Gohan
The Heads of One Thousand Goblins: A Love Story by SickleYield reviews
Gimli son of Gloin never forgot the Lady Galadriel. But love can find you in the most unexpected places and the strangest ways...An unusual thing in this section: A Gimli story which does not, repeat, NOT contain any elves. At all.
Lord of the Rings - Rated: T - English - Fantasy/Adventure - Chapters: 1 - Words: 4,935 - Reviews: 40 - Favs: 118 - Follows: 15 - Published: Aug 18, 2005 - Gimli - Complete
Simple Gifts by Kieri reviews
[Reloaded and Edited] As if spending Christmas in a posh skii lodge with the DBZ team wasn't irritating enough, Piccolo has to find a gift for Khri. [Christmas side story to Errant Exile]
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: K+ - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 6,085 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 9 - Published: Dec 27, 2004 - Piccolo - Complete
From The Past by Dreamwraith reviews
Two separate plans awaken and entwine after Frieza's death, leaving Goku and Piccolo to deal with their nightmarish results. But not even they could foresee disaster. It has come down to one final battle...how do you free a mind trapped by a demon? Fin.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Drama - Chapters: 36 - Words: 120,702 - Reviews: 232 - Favs: 79 - Follows: 15 - Updated: Jul 10, 2004 - Published: Feb 21, 2003 - Piccolo, Goku - Complete
Silent One by Destyni Daydreamweaver reviews
Piccolo gives birth to a handicapped child. This is the story of how he copes with it.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Drama/Adventure - Chapters: 20 - Words: 55,977 - Reviews: 211 - Favs: 56 - Follows: 21 - Updated: May 31, 2004 - Published: Jun 21, 2000 - Piccolo, Kami
Down With the Sickness by Crash reviews
Complete. A mad Saiyan lands on Earth. But a mind-altering virus the girl caries makes her experience anything but the typical new-girl-story. Especially once the sickness begins to spread. Primarily featuring Tien, Piccolo and Yamcha.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Adventure/Sci-Fi - Chapters: 15 - Words: 51,890 - Reviews: 109 - Favs: 59 - Follows: 10 - Updated: May 21, 2003 - Published: Jan 20, 2003 - Tien, Yamcha - Complete
KiBlind by Sholio reviews
**COMPLETE** The Z-senshi have mysteriously lost their ability to control ki, and the Earth is being invaded. Will strategy succeed when brute strength fails?
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Adventure - Chapters: 19 - Words: 111,389 - Reviews: 464 - Favs: 417 - Follows: 56 - Updated: Oct 10, 2002 - Published: Apr 27, 2002 - Vegeta, Goku - Complete
Sort: Category . Published . Updated . Title . Words . Chapters . Reviews . Status .

Fools Fall In reviews
The path to True Love is an arduous one. After years of bad luck, the girl of Krillin's dreams has finally walked into his life. But unfortunately - so has the woman of his nightmares. A Romantic Comedy... with Cyborgs.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 16 - Words: 66,349 - Reviews: 114 - Favs: 86 - Follows: 100 - Updated: Apr 29, 2020 - Published: Apr 19, 2010 - Krillin, Android 18
Dominion reviews
After Dis looses everything, she becomes Queen under the Mountain. And a very dark and disturbed Queen at that. Dark!AU oneshot (some spoilers)
Hobbit - Rated: K - English - Horror - Chapters: 1 - Words: 260 - Reviews: 2 - Favs: 2 - Follows: 1 - Published: Dec 15, 2013 - Dís - Complete
The Last Romantic reviews
Whilst most boys his age liked to pretend they were Obi Wan Kenobi or Han Solo- Harry preferred to imagine himself as Mr. Darcy. But then again, he had always been a little odd.
Vicar of Dibley - Rated: K+ - English - Romance - Chapters: 3 - Words: 3,557 - Reviews: 20 - Favs: 31 - Follows: 21 - Updated: Nov 14, 2013 - Published: Feb 23, 2013 - Harry K., Geraldine G. - Complete
Candlelight and questionable underwear reviews
Kink Meme prompt - kink meme fill for - Dis/Dwalin, pegging "Meme, I'm a girl with simple needs". I tried to write some graphic pornage. So have some ridiculous pornage attempt.
Hobbit - Rated: M - English - Romance/Humor - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,248 - Reviews: 3 - Favs: 5 - Follows: 1 - Published: Jun 6, 2013 - Dwalin, Dís - Complete
All Quiet reviews
Kinkmeme prompt: Kili's final moments "It was so loud. He hadn't expected it to be this loud."
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Tragedy/Hurt/Comfort - Chapters: 1 - Words: 901 - Reviews: 13 - Favs: 46 - Follows: 4 - Published: Feb 4, 2013 - Kíli, Dwalin - Complete
Of Mountains and Molehills reviews
kinkmeme fill - Thorin is forced to give Fili and Kili 'The Talk'. It does not go well.
Hobbit - Rated: K+ - English - Humor/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 1,325 - Reviews: 32 - Favs: 66 - Follows: 14 - Published: Feb 4, 2013 - Thorin, Kíli - Complete
Queen with bruised knuckles reviews
As Ma Junior waits for his chance to destroy Son - he gets a little distracted by someone who wants Son for a very different reason. But then what sort of Demon would he be if he didn't seize the chance to start the chaos early?
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Angst/Romance - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,457 - Reviews: 16 - Favs: 24 - Follows: 5 - Published: Sep 23, 2012 - Piccolo, Chi-Chi - Complete
Maybe reviews
Maybe tonight, he thought, I can finally set things right. Maybe tonight I can kill the boy.
Dragon Ball Z - Rated: T - English - Drama/Family - Chapters: 1 - Words: 2,517 - Reviews: 8 - Favs: 16 - Follows: 1 - Published: Oct 14, 2010 - Kami, Piccolo - Complete