So yeah. I wrote a FanFic! Hurrah! (Reviewreviewreview!) But I dont think any of them will have multiple chapters. I mean, it's like a five year old wrote them! Anyone else have that problem? Oh yeah, and Twilight is getting overrated. I liked it better when not so many people were swooning over Edward. But Maximum Ride will never be overrated. EVER.

Have you ever procrastinated procrastinating? Scary thing is, I have.

Info:

Name: Maria. That's all your gettin'.
Age: I am not any older than 14. (See second sentence above)
I guess you could say I'm...uh...edgy, or whatever you kids call it these days. Har har har! -old person-like wheeze-
Baha, I'm a whippersnapper. xD
I don't update like, everyday, so don't expect anything.
Not many of my stories will be like, novels or chapter-stories.
I can be very random.
FAX to the max!
...Like I said, random.
:D

I do not do Figgy. Sorry. :P
I'm all for Eggy and Nudgy (or is it Niggy?), though.
I guess Miggy would be okay with me though.
Crossovers=BARF.
Any Angel or Gazzy romance and such are just...stupid. The are 6 and 8, people!

Book characters I wish were real:
Fang.
Iggy.

Here's a story for you...

Once upon a time, a long time ago, in a land...not so far away from here actually, I made the mistake of writing a Maximum Ride story in a journal and losing it at school. And of course, this story had Fax in it. Just peachy. The teachers found it, read it, and showed it to my parents who proceeded to read it. My mom told me it was, and I quote, "very good." I just about died right then and there.
Moral of the story: Do not write Fan Fictions in journals. Or leave them at school.

Oh, and Songfics are LOVE.

So anyway...

If you ever had a mad laughing fit for no reason, copy and paste this to your profile

If you have ever copy and pasted something to your profile, copy and paste this to your profile

If you are obsessed with fanfiction copy this into your profile

If you haven't died yet, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you've ever asked a really stupid, obvious question, copy and paste this one your profile

92 of teens would die if Abercrombie and Fitch or American Eagle said it was uncool to breathe. if you are part of the 8 that would stand there and laugh, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever forgotten what you were going to say, right before you say it, copy this into your profile.

If you've been on the computer for hours on end, reading numerous fanfictions, copy this onto your profile.

If you spend multiple hours each day reading or writing or a combination of both...copy and paste this on your profile.

I do not do drugs. I do sugar. If you're someone who does sugar, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever burned any sort of food in the microwave, oven, toaster, or on the stove, copy this into your profile.

If you think that those stupid kids should just give that God-forsaken Trix rabbit some Trix, copy & paste this into your profile

If you think that the kids should stop chasing Lucky and leave the leprechaun alone, then copy and paste this into your profile.

If you’ve ever made faces in front of a security camera then paste this in your profile

If you have ever said something and two seconds later, completely forgot, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you are against racism, COPY THIS ONTO YOUR PROFILE. The only race is humanity

If you've ever totally screwed something up so bad it isn't even funny, copy this onto your profile

If you get bored easily post this on your profile.

If you would kill to have wings, post on profile.

If you have ever tried to grow wings, post this too.

If you have an odd sort of love/hate relationship with your computer, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think 'morning people' should be driven off the face of the planet so they spread their 6-AM cheer to Martians, copy and paste this to your profile.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE AN AUTHOR IF...

You talk to yourself a lot. (Alot meaning all the time...)

You talk to yourself about talking to yourself. (ie 'Why do I constantly ask my self random things?')

When you talk to yourself you often talk to yourself like you're talking to someone else. (ie 'Have you ever noticed that deliver could mean someone's liver?')

After uttering a profound piece of wisdom like that above, you stare at the cookie in your hand with awe and say, "Wow,this stuff is great for sugar highs...'

You live off of sugar and caffeine (the two greatest things ever discovered!)

You'll check your e-mail every day of the week and then disappear off the face of the earth.

You're e-mails tend to be pages long and incredibly random.

When replying to an e-mail, you'll never actually address the point of it.

You tend to collect Bic Stics off the ground like picking pennies off the ground.

No matter where you are in a room you never have to get up to find a pen/pencil and paper.

The letters on your keyboard are wearing off.

Your friends and family think that you have carpal tunnel syndrome.

People think you have A.D.D.

You think it'd be cool to have A.D.D.

You constantly start talking in third person, present or past tense.

You start thinking about making lists like this and start giggling for no "apparent" reason

Your friends stopped looking at you funny for no apparent reason a loooooong time ago.

And FINALLY, the one way to tell if you're a good writer: You failed English 101.

(copy that into you're profile if you fit one or more of the descriptions)

A good or best friend!

A good friend will comfort you when he rejects you. A best friend will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

A good friend will be there for you when he breaks up with you. A best friend will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..." HHAHAHAHA!

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

A good friend helps you find your prince. A best friend kidnaps him and brings him to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will dump theirs on you.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has you on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you she knows how you feel. A best friend just sits down and cries.

9 Things That Piss Me Off:

1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time.. I know where my watch is pal, where the hell is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2 People who are willing to get off their butt to search the entire room for the T.V. remote because they refuse to walk to the T.V. and change the channel manually.

3 When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Damn straight! What good is cake if you can't eat it?

4 When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the hell would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they? Idiots!

5 When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No Loser, I paid 12 bucks to come to the movie theater and stare at the damn floor.

6 People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did ya sunshine?

7. When something is 'new and improved!' Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it, couldn't be new.

8 When people say "life is short". What the heck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever does!! What can you do that's longer?

9 When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, dumb ass?

This amazed me:
i cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it dseno't mtaetr in waht oerdr the ltteres in a wrod are, the olny iproamtnt tihng is taht the frsit and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it whotuit a pboerlm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Azanmig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt! if you can raed tihs cpoy and psate it in yuor pofrile

Truly stupid things found on other things.

On Sears hairdryer:
Do not use while sleeping.
(Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)

On a bag of Fritos:
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.
(The shoplifter special!)

On a bar of Dial soap:
Directions: Use like regular soap.
(And that would be how?)

On some Swann frozen dinners:
Serving suggestion: Defrost.
(But it's 'just' a suggestion!)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box)
Do not turn upside down.
(Too late! you lose!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
Product will be hot after heating.
(Are you sure? Let's experiment.)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
Do not iron clothes on body.
(But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)

On Boot's Children's cough medicine:
Do not drive car or operate machinery.
(We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5 year olds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol sleep aid:
Warning: may cause drowsiness.
(One would hope!)

On a Korean kitchen knife:
Warning: keep out of children.
(hmm...something must have gotten lost in the translation...)

On a string of Christmas lights:
For indoor or outdoor use only.
(As opposed to use in outer space.)

On a food processor:
Not to be used for the other use.
(Now I'm curious.)

On Sainsbury's peanuts:
Warning: contains nuts.
(but no peas?)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
Instructions: open packet, eat nuts.
(Somebody got paid big bucks to write this one...)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands.
(Raise your hand if you've tried this...)

On a child's Superman costume:
Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.
(Oh go ahead! That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief.)

25 reasons I owe my mother

1) My mother taught me to apprieciate a good job done
If your going to kill each other go outside, I just cleaned up

2) My mother taught me Religion
You'd better pray that comes out of the carpet

3) My mother taught me about time travel
If you dont straighten up, I'lll knock you into next week

4) My mother taught me logic
Because I said so, thats why

5) My mother taught me more logic
If you fall out of that tree and break your neck you can't come to the store with me

6) My mother taught me foresight
Make sure you wear clean underwear in case your in an accident.

7) My mother taught me irony
Keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about

8) My mother taught me about the science of osmosis
Shut your mouth and eat your supper

9) My mother taught me about the weather
That room of yours looks like a tornado went through it

10) My mother taught me about contortionism
Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck

11) My mother taught me about stamina
You will sit there until all that spinach is gone

12) My mother taught me about hypocrisy
I've told you once, i've told you a million times, don't exaggerate

13) My mother taught me about the circle of life
I brought you into this world and I can take you out

14) My mother taught me about behavior modification
Stop acting like your father

15) My mother taught me about envy
There are millions of children in the world who don't have great parents like you do

16) My mother taught me about anticipation
Just wait until we get home

17) My mother taught me medical science
If you don't stop crossing your eyes their going to freeze that way

18) My mother taught me about recieving
You're going to get it when we get home

19) My mother taught me about Esp
Put your sweater on, don't you think I know when your cold

20) My mother taught me about humor
When that lawnmower cuts off your toes don't come crying to me

21) My mother taught me genetics
Your just like your father

22) My mother taught me how to grow up
If you don't eat your vegetables you'll never grow up

23) My mother taught me about my roots
Shut the door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?

24) My mother taught me about wisdom
When you get to be my age you'll understand

25) My mother taught me about REVENGE
One day you'll have kids and I hope they're just like you

From Jess:

FANG.

I've commented your blog with my questions for THREE YEARS.

You answer other people's STUPID questions, but not MINE.

YOU REALLY ASKED FOR IT, BUDDY.

I'm just gonna comment with this until you answer at least one of my questions.

DO YOU HAVE A JAMAICAN ACCENT?

No, mon.

DO YOU MOULT?

Gross

WHAT'S YOUR STAR SIGN?

I was raised in a cage. But I'm going to pick one. Um, no I'm not. "Angel what's my star sign?" She says, "Scorpio."

HAVE YOU TOLD JEB I LOVE HIM YET?

No.

DOES NOT HAVING A POWER MAKE YOU ~ANGRY?

Well that's not really true...

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?

Can you see me doing The Soulja Boy?

DOES IGGY KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?

Gazzy does.

DO YOU USE HAIR PRODUCTS?

No. Again, no.

DO YOU USE PRODUCTS ON YOUR ~FEATHERS?

I don't know that they make bird kid feather products yet.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE?

There are a bunch.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SONG?

I don't have favorites. They're too polarizing.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE SMELL?

Max, when she showers.

DO THESE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU ANGRY?

Not really.

IF I CAME UP TO YOU IN A STREET AND HUGGED YOU, WOULD YOU KILL ME?

You might get kicked. But I'm used to people wanting me dead, so.

DO YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE HUGGED?

Doesn't everybody want to be secretly hugged?

ARE YOU GOING EMO CAUSE ANGEL IS STEALING EVERYONE'S POWERS INCLUDING YOURS?

Not the Emo thing again.

WHAT'S YOUR FAVORITE FOOD?

Anything hot and delicious and brought to me by Iggy.

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

Three eggs, over easy. Bacon. More bacon. Toast.

DID YOU EVEN HAVE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

See above.

DID YOU DIE INSIDE WHEN MAX CHOSE ARI OVER YOU?

Dudes don't die inside.

DO YOU LIKE MAX?

I like a lot of people.

DO YOU LIKE ME?

I think you're funny.

DOES IGGY LIKE ME?

Sure.

DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY?

No.

IS IT ABOUT MAX?

Ahh. No.

IS IT ABOUT ARI?

Why do you assume I write depressing poetry?

IS IT ABOUT JEB?

Ahh.

ARE YOU GOING TO BLOCK THIS COMMENT?

Clearly, no.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

A Dirty Projectors t-shirt. Jeans.

DO YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?

NO FREAKING COMMENT.

DO YOU FIND THIS COMMENT PERSONAL?

Could I not find that comment personal?

DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES?

Yes, cheap ones.

DO YOU WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT?

That would make it hard to see.

DO YOU SMOKE APPLES, LIKE US?

Huh?

DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?

Whatever.

DO YOU LIKE VAMPIRES OR WEREWOLVES?

Mmm, Vampires.

ARE YOU GAY AND JUST PRETENDING TO BE STRAIGHT BY KISSING LISSA?

Uhh...

WERE YOU EXPERIMENTING WITH YOUR SEXUALITY?

Uhh...

WOULD YOU TELL US IF YOU WERE GAY?

Yes.

DO YOU SECRETLY LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL YOU EMO?

No.

ARE YOU EMO?

Whatever.

DO YOU LIKE EGGS?

Yes. I had them for breakfast.

DO YOU LIKE EATING THINGS?

I love eating. I list it as a hobby.

DO YOU SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

Do you secretly think I'm the sexiest person in the whole world?

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX?

Eeek!

HAS ANGEL EVER READ YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WERE HAVING DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT MAX AND GONE 'OMG' AND YOU WERE LIKE 'D:'?

hahahahahahahahahahah

DO YOU LIKE SPONGEBOB?

He's okay I guess.

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT SPONGEBOB?

Definitely.

CAN YOU COOK?

Iggy cooks.

DO YOU LIKE TO COOK?

I like to eat.

ARE YOU LIKE, A ~HOUSEWIFE?

How on earth could I be like a housewife?

DO YOU SECRETLY HAVE INNER TURMOIL?

My inner turmoil is like an inner Taurus which is like an inner Klein bottle which is like...

WHY DON'T YOU POST PHOTOS ANYMORE?

We just did.

WHY DON'T YOU POST YOUR DRAWINGS ANYMORE? THEY WERE REALLY GOOD OKAY.

DO YOU WANT TO BE UNDA DA SEA?

I'm unda the stars.

DO YOU THINK IT'S NOT TOO LATE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE?

Sure.

WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO PLAY POKER?

TV

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?

Totally.

OF COURSE YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE. DOES IGGY HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?

Yes.

CAN HE EVEN PLAY POKER?

Iggy beats me, sometimes.

DO YOU LIKE POKING PEOPLE, HARD?

Not really.

ARE YOU FANGALICIOUS?

I could never be as fangalicious as you'd want me to be.

Fly on,

Fang

TO ANNOY YOUR PARENTS!

1. Follow them around the house everywhere.
2. Moo when they say your name.
3. Pretend to have amnesia.
4. Say everything backwards.
5. Run into walls.
6. Say that wearing clothes is against your religion.
7. Go into their room at 4 in the morning and say "Good Morning Sunshine!"
8. Snort loudly when you laugh and then laugh harder.
9. Say all of the words in a film.
10. Pluck someone's hair out and yell "DNA!"
11. Wear a sticker that says "I'm retarded!"
12. Talk to a pen.
13. Have 20 imaginary friends that you talk to ALL the time.
14. Try and climb the wall.
15. In public yell "NO MUM I WILL NOT KISS YOU!"
16. Put pegs on your nose and eyes.
17. Switch the light button on and off for awhile. Then say "Oh...I get it!"
18. Eat your hair.
19. When you shower or bath yell "I'm drowning!"
20. At everything they say yell "LIAR!"
21. Pretend to be a phone.
22. Try to swim in the floor.
23. Tap on their door all night.

Things to Do in an Exam you Already Know That You are Going to Fail:

1.Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

31. In the middle of the test, have a friend rush into the classroom, tag your hand, and resume taking your test for you. When the teacher asks what's going on, calmly explain the rules of Tag Team Testing to him/her.

32. Bring cheat sheets FOR ANOTHER CLASS (make sure this is obvious... like history notes for a calculus exam... otherwise you're not just failing, you're getting kicked out too) and staple them to the exam, with the comment "Please use the attached notes for references as you see fit."

33. Stand up after about 15 minutes, and say loudly, "Okay, let's double-check our answers! Number one, A. Number two, C. Number three, E..."

35. Wear a superman outfit under your normal clothes. 30 minutes into the exam, jump up and answer your phone, shouting "What? I'm on my way!!". rip off your outer clothes and run out of the room. strike a pose first for added effect.

38. Bring a giant cockroach into the room and release it on a girl nearby.

40. Bring one pencil with a very sharp point. Break the point off your paper. Sharpen the pencil. Repeat this process for one hour.

41. Make Strange noises... get people to stare... look at the person next to you as if he/she did it.

44. Use Invisible Ink to answer the whole exam.

45. Order catering. The catering company should come in about halfway through the test, and should include at least three waiters, eight carts of food, and five candelabras.