Update: June 2016. I'm not writing right now, but I am furtively reading... check the stuff in bold if you're interested.

"I can write it better than you've ever felt it." FOB

OK, thanks to my ridiculously long profile, here's a sort-of index, so you don't have to read the whole thing:

1. Quick Updates (right at the top - yeah, up there)

2. Bio

3. Fic News

4. Thanks and Disclaimer

5. Random things that probably makes this profile the longest on the whole of .

Some things you might find interesting (yeah right) about me:

I have a tattoo on my left wrist. It is a constellation of stars.

Update: I am now 27.

I used to au pair in England. I want to get another job so I can pay for petrol (for you Americans, gas) because I recently got a car. Her name is Aubergine because she is purple. However, the only job I will probably get is helping my mom with her Christmas caterings this summer. Bleak. (Update: I once again work for my family.)

I study Linguistics, English Studies, French and Ancient Cultures at the University of Stellenbosch in South Africa. I used to love French, but this year it is hell on earth since they suddenly want us to do literature. I want to shoot myself in the face. My real passion is Linguistics.

Update: Finished my degree, got a teaching certificate, taught at a homeschool facility until April 2016. Nearly killed me. Spent 3 weeks in a clinic where I was diagnosed with bulmia nervosa, major depression and general anxiety disorder with borderline personality disorder traits. That's a mouthful. Ironic update: I chose my username when I was 19. Back to the clinic. Put a lot of things in perspective. Reaffirmed my relationship with God. On a lot of meds, but meds are only 20% of your recovery. The other 80% is up to you. I'm exceptionally blessed with two wonderful parents who allowed me to move back home until I get back on my feet. Working for my dad's small loans company, which is taxing on the brain. Especially when you're a wordsmith and not an accountant. My dreams include numbers now.

Still update: I'm in a relationship with a guy for 5 years this August. We're codependant, which we both kinda knew, but was officialy pointed out during my time in the clinic. But we're working on it and we're both seeing therapists. He's in Cape Town and I'm in East London (go look it up on a map of South Africa). So it's long distance for now, but we hope to get married next year.

I'm over Bones. And Criminal Minds. And HTTYD. I'm sad. Hopefully something will bite me soon. Want to introduce me to something awesomely cool? Hopeful.

I recently brought a new guy into my life. He's known as Lord, God, Jesus, and many other names. I love him to bits but I'm a bit shy about it. People will always judge, and it kinda hurts. Update: People judge less than you think. Mostly they're too occupied with their own lives to actually even think coherently about you.

Ooh, another thing I want to say: I'm always going through my favorite list and updating it, please don't be offended I've favorited something and then went and deleted it... the only fics on there are the ones I had a skull-in-hand-moment with. (...long story short, skull-in-hand = Hamlet = to be or not to be, the ultimate question posed on modern society. just my opinion.)

Acceptance: The plastic surgery was a complete mistake, as it almost always is (well, from what I've heard. I have no personal experience in that area. Yet.). So for now, it's staying as it is. I have a block that no amount of Sky High re-watching can bypass. It really sucks.

Dawn of the Fat: I guess it's safe to say hiatus...

One-shots: I don't usually do follow-ups of one-shots, but I'll consider it if you ask nicely. For example, I'm currently working on something of a sequel to Fade thanks to a request. Which is taking longer than I thought.

NT Fandom: UP FOR A REVAMP.

The Sogur: "I liiiiiiiiive!" (Think of Mulan's Mushu waking up, and you'll get it)

I also have another profile, but the stuff there is a little far-out to post here. This is a more... conventional side of me. Hey, I have multiple personalities. What can I say?

THANK YOU: All my awesome beta-friends! You know who you are...

Also, someone up there for giving me this amazingly fulfilling, sometimes hideously frustrating talent, I am forever in love with you, no matter what happens. This too shall pass.

DISCLAIMER: I have a problem distinguishing reality from fiction. Really. I don't like admitting that I don't own Reid or Hiccup. In my mind, they are my friends. Sometime I even pretend to be them. *blushes furiously* I have never ever ever confessed to that. So I hate having to write the disclaimer. There's only so many ways to say it. And, mostly I forget and then people get on my case. It's true. You try leaving out the disclaimer and see what happens.

I don't own anything except a couple of box sets and some DVDs (and a signed photo YAY!). Anything you might recognise in my stories belong to someone else, I just get to mess around with them and make them the slaves of my imagination.

BUT I do have OCs, however few, they belong to ME and no one else... though if you feel you MUST use them in order to make your fic acceptable, drop me a line ;)

I collect weird quotes.

"I learned that from the pizza man."

"I can jump that far."

"I'm sorry we drank your father."

"Fuck this shit - I'm getting the bazooka."

"It's not easy having a good time. Even smiling makes my face ache."

Anyone who can tell me where the above quotes come from deserves a hand-written letter of congratulations from me. Really. Inbox me with the answer and your address and I will send you a card. All the way from South Africa. Don't be like that, I'm not a stalker. I live in South Africa for soup's sake, I'm a student. I will never make enough money to buy a ticket to America, where, let's face it, all the awesome stuff happens. Like premieres.

"He looks a bit like Frodo, but in a good way."

Forget love. I'd rather fall in chocolate.

AHHH. Donuts. . . What can't they do. - Homer Simpson

...sure, IN theeoory, in theory communism works...

Blame the guy who doesn't speak English.

Alright Brain...Its all up to you

Mmmm...Forbidden donut

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don't want, drink what you don't like, and do what you'd rather not. - Mark Twain

"If toast always lands butter side down, and a cat always lands on its feet, what happens if you strap buttered toast to the back of a cat?"

"Never play leapfrog with a unicorn."

"Alway eat ice-cream slowly."

"Beauty is only skin deep, but ugly goes to the bone."

"There has been opposition to every innovation in the history of mankind, with the possible exception of the sword."

"Don't sweat petty things... or pet sweaty things."

"The severity of the itch is directly proportional to the reach."

"Two wrongs do not make a right, but four rights don't get you anywhere."

"Change is inevitable, except from vending machines."

"Wouldn't it be funny if -- when Benjamin Gates arrived at the Fountain of Youth -- he then found Captain Jack Sparrow and Barbossa ? It could be the Disney version of "Alien vs. Predator." Frank Wells

Long ago when men cursed and beat the ground with sticks, it was called witchcraft. Today, it's called golf.

Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs?'

Birds of a feather flock together and crap on your car.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods:

On a Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. ( and that's the only time I have to work on my hair.)

On a bag of Fritos: .. You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (the shoplifter special?)

On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (and that would be how??...)

On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestion: Defrost." (but, it's "just" a suggestion.)

On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom): "Do not turn upside down." (well...duh, a bit late, huh!)

On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating." (...and you thought??...)

On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body." (but wouldn't this save me more time?)

On Boot's Children Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)

On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (and... I'm taking this because??...)

On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (as opposed to...what?)

On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (now, somebody out there, help me on this. I'm a bit curious.)

On Sunsbury's peanuts: "Warning: contains nuts." (talk about a news flash)

On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts." (Step 3: maybe, uh...fly Delta?)

On a child's superman costume: "Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)

None of these things are mine. But feel free to copypaste :)