The white man said, "Colored people are not allowed here." The black man turned around and stood up. He then said: "Listen sir...when I was born I was BLACK, When I grew up I was BLACK, When I'm sick I'm BLACK, When I go in the sun I'm BLACK, When I'm cold I'm BLACK, When I die I'll be BLACK. But you sir, When you're born you're PINK, When you grow up you're WHITE, When you're sick, you're GREEN, When you go in the sun you turn RED, When you're cold you turn BLUE, And when you die you turn PURPLE. And you have the nerve to call me colored?" The black man then sat back down and the white man walked away...

FRIENDS/BEST FRIENDS

FRIENDS: Will comfort you when he rejects you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will go up and ask him, "It's because you're gay, isn't it?"

FRIENDS: Will be there for you when he breaks up with you.

BEST FRIENDS: Will call him up and whisper, "Seven days..."

FRIENDS: Helps you up when you fall.

BEST FRIENDS: Keeps on walking saying, "Walk much, dumb ass?"

FRIENDS: Helps you find your prince.

BEST FRIENDS: Kidnaps him and brings him to you.

FRIENDS: Will ask you if you're okay when you're crying.

BEST FRIENDS: Will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Loser!"

FRIENDS: Will offer you a soda.

BEST FRIENDS: Will dump theirs on you.

FRIENDS: Will sit at the side of the pool withyou at that time of the month.

BEST FRIENDS: Will throw you a tampon and push you in.

FRIENDS: Gives you their umbrella in the rain.

BEST FRIENDS: Takes yours and says, "Run - beep - run!"

FRIENDS: Will help you move.

BEST FRIENDS: Will help you move the bodies.

FRIENDS: Will bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

FRIENDS: Never ask for anything to eat or drink.

BEST FRIENDS: Helps themselves and are the reason why you have no food.(that's true about me and my friends)

FRIENDS: Call your parents by Mr. and Mrs. and Grandpa, by Grandpa.

BEST FRIENDS: Call your parents DAD and MOM and Grandpa, GRAMPS!

FRIENDS: Would bail you out of jail.

BEST FRIENDS: Would be sitting next to you sayin "DAMN!" we messed up!

FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.

BEST FRIENDS: Wont tell everyone else you cried...just laugh about it with you in private when your not down anymore.

FRIENDS: Asks you to write down your number.

BEST FRIENDS: Has you on speed dial.

FRIENDS: Borrows your stuff for a few days then gives it back.

BEST FRIENDS: Loses your stuff and tells you, "My bad...here's a tissue."

FRIENDS: Only know a few things about you.

BEST FRIENDS: Could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story...

FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.

BEST FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds ass that left you

FRIENDS: Would knock on your front door.

BEST FRIENDS: Walk right in and say "I'M HOME."

FRIENDS: You have to tell them not to tell anyone.

BEST FRIENDS: Already know not to tell.

FRIENDS: Are only through high school/college. (aka: drinking buddies)

BEST FRIENDS: Are for life.

FRIENDS: Will be there to take your drink away from you when they think you've had enough.

BEST FRIENDS: Will look at you stumbling all over the place & say "Girl drink the rest of that ! You know we don't waste!

FRIENDS: Would read ignore this.

BEST FRIENDS: Will repost this!

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE.

"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION.
"You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My mother taught me about TIME TRAVEL.
"If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!"

4. My mother taught me LOGIC.
"Because I said so, that's why."

5. My mother taught me MORE LOGIC.
'If you fall out of that swing and break your neck, you're not going to the store with me."

6. My mother taught me FORESIGHT.
"Make sure you wear clean underwear, in case you're in an accident."

7. My mother taught me IRONY.
"Keep crying, and I'll give you something to cry about."

8. My mother taught me about the science of OSMOSIS.
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper."

9. My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
"Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!"

10. My mother taught me about STAMINA.
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone."

11. My mother taught me about WEATHER.
"This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it."

12. My mother taught me about HYPOCRISY.
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times. Don't exaggerate!"

13. My mother taught me the CIRCLE OF LIFE.
"I brought you into this world, and I can take you out."

14. My mother taught me about BEHAVIOUR MODIFICATION.
"Stop acting like your father!"

15. My mother taught me about ENVY.
"There are millions of less fortunate children in this world who don't have wonderful parents like you do."

16. My mother taught me about ANTICIPATION.
"Just wait until we get home."

17. My mother taught me about RECEIVING.
"You are going to get it when you get home!"

18. My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
"If you don't stop crossing your eyes, They are going to freeze that way."

19. My mother taught me ESP.
"Put your sweater on; don't you think I know when you are cold?"

20. My mother taught me HUMOUR.
"When that lawn mower cuts off your toes, don't come running to me."

21. My mother taught me HOW TO BECOME AN ADULT.
"If you don't eat your vegetables, you'll never grow up."

22. My mother taught me GENETICS.
"You're just like your father."

23. My mother taught me about my ROOTS.
"Shut that door behind you. Do you think you were born in a barn?"

24. My mother taught me WISDOM.
"When you get to be my age, you'll understand."

25. my mother taught me about JUSTICE.
"One day you'll have kids, and I hope they turn out just like you!"

Do not use while sleeping. (that's the only time I have to work on my hair).

On a bag of Fritos!
..You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special)?

On a bar of Dial soap:
"Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how?...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners:
"Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion).

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom):
"Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh)!

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding:
"Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought?...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron:
"Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine:
"Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid:
"Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and.. .I'm taking this because?...)

On most brands of Christmas lights:
"For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor:
"Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts:
"Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news fl ash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
"Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume:
"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

On a Swedish chainsaw:
"Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." (..was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)

On T-Rat (Military food):
Its not for Human Consumption, Animals and Military Use only... (Umnn yeah... isn't military also human)

On a busy motorway:

"Lane closed to ease congestion"( yeah that REALLY helps congestion on the motor way.)

On a country road:

"Road wet when raining" (Really i thought they were dry)

On the door of a CLOSED Supermarket:

"Open 24/7" (i need to go get a picture of that)

Roxas/Axel (I'm more Roxas/Axel though. I want Sora to be with Kairi but I want his nobody to go with a guy. I didn;t support this at first but then I read some of the manga of 358/2 and I fell in love with the pairing)

NCIS

TIVA!

QUOTES

Me: meet my invisible boyfriend Insanity

Miss C: he's my boyfriend as well

Me: No he's not

Miss C: oh yes he is.

Me: you do know he' cheating on you with (insert very crazy friend name's here)

(that happened at lunch, in the school library. yep me and my friends are insane)

Euan (my friend): (to other friend) i can't I'm talking to Tess

Me: i can't i'm talking to Tess aswell

Tess(another friend of mine): And i'm talking to Tess

Me: you do know white chocolate isn't actually chocolate

Euan: Non believer (walks off)

My mum: when in doubt use brute force. it works

Me: i've been learning spanish

Euan: oh really (asks me my name is Spanish)

Me:(don't know what's he's saying and very confused) um... Si?

Euan: you do know you just said your name was yes in Spanish

My old French teacher: Silence is golden, punnies are yellow

XOXheartAmy :Behind every cloud there is a silver lining... Only you can't see it 'cause there's a great, freakin' cloud in the way!

Me( in a game of i spy) iguana?

My younger brother: Iceland?

David :When I die can I keep the knife?

(During x-men origin)

David: Guys, How can you like him, he's forty?

Oisin: And Australian

David: Right he's 40 and Australian

Me: And naked.

David: Why do birds always fly away when I try to hug them?

David: killing isn't right because then there's less strangers to hug

David: God this is worse than Michael Moores birthday party
Randomer: Surely his birthday party wasn't that bad
David: Did you hear what the survivors said?
Randomer: No
David: That's because there were none

(At Book club)

Me: At least the meat in my sandwiches isn't road kill, like Oisin's. And by Road kill I mean that he ran it over with his car

Oisin: Yeah, that was some good pheasant last night

(Me wide-eyed)

George Bush (I saw this quote in my Modies class and almost died laughing): Border relations between Canada and Mexico have never been better. (They would be even better is there wasn't a country inbetween them)

David: Bye bye Petal

Me: Why do you call me Petal?

David: I call everyone Petal

Me: Even Oisin?

David: Especially Oisin

Me(to XOXheartAmy) OMG! You fancy someone who isn't a fictional character!(gets slapped) OW

Oisin: Have you seen Abigail?

Me: Nope. Did she say if she was going anywhere before the dance?

Oisin: She said she was going into town

Me: Maybe she took the wrong train back... I'm not helping you, am I?

Oisin: Nope

Euan: I'm straight

Me: so's the road until it bends

Lorna: Do you love me the most David?

David: Yes

Me: (gasp) But you said you loved me David!

David: I love you two equally (Lorna slaps him)

Oisin: (Stands up)

David :Oisin get your ass outaa my face!

David: Grey's anatomy tonight!

Me: YAY!

David But until then... we shall waltz (we start waltzing)

Me: (Throws Jumper over Oisin's face) There you look so much prettier now.

Oisin: You're so mean.

(In modies our teacher was off and in the last ten minutes to of our RE teachers came in. The whole class was silent cause we were studying for a test)

Mr Cross: Do you know what animal has the best sense of smell?

Mr Shaw : No

Mr Cross: Mice. So i was think at airports we pour mice into people's suitcases to look for bombs

(class laughs)

Mr Cross: Hey! This is a private conversation! Don't you all be listening in

LATER

(Our modies teacher comes back from trip)

Mr Cross: (says this to the whole class) And that is why you should never set fire to a tortoise.Oh Miss Mowat. Well we better be off.

Mr Shaw: Bye (Mr Cross turns off the light as he leaves)

Me: David I saw Jet Lag! Tony and Ziva shared a hotel room!

David: They shared a bed! (we squeal and jump up and down like the sad fans we are)

Me: You know I've never gotten a Valentine's card before?

Craig: My sister sent one to her Ex's this year. It was a poem.

Me: Really? How did it go?

Craig: Roses are red

Violet's are blue

Sugar is sweet

And so are you

Me: Um...

Craig: But the roses are wilting

And the violet's are dead

The sugar bowl is empty

And so is your head

Me: Nice.

Random quotes

Silence is golden, but duct tape is silver.

Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door.

One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.

Boys are like trees, they take 50 years to grow up.

People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people.

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Its always in the last place you look...of course it is, why the hell would I keep looking after I found it?

When you get caught looking at him just remember he was looking back.

You're laughing now because you're older than me by mere months, but when you 30 and I'm still 29, who will be laughing then?

Some people are alive only because its illegal to kill them (and i know a few)

Who laughs last thinks the slowest

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake

Some people drink from the fountain of knowledge, others just gurgle

If we can put one man on the moon, why can't we put them all there?

If you don't like my driving stay off the sidewalk

There's a light at the end of every tunnel, just pray it's not a train.

Where there's a will, I want to be in it.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

Just because you're not paranoid doesn't mean they're not out to get you.

I'd like to help you out. Which way did you come in?

Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.

You have a right to your opinions. I just don't want to hear them.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

It's hard to be humble when you're as great as I am.

Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

Normal people worry me

"Birdie, birdie, in the sky, why'd you do that in my eye? Looks like sugar, tastes like sap. OMG! IT'S BIRDIE CRAP!"

The only reason that I talk to myself is because that I'm the only one whose answers I accept.

"I did my homework! I just forgot to write it down."

The optimist proclaims we live in the best of all possible worlds; the pessimist fears it is true.

We live in an age where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Eat right, exercise, die anyway.

I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

Stupidity killed the cat. Curiosity was framed.

They say the truth will set you free. Then why is it everytime I tell the truth, I get sent to my room?

If you can keep your head while other people are losing theirs, you probably don't fully understand the situation.

Don't steal. The government hates the competition.

If at first you don't succeed, change the rules.

Tell the truth and run.

Life is like a box of chocolates - it's full of nuts.

Truth is stranger than fiction, because fiction has to make sense.

Freedom is the right to be wrong, not the right to do wrong.

If you can't beat them, join them. Then take over.

Enjoy every minute of life. There's plenty of time to be dead.

When angry, count to four. When very angry, swear.

Education is important. School, however, is another matter.

A single death is a tragedy. A million deaths is a statistic.

Maybe this world is another planet's hell.

Teen titans

Stranded

Starfire: And you do not mind having a friend who is a girl?
Robin: (Smiling, taking her hands) Mind it? I - Actually, I kind of --
(Space monster interrupts the little moment, as it crashes through the wall at this moment, ending the heartfelt love confession)

(CURSE YOU EVIL SPACE MONSTER YOU INTERRUPTED A MOMENT BETWEEN STAR AND ROBIN)

Starfire: I am giving you the space. Is that not what you require?
(Hop-skipping crags)
Robin: (Following) You're still thinking about that? Starfire, we're stranded on a hostile alien planet!
Starfire: I know. Did you hope the perilous space station explosion, followed by our calamitous crash, then combat with a horrible slug creature would make me forget?
Robin: (Eyebrow arching) Uhh... (Half-embarassed grin) ... yes?
Starfire: Hmph! (Walks out)

(wrong answer Robin. Wrong answer)

Cyborg: It's not rocket science. (Pause) Well, okay, maybe it is rocket science

(Lol)

Starfire: (irked) If I am not your girlfriend, then what am I?

(Realizing where she is, he whirls to face her with a classic deer-in-the-headlights stare, then turns it back toward the emerging problem. Once the monster has climbed all the way up, it lets go with a roar that sets the ceiling collapsing.)

Cyborg: She's gonna blow!

(i wonder what cy was referring to. the station or starfire)

Starfire: I am not your friend?
Robin: (at a total loss) Uh...

Starfire: I am not a girl?
Robin: Maybe this isn't the best time.

Starfire: (irked) If I am not your girlfriend, then what am I?

(robin you really are digging yourself into a deep hole aren't you?)

The Beast Within

Beast Boy: Dude, it is totally brunged!...branged!
Raven: Ooh, bad grammar. That oughta scare him.

(oooh Beast Boy you just got dissed)

Betrothed

(A shadow falls across her on the end of this. Cut to just behind her; the source is Robin, who has left his seat and made his way over here to plaster himself against the canopy.)

Robin: You're getting married?! (sight gag: his head grows) And to someone you've never met?!

(The gag ends, whereupon he realizes that there is no air in deep space and turns bright blue. Gasping and choking, he half-swims back to his seat.)

(only Robin would forget there is no air in space. :) )

THE END PART III

Raven: (Fighting against Trigon) Fathers are kind. Fathers protect you. Fathers raise you. I was protected by the monks of Azarath. I was raised by my friends. They are my family, this is my home, and you are not welcome here!

(best line in the whole show)

Beast Boy: Okay, you're freaking me out here! The white robe and smile are weird enough, but hugs? Are you still... you?
White Raven: Blue is still my favorite color, and don't get used to the smile, 'cause you're still not funny.
Beast Boy: Huh? (Thinks for a moment, then hugs Raven) Raven!
White Raven: Quit it

(Raven hasn't changed that much)

Young Raven: You may have created me... (She transforms into White Raven) ... but you were never my father.

( second best line of the whole show)

KOLE

Cyborg: I can't believe a little girl like you is so tough.
Kole: What, you think only big guys can be strong?
(Raven & Starfire glare)
Starfire: Well?
Cyborg: Uh, no.

(yeah that's what I thought)

Fruits Basket

Kyo: I'll win next time, just like I'll win against you! (points to Yuki)
Yuki: Wait, wait, I think I've heard this one before

Justice league

Flash: What's this do? (accidentally triggers weapon)
Batman: That's. Not. Helping

(Aw, poor Flash. I would've pressed that button as well)

Flash: Hey, that's a giant dinosaur!
Alfred: And I thought Batman was the detective.

(OOOOHHH! You just got burned Flash!)

Wonder Woman: (kissing Batman to keep their cover) Sorry.
Batman: Don't be.

(OMG! BATMAN'S FLIRTING!! THE END OF THE WORLD'S COMING!!)

Shayera: Why don't you just go talk to (Fire)?
Flash: Who, me? Talk to her? No way.
Shayera: Yeah, you'd probably be wasting your time anyway. I hear she's...you know...Brazilian.
Flash: Ha-ha.
Shayera: If you're afraid to talk to her, I'll tell her for you.
Flash: Don't!
Shayera: You are so very sad

(Who knew Flash could be so shy)

Wonder Woman: No, no dating for the Batman. It might cut into your brooding time.
Batman: One - dating within the team always leads to disaster. Two - you're a princess from a society of immortal warriors, I'm a rich kid with issues - lots of issues.

(I have to agree with the issues part)

Kid Wonder Woman: I guess I'll go with Clark. Unless I should go with you.
Kid Batman: Whatever.
Kid Superman: I'm fine to go with Diana.
Kid Green Lantern: So Bruce and I are good to go?
Kid Wonder Woman: I changed my mind. I'll go with Bruce, and John can go with Clark.
Kid Batman: Whatever!

(AW don;t be so cranky Batman)

Kid Green Lantern: Your girlfriend sure is bossy.
Kid Batman: Shut up!

(Batman isn't that intimidating when he is an eight year old)