What Becomes of the Broken Hearted (chapter 11)

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About two hours after their father had returned home, Chris and Jennifer came home after spending the afternoon and early evening with friends. While they both knew that Johnny was sick in the hospital, neither child had any inkling of just how bad off things were for their beloved "uncle."

Walking inside the front door, the two kids were met by absolute quiet, something that even the young Chris and Jennifer knew it meant something wasn't quite right. Not seeing their parents in either the living room or kitchen, the sense that something was seriously wrong only intensified.

From her bedroom, Joanne was able to hear the front door open, and came downstairs to greet her children.

Putting a mask on her emotions, she did her best to at least not outwardly worry her two kids.

"Hi there. Have a good time?" Joanne asked, forcing a small smile on her face.

Ignoring his mother's question, Chris instead asked about his father's whereabouts. "Where's dad? Is he with Uncle Johnny?"

"No. He's out back."

Chiming in, a very soft little girl's voice could be heard. "Did Uncle Johnny die?"

Reaching out to hug her daughter, Joanne shook her head. "No. Johnny is very sick…but he's still with us."

"Is he going to die?"

Looking at her son, she didn't quite know what to say. "I don't know, Chris. The doctors and nurses are taking good care of him, and doing everything possible that they can."

Finishing her mother's thoughts, Jennifer added, "And the rest is up to God."

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Through the rest of the evening, though Johnny was in serious condition, he remained stable. It was his friends who were the restless ones.

Thankful that their crew was off the next day, Chet continued his alcohol indulgence. Drinking until he no longer felt anything emotionally, Chet was not angry, and not sad…he was just numb.

Mike Stoker threw himself into a work-out. Push-ups and sit-ups, as well as an arm work-out with his dumbbells, were just the thing he needed to keep himself from dwelling too much on Johnny's condition.

Marco decided that he needed to be with his family, so after spending time with Mike and Chet at the Hook and Ladder, he drove to his parents' house.

Hank spent most of the evening attempting to watch TV, but was unable to focus enough on anything to actually follow it.

And Roy…feeling a sense of loss from what he felt could be Johnny's untimely passing, spent the better part of the evening and night looking at old photo albums, and reminiscing about the several years spent with Johnny as his partner and best friend. The highs and the lows,,,he couldn't imagine Johnny no longer being a part of it all.

After being chased from the hospital by Doctor Morton, Anna went home and began pouring her heart out in a letter to Johnny…a letter that she had hoped and prayed that she would one day have the opportunity to give to him.

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The next morning, it was six o'clock when Doctors Brackett and Castillo entered Johnny's room.

Having read his chart before going in to see their patient both doctors were aware that he had had a fairly good night, despite the crisis that had occurred earlier that evening.

"Vitals still aren't particularly good, Kel."

"No, but at least he's stable. The scare he gave you guys yesterday…it's really a marvel that he's still here with us. Judging by his urine out-put, the fluid build-up is not decreasing. We should consider increasing his medication."

Nodding his head in agreement, Doctor Castillo wrote a notation on his note pad. "I'm really sorry, Kel. I wish I could do more for him. I know how much John Gage means to you…and a whole lot of other people."

Twitching his mouth, Kelly Brackett also nodded his head. "I know you're doing everything you can for him, Rob…but in times like this, it never seems like it's enough."

Patting Johnny's hand, Brackett left the room.

Coming to work earlier than usual, Dixie made her way up to the ICU to check on one of her favorite paramedics. Getting off the elevator, she immediately spotted the two doctors standing by the nurses' station.

Nervous to hear about Johnny's condition, Dixie also knew that if things hadn't been going well for him, she'd have heard about it by now.

As she approached the doctors, Brackett looked up at hearing his long-time friend's familiar footsteps.

"Dix…"

Noting the tell-tale twitch of his mouth, and the tone of his voice in how he said her name, Dixie knew the news regarding Johnny wasn't particularly promising.

"How's Johnny, Kel? Any improvement?"

"I'm afraid there hasn't been any improvement at all in his condition, Dixie. But the silver lining here is that he hasn't declined, either. Despite the continued build-up of fluid in his lungs and around his heart, and a rather high fever, the nurses say that he had a pretty good night. We have to be thankful for that."

Observing the sadness and worry in Dixie's normally dancing blue eyes, Brackett tried to reassure her. "We're doing everything we can for him, Dix. Johnny's young and strong…he's got a chance to come out of this okay."

"A chance…doesn't seem very promising, Kel."

Though she herself had used that line with various family members in similar situations to this, over the years, it sounded rather hollow hearing it from Kelly Brackett in this situation as it pertained to John Gage.

"Why don't you go in to see him for yourself? Hearing your voice would be reassuring to him, I'm sure. In the meantime Doctor Castillo will be keeping us all abreast of Johnny's progress."

Looking down at her white shoes for a brief moment, Dixie nodded her head. "Yeah…I suppose it would."

Continuing on to Johnny's room, Dixie peered inside. Her heart skipped a few beats when she took in the sight of a very still…practically lifeless, John Gage lying on the bed hooked up to a ventilator. Though she had seen him the night before, Dixie felt as though he had actually looked even worse now.

Edging closer to his bed, she took a hold of Johnny's warm but seemingly lifeless hand.

"Johnny…it's Dixie."

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Through the morning, while the nurses and doctors continued to monitor his condition, Johnny felt as though he were drowning as the fluid inside of him continued to build up. Not much for boating due to his penchant for seasickness, and not particularly fond of water rescues, Johnny had several episodes where he had seemingly panicked, setting off the various alarms on the machines and monitors surrounding him. It was during these times that sent members of the nursing staff running into his room, fearing that the paramedic was having another cardiac episode.

Reversing their decision about Johnny not having any visitors, in order to let him have some uninterrupted rest, it was decided that hearing a familiar calm voice would be beneficial to Johnny, especially in helping to keep him more relaxed. It was Roy who was the obvious choice to come in and sit with the seriously ill paramedic.

Wasting no time, Roy was out of his house, and at the hospital in less than a half an hour. Having heard the doctor's explanation for wanting him to come in and see Johnny, Roy was appropriately nervous about what kind of shape he'd find his best friend in.

Arriving at the ICU, Roy was met by a calm, but somber looking Doctor Castillo.

"Thanks for coming in, Roy."

"He's my best friend…where else would I be?"

After softly exhaling, Doctor Castillo looked down for a moment before looking at Roy.

"It's not good, Roy. But the general consensus is that Johnny hearing your voice just might be the one thing that helps him to settle down and relax."

"I'm willing to try anything that might help him."

Walking with Roy to Johnny's room, Doctor Castillo hoped with all of his heart that this would do the trick and settle Johnny down.

Stopping at the door, Roy was suddenly nervous. What if having him at Johnny's side didn't help? What if Johnny continued to deteriorate? Roy was suddenly feeling the weight of the world on his shoulders.

Sensing the paramedic's hesitation, the doctor put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay, Roy. I know you're scared…but Johnny needs you right now. We have nothing to lose by you trying to reach him."

Taking a deep breath and exhaling loudly, Roy continued on into the room, talking as he was doing so.

"Junior…it's Pally. I'm here for you…you're going to be okay."

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Over the next week, Johnny received many visitors. Though his crewmates had returned to work, they saw him as often as they could. In between runs while at the hospital, Roy would spend as much time as he could with his best friend, while his various temporary partners would wait in the lounge.

While everyone continued to hold out hope that Johnny would in fact make a full recovery, the doctors whose care Johnny was in, started to face the reality that there was nothing more to that could be done to help him. If Johnny was to come out of this, he'd have to do so on his own.

During this time, Johnny who at one time had "floated" peacefully, now only saw darkness, and felt as though he was trapped in a box…a casket his mind was telling him.

One afternoon, after having spent the better part of two hours at Johnny's bedside, a normally "emotionally insulated" Roy DeSoto emerged from Johnny's room exhausted and emotionally drained.

Having heard the latest report on the paramedic's condition, Dixie happened to be in the ICU when she noticed Roy leaving Johnny's room. Noting his defeated body language and his pale color, the long-time nurse knew that things were indeed as dire as the doctors had made them out to be.

"Roy…"

With his mind still inside the room with his partner, Roy failed to hear Dixie calling his name. It wasn't until he had felt the light touch of a gentle hand on his shoulder did he look up.

"Dixie…" Roy didn't know what else to say, so he stood there a few moments, letting his eyes wander around the hallway, looking everywhere except at Dixie's blue eyes.

"Roy…let's go sit down." Taking his arm, Dixie tried to steer him away from Johnny's door, and towards the waiting area, but she was initially met with some resistance.

Standing as if he were glued to his spot, Roy could only look behind him at the door.

Again Dixie took his arm and tried once more to redirect him. Succeeding this time, she led him to the waiting area where they both sat down.

Turning towards him, she took both of his hands in hers and started to talk softly.

"You need a break from this Roy. Not taking care of yourself won't help Johnny any."

Pulling his hands out of hers, Roy rubbed his eyes and shook his head. "It's not good, Dix…not good. Doctor Castillo…Brackett, even Morton and Early, all say the same thing…there's nothing else that can be done for him. What if we lose him? I'm not ready to give up on all these years of friendship."

"Roy…I know things look pretty bleak for him right now…and I know what all the doctors have said. But I also know Johnny. He's a fighter, and stubborn…he's not going to go down without a fight."

"I sure hope you're right, Dixie…but right now, I'm not so sure."

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Having taken off the previous few days, as she was too distraught to work and have her mind properly focused on her job, Anna was at home.

All she could do was to curl up in bed, and blame herself for Johnny being in that precarious a position. Playing the events of the last year over and over in her head, Anna couldn't understand why she had made the decision she had, to break up with Johnny. While it was true that she had constantly worried about him getting seriously injured or worse on the job, it wasn't as though he was reckless and would do something deliberately to get injured.

After making another phone call to Rampart to check on his condition, Anna was devastated at hearing the latest report…Johnny was critical with no signs of improvement.

Deciding that she could no longer stay at home, but was not quite ready to see Johnny at the hospital, she decided to shower and get dressed, and headed out to the beach to try to make sense of what was happening in her life.

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A rather unemotional person by nature, and quite indifferent as to liking or not liking John Gage, Craig Brice decided to pay his fellow paramedic a visit. Even he knew that what had happened to Johnny could have happened to any one of them. Being quite respectful, he quietly entered Johnny's room.

Taking in all the machines and monitors that surrounded his friend, Craig started to feel a bit more emotion start to bubble up to the surface than he'd ever want to experience, or definitely show.

"Gage…it's Brice. I know I haven't been here before now, and I apologize for that, but with all of your other friends always around, it was pretty difficult to find space in here."

As Brice continued to speak, the darkness that Johnny saw, started to minutely dissipate. Though things were still blanketed by mostly darkness, there was now a very thin veil of fog on top of it. Recognizing Craig's monotone voice, Johnny sensed a bit of urgency to it. He figured that if Brice was there, and seemed even a tiny bit more excited or emotional than usual, maybe there was something to it.

"Though I know we never really were friends, and also know DeSoto was never really a big fan of mine, I do have to say that even so…I do respect you. You are a very capable paramedic and firefighter. You have to pull through all of this, if for no other reason than for me to continue annoying you. Yes…I am aware of your feelings towards me, and I'm fine with it...though I didn't quite appreciate the way your partner pulled the rug out from under me at that paramedic advisory committee meeting. But I digress…just get better…the Department needs you."

Looking down at Johnny's still form, Brice took in the entire figure from head to toe. It was when his eyes settled on Johnny's left hand that his own eyes got a little bigger…Johnny's fingers were moving ever so slightly. At first Craig thought he was imagining it, but he knew even with glasses, his eyesight was pretty good.

"Gage…you in there?"

Peering down at the paramedic's left hand, Brice was relieved to once again see those fingers moving.

Reaching for the call bell, he pushed the button to alert the nurses that Johnny was suddenly responsive.

From the waiting area, Roy saw a couple of the nurses walking to Johnny's room, and suddenly stood up.

"Roy?"

"Those nurses, Dix…they just went to Johnny's room."

"Probably to check on him."

"I want to see what's going on…"

Without waiting for Dixie to respond, Roy had already started to walk away.

When he got to Johnny's room, and walked inside, he was quite surprised to see Craig Brice standing there, off to the side, while the nurses were with Johnny.

"What's going on?" Roy asked, a bit uncertainly.

"It's Gage…he moved his fingers."

Roy looked back at Brice with an expression of shock, surprise, and a little joy. "He…he moved his fingers?"

"Yes. I was standing here talking to him, and all of a sudden when I looked down…there it was…his fingers moving."

Both Doctor Castillo and Doctor Brackett had been paged to the ICU. Their expressions were that of surprise when hearing of Johnny's milestone.

"That's good news, right?"

Flashing a small smile, Doctor Castillo nodded his head. "Very good news, Roy…but he's not out of the woods, yet."

Leaving the room so that Johnny could be more closely examined by the doctors, Roy, Craig Brice, and Dixie met outside the door.

Shaking his head, Roy gave Brice a small smile of his own. "I don't know what you did in there, Craig…but thank you."

For his part, Brice was happy that he had possibly helped to play a role in bringing Johnny back, but outwardly was still not very demonstrative at showing it. "Glad I could help, DeSoto. Keep me posted on Gage's progress. Guess I'll be seeing you around."

And just like that Craig Brice was gone.

Smiling at Roy, Dixie put her arm through his. "Can I buy you a cup of coffee?"

Nodding his head, Roy sighed loudly, relieved that there was finally something positive happening in Johnny's recovery.

While being examined by the doctors, Johnny started to feel a little less constricted. Perhaps I'm not in a casket after all, he thought to himself.

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At the beach Anna was sitting on a blanket in the sand, mesmerized by the waves rolling in and out, when she heard here name called.

"Anna?"

Looking to her left, she found herself face to face with her perceived "competition."

"Randi…" Quickly seeing the other woman's pained expression, Anna realized that she was being selfish in her worry for Johnny. "Care to join me?"

"Really?" Randi asked, surprised at the nurse's offer.

"Yes. We have something in common, you know…"

"We both care a lot about Johnny…" Randi finished.