Chapter Five

"Realization"

So...here is a completely and utterly rushed chapter. You're welcome (well, sort of). :D

I will have exams soon, so maybe next update would be at earliest Friday?

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Heart pounding, Clary's green eyes quickly scanned the rest of the letter. It was written on a pure white parchment, pale like snow, in ink as black as the night. Elegant script looped on every line, a handwriting that seemed from another world.

But it was Sebastian's handwriting. She was sure of it, like she was sure of the love she felt for him. And not for the first time, she wondered if they were just fucking or really, passionately, making sweet love.

Dearest Clary,

It is no secret to you, my sister, that my feelings for you run deeper than anyone else's on the planet. Even angel boy, as a matter of fact. Though I doubt you'd believe me.

You should not despair, sister. I know what you feel. You need to face it, too. Why? We are not like them. We are different. We are Morgensterns. The ordinary rules do not apply to us in any circumstances. Love between both of us is not and should not ever be considered alien.

Your angel blood is sweet sister, and it balances the demon in me. I have marked you now. You are mine, and I am yours. Until next time.

Sebastian

Clary hid the letter in her room, in a box in her messy drawer, trembling. She didn't want to feel this way anymore, but she wanted to. What was it about him, anyway?

This time, she was sure. He wasn't some meaningless one night stand. They had made love repeatedly in dreams. She loved him.

But god, she couldn't do this to Jace!

She loved them. She loved him. She loved them both.

Clary sank to the ground. She needed him, she didn't want him.

She didn't know how long she spent on the floor of her bedroom, hugging her knees to herself, staring off into space, and just wondering and reflecting on Sebastian. She knew whom she loved, it was Jace. But she loved Sebastian. She was sure of it now.

So when she next examined her mark-it was small enough that it might not be noticed, probably-she did not feel despair for the first time. She felt a longing so great, a love so great...

Maybe for just a little while, they could make sweet love until reality hit the both of them.

Sebastian stood in the middle of his hideout. Well, it wasn't just a hideout, not really. Sure, it looks like shattered glass from the outside. But on the inside, it was different.

Glass tables. Wooden walls with metal panels. A gigantic flat-screen TV. Very modern. Bachelor pad, Clary had called it.

Her name still hit him full-force. He was still adjusting towards their feelings. He loved her. But did she love him? No, that wasn't the right question. Was he loved enough by her to come first in her heart? Before angel boy?

He sighed and sank into a sleek chocolate-brown leather couch. It had been hard resurrecting the apartment, yes, after Clary had blown it up with that rune she made. But dark magic-and demons-was at his beck and call, and that made life easier. Sort of.

He wondered if she would have liked the new wardrobe in her room. The room reserved especially for her.

He sighed. He could feel himself getting hard at the thought of her. The way her curly red hair fell over her face. Her bright green eyes. Her pale skin. Her body, with the breasts like mounds of snow and peaks like roses. How tight she was. How they made love in something that was only just a dream.

She would come back to him. She had to.

Now, he knew what he was going to do. He was going to get her, whether she liked it or not.

"Clary?" Jocelyn peered into the room, in paint-stained overalls and an old tank top. She almost looked like the mom she had before-the normal mom who was overprotective and painted for a living, whose husband had died, who never had a son, who was never a Shadowhunter.

Clary looked up. "Yeah, Mom?"

Jocelyn took a step in the room, her boots making muffled thumps on the carpet. "Are you okay?"

Why does she have to ask? Clary thought. She sighed, however, and said, "Not really. Bummed about the war and Sebastian."

"I see." Jocelyn came nearer, closed the door, and finally stood facing her daughter awkwardly. Her 5"10 model frame didn't belong here, Clary thought idly, in my room with the stuffed toys and my drawings and my imagination.

"Look, Clary," Jocelyn said suddenly, bringing Clary out of her reverie. "I know it's been hard on you, this and everything about Sebastian. It's been hard on us, so I know, and you're in the center on all of this, and it's probably really tough. But, Clary-"

"I know, Mom, I know..."

"Look, honey I wish it could have been easier. But I will stay strong for you. And I hope you stay strong, not just for our sakes, but for yourself." Jocelyn sounded bitter. "If I hadn't..."

"Mom, enough with the ifs and maybes," Clary said, finally standing up and putting a comforting arm around her mother's shoulder. "It's not your fault, okay?"

Jocelyn sighed and put her arms around her daughter. They stayed like that for a while, just hugging, being each other's shoulder to cry on.

Finally Jocelyn detached herself. "I have to go," she said, teary-eyed. "Errands. Stay strong, okay, honey?"

"Okay." Clary could barely hear her voice. With a final kiss on her daughter's forehead, Jocelyn turned to leave.

With Jocelyn gone, a little idea entered Clary's mind. Taking her stele, knowing it was a serious, mental idea, she began drawing a rune on her wall.

A note was written.

"I don't see why I have to be here," Jocelyn said, folding her arms over her black outfit. She'd quickly changed into them before going to the City of Bones.

Maybe not, Brother Enoch said, his voice echoing in her mind. But what we have to tell you concerns your daughter.

Jocelyn froze. "What?"

You know about Sebastian? another Silent Brother asked. We have had a distressing vision of him, coming to get your daughter.

"What? How?" Jocelyn was enraged. "HOW?!"

Brother Enoch held his hand up in silence. Hush. It is an old tracking spell, one that is not used by many anymore. But, we have determined his whereabouts more specifically and there appears to be a Portal there.

Jocelyn shook her head. "That can't be," she began angrily, but was cut off by a buzz. Her cell phone.

Ignoring the Silent Brothers' appalled and disapproving stares, she pulled out the offending gadget (well, for the Brothers, anyway) and glanced at the caller ID. Luke. She quickly out the device to her ear.

"Hello? Luke?"

"Jocelyn." The voice coming from the other end of the line was panicky. Jocelyn's heart raced. "What? What is it, Luke?"

"It's Clary," he said. "She's gone."

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