Chapter 10

The men watched as the doctor turned and walked down the corridor. As Kel Brackett reached Treatment room two, he raised his right arm and the palm of his hand made contact with the door. He pushed forward with determination and disappeared quickly inside. The firemen stared on as the door slowly closed and they resumed their previous post outside John's room. They were now huddled in a group, heads bowed in, quietly discussing what the doctor had just shared about their crewmate. There was a lull in the conversation and the stocky Irishman seized the opportunity.

"Holy shit!" Can you believe that about Caldwell? He nearly KILLED Gage…I mean WHAT was that kid think…" Chet blurted out eagerly to the group as his hands swung wildly around as he talked. He suddenly stopped short, arms suspended in mid-air, as the eyes of every single man turned to stare at him in astonishment.

"Kelly," Roy said quietly through gritted teeth, as he glanced over at the Captain and Chiefs talking only a short distance from them, "What part of the order Sorenson gave five minutes ago about not discussing this in any capacity whatsoever are you confused about?" The rest of the group nodded in agreement. They completely understood where the lineman was coming from…it was a difficult topic not to talk about. But an order was an order, and this was big. The last thing any of them wanted was to get dragged into the massive Internal Investigation that was about to hit their Department.

Chet's face flushed in embarrassment at Roy's admonishment and the negative attention he was now receiving.

"Sorry…I-I sometimes, ya know talk first without…uh thinking," he replied sheepishly.

"SOMETIMES?" the crew of 51 responded in unison.

"Chet," Marco added seriously, "we have been given a verbal gag order. If you don't think you are capable of keeping your mouth shut about this let us know now and the guys and I will put a REAL gag on you. Comprende?"

"Yea… I comprende," the lineman replied eyeing the group nervously. There was no doubt in his mind they meant business. He let out a sigh and leaned back against the wall folding his arms across his chest as the conversation resumed. Chet Kelly decided it would probably be in his best interest to refrain from making any further comments…just to be on the safe side.

XXXXXX

Hank's attention turned away from the departing doctor and he glanced briefly at the group of firemen immersed in deep discussion. His eyes narrowed in suspicion as he watched the animated actions of the curly haired lineman. He gave a knowing sigh and decided he would deal with that situation later; if his crew hadn't already put Chet in his place. The Captain's gaze continued on until his dark brown eyes found Sorenson and McConnikee. Hank had a burning question he wanted answered, not to mention a few things he needed to get off his chest. And now, he decided, was as good a time as any. He just hoped he would be able to keep his temper in check.

"I would like to talk with both of you privately before meeting with Caldwell," Hank stated in a determined voice, "If you don't mind."

Honestly, he couldn't have cared less if they minded or not, but both men were still his superiors and regardless of how angry he was he knew needed to tread carefully.

"Of course Hank, that's probably a good idea," Sorenson responded, assuming the topic of discussion would be regarding the young man excluded from the meeting.

"Guys," Stanley called over to his crew, "we will be in Brackett's office. I want to be notified immediately of any changes in John's condition."

"You got it Cap," Mike answered for the group.

The three men made their way down the hallway and noticed the Hospital Administrator, Mr. O'Brien, was desperately searching for Brackett. He had successfully managed to keep the press at bay outside the building, but they were getting antsy and demanding information. O'Brien wanted to verify the events with the doctor before any details were released to the press. The Chiefs both picked up their pace. The last thing they needed or wanted right now was to get cornered by a group of hungry reporters. The small group reached the doctor's office and Hank grabbed the handle and twisted it open. He stepped inside, holding the door until the men behind him had entered the room. His hand swatted the door a little harder than he had intended and it shut with a loud slam. McConnikee and Sorenson, startled by the sound, turned around abruptly and stared in surprise at the tall Captain.

"Gentleman," Hank began, "the last time we met at Headquarters you assured me that I could speak freely. I would like to know, before we begin this conversation, if that still holds true?"

The two Chiefs shifted uncomfortably on their feet. The Captain, they surmised, was obviously upset about one of his men being injured…and they couldn't blame him. They were unsure as to what other thoughts were on his mind, but it was evident by the purposeful look on his face… they were about to find out.

"Yes Hank, of course it does," Sorenson responded after a moment. "I get the feeling there is something more to this meeting than just the confession Caldwell divulged out in the hallway."

"Your feelings are correct," Hank stated deliberately.

McConnikee and Sorenson eyed the two chairs in front of the doctor's desk, but opted to remain standing. Hank showed no intention of moving and neither man relished the idea of having the 6' 4 captain towering over them. Instead, they both removed their hats and held them firmly in their hands.

"Hank," Sorenson began, "first let me say, on behalf of McConnikee and I, that we are truly sorry about what happened to John. We intend to see that Caldwell is held fully accountable for his actions; they were inexcusable. We will not tolerate irresponsible and negligent behavior from any member of this Department."

Hank Stanley raised his eyebrows at the last comment. What a fitting platform they had just unknowingly handed him.

"From ANY member of this Department?" the Captain reiterated.

"Yes," Sorenson stated firmly as McConnikee nodded his head in agreement

"Well Chief, I'm glad to hear you say that," Hank replied. He paused briefly as he contemplated the best way to proceed… and decided to plunge right in.

"I just received Caldwell's personnel file this morning; actually right before this call came out. It wasn't until I had a chance to read through it that I discovered Ryan has never been trained as a rescue man." Hank's eyes shot back and forth between the two men as he closely watched their reaction to what he had just said. The look of bewilderment on their faces already answered his next question.

"And I wanted to know if either one of you were aware of that?" the captain finished.

"What? No! I wasn't aware of that," McConnikee responded defensively.

"Neither was I," Sorenson replied, a note of discomfort in his voice. "I had heard some talk from various Captains that Caldwell was not as proficient on rescues as others, but no…I didn't check. I just made the assumption he had been previously trained in rescue."

McConnikee quickly interjected, "Hank, I'm sure the paperwork was probably just misplaced and didn't make it into his file."

"Which is why," the captain answered, "I immediately picked up the phone and verified it with the training division. They show no record of Ryan Caldwell ever going through the course."

"There…there must be some mistake," McConnikee persisted, "I don't see how this could have possibly happened."

"There's no mistake," Hank stated boldly, "I just had a conversation with Caldwell before we came down from the roof; he admitted it to me himself."

Sorenson ran his right hand through his hair as he started to pace around the room. The impact of what they had just been told was a problem…a BIG problem. "It would appear that we have a much larger issue to address at the Command level," Sorenson replied looking at McConnikee, "before trying to make improvements on a program that has already been running with great success."

"Agreed," McConnikee replied in a regretful voice. The two Chiefs looked back at Hank Stanley believing he had said what was on his mind and would now exit the room and retrieve Caldwell. The Captain however remained rooted in the same spot.

He wasn't finished.

"In our last meeting," Hank continued, "I offered my honest thoughts on the plan you were going to implement…and you ignored them. At the time, I obviously had no idea the far reaching consequences your decision would uncover. In one way, it's a positive that it was brought to the Department's attention, but I am not happy that it had to come at the expense of nearly killing one of my men. This oversight never should have happened. And, at the very least, it should have been caught way before now. Somewhere the system failed, and I sure as hell hope you get to the bottom of it and hold those individuals accountable for their actions as well."

The captain paused and brought his hands up in front of him and rubbed them together slowly. He looked hard at both men, his dark eyes boring into theirs.

"As I have previously told you, I take the responsibility for the lives of my men very seriously. I know the choices I make can be a deciding factor in whether or not they go home at the end of the shift. I have to live with the fact that I made some poor choices and decisions these last few weeks. Had I persisted in acquiring Caldwell's file, I would have made this discovery sooner…and John's life probably wouldn't be hanging in the balance right now. Ironically, when I spoke with DeSoto regarding the meeting the three of us initially had, he picked up on the problem right away; that you already had some reservations with Caldwell's abilities on rescues. That was one of the reasons why you wanted to put him with John in the first place; so he could "help" him. I even went so far as to tell Roy that was not what you meant; that he was misinterpreting the rationale behind it. But he didn't buy it…and he was right. His instincts were dead on…and you didn't listen to him either."

"It is not my intent to show you any disrespect in the things I have just said. It is, however, my intent to express my displeasure in how this entire matter was handled," Hank stated in a firm voice. "I have learned a hard lesson and it is my sincere hope that others," the captain said looking directly at both Chiefs, "have learned theirs as well."

The three men in the room stared at each other for a long moment and Hank wondered briefly if he had finally gone too far and stepped over the line. His thoughts then went back to John… and he knew he said what needed to be said. He was comfortable with how he had handled the situation and had no regrets.

"Are you finished?" Sorenson asked.

"Yes Sir…I am," Hank replied.

"Then I would like you to go and get Caldwell. Our discussion with him will be brief and a more formal interview will take place tomorrow at Headquarters."

The captain nodded and started to leave the room.

"And Hank," the Chief added, "For the record…your comments were taken in the spirit they were intended. I have a high regard for the philosophy you embrace, and the approach you take in doing your job. I wish we had more men like you in positions of leadership at this Department; then maybe situations like this wouldn't occur."

"Thank you Chief, I appreciate that very much," Hank answered as he turned back around and exited the room.

XXXXXX

The Captain returned moments later with the young paramedic following him into the office. Hank quietly closed the door and then took a position next to the two Chiefs. Ryan looked up into the faces of the men before him, and he chewed his top lip nervously before opening his mouth to speak.

"There are no words I can say that could possibly convey how terrible I feel right now. I truly never meant for anyone to get hurt. I thought I could watch and learn from Johnny, but now realize that was foolish and irresponsible. I was impressed with his skills as a paramedic and rescue man from watching him whenever my station was assigned calls with the crew of 51's. To be honest, I was beyond ecstatic when I was told I would be partnering with him. And my actions today… may have very well cost him his life." He stopped for a moment and took a deep breath, "I-I love being a paramedic. It was a dream of mine when I first heard of the program and became a fireman, and now…" his voice faded away and the room became silent.

"Caldwell," McConnikee spoke up filling the momentary void, "Captain Stanley has just informed us that you have never been trained as a rescue man. Is that in fact true?"

"Yes Sir…it's true."

"Where you aware that you needed that training to fully perform all the responsibilities associated with being a paramedic?" he inquired further.

"I-I was never told that by anyone. I put in m-my request to take the paramedic training and they accepted me into the program…so no, I-I didn't realize it was an expected requirement." He hesitated knowing he needed to be completely honest; he owed John Gage that much. "I did find that out later…after my first assignment."

"And did you tell anyone at that time…The members of your crew or your Captain?" McConnikee pressed him.

"N-No Sir…I didn't." Ryan looked down at his boots as the full confession came out. "I love being a paramedic," he repeated, "I have never felt so sure of anything in my life and know that this is what I am meant to do. I was just…afraid." The young man's head slowly tilted back up and he forced himself to look back at his Superiors.

"I was afraid," he explained, "that if I told anybody I-I would be put back on the engine hauling hose. I was driving myself crazy trying to figure out w-what I should do. Then I thought maybe if I worked real hard, I could pick up on some of the skills and learn how to be a rescue man, you know, on my own. But I found that in a dangerous or extremely difficult rescue, I would panic and couldn't focus. I kept convincing myself I would get better, but as more time passed it became harder and harder to go to my Captains or anyone else for that matter…and tell them the truth."

"And no one noticed this?" Sorenson interjected sharply.

"Um…yes Sir. I had a few write ups for some mistakes I made, but I was moved around a lot and able to start fresh at another station. None of my Captains ever questioned me about anything in my file."

Hank looked at both Chiefs and folded his arms tightly across his chest…but said nothing.

The young man averted his eyes as he choked out his next words. "My…my resignation will be on Captain Stanley's desk when I return to the station."

"Caldwell," Sorenson began, "This matter is extremely serious and we are going to take the time to complete a fair and thorough investigation. You are being placed on Administrative leave while this investigation is being conducted. There is more here than meets the eye and I intend to have all the facts reviewed before any disciplinary action is carried out. You will report to Headquarters tomorrow afternoon at 1300 hours to discuss this matter in further detail…is that understood?"

"Yes sir."

"And I'm advising you that this investigation is confidential and you are ordered not to discuss it with anyone, except legal counsel, if you so choose."

"Yes sir," he said again, "I understand."

"You are dismissed."

The young man turned and walked the short distance to the exit. He pulled the door open and walked out into the hallway letting it close behind him.

"I guess we have our work cut out for us for the remainder of the day…and then some," McConnikee said in a weary voice.

"I will complete a written report of this and the other MVA incident and forward it to you in the next twenty-four hours," Hank replied " Let me know if there is anything further you need from me or my men. I know you will probably want to speak with John…when he is able."

There was a knock at the door and the captain turned his head in response.

"Come in," he said loudly.

Roy opened the door and stepped inside, "Cap," he said, as the other men listened in, "Johnny was brought upstairs a few minutes ago. The x-rays came back and he has three broken ribs and a skull fracture. They are going to run some further tests, a CT scan and an EEG, but the Doc wants to get a chest tube in him and get that whole situation under control first. He is going to have some really deep bruising on most of his right side…and one hell of a sore back, but Brackett is amazed he isn't in worse shape."

Captain Stanley nodded. So we are still playing the waiting game…he is not out of the woods yet?"

"Officially no… but Dr. Brackett is cautiously optimistic."

"Alright…I'm going to have to get on the phone and find a couple of paramedics to replace Caldwell and Gage. Did you talk to Miller?" Hank questioned. He knew Roy would not want to leave his friend's side, but trying to get him replaced in addition to the other two was going to be tricky.

Roy looked dejected, "Captain Miller has put us all back in service. He said the squad can stay available from Rampart and he is going to try and see if he can find someone one to finish my shift."

"Hank," Sorenson stated as the two Chiefs started for the door, we will be in touch. Please keep us apprised of Gage's condition...regardless of the hour. I want to know."

"Yes sir, I will do that."

The Captain turned back to continue his conversation with Roy.

"I already called Joanne and she brought the kids to a friend's house and is on her way down. At least he will have someone here in case…I can't be with him," he said with obvious distress in his voice.

"Ok Roy, I know you want to stay here with John and somehow…I will make that happen," Hank replied as he picked up the phone and started dialing.

XXXXXX

Two hours later John Gage was wheeled into the ICU and moved into a bed. Brackett was personally overseeing the process and made sure the young man was settled. The nurse took his vitals again before leaving, only after the doctor gave her explicit directions for his care.

Kel stared down at his patient and visually assessed his condition. He had to admit…the dark haired paramedic looked like he literally had been to hell and back.

"John," the doctor says quietly to the unconscious man after he was sure he was alone, "I will never be able to tell you how grateful I am to you for saving Dixie's life. She is special…but I think you have already figured that out for yourself. I also know that it is because of me that you were forced to deal with this situation. On the one hand I regret that…but on the other, there is no doubt in my mind that Dix would be dead right now if it weren't for you."

Brackett paused and his eyes shifted momentarily to the ventilator attached to the young paramedic that was, for now, keeping him alive. He took a breath and continued with his one sided-conversation, "I truly believe there aren't many people when faced with something like this, would have made the choice you did without a second thought for your own life." He reached down and laid a hand gently on John's shoulder. "I have always thought you to be a bit on the wild side with some of the crazy things you do, but truth be told...you really are a hell of a guy and I promise that I am going to pull you through this."

The doctor grinned down at his patient and slowly withdrew his hand as he turned to leave. Now that he had some answers, he needed to find Roy and Joanne DeSoto and give them an update on John's status. They cared a great deal for the young man and he knew they would be pretty worried. Kel didn't imagine he would have to look far…and he was right. He spotted the couple just outside the doors of the ICU, pacing up and down the hallway, and walked rapidly in their direction.

"How is he? Can we see him?" they both said in a rush as soon as the doctor approached.

"Take it easy you two. He is holding his own and yes, you can see him in a minute." As he spoke Brackett slid his hands, except for both thumbs, into the front pockets of his white physician's jacket. It was a familiar stance, Roy noted, that the doctor took whenever he talked with a patient's family.

"We got the results from the CT scan and the EEG," Brackett continued, "and they both look good. There is no sign of intracranial pressure or damage to his brain, however, he has a pretty severe concussion. The chest tube is in and there weren't any further complications from that, but we need to get him stabilized and breathing on his own so we can get him off the ventilator."

"Thank God," Jo said as she turned into her husband and his arms wrapped around her in relief.

I'm going to warn you though," the doctor replied as his eyes shifted to Joanne, "he looks pretty bad."

The young woman nodded, "Roy already told me. I don't care…please, can we see him now?" she asked impatiently.

"Of course," he said with a smile to the anxious couple, "He's in room 205. Come on, I will take you to him," he repli and three of them headed back down the hallway.

Despite both warnings she received, Joanne couldn't help but cringe at the sight of the young man. His right side sported a massive bruise and the tube that was inserted had a steady flow of fluid draining into a canister next to his bed.

But his face.

Joanne walked up and placed a gentle kiss on his left cheek, which was pretty much the only spot that wasn't injured. She pulled back and took a closer look at him. There was a big bump on the right side of his forehead, multiple abrasions on the right side of his face, his nose was swollen and discolored, and he had two black eyes. Her heart broke at the sight of him.

Roy came up behind her and for a moment neither one of them could say anything. The only sound in the room was the ventilator doing its job. Roy gave his wife a reassuring hug and stepped around her pulling up a chair. He sat down and put his hand on top of John's exposed arm giving it a gentle squeeze.

"Junior, you are going to be ok…you hear me? You are pretty banged up, but you are going to fine."

Roy stared down at his unresponsive friend and then back at his wife. He was encouraged by the doctor's words, but knew it was still going to be a long day...and an even longer night.

XXXXXX

The light was just beginning to creep in through the small gap of the closed drapes as Kel Brackett entered Johnny's room the following morning. Roy had fallen asleep in the chair, but immediately awoke as he heard the doctor footsteps.

"Morning Roy," he said in a hushed tone.

"Morning Doc," Roy responded trying to stifle a yawn.

"I stopped in at the nurse's station and they said John was moving around a little bit last night and is trying to breathe on his own…so that's good news."

As he spoke, the dark haired paramedic stirred again and both men immediately moved to his side.

"Johnny?" Kel said "Can you hear me?"

They saw the eyes moving beneath the lids…but they remained closed.

"He's trying," Roy stated.

A few moments later the chocolate brown eyes fluttered opened, and John stared tiredly at the men standing over him.

"That a boy," Kel exclaimed.

Roy smiled down at his friend. "Welcome back junior. You managed to scare the living crap out of us… again."

XXXXXX

Hank Stanley shifted uncomfortably in the hospital chair as he looked up from the paper he was reading and glanced at his watch; it was 4:42pm…almost thirty hours had passed since the accident.

He knew Chief McConnikee had indicated he wanted to check on John today, as well as bring the Captain up to speed on the status of the Investigation. The dark haired paramedic stirred and let out a soft moan instantly drawing his Captain's attention. Hank was relieved they had been able to remove the ventilator that morning, and then transfer him into a regular room. They all knew John was in a lot of pain and feeling the side effects of the concussion, which meant dizziness, nausea…and vomiting.

Brackett was trying to prevent the later at all cost by keeping him on a healthy dose of Compazine. The last thing he needed was the young man wrenching violently and risking further injury from his broken ribs. There was a knock at the hospital room door and it slowly opened as McConnikee entered.

"Hi Chief," Hank replied in a quiet voice, "Come on in."

McConnikee nodded towards the young man in the bed. "How is he doing?"

"A lot better. He's still pretty out of it and in a lot of pain, but he is at least moving in the right direction," Hank said confidently.

"That's great news," McConnikee replied in a tired voice. "Where's DeSoto? I thought it would take heaven and earth to get him to leave…his partner's side."

Hank chuckled. "I kicked him out of here about an hour ago so he could get something to eat. He has been reluctant to leave in case John woke up again."

The Chief smiled in understanding and then quietly lifted the other chair and moved it closer to his captain before sitting down; the older man looked exhausted. McConnikee's last remark suddenly registered with Hank and he had a momentary look of confusion on his face before he got it.

"Does what you just said mean…what I think it means," he asked slowly, not wanting to assume anything at this point. He believed THAT lesson had been learned.

McConnikee grinned, "Yes Hank…it means what you think. That's part of what I wanted to update you on. DeSoto is coming back to 51's to be partnered with Gage; unless you think John here is going to balk at being "demoted" back down to a junior status."

Hank laughed, "Those two work so well together seniority is kind of a non-issue; they are unified team. The only problem may be the squad. I think John has come to like "being in the driver's seat" in the literal sense and might not want to be relegated back to riding shot gun."

"I have no doubt the two of them will work it out," McConnikee said with a smile.

Hank nodded his agreement and then looked at his Chief.

"Thank you," he said in a serious voice.

"You really have nothing to thank me for Hank. The statement you made at our first meeting was right on target."

Hank's mind was trying to quickly play back the conversation that took place at Headquarters, and exactly which part of his response McConnikee was referring to. The Chief knew what Hank was doing and decided to help him out as his eyes shifted over to the injured paramedic; he quoted his captain's words…

"Sometimes the anticipated benefits we expect to receive from a decision end up not being worth the price that had to be paid."

At that moment the door opened and Roy stepped inside; seeing the Chief and Stanley talking he stopped short.

"It's ok Roy…come on in," McConnikee replied. "I just wanted to personally check on Gage and also fill your Captain in on a few things."

Roy had picked up on the "your captain" comment within the Chief's statement and his eyes darted quickly to Stanley for confirmation. Hank smiled broadly and nodded his head. Roy felt like an enormous weight had been lifted from his shoulders. He had been relieved that Johnny was going to be ok, but he didn't know if the latest events would change the status of their partnership. That question having now been answered allowed him to finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.

"Hank," the Chief added, "There are still some things I would like to fill you in on and since DeSoto is back, how about we leave him in his partner's capable hands and I will buy you dinner in the cafeteria?"

Roy entered the rest of the way into the room as McConnikee got up and went to stand at the side of Johnny's bed.

"Get better quickly son," he said, "We need you back in that squad with DeSoto."

"Itsa hhair-brainnn… supid-azz iideaah….Mckonee es crazee," John mumbled.

"What did he say?" McConnikee asked, completely perplexed by the incoherent words.

Roy hurried to John's side as he could see Hank trying hard to make sense out of the slur of words. They may not have understood the jargon, but the blonde haired paramedic knew exactly what his young friend was talking about. John had chosen the wrong time, as usual, to unknowingly shoot his mouth off.

"Ahh, it's nothing Chief," Roy interjected quickly. "Must be the meds…he is pretty out of it…not making any sense. He just needs to get some rest."

Hank's eyes rose questioningly at his senior paramedic. Just what is going through Gage's mind? The Captain wisely decided that he was probably better off not knowing; and that went for McConnikee as well.

"Hey Chief," Hank stated loudly trying redirect the man's attention, "Now that you mention it I am getting pretty hungry; food sounds like a great idea. Roy, we will be in the cafeteria…I will stop back up when we are through and check in before heading home."

"Ok Cap," Roy answered, giving him a relieved look as the two men made their way out of the room.

The blonde haired paramedic peered down at his partner with a mixed look of aggravation and amusement.

"Junior, I swear…there is never a dull moment when you are around. And I hope that is for a very…VERY long time."

John Gages's eyes slowly opened and he blinked several times as he recognized the person standing over him.

"Heyy Rooy," he said weakly, trying to keep his head still. It felt like it was going to explode at any second.

"Hey partner," Roy replied with a grin.

John looked at him in confusion. He was having enough difficulty keeping his thoughts straight, but he did remember that Roy was no longer his partner.

"…nott pardners," he managed to get out in a raspy voice.

"Yea we are. McConnikee was just here and made it official…I'm back at 51's. However you almost ruined that by opening that big mouth of yours," Roy told him.

"Hoow?" he asked, referring to both Roy's transfer back and what he could have possibly said to almost ruin it.

"Never mind that now," he said in a reassuring voice. He could tell his friend was not up for it and needed to rest.

"Dixeee?"

Roy saw the look of concern on his partner's bruised and swollen face. "Johnny, don't worry…Dixie is just fine. She was up to see you this morning for a few minutes; she will be back when you are feeling better."

"And we will have plenty of time to talk about everything else when you're at my house recuperating, which hopefully will be within the next week."

John gave a weak version of his famous grin as he carefully nodded his head before the brown eyes drifted shut.

XXXXXX

Hank Stanley sat in the hospital cafeteria eating a turkey sandwich and listening intently to his Chiefs run down of information they had uncovered in the last day and a half.

"Hank," McConnikee stated, "Sorenson and I, and half a dozen other people, have been looking into this matter and we have discovered some major oversights in procedural methods." He took a sip of his water and put the glass down before continuing.

"When the paramedic program started, we recruited strictly our rescue personnel for this medical training. It made perfect sense…and actually still does. These are the guys who have first contact with anyone requiring immediate medical care. That was the basis for the MICU in the first place. We have seen some of the dangerous locations the paramedics have rendered care to their patients, getting them stabilized first, even before finishing the rescue. Once the paramedic bill was passed, the road to recruitment was a lot easier. Those men who were willing to take the chance on this program paved the way for everyone else."

"For the first year or so, we had a steady flow of classes to fill all of the paramedic positions that were now available throughout the county at the various stations. Then, when the need was met, we backed off on holding any more classes. Most of the men, with all time and effort they put into becoming paramedics, were content with what they were doing…like Gage and DeSoto. A couple of years ago, we saw an increase in many of them getting promoted…and a few have left the program for a variety of other reasons. It was a no brainer; it was time to start running some more classes. The problem was specific criteria had never addressed making it mandatory, or not, for someone wanting to become a paramedic to already be trained as a rescue man. It was just assumed…because they were the only people recruited before. There are now some men entering into the fire service having their sights set on becoming a paramedic."

"We have identified a few men, Caldwell was one of them, who is a certified paramedic… and a damn good one at that, but did not go through to be trained first as a rescue man."

Hank listened with interest as the Chief explained.

"So what has Headquarters decided to do?" Hank inquired.

"We are carefully weighing some options," McConnikee answered.

"We can mandate that all firemen wanting to go through the paramedic program first be trained in rescue, and then work in that position for a period of time before being allowing to move forward and apply. As I mentioned earlier…it makes logical sense. The problem with that, McConnikee acknowledged, "Is that not everyone wants…or CAN do rescues. So we risk missing out on some potentially excellent paramedics."

"Another option is to allow firemen, after their probation period is up, to apply for the paramedic program without going through rescue training. At the larger stations, we currently have men that had no desire to become paramedics and are strictly doing fires and rescues. We would put the paramedics at those stations. If they filled in someplace else, or got transferred, there would have to be some checks and balances in places to make sure we don't have a repeat of what occurred with Caldwell. So we have some critical decisions to make about what course of action is in the best interest for the public and also the safety of our men."

"This," he added, "brought to light a couple of other issues. First off, we unanimously agreed that newly trained personnel should not be bounced around from station to station. It is not good for them, the citizens, or the Department. They need to be under a watchful eye of a good crew and moreover, a captain who is going to monitor their progress and document their performance. It seems many captains do not take your approach Hank, in demanding to review a new crewmember's file; especially if they are only temporary. That is going to change," McConnikee stated firmly.

Hank nodded his head; he liked what he was hearing so far.

"So…what is the Department going to do about Caldwell? Where does he fit in with all of this?"

McConnikee drew in a deep breath and blew it out.

"Ryan Caldwell was fully aware that he was not trained as a rescue man and did not bring that to anyone's attention; which he will have to answer for. Having said that, I will readily admit that the blame does not fall solely on his shoulders; we failed that young man as well and need to accept responsibility for our part in this."

"Hank, we went about this evaluation process the wrong way. We needed to start from the TOP and make sure our policy and procedures were reviewed and updated before working our way down…not the other way around. We will be forming some committees to get feedback and insight from others in the Department before any policy changes or decisions are made. I'm hoping that you, as well as Gage and DeSoto, would be willing to participate and bring forth any ideas or recommendations the three of you may have."

"I would be happy to Chief…and I'm sure both Gage and Desoto would be will to help out in that capacity as well.

"Excellent. We still have a lot more work to do, but I feel we are making some headway. Houtz has been updated on everything so far, and is on board with the next steps to be taken."

"Getting back to Caldwell…" the Chief hesitated, "His future with the Department is still to be determined. The incident was significant, and absolutely grounds for termination, however there were definitely some extenuating circumstances that must be considered. We are working to correct the problem…but that doesn't change what happened. Houts wants us to talk to Gage since he was the one who was on the receiving end of Caldwell's negligence."

"Chief," Hank answered slowly, "John will give you his honest opinion on Caldwell's performance as a fireman, paramedic, and his ability to do rescues, but I would hope the Department is not going to put the burden of whether or not to terminate Caldwell on John's shoulders. I can't speak for him, but knowing him as I do, he would not want to lose a capable young paramedic. But if he truly feels Ryan is a risk to others he won't beat around the bush…he will tell you straight out."

"Point well taken," the Chief acknowledged as he began to slide his chair back from the table.

"Ok Hank, I need to get back to Headquarters," McConnikee stated as he stood up and collected his tray. "I still have a lot of work to get done before I call it a day."

"Right…thanks for dinner and the information," Hank replied as he copied his superior's actions.

The two separated and Hank proceeded back to John's room to check on his youngest crew member, as promised, before heading home. Tonight, he thought with satisfaction, he would finally be able to get a decent nights sleep.

XXXXXX

The following morning John Gage woke up and stared unhappily at the barely edible breakfast that had been set before him. The door suddenly burst open and Helen, the no nonsense salt and peppered haired nurse, marched into his room. John grabbed the fork and poised it over the offending plate, pretending to eat. He had figured out early on that he definitely needed to keep on this particular nurse's good side, or the consequences would be unpleasant at best. Helen eyed him suspiciously as she began to gather his morning vital signs. John managed to keep down a couple mouthfuls and immediately dropped the utensil as soon as Helen left the room. His mood greatly improved when Brackett stopped by a short time later and told him they could finally remove the chest tube. He was one step closer to getting sprung. John reached up and gingerly massaged his throbbing head with one hand. He still had one killer of a headache and his body felt like it had been run over by steamroller. The dark haired paramedic let out a deep sigh, which he immediately regretted as his ribs screamed out in protest. John sank back onto the pillows as the effort of the mornings activities took their toll. His stomach was still a little on the tender side but the Compazine had, so far, kept the vomiting in check. Roy had called earlier and said he would be by later in the afternoon along with Joanne for a visit. He was just about to close his eyes and take a nap when he heard the door slowly open and a blonde head peered around the edge.

John grinned at the very sight of her.

"Hiya Dix," he said in a weak voice.

She smiled back and pushed the door the rest of the way open and stepped inside.

"You up for a little company…or do you want me to come back later?" she asked.

"I'm glad you s-stopped by, and of course I want to s-see you," he replied, trying to make his voice sound stronger.

John Gage looked at her with gentle eyes…remembering.

"Are y-you ok," he asked with real concern.

"Am I ok?" she responded in disbelief, "Don't you think I should be asking you that question?"

The young paramedic could only imagine the emotional aftermath his favorite nurse must be dealing with.

"You k-know what I m-mean."

Dixie walked over and stood next to his bed; her hand reached out and gently touched his shoulder.

"Yes, I know what you mean. I'm…I'm doing just fine," she lied, "having a few nightmares, but I was told that's to be expected given the circumstances. How about you…how are you feeling?"

"I h-hurt…everywhere. As far as the f-fall, thankfully I don't r-remember much about it w-which suits me j-just fine," he answered.

"Johnny, I-I don't even know where to begin to thank you…" the pretty nurse started to say; fighting to keep the tears back. She had promised herself that she would not cry.

His brown eyes turned affectingly on the woman standing next to him.

"Listen," he said gently, "I'm g-going to let you in on a little s-secret. There are only a f-few select women in m-my life that are incredibly s-special to me… and y-you are one of t-them. Dix, you don't have to t-thank me for anything; I t-think of you…like family. And I'm extremely p-protective of my f-family."

The blonde haired nurse couldn't help herself and the single tear that was balancing on the edge of her eyelid escaped and slid down her cheek. Her lips and chin quivered at the sudden emotion that swept through her as she listened to his heartfelt words.

Dixie had to admit that Johnny was special to her too. There was just…just something about him. She loved watching the dark haired young man come bursting through the doors of the ER running alongside the gurney; the serious look upon his handsome face when he was in "paramedic-mode". The compassion and concern he felt and showed for his patients was genuine. He would always give them a parting word of encouragement with a promise to check back in on them later; which he always did. And then, he would amble over and join Roy at the base station, transforming back into the fun-loving, high energy guy that always brought a smile to her face with his antics and endless pursuit of her eligible nurses.

She dabbed her eyes with the tissue in her hand as her thoughts shifted again; this time back to the conversation John had with the man on the roof. It wasn't only Ed Zimmerman who had felt Johnny's pain; it had grabbed her heart as well. She looked upon the young man lying in the bed and felt the anguish all over again.

"Sweetie," she said softly, finally finding her voice, "I am so…so sorry for the loss and heartache you have been through."

"I-I know Dix… and I'm sorry you had to h-hear all of that. It was the only w-way I could think of to try and r-reach him. He needed s-someone who could r-relate with him in his p-pain; and I was that person. Unfortunately… it w-wasn't enough," he said sadly.

"Listen to me….there was NOTHING more you could have possibly done or said that would have changed his mind. None of this was your fault," she said in an almost angry voice. Dixie understood John Gage all too well, and knew he was probably running the incident over and over again in his mind…trying to figure out what he could have done differently. "Not everyone can be saved Johnny," she replied in a softer tone. "As much as we want situations to turn out a certain way, we have to understand and accept that sometimes things are… are just beyond our control."

"I-I know that d-deep down," he said quietly, "But s-still…"

Dixie looked at him and bent down to give him a kiss on the cheek. She could see the young man was now fighting harder to ignore the pain, and the conversation, though brief, had completely worn him out.

"I'm going to give your nurse a call," she said as her hand reached for the button, "and have her get you something for the pain so you can get some rest. You need to get better quickly; the ER isn't going to be the same with you out of commission. My nurses just might get some work done for a change," she said with a twinkle in her eye.

John rewarded her with a weak smirk before finally giving into the exhaustion and letting his eyes close even before his nurse entered the room and emptied the syringe of medication into his IV port. Dixie gave him an affectionate grin as she watched his face relax and he fell into a deep sleep. She turned to go… and then changed her mind. She quietly pulled up a chair right next to his bed and threaded her arm through the side rail. Her hand closed in around Johns' and she held it firmly in her grasp as her eyes gazed upon the sleeping fireman. For the next hour Dixie McCall remained in that spot. She knew it was where she needed to be. The spirited head nurse finally allowed the terrifying thoughts and feelings she had tried so hard to suppress over the last few days run completely free. Dixie clung desperately once again to John for support. This time however, it was not in the physical sense, but rather an emotional journey.

At long last…she felt it. She let the tears that represented all her pain, guilt, anger, and finally relief... fall without restraint until a sense of calm and peace engulfed her. She accepted that the healing process would take time. But Dixie now knew, without a doubt, that both she and John were going to be ok. She squeezed his hand tenderly before releasing it and rose silently to her feet. She wiped her face, carefully trying to erase the tell-tale signs of the last several minutes. For the first time since the incident she felt hungry. Dixie hoped a certain handsome doctor might be willing to treat her to a nice lunch, and afterwards, spend some time getting to know one another again.

XXXXXX

It was 10:30am when Sorenson and McConnikee pulled into the parking lot of Rampart General. They walked briskly down the corridors of the hospital making their way towards John Gage's room. Helen, who was just exiting out through the door said nothing but gave them a stiff nod of her head, indicating it was ok for them to go in.

"Good morning John," Sorenson said as both men walked inside, "How are you feeling today?"

"Hi Chief Sorenson…Chief McConnikee, I'm doing a lot better, but anxious to get the heck out of here."

"I can imagine you are," Sorensen replied, "We are very happy to hear that your recovery has gone so well and understand you are schedule to be discharged tomorrow."

The dark haired paramedic nodded his head in confirmation.

"We were wondering," McConnikee stated, "If you felt well enough to go over some things with us regarding Caldwell."

"Sure Chief, not a problem. Captain Stanley already filled me in on most of the details, so I am up to speed on what happened…and why."

"Good," Sorenson replied, "He indicated that he was going to sit down with you and go over everything, and felt, as we do, that you deserved an explanation and also an apology on behalf of the Department."

John nodded and looked at both men before he spoke.

"I understand there was some breakdown in communications regarding training that lead to this initial problem and I am glad that it has been discovered and is being addressed. It does happen… and I believe there was nothing intentional on behalf of the Department." He paused. Hank had also shared with him the content of the very frank discussion he had with both men; which John appreciated knowing. Despite that, there was still something he wanted to say…on his own behalf. He shifted into a more comfortable position and stared back at both men.

"While I do understand communication problems happen…some can also be avoided. I know both my captain and partner, among others, were given notification, however short, about the changes you were making. Those changes also impacted me and I was wondering why I was left out of the loop? I know it may not seem like a big deal to you because I was not the one being transferred but regardless, I feel I had just as much right to be informed as everyone else. The Department expects the rest of us to immediately report any issues, problems, or concerns to our superiors… and rightly so. I just feel Chief, that should be a two way street."

"John," Sorenson began, "You are absolutely correct, and we just assumed that Captain Stanley would notify you of the changes. We had a very short time frame to put this all together and didn't do a very good job of seeing that it was done properly, and for that oversight, you also have my sincere apologies."

John nodded his head. Again, he knew his Captain had already raked them over the coals so to speak about failing to take into consideration the thoughts and opinions of subordinates, and he decided to let that one lie. He moved on to the next topic he knew both Chiefs were anxious to talk to him about.

"Regarding Ryan," John continued. He noticed the intense look he was now receiving from both men and knew he had their interest…and undivided attention.

"I obviously am not real happy to be lying in a hospital bed, again, especially knowing how I got here. But I have had a week now to think about and process all of this, and as disappointed as I am in Caldwell and wished to hell NONE of this had ever happened, I don't hold any feelings of resentment against him. Ryan really is a decent guy and a hard worker. He got in way over his head and made some bad decisions in not letting his Captains know that he wasn't able to perform certain aspects of this job. For someone with as little time on as he has, I can tell already that he is one hell of a paramedic; and I would hate to see his talents go to waste. I will tell you though, knowing what I now know about him, that I was probably the worst person you could have partnered Ryan Caldwell with."

Sorenson and McConnikee looked at John Gage in surprise.

"Why in the world would you say that? You are one of our best rescue men John," McConnikee replied.

"Well, thank you for the compliment, but if you talked to the rest of my crew, especially my captain and partner, they would probably tell you I rely heavily on my instincts in this job; especially when things are going bad. And…well let's just say those instincts are not always in line with what others would probably classify as sane judgment." The dark haired paramedic laughed out loud as he recalled some of the past "oh shit" moments he had put his crewmembers through.

"I pushed Ryan Caldwell completely out of his comfort zone on that rescue…and I knew it. I could see it on his face. Chief, I honestly don't know if Cap would have even gone along with the idea of me jumping off a roof; but I did what I felt I had to do to save my victim. You have to understand…letting Dixie McCall die was just not a viable option for me." He paused for a moment waiting for a reprimand...that didn't come. The two simply stared at the young man before them and waited for him to continue. John cleared his throat and proceeded "That does not however excuse Ryan Caldwell from properly tying a simple bowline knot to make sure, while I'm doing something crazy, that I don't fall to my death. Roy and I have had done a lot of evaluations on paramedics fresh out of training and it's been my experience that when people panic on a call, even the simplest of task can seem impossible… and I think that is what happened with Ryan.

"John," McConnikkee asked, "Do you believe if Ryan were to go through the training…that he would make an acceptable rescue man?"

John sighed, "There really is no way I can accurately answer that question Chief. I don't even know if Ryan can answer that. It depends on what is causing his fear and anxiety. If it's simply a training issue and once he has the knowledge of what to do… sure, he could probably do the job. If the problem is beyond that…I don't know if it's gonna be an easy fix."

"What I am trying to say," John explained, "is if a person has a deep seeded fear of, let's say flying. You can talk to him, get him help, and try to put him on a plane a thousand times… and it probably isn't going to make a damn bit of difference. I guess one way to find out is to put Ryan through the course and see how he does. The training is pretty intense and you would probably get a fair idea how he would react in the field. The other issue I foresee is that as nice a guy as Ryan is, I think he now has some significant hurdles to overcome in re-gaining the trust of any crew he is assigned to. I don't think it's an impossibility…but the guy has a tough road ahead of him."

"Yes," McConnikkee replied, "In our discussions on this matter, we have also come to the same conclusion."

"I imagine," Sorenson continued, not willing to let John's assessment of Caldwell drop quite so easily, "that while you feel you can't really answer the question…you probably have formed some sort of opinion."

John sighed again. "Yea…I have."

"I would like to know," he asked seriously, "if you could share that with us."

"Chief, I believe it's a natural reaction to experience fear during a crisis or dangerous situation and someone is more inclined to freeze up or make mistakes. But when a person is already starting to panic before a rescue even starts…I think it's a red flag that something else is going on." John's thoughts turned momentarily to Roy and his aversion…ok, his downright hatred of high rescues. But despite that, his partner always managed to do the job. John never remembered a time, even when the two of them were dangling off the sides of a buildings hundreds of feet from the ground, that he ever felt uneasy, even for a moment, with Roy's ability to handle the situation. The dark haired paramedic shook his head and returned his attention to the conversation at hand. He looked back at both Chief's and gave them his answer. "It's my opinion that being a rescue man is something Ryan Caldwell is probably not cut out to do. Which is ok… cause not everyone is. But again, that is simply my initial assessment based on the limited amount of time I have spent with him."

"John," Sorenson replied, "We appreciate your honestly and also your forgiving nature. Not many people would feel the same way after going through what you did. Caldwell is extremely upset about what happened to you and is seriously thinking about resigning. We are in agreement with everything you have said thus far, and do not want to lose him. He will, of course, be given some suspension time for this incident… if he chooses to stay. We just don't know what direction we are headed at this point."

"Chief, if you think it would make any difference, I would be willing to talk with him. I might be able to help him work through some of this stuff. I still think he is a valuable member of this Department…and has a lot to offer.

"If there is one thing we have learned John, it is that you are a pretty determined young man. We have no doubt that if anyone can talk to Caldwell and get him to understand…it would be you," McConnikee replied.

"I think my partner refers to that uh…"determination" as something a little less complimentary," the dark haired paramedic responded with a laugh.

The two men grinned and got up to shake John's hand before returning to Headquarters. They were pleased with the outcome of their meeting with the young fireman, and confident that even though there was still a lot of work to be done and decision to be made, eventually… everything was going to work out.

XXXXXX

Ten weeks later...

The station tones blared loudly as the lights in the dorm room simultaneously clicked on.

"LA …Station 51…Station 10…Station 45… Apartment building fire… 5110 Saratoga Blvd. Saratoga Blvd….Cross street Lowden….Time out 0143."

The men piled out of bed, quickly dressed, and navigated their way towards the apparatus floor.

It was John Gage's first day back from his injury leave. He flew out the dorm, once again taking the turn to fast, and teetered precariously on one foot. He felt hands behind him grab his shoulders helping him regain his balance. He turned around and looked into his crew member's face with an appreciative grin.

"Thanks," he said.

"No problem Johnny. You won't have to worry about watching your back Pal…I will always have it."

Captain Stanley hurried past the two men, "Gage…Kelly! Let's move it…that fire isn't gonna put itself out you know," he called out over his shoulder.

"Right Cap…we're comin," they shouted back.

Captain Stanley reached the podium and went through the all too familiar task of writing down the address and picking up the mic, giving his acknowledgement to dispatch. He handed the slip of paper to Roy before jogging quickly in front of the squad and taking his seat beside Stoker in the rig.

Hank reached for his helmet and settled it securely on his head. He glanced quickly around him and saw all his boys were finally back in their rightful place. As the vehicles started to roll out of the bay he felt a sudden sense of...comfort. The last few months had been one of many changes, adjustments, and some important lessons had been learned.

Now everything was back to normal. He chuckled to himself; using the definition of "normal" for his crew could be considered somewhat of an oxymoron.

They rolled up on the scene moments later. Hank climbed out of the rig and his men were immediately at his side ready to work. They looked up at him with anticipation…waiting for his orders.

"Kelly, Lopez…lay duals on the south side. "The linemen nodded and took off.

"Gage, DeSoto…get in there and do a sweep. Start with the fourth floor and work your way down. I will have additional responding units take the other floors."

"Got it Cap," John replied.

The two paramedics jogged to their squad to retrieve their gear.

"John…Roy?" the Captain shouted.

Both men had reached the truck, but their head's whipped around at the sound of their Captain's voice.

Hank knew it was unnecessary…but he needed to say it anyway.

"Be careful in there…UNDERSTOOD?"

"Understood," Roy acknowledged.

The dark haired paramedic turned his head back and he pulled open the compartment door as his hands closed in around his SCBA. A small smile spread across his lips as he waited…

"GAGE?" the captain bellowed.

John laughed and rotated his body around, flashing Hank Stanley a classic grin as he slung the air tank onto his back, shifting it around on his shoulders until it was in place.

"Ya Cap," he shouted, "I understand!"

The two men jogged toward the building and stopped briefly to adjust their masks and pull on their gloves.

"You ready Junior?"

"You bet Pally," John replied as his hand reached out and slid down the surface of the door in front of him. He nodded his head and raised his right leg high in the air. The force of the kick blasted the door open, splintering the frame. The dark haired paramedic leaned in, his eyes quickly scanning the interior. "Doesn't look to bad…let's go!" And with that, Roy watched as the young fireman rushed inside, not even waiting for a response. Roy let out an aggravated sigh…and then laughed despite himself as he chased after his energetic, and often times, exasperating partner.

Some things… just never changed.

THE END

Disclaimer: The Emergency! characters belong to Mark VII Productions and Universal Studios.

[Type text]