About me as a writer: I have been making my own a original can find it at /apcharlick. Anyway, Yes I have a lot of Typos in my work mostly because it gets done at like 2AM.

I always love read and support reviews, as long as you making a productive critique I'm fine with it.

Even if you say I should scrap the entire project and give up writing, I wont block you unless don't give valid points.

About me:

I'm 15

Gender: yes, i am one of the rare boys who come onto this website. (I don't think it matters unless your a stalker; if you are a stalker I'll have you know i am trained in the ancient art of WHOOP ASS!)

eye color: Brown. borderline black.

Hair color: Brown, short, and kind of spiky( when i remember to gel it.)

facebook: (http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1357947384)

Deviant Art account: http:///

Favorite Bands: Disturbed ( Disturbed is the best Band EVAR), Korn, Linkin Park, Coldplay, NIN, Metalica, Boys like girls, Death Cab for Cutie, Three Days Grace.

Favorite TV shows: Scrubs, The Simpsons, Family Guy, House, Fringe, and Two and Half Men.

Favorite Moves: The Dark Knight, Tropic Thunder, Jurassic Park, The Heartbreak Kid, Good Luck Chuck.

Favorite Books: My favorites are anything by Tom Clancy or Michael Crichton. I also Love the His Dark Materials, Harry Potter, The Twilight Saga, The Maximum Ride series (I didn't like TFW because it was way too preachy.) , and Eragon and Eldest.

High School click: None, I fit in with none of them. I hang out with Nintendo Nerds, but i don't play that many video games. and I'm not emo, or prep, or jock. I'm a skater who's too cool to skate or... nope that isn't right either. I'm weird.

What I want to be when i grow up: I have no idea. but I'm going in between writer and doctor. Sooo... I have no idea-

My Dæmon: (yes that's right I have a Dæmon): Bryanna, an Ocelot. (she's My Avatar)

I AM A SWORN ENEMY OF RULE 34! I know it exist and is true... Maximum Ride Fans DON'T LOOK i am fucking serious. I just hate it; it ruined by childhood.

Other: I currently go to Roeper Upper-School. In Birmingham ,MI,USA I used to go to CHS in Walled Lake,MI. But it really sucked. So I hulled my ass another 30 minutes every morning to get to a better school. I love reading, wait do people still read these days or am I the only one. I love good novel. My favorites are anything by Tom Clancy or Michael Crichton. I also Love the HDM(His Dark Materials(The Golden Compass ect) ) and HP( Harry Potter). I consider myself an amateur author and was currently working on a epic story, with no name.

Strange But True: I walk with a cane, this is because i have a limp and my leg doesn't work right. This is because, 8 years ago i suffered from an infarction in my leg which cut off blood supply and the muscles in my leg began to die. SO the doctors wanted to cut off my leg, but i vehemently refused. So they went behind my back and while i was in a cadmium induced coma, they cut out the muscle in my right leg. Now I'm addicted to painkillers and bitch and whine all day about it. (If you get the joke, you get a gold star) (But seriously i walk with a cane.)

Favorite Quotes:

"People choose the paths that grant them the greatest rewards for the least amount of effort." -My personal Hero, Greggory House MD

"No, there is not a thin line between love and hate. There is, in fact, a Great Wall of China with armed sentries posted every twenty feet between love and hate."-My personal Hero, Greggory House MD

"She has God inside her. It would have been easier to deal with a tumor"-My personal Hero, Greggory House MD

It's a basic truth of the human condition that everybody lies. The only variable is about what.-My personal Hero, Greggory House MD

'I can't turn off the naked people!'-Jeff Murdock. Couplings BBC

'Women remember, Steve. It's like they've got minds of their own.' -Jeff Murdock, Couplings BBC

'Oh, wouldn’t that be great...being a lesbian. All the advantages of being a man, but with less embarrassing genitals.' -Jeff Murdock, Couplings BBC

'I've got the key to the gates of paradise, but I've got too many legs.' -Jeff Murdock, Couplings BBC

"Who Dares Wins"- the SAS moto

"Silence is golden, Duct tape is Silver." - I don't know, a genius

"One day, will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject."

"When your in jail a friend will bail you out, but a best friend will be sitting right next to you saying "damn that was fun!""

"People say "Guns don't kill people, People kill people!" Well, I think guns help. If you stood there and yelled Bang, I don't think you'd kill too many people."

"Whoever said nothing is impossible never tried slamming a revolving door."... I have.

"Dude..."- Colin(Charles) Burgess- My friend

"Holy Frick on a Stick on a Brick"- Elliot Reid,Scrubs

"VAGINA JUICES!!"- Olivia Munn, AOTS

"You laugh at me because I'm different, I laugh at you because your all the same"-Lisadq

"Why do we teach kids that violence is not the answer and then have them read about wars in school that solved America's problems?" ~ Anonymous

"Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak." ~ Anonymous

"Everyday is a gift, that's why they call it the present." ~ Anonymous

"My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone." ~ Anonymous

"If you know me, chances are you hate me." ~ Anonymous

"Heaven doesn't want me and hell is afraid I'll take over." ~ Anonymous

"Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk and the rest of it telling us to sit and shut up." ~ Anonymous

"Having the love of your life say you can still be friends is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it." ~ Anonymous

"Most people learn by observation, and there are the few who learn by experimentation. And then there are those who actually TOUCH the fire to see if it's really hot." -Anonymous

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger, Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die"- Mel Brooks

"Chemistry is a class you take in high school or college, where you figure out two plus two is 10, or something."
- Dennis Rodman, NBA Basketball player, on Chicago Bull's team chemistry being overrated

"You can't always argue with all of the fools in the world. It's easier to let them have their way, then trick them when they aren't paying attention." -Brom, Eragon

"Sometimes, people just build walls up not to keep others out, but to see who cares enough to break through." ~ Anonymous

Are you tired of those sissy "friendship" poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card -- just the stone cold truth of our great friendship.
When you are sad -- I will help you get drunk and plot revenge against the sorry bastard who made you sad.
When you are blue -- I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
When you smile -- I will know you finally got laid.
When you are scared -- I will rag on you about it every chance I get.
When you are worried -- I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be until you stop your damn whining.
When you are confused -- I will use little words.
When you are sick -- Stay the hell away from me until you are well again. I don't want whatever you have.
When you fall -- I will point and laugh at your clumsy ass.
This is my oath... I pledge it to the end. "Why?" you may ask..."because you are my friend".
Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, But only you can feel the true warmth.

92 percent of American teenagers would die if Abercrombie and Fitch/American Eagle told them it was uncool to breathe. If you are one of the 8 percent who would stand there and laugh, copy this into your profile.

If you've ever randomly fallen out of your chair, copy this into your profile

If you've ever pushed on a door that said pull (or Vice Versa) copy this into your profile

Weird is good, strange is bad, and odd is when you don't know which to call someone. Weird is the same as different, which is the same as unique, which makes weird good. If you are weird and proud of it, copy & paste this onto your profile

If you ever forgotten what you were talking about in a conversation copy and paste this into your profile (Me and my friend Duncan were talking about girls, when i stopped listening to him and spaced... hey, the sun went down... weird.)

If, for any particular reason, you have laughed during a movie that wasn't funny, copy and paste this into your profile. (When the joker flipped in the Truck, during the "Dark Knight" i was the only one in the room who laughed.)

If you're one of those people who get excited when you see just two reviews, paste this into your profile. (Not that kind of excited you preve!!)

93 percent of American teens would have a severe emotional breakdown if someone called them a freak. If you're a part of the 7 percent who would ask the person, "What was your first clue?", copy this into your profile and add your name to the list: Sunlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Moonlit Goddess of the C.O.C.A., Evil Genius of the COCA, Invader Miley Phantom, dAnnYsGiRl777, BloodySalvation, Lady Lost-A-Lot, bellabookworm9, Bella Masen Cullen, Vampire Scooby, Alannaswarrior, SpottedLilly, Alleyanna Cullen, danceswithwings119, gottaluvtwilight,freexflyer, Green.Winged.Mistress, MoonStarWithWings, Yourcool79, MyNameIsCAB, Shatchi, Gabby510, twilightobsessedOECD, Aceraptor123,

IF YOU'VE EVER LEAPED DOWN THE HALLWAY OF A HOTEL AND TURNED THE CORNER AND SAW PEOPLE STARING AT YOU COPY AND PASTE THIS IN YOUR PROFILE

If you've ever talked to yourself, copy and paste this into your profile.

if you ever felt like killing someone (or more than one person) because they wouldn't leave you alone when you told them not to distract you because you were busy copy this into your profile.

If you have ever just wanted to SLAP someone, copy this onto your profile

If you have ever seen a movie (or show) so many times that you can quote it word for word, And you do so at random moments; copy and paste this in you're profile

If you think Max and Fang should get together now copy and paste this into your profile.

If you still laugh rereading Maximum Ride, copy and paste this onto your profile

If you wish that you could fly so much it hurts, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you absolutely KILLED yourself laughing when gazzy said "'I vill now destroy de Snickurs bahrs!' then copy this to your profile!

If you think that Writer's Block sucks, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever thought about something when you were talking about something else, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you hate those irritating mosquitos giving you mosquito bites, copy this in your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you think that being unique is cooler than being cool, copy this on your profile.

If you think everyone's out of their mind, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you love rain, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever walked into a doorway that you could've clearly dodged, you just weren't paying close enough attention, copy and paste this on your profile.

If you don't mind pervs as friends, copy and paste this into your profile

If you hate it when people label you, copy this into your profile

If you have ever insulted someone so stupid that they didn't get the insult, copy this into your profile

If you have ever wondered what the afterlife is like, copy this into your profile

If you love reading, copy this into your profile

If you would kill to have wings, post this in your profile.

If you've ever copied and pasted something onto your profile, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you've ever had random loud singing outbursts in public, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you have ever tried to hi-five some body and it has taken over 10 tries to actually slap their hand copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have your own little world, copy and paste this into your profile.

"I'm bringing sexy back..." Copy and paste this into your profile if you never even knew sexy was gone.

98 of teenagers do drugs, have sex, and drink alcohol...put this in your profile if you like bagels.

If you think that Writer's Block blows (sucks), copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever tried to lick your elbow and knew that it was physically impossible, copy this to your profile.

If you have ever thought of something funny, started laughing, and fell & hit your head on something hard, and ended up laughing harder than you were before, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've ever had an argument with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you've ever had a conversation with yourself, copy this to your profile.

If you ever wished you could talk to animals or be an animal, copy and paste this into your profile

If you think those stupid kids should just give the rabbit the freaking Trix, copy this into your profile.

If you love House MD sooooooo much that you walk with a cane, copy this to your profile.

Thank you, and i do realize it's redundant placing this on my page, because i am a straight guy.

but i just think it's words of truth. and i know mostly girls read this page; and i guess i should just say i adamantly believe in what this poem says; i had a friend (No seriously, it's not an Me.) a friend, who went out with a girl and he did all the things this poem says. But she left him, for a guy who might as well have "Perverted Jackass" tattooed on his forehead. I felt bad for my friend; so now that girl has a new nickname: "Cutthroat Bitch".

"Find the guy that calls you beautiful instead of hot,

who calls you back when you hang up on him,

who'll lay under the stars for hours and listen to your heart beat.

Or will stay awake just to watch you sleep.

Wait for the guy that kisses your forehead,

who keeps your picture in his wallet,

who wants to show you off to the world even when your in sweatpants,

who holds your hand in front of all his freinds,

who thinks your beautiful without makeup,

one who is constantly telling you of how much he cares and how is lucky to have you,

THE one who turns to his friends and says THATS HER!"

Thank you, and again i do realize it's redundant placing this on my page, because i am a straight guy.

If you have ever stopped to look at something in the middle of a busy street, copy this into your profile

If you've ever been standing straight up and suddenly fell down for no apparent reason, copy and paste this into your profile.

If you've walked under something that was about two feet above your head and ducked anyway copy and paste this is your profile.

If you generally crash on your couch even when your bed is free, copy and paste this onto your profile.

If you have ever zoned out for more than five consecutive minutes, copy this into your profile.

If you ever read past two in the morning, copy and paste this to your profile.

If you know someone who should get run over by a bus, copy this into your profile.

If you have ever stayed up for over 40 hours continuously just because you frickin' could, copy this into your profile.

Don't run in the school hall, gliding is more fun!

Ociffer, I swear to Drunk I'm not God!

What seems to be the officer, problem?

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff, I laugh even harder

I'm the kind of person who will burst out laughing in the middle of a dead silence because of something that happened...yesterday.

Umm... I'd like to remind everyone in the entire world of one fact.

EDWARD CULLEN IS NOT REAL!!

A good or best friend! (edited for guys)

A good friend will comfort you when she rejects you. A best friend will call her "Cutthroat Bitch" for the rest of her life.

A good friend will be there for you when she breaks up with you. A best friend will call her up and whisper, "Seven days...Cutthroat Bitch"

A good friend helps you up when you fall. A best friend keeps on walking saying, "Forget how to Walk? dumb ass."

A good friend helps you find your princess. A best friend drugs her and brings her to you.

A good friend will ask you if you're okay when you're crying. A best friend will laugh at you and say, "Ha Ha, Homo!"

A good friend will offer you a soda. A best friend will grab yours and shake it up, till exploads all over you.

A good friend will offer you a tissue when you sneeze. A best friend will wipe his snot on your shirt.

A good friend gives you their umbrella in the rain. A best friend takes yours and says, "Run Fucker run!"

A good friend will help you move. A best friend will help you move the bodies.

A good friend will bail you out of jail. A best friend would be in the room next to you saying, "That was awesome! Let's do it again!"

A good friend has never seen you cry. A best friend won't tell anyone else that you cried...just laugh about it in private with you when you aren't down anymore.

A good friend asks you to write down your number. A best friend has your gandparents house on speed dial.

A good friend will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing. A best friend will kick the whole crowds ass that left you.

A good friend knows a few things about you. A best friend could write a very embarrassing biography on your life story.

A good friend tells you he knows how you feel. A best friend will call you up and get into a random arguement with you about the regenitve properties of the liver when they/you are feeling down... It happens

Friend: Will help me find my way when I'm lost

Best Friend: Will be the one messing with my compass, stealing my map and giving me bad directions

Friend: Will help me learn to drive

Best Friend: Will help me roll the car into the lake so I can collect insurance

Friend: Will watch my pets when I go away

Best Friend: Won't let me go away

Friend: Will help me up when I fall down

Best Friend: Will point and laugh because he tripped me

Friend: Will bail me out of jail

Best Friend: Will be sitting beside me saying "Dang, we screwed up"

Friend: Will go to a concert with me

Best Friend: Will kidnap the band with me

Friend: Calls my parents "Mr." or "Mrs."

Best Friend: Calls my parents "Mom" or "Dad"

Friend: Asks me for my number

Best friend: Asks me for his number

Friend: Hides me from the cops

Best Friend: is probably the reason they are after me in the first place

Friend: lets me make an idiot of myself in public

Best Friend: Is up there with me making an idiot out of himself too.

Friend: Will give you advice on how to ask out girls.

Best friend: Will pretend to be you, and ask her out.

Friend: Will go with you to save your relationship.

Best Friend: Will have a private Jet and 3000 dollars saved up in case you have to save your relationship.

Friend: Will end a phone conversation with, "See Yah later"

Best friend: Will end a phone conversation with,"I Love you." Leaving you confused, and him laughing his ass off at your confusion.

Friend: Doesn't mind not going on a roller coaster if you're too scared.

Best Friend: Will rag on you and threaten you, till you do go on the roller coaster.

Friends: Fade

Best Friends: Are 4 Ever

Stupid Questions that need to be answered.

Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance that little indestructible black box is?
Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
So what's the speed of dark?
How come abbreviated is such a long word?
Since light travels faster than sound, isn't that why some people appear bright until you hear them speak?
Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a Train stops On my desk, I have a work station..
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"?
Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks?
Should women put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans?
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men?
How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water?
Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food?
If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse?
Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it?
Why can't you find fresh sardines in the fish market?
Why do so many old people eat at cafeterias?
Why does an "X" stand for a kiss?
Why does the word "Filipino" start with the letter F ?

Why are the copyright dates on movies and television shows written in Roman numbers?I

f the swat team breaks down your door do they have to replace it later?

"Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way you're a mile away from them and you have their shoes."

"An apple a day keeps the doctor away, if well aimed."

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound as they go by.

Amateurs built the ark. Professionals built the Titanic...

never do anything you don't want to explain to the paramedics

if it wasn't for physics and law enforcement I'd be unstoppable

apparently 1 in 5 people are chinese, there are five people in my familly so it must be one of them. it's ether my mum or dad. or my older brother colin. or my younger brother ho-chan-chu. but i think it's colin.

It IS as bad as you think and they ARE out to get you.

A loser is a window washer on the 44th floor who steps back to admire his work.

Flying is simple. Just throw yourself at the ground and miss.

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor...

When someone annoys you it takes 42 muscles to frown about it but it only takes 4 muscles to extend your arm and punch the crap out of them.

The newscaster is the person who says "Good evening" and then tells you why it's not.

Don't you dare tell me the sky is the limit when there are footsteps on the moon.

Two things are infinite; the universe, and human stupidity... not so sure about the universe.

People like you are the reason why we have middle fingers.

If mars had earthquakes would they be called marsquakes?

If ya can't beat 'em, join 'em.
If ya can't join 'em, bribe 'em.
If ya can't bribe 'em, blackmail 'em.
If ya can't blackmail 'em, kill 'em.
If ya can't kill 'em, you're screwed.

Heaven doesn't want me, and Hell's afraid I'll take over. (love it so much I put it in twice.)

When it rains on my party, I bust out the slip n' slide.

I agree with the dictionary. Girls before guys, partying before studying, and friends before love.

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice. Then sit back and watch the world wonder how you did it."

"Those who don't learn from history are doomed to repeat it."

"Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else"

"Real girls aren't perfect, perfect girls aren't real."

Bush gave an interview and he said people will vote for him because 'They've seen me weep, they've seen me laugh, and they've seen me hug.' These are the same qualifications for a Tickle Me Elmo.

A recent survey stated that the average person's greatest fear is having to give a speech in public. Somehow this ranked even higher than death which was third on the list. So, you're telling me that at a funeral, most people would rather be the guy in the coffin than have to stand up and give a eulogy.

I'm not so good at advice. Can I interest you in a sarcastic comment?

Which way does a compass point in space?

A Perfect Girlfriend= (Has Read "Dave Barry's Guide to Guys" and understands)

Advice for Girls on Guys:

1st. Don't torture yourself on what we think. Because it's probably nothing

2nd. If we are playing video games, ask if we can teach how; If we say no. It's not because we don't want to be with you. It's because we want to be alone.

3rd. Guys rarely talk about their feelings; I've had this one friend ever since 7th grade, and we've never talked about our friendship...EVER. We don't like to talk about personal stuff, We generally don't find out if our friend is seeing anyone until the wedding. So don't try and immediately engage us in an emotion topic about your relationship that you'd normally have with your girlfriend. IT will just Scare us.

4th. Every guy has a thing he likes to do ALONE it's not because we don't like hanging out with you. I mean after we're done with that activity, we'll run right back to you. It's because we do that ALONE. and we probably arn't thinking about our relationship while doing said activity. We are thinking about said activity.

5th. Please Read this Excerpt for Dave Barry's Guide to Guys. It will really help you understand guys.

-"Let's say a guy named Roger is attracted to a woman named Elaine. He asks her out to a movie; she accepts; they have a pretty good time. A few nights later he asks her out to dinner, and again they enjoy themselves. They continue to see each other regularly, and after a while neither one of them is seeing anybody else.

And then, one evening when they're driving home, a thought occurs to Elaine, and, without really thinking, she says it aloud: ''Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?''And then there is silence in the car. To Elaine, it seems like a very loud silence.

She thinks to herself: Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of.

And Roger is thinking: Gosh. Six months.

And Elaine is thinking: But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are, moving steadily toward . . . I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person?

And Roger is thinking: . . . so that means it was . . . let's see . . ...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means . . . lemme check the odometer . . . Whoa! I am way overdue for an oil change here.

And Elaine is thinking: He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed -- even before I sensed it -- that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected.

And Roger is thinking: And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they'd better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a goddamn garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves 600.

And Elaine is thinking: He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry, too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure.

And Roger is thinking: They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs.

And Elaine is thinking: Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I enjoy being with, a person I truly do care about, a person who seems to truly care about me. A person who is in pain because of myself-centered, schoolgirl romantic fantasy.

And Roger is thinking: Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a goddamn warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their ...

''Roger,'' Elaine says aloud. ''What?'' says Roger, startled.

''Please don't torture yourself like this,'' she says, her eyes beginning to brim with tears. ''Maybe I should never have . . Oh God, I feel so ...'' (She breaks down, sobbing.)

''What?'' says Roger.

''I'm such a fool,'' Elaine sobs. ''I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse.''

''There's no horse?'' says Roger. ''You think I'm a fool, don't you?'' Elaine says. ''No!'' says Roger, glad to finally know the correct answer. ''It's just that . . . It's that I . . . I need some time,'' Elaine says.

(There is a 15-second pause while Roger, thinking as fast as he can, tries to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.)

"Yes,'' he says. (Elaine, deeply moved, touches his hand.) ''Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way?'' she says. ''What way?'' says Roger. ''That way about time,'' says Elaine.

''Oh,'' says Roger. ''Yes.'' (Elaine turns to face him and gazes deeply into his eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse.

(At last she speaks.) ''Thank you, Roger,'' she says. ''Thank you,'' says Roger.

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed, a conflicted, tortured soul, and weeps until dawn, whereas when Roger gets back to his place, he opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he would ever understand what, and so he figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. (This is also Roger's policy regarding world hunger.)

The next day Elaine will call her closest friend, or perhaps two of them, and they will talk about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail, they will analyze everything she said and everything he said, going over it time and time again, exploring every word, expression, and gesture for nuances of meaning, considering every possible ramification. They will continue to discuss this subject, off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions, but never getting bored with it, either.

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Elaine's, will pause just before serving, frown, and say: ''Norm, did Elaine ever own a horse?''

Dave Barry's Guide to Guys"

Funny Story:

Me: Oh My God, Lura Croft (a video game character) is SOOOO Hot.

Duncan (My friend): Amen.

Keni (a friend that's a girl): This is why, being a girl is better; we've never lusted after a fiction character.

Me (looks out window): Hey, is that Edward Cullen?

Keni: WHERE!! (smacks face into window)

Me: I rest my case, you hypocrite.

Me and Duncan high five.

Umm... I'd like to remind everyone in the entire world of one fact.

EDWARD CULLEN IS NOT REAL!!

If I don't call you
It's because I probably forgot... call me.

When I walk away from you mad
For the love of god. Don't bug me! I'm mad! come back in an hour or so.

When I stare at your mouth
Check to make sure you don't have something on your teeth.

When I push you or hit you
Punch and hit back. It'll be funny, trust me.

When I start cussing at you
Be quite for a little bit and let me get it all out.

When I'm quiet
Don't start talking; I'm thinking

When I ignore you
Leave me alone for a day or so. If i still haven't forgot (that is rare) annoy the shit out of me till it works.

When I pull away
Let me go and cool off

When you see me at my worst
Tell me. Make a joke

When you see me start crying
walk away. I can get over things by myself.

When you see me walking
I'm walking... probably because i have somewhere to be... heaven forbid.

When I'm scared
Call me a wuss and rag on me until i get over it.

When I lay my head on your shoulder
I'm really FUCKING Tired!

When I grab at your hands
Hold mine

When I tease you
Tease me back, fail and make me laugh

When I don't answer for a long time
Don't talk... I'm probably thinking.

When I look at you with doubt
Laugh and Promise to Prove me wrong.

When I say that I like you
This is rare...I never really admit to feelings; rather i let action prove emotions... Just smile and say it back.

When I bump into you
bump into me back and make me laugh

When I tell you a secret
Laugh at it but keep it untold

When I look at you in your eyes
Don't look away until I do

When I miss you
I'm really fucking desperate

When you break my heart
I'll eventually get over it.

When I say it's over
It's probably over.